My love will be in you
If you’ll be the one to
Cut me, I’ll bleed forever
Posts: 625
(7/23/04 11:09 pm)
Forsaken Souls Amalgamated
---March 8th, after the time leap---
The arrow shot right by Angel, who had to dive out of the way, his body falling to the floor and quickly rolling back into a crouching position as he yelled out a 'Hey!' in protest. Unfortunately for Spike, he had been busy already avoiding the oncoming fist of a lingering soul who's stronger then he let's on. The arrow stabbed deep into the shoulder of the already tired handsome fighter, who gave a pained yell and then got smacked hard across the face.
"Bloody hell!" The growl was followed by Spike's own fists slamming fiercely into the pale - almost white - skinned man whose head snapped back from the force. "You neva said ya can't be hurt!" The pain of the still embedded arrow in his shoulder only angered Spike more, his fists striking the other heavenly creature repeatedly before it grabbed his arm and toss Spike clear off the ground.
"You never asked." Draven replied softly as he watched the blonde vampire fall to the ground, skidding along the smooth marble floor until he hit the reception desk that he usually worked at while everyone else was doing their own things. "Does that cause a problem?" A slight tilt in Draven's head was seen, the black markings of his eyes and lips contrasting with the very pale shade of colour the rest of his skin had taken.
Spike merely groaned loudly since all his energy was being drained into a damn creature that couldn't even bloody keep a bruise for more then a few moments. For the first time in centuries, Spike was actually interested in seeing how strong he was, he had beaten Angel moments before by knocking the elder vampire clear across the room and crashing into the wall of the entrance hall. The 'Rogue' Slayer from Lost Angel's, Jennifer Demore, was asked to aim and shoot arrows towards them in order to keep things interesting.
Pulling the arrow free of his shoulder, Spike dragged himself up to his feet, sure he wasn't tired.. but he was getting there and the thought of fighting Draven until he couldn't move wasn't the most pleasing. Another arrow went flying towards Spike as Draven run towards the now standing demon, one of Spike's hands grabbed hold of Draven's fist and the other snatched up the arrow, both of which were hurdling impressively fast. With a flick of the vampire's wrist, the arrow he had caught was heard stabbing it's into the stairway railing, the crow that had been sitting patiently on it ruffling it's midnight blue feathers in a threateningly.
"Bird's dead, so are you, go join Angel-face in the 'I got whipped by the newbie' corner." Angel sulkily glared over towards Spike who grinned rather smugly while walking towards him. "What d'ya think Slayer? Wonna have a go at me?" He grinned, throwing a playful punch in her direction, but Jennifer merely smirked and replied rather cockily.
"No thank you Spike, when I thrash you, I want you to know that I beat you while you were at full strength." She held her smirk and Spike simply smiled, surprised and amused by the comment, since he figured she'd want to take him while he was weaker.. but then again, Slayers do only want the most challenging of things. There was the sound of the front door opening, which Jennifer moved off to see who it was, a ringing from the reception desk, which the other two demons looked over towards while Spike was fiddling with something inside his pocket.
"Aren't you going to answer that?" Angel got up and walked grumpily over towards the desk, but Spike put a small ear piece into his ear - fully enjoying the modern day technology he was able to get his hands on - and clicked a button to activate it.
"Renaissance Hotel.. right, we're Angel Investigations as well, we help the helpless and all that.. what can we do for ya?" Jennifer stopped since their uninvited guest seemed to stop and take in the scene before her, Angel turned to stare back at Spike with the utmost confusion as he looked from the desk to where Spike was standing, not understanding the use of a headset for the phone. The side of Spike's darkly dressed body was facing the doorway, his earpiece in the other ear so anyone walking in would probably figure Spike was merely talking to himself again.
"Who are you talking to?" Angel questioned as he looked back towards the phone that wasn't ringing any more, Jennifer was busy staring at the woman who was standing at their entranceway. The Slayer recognized the woman, she was the white-fringed X-woman who had gone to her world the year before. Spike was mumbling in the background so the Slayer figured that he hadn't realized who was at the door, more preoccupied with nervously rubbing his fingers through his hair while he tried to understand what the woman on the other side was saying.
"Demons? Lots o'demons? Bugs? Demonic bugs? ...Pests? You 'ave demons.. and you 'ave bugs? STOP SCREAMING!" Jennifer placed her fingers lightly on the ridge of her nose as Spike yelled at their potential customer, giving a sigh before she called out his name, "Voices? Now there are voices? The bugs 'ave voi-the demons now? What the bloody hell are you on about?" The frustration was clearly heard and Angel was now hovering behind Spike and trying to figure out what on earth HE was talking about.
