sassyeggsglobal
Buffy Encyclopedia
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(10/21/02 6:12 pm)
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Buffy, the Paisley Slayer
Summary: This my first fanfic, and centers around a crossover between Buffy and that wacky home improvement show from TLC, Trading Spaces. Enjoy.
Willow sat on the couch, watching yet another t.v. show. As her Friday nights have been rather dull as of late, she had made a habit of watching a lot of t.v. Particularly that wacky home improvement show, Trading Spaces. (Her favorite designer was Genevieve.) As she sat and watched Frank make a couch out of an old log and some protective tarps, she began to think. Golly, I wonder if Giles would like to trade spaces with us. Of course, since he’s only here for a little while, and staying in a hotel, they might frown on that sort of thing.
However, Willow was resolved. Using her incredible hacker skills, she finds the Trading Spaces website and applied to have the Summers living room redone in exchange for Giles’ hotel bathroom. As she clicked the send button, Buffy wandered into the room. She’d been quite drunk lately, as she had found Joyce’s stash of vodka in the upstairs linen closet. (Hey, it’s stressful having a daughter who’s the slayer.) She seemed sober enough, though, so Willow told her what she’d done. “Bah! You aren’t even tall enough to paint the high parts!” With that, Buffy passed out on the dining room table, snoring peacefully. Hmmm…. Maybe she wasn’t that sober, Willow thought. Well, even the Slayer is allowed one or two drunken binges in life. With that, she conjured up a cozy afghan and covered up her friend. They’ll discuss it tomorrow…
End of Part One.
Part Two of Buffy, the Paisley Slayer
Buffy awoke with a start. As she glanced up from her fetal position on the table, she saw a vaguely familiar man directing Giles and Xander into the living room, while carrying seventeen different colors of paint and about twenty-eight wooden dolls. “Buffy! You’re awake!” Willow walked toward Buffy wearing a terribly unattractive yellow short-sleeved button down shirt over her own clothes. She handed one to Buffy. “Wha-? What’s going on?” mumbled Buffy. “Well, like I told you before, I signed us up to be on Trading Spaces. We’re going to Giles’ hotel room and redecorating the bathroom, and he’s redoing our living room. Here. Put on this yellow shirt.” Buffy sat holding the shirt, still quite confused. “But, how did this happen so fast?” Willow looked at her. “Fast? Buffy, you’ve been passed out on that table for ten days.” “Oh.” Buffy said. “I guess that explains why I have to pee so badly. I’ll run to the bathroom, and then we’ll go.” As she used all of her slayer strength to keep herself from making a toddler like accident occur, she realized who the familiar face was. Frank Bilec, King Decorator of the Country Look. Oh, no!, thought Buffy. I hate the country look! She perked up her slayer hearing and could hear Frank telling Xander “Oh, Xander! You’ll need more hot glue if you’re going to get that rag doll’s button eyes to stay on there! Now, about the checked gingham slipcovers…” With that, Buffy pissed herself, right then and there. To be fair, she probably would have no matter how much she’d drunk, what with the slipcovers.
End of Part Two.
Beginning of Part Three:
Grumbling, Dawn mopped the stairway. “I always have to do the dirty work around here.”, she snapped. “And, I don’t care what you say, Buffy! This is an awfully big puddle to blame on Miss Kitty Fantastico!” Buffy came downstairs, still holding the damn yellow shirt. However, she had showered, and was ready to do battle. “Buffy, come on! We have to get over to Giles’! Doug is there, and we’re going to make it a race car theme in the bathroom!” Willow pleaded with Buffy to put on her shirt, but Buffy marched into the living room instead. Xander jumped up, covering the wagon wheel planter he was giving a crackle-finish. “Buffy! We’re allowed two days! It has to be a surprise!” Frank glared at Buffy. “What are you doing back here, Missy?” Buffy glared back, but in a much more effective way as she’s the Slayer and not some jolly decorator guy from Texas. “Nobody puts rural country decoration in THIS slayer’s living room!” With that, Buffy back kicks Frank into his pile of rag dolls. Standing up and brushing himself off, Frank glowers “That just put me over budget. PREPARE TO DIE!”
With that, the producers of the show intervened and took Frank away. The show was called off, and instead, they all had a pizza party. After putting Buffy’s living room back the way it was. OR WAS IT? Mwah-hahahaha!
El Fin.
Thank you, and good night!
"Nice pie charts, everyone!" -Willow, Go Fish."
"zander could feel the face of disgust on his own face."
-an excerpt spelling error for spelling error from the funniest fanfic I've ever read. And, no, it wasn't funny on purpose! |
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