Beside the bed of Xavier
Mandra came into the Medical Bay and said not a word as she made her way to where Xavier lay... She drew up a chair next to him and sat there, her eyes glancing over his features sadly. Gently, slowly, Mandra took his hand in her two and looked down. She remembered how she had found him in his office... How he had been unresponsive and just sitting there in his chair. She hadn't known until she looked closely that he had been in this state. Mandra gave a sigh wishing that all was well again... that he hadn't ever been put into this coma-like state. She glanced up from where she had been staring at the floor and her eyes alit on his face. She deasperately hoped that he would wake soon. That he wouldn't be like this forever...
" Dad, I feel so confused... and lost.... I don't know what all this means..." Her eyes began brimming with tears.
" It's too confusing! I feel so scared! What is happening, Dad? What?" She whispered.
Mandra saw no response from him to tell her that he even heard her but continued to speak. Once she had started, it was as if someone had opened the floodgates to her emotions and thoughts. She spoke to him about what had happened in the room, she told him of what she had found in the hall... and she told him of the feelings that were swirling around inside of her, making her feel so confused about everything. Mandi held onto his hand tightly but not too tightly as she continued. She spoke to him of what had happened in to illusions and of how she felt about Jarod... Then she went to telling him about the dreams she had had while in that coma...
" Now I donm't even know what to think or feel anymore... It just won't stop and I don't know if any of it is true... And that Le Beau man... Dad, I'm so confused about him... My mind feels all messed up. I don't even know how I will react if I see him again. I don't know if I will run from him or to him... If I will fear and hate him or..... Daddy please just wake up! I need you! Everyone needs you! Please!!" She broke down into sobs, her face against his hand which was still held in both of hers.
" Please..." She whispered between sobs.
OOC- links leading to the room and hall posts within this post itself.
ooc: That's a very nice pic you did for Mandra!
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Once meeting was called earlier this morning, there was still about an hour til he had to be there, Jarod had asked for the rest of the day off after his morning shift was over. It was really easy for the Pretender, he could just alter the memories of anyone who caused him trouble, everyone in the station thought they knew Jarod for the past three years, but as soon as his assignment was over, he'd most likely make them forget him. It was helpful that they had the ability to also give him a false identity, sure he could do it himself, but having the X-men's help as well made it all the more realistic then a few false IDs and some false information uploaded into the police data base for his file.
Needless to say, the past month had not been a pleasent one for Jarod, and like an angry child who didn't understand what was happening, he grew bitter and frustrated over both Mandra and Xavier's conditions. He'd been there for half an hour, but younger Xavier had moved into the back room, looking through Beasts office for something to eat, he was positively starving. Beast had said that there was some snacks on his desk, but there was so many sheets of paper scattered over it.. Jarod shifted through the papers carefully so not to mess up anything.
Jarod had usually been avoiding sitting with him during the times allowed for him to have visitors, so when he heard the voice of someone else he lifted his head to peer out fromt he office window. The dark blinds meant that Mandra wouldn't be able to see him, part of him was delighted to see her, another part was petrified she'd hurt herself again just to get away from him. Moving silently and carefully to the doorway, half hading his body still while he looked out towards her, Jarod watched quietly while Mandra talked, he had missed the first part of what she started to say, but easily got the rest.
'I feel so scared! What is happening, Dad? What?'
What was scaring her? Jarod was too exhausted to try and get inside her mind, he was quite ready to just curl up in his bed and sleep for a day, if not longer, it felt like over a week since he had got some rest that lasted longer then three hours.
"Now I don't even know what to think or feel anymore... It just won't stop and I don't know if any of it is true..." Jarod stared at her with a rather puzzled expression, not understanding what was confusing her so badly, "And that Le Beau man... Dad, I'm so confused about him... My mind feels all messed up. I don't even know how I will react if I see him again." Jarod dropped his gaze, he had tried to talk with Lebeau many times about Mandra, Gambit had even sat with Mandra once, but he was just as unsure how to handle the situation Jarod describe as all the others that were involved. "I don't know if I will run from him or to him... If I will fear and hate him or....." There was a sharp glare burned into the ground, he wasn't use to the aspect of jealousy, especially in this way, and part of him didn't have the faintest clue what Mandra was trying to say, another part felt he understood perfectly.
"Daddy please just wake up! I need you! Everyone needs you! Please!!" There was a hurt anger swelling inside of him, mainly he had been bottling up everything that he was feeling, it didn't help that he didn't understand half of what he felt, but there was a sudden anger towards everything that just seemed to bubble over.
"Please..." Jarod asked her to wake up, to talk with him, to squeeze his hand so at least he knew that she was able to hear him, but she didn't, why did she feel she had the right to ask the same thing of someone else if she would not even do it for him? It wasn't only Jarod's emotions doing this, he had been attacked by Cole the night the Witch King had attacked, his mind poisoned in a way that was convincing him none of these people really cared. Everyone was lying to him about something, about caring for him, about wanting him about, everyone was against him being around, and what more proof did he need what Mandra tried to end her existance to get away from him?