"Yo.. WORM FOOD!" All three of the undead in the room looked towards Jennifer, both Spike and Angel seemed to have been ruffed up a little but the other two looked perfectly all right. Angel stared at Rogue, then at the Slayer, obviously not having liked being called worm food, Spike had already allowed the comment to pass as he stared at Rogue, she didn't look too cheerful, but it was Rogue, and she was at his door, was she here for him? She had to be! ..What if she just needed his help? ..What if she was just here to give back the things he left in her room, like his mothers cross that was now encased in glass and his stake and the jacket he left there that belonged to the last slayer he killed in New York a few decades back.
Spike pulled the ear piece out of his ear as he faced her, fiddling with the black slender decide, running his fingertips along the mouth piece before handing it over to Angel - who stared at it bluntly - and making his way towards the door. He's never been so terrified and excited by the same thing before, she was here, but why was she here.. maybe she wanted him back? Pffft.. He knew better then to get his hopes up, she looked better now though.. she looked amazing actually, but that hasn't changed, she's always looked so astonishing.. He couldn't.. no.. he didn't want to speak, he didn't want to sound pleased to see her and only have her say something to hurt him in which she'd realize maybe he had thought that she might have been here for some other reason that what ever she had intended.
Those green eyes.. his emerald pathway.. he'd give up his soul just to be able to call them his own once more..
When the mutant known as Rogue had left Xavier’s Institute for the Gifted just a few minutes ago, it had seemed like the ultimate solution, the end of all her worries and doubts that had began to rise when she had emerged from the sea of sorrow inside of her – eventually, finally seeing with her own eyes, moving a real body – only to be confronted with a reality in which the one she had mainly made those efforts for was not at her side.
There had been some moments during which she had tried to convince herself he would return every second but the absolute certainty with which a lover knows her companion is not inside the same building had told her differently. This realization had weakened her will and mind, allowing yet another shadow to take over her body and sending her for days back into oblivion.
All of this had been weeks ago. At first, she hadn’t felt the slightest urge to return to the world again. For what reason anyway? The love that had pulled her to the surface once, within herself it was still present. Questioned, doubted – yes, but still it was a fact she could not deny. On his side, however, Rogue could only guess what the feelings were like. She had heard his whispers, he hadn’t even heard her screaming. Or had he?
That query had formed the first of two pieces that had finally given her the strength to mobilize all of her willpower once more. Maybe something had happened to him? Maybe he needed her help and she was doing him wrong by selfishly thinking he had abandoned her.
The other one was a rebel yell inside of her not to run away again. All of her life had been an escape. She had run away from her parents, from Mystique, from her powers and her fate. The southern belle couldn’t count the times she had even escaped from herself. She didn’t want that anymore.
After her wondrous recovery Rogue had hid away from all and everyone. No one insisted on her taking up her duties as a team leader again, something she – however – did after a few days spent thinking. And talking. For a reason she certainly understood the least, watching over Rogue had helped Garnet eventually closing the chapter of her life including the deceased Aran. When he was mentioned, there was still a shadow of grief crossing her face, something that would need a far larger amount of time to gradually disappear, yet this time of thinking she had had, had helped a great deal, allowing Storm’s words and those of Dryad himself to sink in.
For Rogue, their talks had been revealing and all of a sudden, the spirit that had helped her to return came back to life again. Researching, she found out where Spike had been seen the last time. Hearing he was with Angel stirred the thoughts that had pushed her back into the unknown depths of her mind again but the sudden fighting spirit, the voice telling her to choose the path in front of her and not the one behind, it had led her here.
Rubbish.
Staring at the massive door, the southern belle wondered why she had given in. If he had wanted to see her, he would have come to the Institute. He did knew where she was living after all, didn’t he? If he had been interested in her, her state, her mind, her life, then wouldn’t he have done something to support her in any way?
When she entered despite her doubtful feelings, a girl she remembered to be the otherworldly Slayer rushed towards the X-Woman who had returned to her old position as the SSF’s leader. Rogue ignored her, needing all her strength to ignore the piercing pain of sudden jealousy as she remembered the feelings Spike had used to hold for that young woman. Was that the answer?
Reluctant to reply to her own question, the white-fringed mutant entered the hall, hearing her (ex?)lovers voice loud and clear. And talking in tongues. With a little help from the Slayer, he eventually noticed her – something that seemed to show Rogue all too clearly what had happened to their bond – but seeing the look on his face, seeing those hazel-blue eyes that she had missed and longed for this eternity her battle had appeared to last, Rogue found herself unable to say anything at all. Whatever she had thought about saying on the way there and earlier, he wiped it away with a simple look of those astonishing beautiful eyes that were her world. A world he was able to destroy with a wink.
When Rogue realized standing and staring probably was a pointless thing to do, her lips parted ever so slowly, allowing a ”Hey, to pass. That single syllable contained so much more than its meaning.
It carried the touch of a dozen screams and a hundred more no one had ever heard,
it told of a million tears she had cried,
it told of pain and broken trust, of betrayed love and nights of uncertain worries.
Yet it also spoke of the simple joy to see him again.
And as strange as it was, Rogue felt those several devastating emotions were easily balanced by the single positive one.
No matter whether this was the time to break up or start anew, the first step had been made.
And for the first time in her life, turning to run was not an option she was willing to choose.
”Can you look into ma eyes and tell meh you don't love meh anymore?”
Re: Forsaken Souls Amalgamated
It didn't make sense. Something had to be wrong, it's the reason he could figure she'd sound the way she had, maybe she was upset that he hadn't made a greater effort to try and see her, just because she didn't want to love him any more didn't mean he should avoid seeing her all together. The thought shamed him, was he really that selfish? To want all of her or nothing at all?
It hurt to see her though, she'd understand that right? That he needed her and the destruction caused to his mind by the way she acted as if she didn't even know who he was had taken weeks to be repaired. The instability of his mind meant that things had been hard around the Hotel, if it hadn't been for his need to protect and care for Arisa he would still be curled up in his room in the darkest corner.
It didn't seem as if there was an urgency about her, Spike merely replied with a sad little smile that felt as if it was taking all his energy just to do that. What would she think if he simply threw himself at her and refused to let go until she said she'd give him another chance? Because he was better now.. at least it felt like it should be better, it was hard for him to know for sure since he felt so alone and empty without Rogue there.
Before he could even begin to try and think of something to say, he couldn't help but notice more then one set of eyes were staring, Draven remained curiously watching even though Angel glanced away and pretended to be studying something and the Slayer was watching Rogue curiously, wondering if it was something important she was here for, or if it was just a social visit. Seemed to be a social one and her attention soon wandered off towards more interesting things.. like her shoes.
If they stood awkwardly at the door any longer Spike was going to drop to his knees and attach himself to her waist - possibly in tears - as he begs her for forgiveness if everything he did wrong and hope for just another try at things, this time he knew he could do better, be better, he'd not hide away in his mind like he realized he was willingly allowing himself to do when things got too bad.
No, didn't want her first impressions of the new and improved Spike to be like that. instead William looked anxiously towards the stairs and motioned towards them with a slight movement of his arm, his hand remaining posed in that direction. Talking seemed something of a rare treat at the moment, he had no clue what to say, and he was paranoid something might slip out that he'd regret later. Like 'I'm sorry, forgive me, I luv you, don't leave me again.', the image of himself attacked to her waist with his face buried into her stomach while he was on his needs seemed to resurface, the humiliation and degrading act was all the more frightening for the fact he knew he would do it if he thought it would get her back, even if he thought it might help her understand that he wanted her back enough to do something like that was worth the effort.
Spike seemed to hover for a moment before moving off in the direction he had suggested they head towards, more to give him something to occupy himself with, even if all it was was moving from one spot to another. By the time he was walking up the stairs his wounds were already fading from sight, he could feel the sting of them healing, the cut on his lip disappearing unnaturally fast, even for him, Arisa blood had really enhanced his potential strengths greatly. As he moved he kept glancing over his shoulder to make sure Rogue was following him. Even though she was there he still feared she might dart off suddenly, so he made sure to walk beside her as they walked up the second set of stairs.
Her smell was so intoxicating, he hasn't been so close to her for so long, he'd give anything just to hold her again, he closed his eyes for a moment and simply imagined how it had felt to be allowed to hold her. No one had ever wanted to simply hold him before, there were always catches, a night of sex, of torture or mind games, always something, some annoying little snag that told Spike they'd only hold him if he made it entertaining enough for them to stay. But not Rogue, she stayed no matter what he did or didn't do, and he lost her, he lost the only one who had ever been there for him - aside for his mother of course.