His clouded mind wasn't even able to understand the fact she did it to save him and the others from harm, it wasn't hard to see that she had become dangerous due to the illusions she was suffering from.
"Visiting hours are over." No one else had any right to be here, Xavier didn't deserve to have people around him all the time. There was a bitter resentment towards his father, since for Jarod it seemed this all started when Mandra found out he was the Professor's son. The usual zealous man who seemed always so full of curiousity and kindness now seemed so empty and cold. Jarod barely was able to notice the difference, others did, but they figured it had to do with two of the closest people he had being in the medical Labs, none assumed he was being influenced by outside forces. After all, once Jarod leaves the saftey of the X-men's protection willingly, then Cole would be able to obtain the Pretender once again, and use the anger and hatred he has as a weapon against them.
Re: Beside the bed of Xavier
OOC- Aww thanks.. It's a rough idea of what she looks like.
"Visiting hours are over."
Mandra jumpped slightly at the voice and looked to Xavier, for a spit second having thought ti had been him who had spoken. Seeing that it had not, she looke dover with eyes that were still brimming with tears at who had really been the owner of the voice. When she saw jarod, she quickly wiped away her tears, taking her hands away from Xavier's before getting up and running over to Jarod. Before she knew it, she was hugging him. She buried her face in hsi shirt taking in the smell of him as she continued hugging him. so many things were going through her right now... Sorrow, regret... but also relief in seeing him. She had missed him. As she continued to hug him, she lightly kissed the side of his neck before whispering to him.
" I'm sorry, Jarod.... I'm so so sorry.... I never ment to hurt you... I thought there was no other choice... That the only way to keep everyone safe was to kill myself... Death was right there but I couldn't leave... I just couldn't leave you like that... You probably can never forgive me for what I did but I did it to try to keep my insanity from taking over and causing me to hurt or kill anyone. I'd rather die than to see you get hurt... I just pray that you can forgive me..." She had said so softly into his ear.
Mandi looked up into his eyes, worry, sensirity, and at the same time it could be seen that she was happy to see him. She hugged him again, her cheek against his chest. She felt like somethign was wrong but hoped that she was mistaken. He had sounded a little cold.. a little distant and bitter when he had spoken earlier.. But that could have been the remaining of her insanity making it seem that way. Jarod was too kind and sweet to be like that... She sniffed, the tears returning.
" I missed you so much, Jarod.... I wish it was you I had dreamed of and not all those confusing things... I... I think I'm getting my memories back but they aren't making any sense.... It just feels so good being close to you like this again... " She said softly.
She realized that he could have been standing there for a good logn while and looked at him, curiosity in her eyes. She wondered how much he may have herd of what she said to Xavier... She wasn't sur eif she wanted Jarod to know of everything she had told her adoptive father... Especially the part about Le Beau and how she was confused about him. She supressed a shudder from the thought of Le Beau and the thought of what she had found earlier... then she just closed her eyes, holding onto Jarod tenderly and leaning against him slightly. She was feeling weak again but tried not to show it... And she was completely unaware of the desturbance that Jarod was feeling inside.
Re: Beside the bed of Xavier
Part of him had wanted her to hold him again for so long that he was surprised he found her contact not as comforting as he had once remembered. Belthazor was being so discreet and clever with munipulating Jarod that the Pretender didn't even really notice the change in his attitude. With an impatient glance over towards the door, he then stared down at her, Mandra's face pressed against his light gray blue t-shirt, her emotions crept into his mind and helped confuse how he felt towards having her this close. Now there was a part of him that wanted to wrap his arms about her, though another part wanted to push her away from him..
" I'm sorry, Jarod.... I'm so so sorry.... I never ment to hurt you... I thought there was no other choice... That the only way to keep everyone safe was to kill myself... Death was right there but I couldn't leave... I just couldn't leave you like that... You probably can never forgive me for what I did but I did it to try to keep my insanity from taking over and causing me to hurt or kill anyone. I'd rather die than to see you get hurt... I just pray that you can forgive me..." She had pressed her lips lightly against his neck before she had started talking, it was odd, no one else acted like this towards him, he barely understood why Mandra's friendship seemed to different to all the other ones he had developed. He had been a little distracted by the kiss, having slightly forgotten about how it felt to be touched by her lips, it was interactions like this that made it easier for Jarod to unknowingly fight off what Belthazor was doing to him.
When the elemental enchantress lifted her face up to look at Jarod, he didn't need to see her expressions to understand what she was feeling. When she hugged him again he frowned a little, what did she expect him to do? He didn't feel as hateful towards her for a moment, putting aside the possaibility of throwing her off him by using his telekenisis. But that didn't mean he wasn't angry, did she think saying sorry was going to make all the hurt and pain she caused him to feel just go away?
" I missed you so much, Jarod.... I wish it was you I had dreamed of and not all those confusing things... I... I think I'm getting my memories back but they aren't making any sense.... It just feels so good being close to you like this again... " Of course she was getting her memories back, he couldn't help but feel annoyed by that comment, he wasn't around and he wasn't reblocking her memories, he didn't want to block them in the first time and he hardly cared to repair the degrading block he has placed inside her mind.