Looking down the hall towards the door to his room once they reached the top of the stairs, Spike hesitated, wondering if she'd even want to go there, even if it was somewhere private, maybe she wouldn't be comfortable. The thought caused him to take a few steps back towards the railing, pulling his body up onto it and sitting on the fine wood. Something most people would probably worry about if they didn't know that Spike was a vampire since if he feel back he wasn't likely to survive a topple down the stairs, and if he did it was going to be in a wheel chair or worse. Though just because Spike wouldn't die didn't mean he wouldn't end up in a wheel chair, wouldn't be the first time he broke his spine and was confined to those primitive devices.
"My room's down th'hall.. but it's messy an' all, paper's an junk." There was a nervous look about him as he placed his hands on his thighs, now not even safely holding onto the rails, if only his mother could see how casual he was being while putting himself in - what seemed to be anyway - dangerous situations. But Rogue would already know there was little chance for him hurting himself, not unless someone shoved him backwards or he purposefully leaned back and fell.
His room wasn't really that messy either, he had a desk and most of the papers on it were filled with half scribbled poems that he did when he locked himself away at night or when he was especially upset over Rogue 'pretending' she didn't know who he was. Really the only reason he wasn't going to take her was because he didn't want her to think he was trying to take advantage of her being here.. Not that he wouldn't want to, maybe that's another reason he was avoiding his room, taking her away somewhere private was too risky in the sense he'd probably become highly flirtatious in the hopes of winning her back - even if just temporarily - by coaxing her into allowing him to share his love with her through bodily pleasure. What Spike lacks in warmth of flesh he more then makes up in the experience his prolonged existence has given him, but he wasn't blind to the fact that doing that wasn't going to help their situation.
Re: Forsaken Souls Amalgamated
The attention focusing on her, on them, Rogue didn’t notice at all. Except for Angel whose sight kept on reminding her of the fight at the Center of Inquisition, she didn’t know any of them anyway what really counted weren’t strangers… that was nothing but he. When Spike began to move, she couldn’t help but feeling the sting of an irrational fear; the fright that he would simply turn away from her, leave her alone as he had done before.
Yet this had decided to be the time to speak openly and so she followed. It was of no primary importance what there would be as a result… the outcome itself was the goal and so she strived for it, walking at his side, up the stairs – feeling awkward and content at the same time moving in silence so close to the one she loved. Although her mind was troubled with worried thoughts of what was to come, the southern belle found a part of her overly busy mind occupied with the admiration of his feline movements, the subtle strength so obviously hidden.
And so it occurred to her what she may have missed when he balanced on the railing in a manner that she would have found risky if it hadn’t been he, the vampire, the immortal creature that had endeavored a soul just for her, for her love, for her trust – although she had never demanded, never even missed it. Still it had appeared to have strengthened him, to have given him at least a little more confidence for then he possessed what he had envied others for… why was it that he had still felt uncertain of her love? Why was it that doubts prevailed when she had assured him so often, oh so often of her feelings sincerity? What was there left for her to do, what, what at all that she hadn’t already done?
"My room's down th'hall.. but it's messy an' all, paper's an junk."
She nodded, a glance directed towards where he had pointed, yet realizing very well that those words weren’t some to be replied to but had just been spoken to interrupt the silence, to say something at all. It was strange… the closer you have been, the closer you are to someone, the more difficult it gets to talk about things as fundamental as the nature of ones relationship. One is always so careful to not hurt the other’s feelings that the only right thing, speaking the truth bluntly, was the hardest action to take.
More moments of silence passed, everyone caught of in the labyrinth of thoughts, an invisible maze in which your own mind is the strongest hindering force, throwing obstacles in your way when walking straight ahead is the only thing you wish to do. In coherent thoughts, desires and urges, contradicting one another, one shouting louder than the other struggling for attention – they all span round and round in her head until a forceful yell inside silenced them all.
Another moment of hesitation followed, the quietness sounding louder than the chaotic buzzing before she adjusted to it and opened her mouth ever so reluctantly. Ruby lips were softly touched by her tongue to drive away the dryness that suddenly made it hard to imagine that forming words was such an easy, instinctive act. When she spoke eventually, it was quiet, a loud whisper that still would have been inaudible if the place hadn’t been so silent, a needle falling on the ground would have caused people looking for the sound’s source.
”Why did you leave meh?”
There is was, the ultimate question, the true one, the only thing whose importance was neither questioned nor doubted by any of those voices inside her head. Nothing was of significance, nothing but this… the simple reason why.
Emerald orbs avoided to meet his hazel-blue equivalents as her gaze was fixed on the ground, afraid that, if only she would look at him, he would speak out loud what she feared to hear. That he didn’t love her anymore… that it was over.
Yet then again… she wanted the truth. And if this was what had been his motivation, so be it. Who was she to force her will onto others? Running away from pain had never helped, it had just postponed the agony but never solved the problems, had never given true rest and peace. She would get over it, so Rogue told herself, sooner or later the solitude wouldn’t feel as choking, as absolute anymore and she would be able to breath again.
”Do you…,
There was a pause, her stare that was wandering around, hectically at times, hesitant and slow at others before her gaze met his. There were tears that hid behind her frightened eyes, invisible for everyone for she had promised herself never to show him what he had not been witnessing. If only he embraced her now… if only she felt his love, she was willing to break the pledge joyfully. Words, a spoken reply… Rogue didn’t want them in the first place. Sometimes actions, glances… a smile, they all can say so much more… or nothing at all.
And so she tried it again, starting anew in a different way, her head slightly inclined to the side while she bit her lower lip just after the words had passed. ”Where were you when ah needed you the most?”
It was this what troubled her… and so Rogue posed the questions without considering what harm they did to him for of what good was not naming things if it meant to live in uncertainty and doubt for the rest of one’s existence?
”Can you look into ma eyes and tell meh you don't love meh anymore?”
Re: Forsaken Souls Amalgamated
There were days, warm sunny days, out on the fields not too far outside his town, sitting beneath the shade of a perfect tree whose branches dangled down and its long vine like branches swayed elegantly with the breeze like seaweed in gentle rivers. On those days William would sit with his back against that tree, looking over the fields, watching in the distance as workers tender to their duties. The scratching of a pen hastily writing down wonderful poems that never got they respect they deserved, his inspiration always bubbling with passion where surrounded by such beauty.
It used to be so simple back then, always dreaming of a wife and children, always wanting so much and yet perfectly content with what he had at the same time. Would things have been different if he met Rogue back then? Would she have even given him a second glance? What did she even like about him now? Would she honestly sit down and have a real meal with him, her feeding off mouth watering stake and delicious side dishes and salads, while he sips away at a warm mug of fresh blood?
Well, most likely not, that's probably one of the many reasons she no longer wishes to have him about, had her fun with the dead guy, got everything she wanted off him, tossed him away like a used newspaper afterwards. Even when trying to be angry with her he still couldn't stop himself from wanting to throw himself at her, cling to her until she promised to give him another chance.
He tried not to move, keeping his body perfectly balanced and still on the rails while keeping the illusion of breathing, he wanted to make sure she knew he was paying her complete attention with out appearing like a statue at the same time. Once sparkling eyes now seemed dim, bubbling enthusiasm dulled and the bright smiles that finally began to show themselves once more lost in the murky depths of Spike's mild depression. Indeed he was heart broken, and watching her stand there struggling to find a way to speak to him stirred yet more pains within him, but Arisa was helping him cope, helping him accept the idea that he was still needed. It was the only way he's managed to continue so long without Rogue, and he's getting stronger, he'll impress her next time she needs him, he'll defeat anyone who they need help handling.
"Why did you leave meh?"
The words, so determind and quiet, drifted towards his busy thoughts and forced him to focus, surely he had misheard the question. It had been twisted and altered in his mind while he had been distracted, or maybe she wanted to talk about things, and this was some horrible way of starting the conversation.
"Do you…,"
There was something wrong, that was easy to see, was she going to ask for something? Did she need his help and she was unsure how to ask for it after the way she had treated him? Trying not to look confused or worried, Spike kept a placid expression while resisting the urge to fidget.
"Where were you when ah needed you the most?"
Why was everything she saying making no sense? His buffled stare was followed his one of his hands reaching behind his head and his fingers irritably scratching the back of his head while trying to peice together the puzzle of words coming from her lushious lips. Was this all sort sorta sick joke, come here and play mind games with the unwanted one? Maybe she had been in trouble, the X-men always got themselves caught up in some sort of battle or fight or stressful times.
Dropping his palms to the rails, then pushing himself off and smoothly landing on the ground with soundless ease, Spike decided to ignore the painful way she made it sound as if he abandoned her when she was in need of him and focus on trying to figure out what was wrong.