Jarod's eyes watched her for a moment longer while she held him, her eyes closed and her body leaning in against his own, sometimes when she had contact with him like this it made him feel so strange, as if she was the only other person in the world and that they were alone together and he could just hold onto her forever without anyone else disturbing them. He could feel the beating of his heart pick up a little, he wasn't sure how to react to this, the tips of his fingers touched her waist but only for a moment before dropping back down to his side where they had been before. There was such a powerful urge to just start kissing her like they had done down at the dying star, to tug her closer against him and drown in the affection he understood so little about.
"You don't want to hurt me?" He started up, sounding a little impatient and annoyed, "You don't even remember the first time you hurt me," Fair enough it was because he had blocked her memories, but again it hadn't been something he had been keen on doing, and he has felt bad for doing it ever since then. "Lebeau doesn't even know who you are," He placed his hands on her shoulders as he pulled away from her, once he was free of her grasp he pulled his hands away and crossed them over his chest.
"What confuses you? I am certain I can help, I know everything, I remember your entire life, don't really want to, locked it all away mostly, but I felt someone had to, couldn't just let you make me erase it completely," He spoke with an accusing tone wrapped about his words, "You need to ask quickly, I have to get ready for a meeting and then since you're up I'll find one of those 'hotel' rooms, that way I won't be around to stress you or have dead husbands tell you how bad I am." Right now he hardly cared if he was upsetting her, wasn't it her turn to be hurt for once, he was tired of being the one who seemed to have people hurting him all the time.
Re: Beside the bed of Xavier"You don't want to hurt me?" His tone caught her a little off gaurd but she felt that she deserved it. "You don't even remember the first time you hurt me,...Lebeau doesn't even know who you are." A confused and hurt expression crossed her face from the combonation of the harshness in his tone and of him pulling away like that.
"What confuses you? I am certain I can help, I know everything, I remember your entire life, don't really want to, locked it all away mostly, but I felt someone had to, couldn't just let you make me erase it completely,"
She understood the words he was speaking but couldn't understand what he was saying... She had had him remove all of her memories? He had kept them in his mind for this whole time that she thought she had amnesia?... A flash of an image of bloodstained grass and a scream came to her and she shook her head lightly. That tone he had spoken in was accusing and made her feel like she had hurt him deeper in the past than she ever could. She felt pain welling up inside of her and heavy guilt.
"You need to ask quickly, I have to get ready for a meeting and then since you're up I'll find one of those 'hotel' rooms, that way I won't be around to stress you or have dead husbands tell you how bad I am."
Now Mandra stepped back a step. Had she done something so terrible that it made Jarod be like this? He spoke so harshly, seemd so distand and angry... And what he had said.... More images came swirling into her mind to where she could see them and she closed her eyes tightly, trying to make them go away. Opening her eyes again and swallowing back the pain, she looked at him, trying to be calm about this... It was hard with him looking at her like that and with the guilt laying heavy on her. She bit her lower lip and looked aay. She then turned to walk past him. It was obvious to her that she wasn't wanted there, at least that was what she thought. A few steps past him, she paused.
" Jarod... you don't have to do that.... If anyone should leave due to causing stress, it should be me. I've caused you so much trouble... Even before I lost..... had my memories taken away.... " She stopped speaking for a moment, her voice having broken then, she continued in almost a whispered tone. " If you hate me for what I have done to you, I understand.. But know this, Jarod.... I.... I love you... That won't change. You're one of the most important people in my life... I'll.... I'll get out of your sight now... You seem to not want me around right now..." She finished before leaving the room.
Re: Beside the bed of Xavier
When she stepped back, Jarod felt the deire to share affection ease, and this made it easier for him to grow angrier again without the confusion of her close proximity.
" Jarod... you don't have to do that.... If anyone should leave due to causing stress, it should be me. I've caused you so much trouble... Even before I lost..... had my memories taken away.... " Maybe he wanted to leave, or didn't she consider that he was old enough now to decide what he wanted to do without her to make decisions for him? He was free now, he didn't need others telling him what should or shouldn't be done, if he wants to leave she has no right to tell him otherwise.
" If you hate me for what I have done to you, I understand.. But know this, Jarod.... I.... I love you... That won't change. You're one of the most important people in my life... I'll.... I'll get out of your sight now... You seem to not want me around right now..." If this is what people call love, then he wants nothing to do with it he thought bitterly, of course he was the most important person, he was the only person that went out of his way to get to help her, and she repays him by attempting to end her life so that she wasn't around him or anyone else. He threw her another accusing glare, like a child convinced he was right and yet not even understanding or grasping the complete concept of the argument at hand, all he knew is that he was angry.
When the door closed, he frowned a little, he didn't want her to leave, even if he had been angry at her while she slept he was always more comforted just by being around her, even if all he could do was think about how used he felt at times. She hadn't ever used him, but Belthazor was twisting everything, making all this seem so terrible, as if the only reason the X-men saved him from A.Corp was to take advantage of his abilities to be a Pretender and go on assignments for them. Jarod's dark eyes turned to watch Xavier's motionless form as he laid in his bed, managing to find more hate and blame to place on his father.
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