"Ro' luv," There was a pause, followed by an awkward glance around and his left hand lifting to nervously pinch the lobe of his left ear. He probably ought to stop calling her that right? Dropping his hand he tried to smoothly continue, "Sorry if I missed somethin' at th'school, if someone called or had I heard on the streets o'a problem I woulda gone down to help." Obviously Spike was under the impression that this wasn't entirely a personal question, but he had to wonder why she said it in such a way. A more concerned look hit his eyes and his voice became quiter, his body instinctively taking a small step towards her.
"Did something happen? You alright?" Another pause and something resembling possessiveness tainted his worried voice despite his attempt of remaining placid, "Did anyone get hurt? Or is someone causing you trouble?" Picking up the tone of his own voice, Spike felt uneasy and shifted about slightly, then lost his temper a little since she'd come here after suffering a problem and made it sound as if he left her high and dry.
"You know I woulda come t'help if you had ask, why do you have t'make it sound as if I didn't help out o'spite for the way you acted last time?" There was a soft quiver in his voice, so fragile a look yet for once it was only an emotional sensitivity instead of the once familiar mental inbalance. Had he known that it wasn't Rogue, had he stopped to truly think over the unusual behaviour and realize something still had to be wrong, if only he had done more to try and figure out why she was acting so hurtfully towards him and why she was treating him as if she knew nothing about him.. He would have stayed with her if he knew, he would dealt with the pain, he would have held onto her no matter what she did or who she became.
"You don't hear me complainin', asking where you were when I needed you, what, think I've been having a blast here? Only reason I'm here is coz Nibblet needs a place t'stay. Had things tryin' t'eat me, rip me apart, all world domination and big bad wonnabees, a whole lotta things happening with me right now that scare the bloody crap outta me." There was an irritated wave of one hand and his other placed over his chest as he spoke. Trying to make her understand that he had a lot to deal with any running around spying on her wasn't exactly the top of his list at the moment, "I got responsibilities Ro', got a fifteen year old girl relyin' on me to take care o'her, Slayers wantin' me to cover their backs, demons needin' to be killed, people needin' to be saved, amongst other things I'ave t'deal with." All right, this wasn't exactly the approach he always imagined he'd take when he met her again, if he had just shut up and thrown himself at her maybe that would have be the best path to take.
"You honestly think I wouldn't leap at the chance to be 'round you again if I thought you needed me?" It hard to figure Spike, when he had her nothing he did to better himself ever seemed to make him worthy enough for Rogue and when he was without her all he could think of were different ways of getting her back. Until they figure out the reason for Spike's attitude it was going to be difficult for them to have a perfect relationship - or anything resembling such a unreachable goal.
(OOC: … wow… I swear I didn’t plan that… but still doing the siggy was fuuuuun )
Plain disbelieving confusion, a staggered frown appeared on her face and the more he said, the more obvious it became that one of them held the wrong view, was quite uninformed about what had happened months ago. And Rogue was quite certain that this person was not she.
"Sorry if I missed somethin' at th'school, if someone called or had I heard on the streets o'a problem I woulda gone down to help."
Yet why had he been on the streets anyway? He had been the one for whom she had made the decision of surrendering her soul to at least have the smallest chance of returning from this nightmare that was the Wraith’s possession. He had carried her home… why had he then left in the first place?
It was nice to see he cared after all when he asked whether somebody had hurt her… though without knowing that what hurt her the most was no stranger but Spike himself. How could he be so unknowing of what had happened to her? Had he really spent the past weeks under the impression that she had neglected and abandoned him while she was thinking the same of him?
"You know I woulda come t'help if you had ask, why do you have t'make it sound as if I didn't help out o'spite for the way you acted last time?"
‘Oh excuse meh… of course ah should’ve asked for help while being caged in ma own head, why didn’t ah think o’ tha’?!’ she wanted to shout but there was only a weak movement of her head that was faintly to be recognized as a shaking, incredulity being the dominating expression in those eyes that were large of the struggle for words when speechlessness gagged her. Hadn’t they known each other long enough to know how they were like? How could he possibly have mistaken one of the shadows as herself?
For that was what had apparently happened as she concluded. The longer he talked, the more obvious it became and the picture completed itself almost on its own. Her lover had brought her to the Institute, she had acted oddly, not herself because that was what she had actually been… and he had left. And now this coward who had abandoned her went on about how difficult his ‘life’ had been. Honestly, how risky was it for a, practically immortal, vampire of his level and skills to fight other demons? And what a life-threatening challenge to care for a youngster, indeed, how touching!
The flames of self-righteous anger died as fast as they had combusted and what they left was an emptiness only he would be able to fill. Without a word the southern belle had listened to his speech, her burning eyes leaving his face by the time he was talking about his life’s difficulties. What was there to say to express what she was feeling? How could she find the right words to describe what the realization that he hadn’t recognized it hadn’t been she but virtually somebody else he had been talking to? If love was omniscient … how could it be that his love had not told him the truth? Why had he not stayed to fight for her love, even if he had been blind for the truth?
"You honestly think I wouldn't leap at the chance to be 'round you again if I thought you needed me?"
But this was exactly what he hadn’t done and a detached part of her wondered calmly whether this love had a future if in an hour of need, she could not count on him to see through the visible, through the façade… to see her.
It felt hard to speak when those thoughts – as if considered by somebody else – entered her mind, yet Rogue knew that she had to say something. And so she chose the truth. Her voice was a little hoarse at the beginning when she strained to hold back her tears. She didn’t want him to see her cry. It would destroy more than it helped – probably getting him to just wanting to calm her down while all that she wanted was that he understood.
”Then why didn’t ya just stay?
Emerald eyes filled with desperate question that were yet to be asked searched his gaze as she turned her head towards him again. A sudden step got her closer but the following hesitation made her tumble back a little as if she was unsure whether grasping his shirt and shaking (or kissing?) him or watching from the distance was the best decision to make. When she continued, she did it in a composed way though this was but a mask for her stare became aimless, seeming to go past the other. Large eyes witnessed what had happened again, went through the weeks of torture that none had ever been able to see and only one would have been able to end sooner.
”This thing that possessed meh had forced meh in the back row with ears covered and eyes shut. Ah wasn’t even a spectator, ah was caged while it did whatever it wanted. Then there was pain… an incredible, unbearable pain and tha’ was when it kinda loosened the grip and ah could see. Ah fought… fought so hard and…when ah was lying on the floor in tha’ hotel, bleedin’… you came to meh,”
A warm smile lightened up her features as she remembered and finally, tears were shimmering in her eyes when her voice trembled and almost broke to leave her no other option but to whisper if she wanted to keep those tears from flowing. ”Ah was so happy,”
Ever so slowly, the following moments of silence passed. Moments in which Rogue’s eyes returned to look at her lover. ”The only way ah saw to defeat that demon was an overload. ‘t was controlling ma mind an’ so ah thought if there were hundreds of wills, it’d be just… flooded away. Ah was right… but it got me from one cage into another,”
Another slow step was taken towards Spike, her cool hands attempting to rise only to fall back at her sides again. ”Still ah knew that ah could defeat ‘em on ma own if only you were there to give meh strength… ah struggled all the way up to the light… and you were gone,”
She wanted to scream out the agony his mere absence had caused, the pain inside that had almost driven her insane, that had crushed her will to leave her broken and defeated – a prisoner inside her own body for weeks until she had finally found enough strength to return… without his guidance and support… into a world where he was not.
”’tis nice tha’ ya got a life… an’ responsibility…,”
There was no irony in her voice, just a faint shaking as if she was admitting defeat once more. Although complaining about his life’s harshness, he seemed to enjoy it more than staying at Xavier’s; when she had entered, he had appeared to have fun being part of… whatever this thing they had there was. Maybe he was better off without her and maybe… just maybe, finishing this before they continued hurting each other without even knowing was the best they could do.
”Ah really hope you’ll find happiness,”
So she spoke with sincerity before quick yet apparently calm steps brought her closer to him. And so she bid her farewell as a lover with a last, soft kiss. Time froze when all her senses blossomed; his intoxicating scent, the softness of his cold lips, his faked breathing… the lack of a heartbeat… the eternity that was a moment, the moment in which she confessed her love once and for always, ended all too soon.
A faint whisper left those lips who had touched his just a second ago when Rogue walked past him to descent the stairs and leave the place that was ironically named Renaissance Hotel. A soft and pain-filled voice uttering two words who had always been spoken so easily, so carelessly without understanding the terrible truth behind it.
”Good bye,” Like a leaf carried by the lazy autumn winds the whisper lingered in midair for a few moments before disappearing as did she, the tears that had dried on her skin now bursting from the inside where they had never really stopped flowing.
And so Rogue came to realize the devil’s greatest trick had been to make the world believe he did not exist while hiding all too obviously in front of their very eyes.
His new old name was love.
And it was killing her.
TBC - Rogue: normal timeline?
And so she bowed to what she thought was fate and neglected the last of humanity's ancient lies
Re: Forsaken Souls Amalgamated"Then why didn’t ya just stay?"
And have her ignoring him every single time he crossed her path? He couldn't deal with that, she may find it amusing but he was trying hard to recover from the damage Angelus had done to him and going through that sort of abuse wasn't going to be helpful. Now she drifted closer to him, would she allow him the bliss of sinking forward into her arms? A world of bitterness returned as the distance grew between them once again, a gaze that didn't even register his presense.
What she said was taken at first as a panicked thought that this is what happened that he missed, but as she explained herself, her situation, it turned out to be a recall of what had happened just down stairs a few months ago. He was a little taken back by the way she was now speaking and the faint moisture in her eyes. If he was just allowed to reach out and touch her, pull her into his embrace and hold her until she was strong again.
"Ah was so happy,"
So what changed? She didn't seem overly happy with him when he was there, wanting him to leave her alone, but he knew she was possessed, and then when she woke up she was still not treating him like she used to.
"The only way ah saw to defeat that demon was an overload. ‘t was controlling ma mind an’ so ah thought if there were hundreds of wills, it’d be just… flooded away. Ah was right… but it got me from one cage into another,"
Baffled, he remained quiet so that she was able to speak, silenced additionally by the close proximity of her body, the way everything felt so right and familiar by being so near her. His mind tried to assemble what had been said, forcing her words to make sense despite how hard it was starting to get to remain focuse don anything aside for how it felt to have her within his personal space.
"Still ah knew that ah could defeat ‘em on ma own if only you were there to give meh strength… ah struggled all the way up to the light… and you were gone,"
This pulled him to his senses, but he looked confused, he had been there when she woke up, he had sat by her bed, he burned in the light, starved through the night. He had done nothing but stay with her, and she wakes and treats him like a stranger worthless of her interest.
" 'tis nice tha’ ya got a life… an’ responsibility…,"
How could see say that? One minute speaking as if he left her heartlessly when she needed him and then the next congradulating him on the new life he was leading here? Can you call this a life? Demons weren't all just like humanoids, some where large, hair, buggy, slimy, endless other possibilities, half of them large enough to either swallow him whole or small enough to swarm and flood him. Did she hnestly think this was his dream life? Well... alright, maybe it was nice to feel helpful, but he would rather be confined to her bed room for the rest of eternity if it just meant he could spend even a little part of his day with her.
"Ah really hope you’ll find happiness,"
There was a very slight tilt of his head to the side, barely noticable and done out of reflex instead of consiously willed, her figure drew even closer to him, for a moment everything went blank, there was only this moment, this point where she was so close to him, there was no tomorrow and no yesterday..
Was she.. he stared.. yeah.. she was.. she was moving towards him, leaning forward, his eyes stunned as her lips touched him with a feather soft kiss, though he looked unnaturally placid at the same time.
It seemed like a hazy dream because all too soon she had disappeared, Spike left to take in a faintly quivering breath, an urge to lean into her, pull her into an embrace, deepen their kiss, it all went unanswered.. The moment felt incomplete, lacking, empty.. maybe it had been a dream, an illusion of a fantasy he longed for, to have her return to him even just for a moment.
"Good bye,"
A murmer slithered through the still air, her voice, moving away from him, causing the well defined outline of the vampire's form to turn and look down at the stairs. It was her, she was leaving, well he ought to stop her, he should, he had to, he needed to be with her, wanted to be with her. The inner stimulation of having been so close to her reignited the urges he pretended he could ignore, but that wasn't fair, she couldn't come, kiss, then leave.
"Then why didn’t ya just stay?"
It hadn't been just a kiss, her words returned, the palms of his hands resting on the rail, sinking low, his knee resting down on the floor, his hands slipping down to hold onto the thick wooden bars that where still part of the railings. Resting his head forward for a moment, listening to her footsteps as they crossed the hall, the door shutting, his life seeming to once again lose its meaning. Dimmly lit eyes turned over towards Arisa's door, his hands then grabbing the rail and lifting himself up, a determined look to his movements as he headed off to his room. His door slamming behind him as he migrated to his desk and slumped there, grasping his pen and beginning to write, his mind set on trying to focus and figure out the next move.
She came here, the next step was his to make, this time, he won't screw it up, he'll make sure he knows what the hell his going on before he opens his bloody mouth.
)
Topic Commands
Click to receive email notification of replies
Click to stop receiving email notification of replies
