Friday March 30th: A Meeting with Sue(Nods at very creative title)
After classes, Riley had insisted much from the doctor, insisted much more perhaps that he was ready for, and while McCoy had tried to suggest that might be the case, Riley was adamant in the fact that he’d rested more then enough. Walking around the zoo was nice, but strangely tiring, and now, Riley sat outside Sue Thomson’s office feeling exhausted. With back against the wall, Riley leaned back with his legs crossed and his hands and backpack resting within his lap. It was early, Riley knew that before even arriving to wait, but going back to the dorms and sitting down risked getting comfortable and getting comfortable might even risk the chance of dozing off as he had started doing on the bus. The first ten minutes dragged by, little by little Riley had gone from standing to leaning to sitting and few walked the halls saved for the occasional student sent from class to meet Mr or Mrs Summers for a discussion on their intolerable behaviour.
At first Riley’s eyes stared at Sue’s door, and once it seemed the image was burned into his mind, they dragged themselves down the hall, watching for any sign of movement, and then down the other way. With a groan his hand brushed the backpack from his lap and discarded it beside him, pulling the legs up and shifting his feet enough to sit with knees drawn to the broad chest. After this, Riley promised himself he’d admit defeat for the day, it more annoyed then anything else, days in bed and still Riley felt as if he could sleep another week at this point. The baseball hat covered the section of hair that had been shaved for the surgery, which Riley sulked over more then he let on.
More minutes passed, each one seeming longer then the other, Riley sighed again, legs flopping out to once again sit crossed, hands falling back into the lap as hazel eyes looked up and down the hall impatiently. It wasn’t fair really, he was here early, but part of Riley admittedly had hoped maybe if she saw he was ready a little earlier then she’d start the meeting a little earlier and then they’d finish it earlier and then Riley had the rest of the day to do as much or as little as he wanted! The thought caused Riley’s eyes to shut, his breath creeping out slowly as a forced calm settled over the youth, little good came from impatience, and Riley wouldn’t admit to how foolish he must have seemed in the morning, so sure of all the things he’d do with ease… only to be wishing desperately he had listened to McCoy half way through the day. Without realizing the fatal mistake, Riley’s mind eased, his body relaxed, and the next set of minutes which passed were fading away and growing more and more meaningless, Riley’s breathing softening as the drowsiness soaked through the former agent.
At first there was darkness, and soon visions formed, and from the darkness came a voice. ’Over here Riley,’ the voice called, soft and with echoes, ‘keep up Riley, you remember what they do to the stragglers,’ it was a male, Riley’s father for sure, there was no doubt in the former agents mind. ‘Dad?’ Riley called uncertainly, getting up from where he sat, the hall strangely dark and eerily quiet. ‘Don’t let them see you’ve fallen behind! Remember what they did last time!’ Jonathon had called back, distant and unseen. The world around Riley, despite the walls nearby, seemed cold, empty and he felt so very alone. ‘I’m safer here Dad, it’s not like the other place,’ Riley called back, a stab of fear numbing him, even in Riley’s dream it seemed impossible to name his former agency.
‘What other place?’ The deep voice was behind the twenty-two year old, and Riley turned panic-stricken to see McCoy standing behind him, eyeing Riley with the deeply suspicious eyes, ‘The… other place,’ came a frightened whisper. McCoy loomed closer; standing full height that caused even Riley to tilt his head back so that hazel eyes could peer up at the monstrous face. ‘You’re falling behind Riley!’ The voice from the shadows called out, worried and unsure of what was causing the delay, Riley didn’t dare even look towards where it echoed from, ‘Please… Dr McCoy, I’m falling behind again, I have to go, before they…’ Riley turned, too afraid to stay, but a large hand grabbed at Riley’s arm, nails dug into the firm flesh, so hard it bit down into the skin, crimson seeped between the large blue fingers, matting the fur, the wetness noticeable against Riley’ flesh as pain and fear rose. ‘Please no, I have to go before they see I’m fallen behind, they’ll say I’ve failed them again, please McCoy, you’re hurting me!’ It was then the large beast of a man roared out, the thudding of Riley’s heart screamed in the youths ears as he tugged and pulled hopelessly wanting to get free from McCoy’s grip.
‘After all we’ve done you still run back to them!’ The deep voice was shattering, the yellow eyes piercing and frightful, ‘No, no… I’m scared, I don’t want them to see I’ve fallen behind, I don’t want to go back, I don’t want to, but they’ll get angry if I fall behind,’ Beast’s powerful arm seemed to throw Riley from his feet and hard onto his back, though when Riley landed it wasn’t the hallway they stood in, instead Riley was strapped down to a medical bed and there were faces looking down at him from all around. ‘He was more craven then before,’ It was Jonathon’s voice, but it was colder, and it took a moment before Riley could see his fathers face in the crowd, ‘I told him not to fall behind, he never listens anymore,’ The disappointment was heavy on the voice, Riley felt a pain in his heart but the words of protest chocked in his throat. ‘Craven,’ Came another man’s voice confirming what was said earlier, ‘Definitely craven,’ Agreed another, Maggie Walsh’s face appeared suddenly looking down at Riley, a sympathetic look in her face as Riley cringed at her gloved hands pressing a blade against his chest. ‘So much potential, but you could never keep up, how did you get so weak?’ The blade cut into him, and while it hurt Riley saw no blood, and felt nothing for a moment again until Walsh put her entire hand into his chest, gripped her fingers onto his still panicked heart and ripped it free, droplets splattered, wetness fell against Riley again, darkness swirled…
Jerking slightly a strange sniffing sound reached Riley’s ears, a wet nose pressed lightly against Riley’s bare arms and over the sitting students face, pulling Riley from the dream which still caused a racing in his heart. My heart, The thought echoed instinctively as Riley looked down at his chest, a hand moved to press against the fabric which rested over Riley’s heart, a moment passing before Levi’s presence really settled on the stirring senses. The stillness that had swept the figure sitting outside Sue’s door soon stirred, a confused grogginess that perhaps betrayed him as Riley reached for Levi and petted the Labrador.
"Hey," It was soothing, not to be alone, the dreams as of late were strange but frightening, and the days turned to weeks, and from the occasional nightmare there was now almost no peace in his sleep. It had been embarrassing in the medical lab, sleeping where all could see, dreaming his monstrous dreams in public, stirring or groaning or waking with a sweat only to see the orderly, McCoy, or the cold empty confines of a private recovery room. It was only a moment later that Riley realized if Levi was here, then Sue was here, and his sense’s flared all the more, alert and suddenly on his feet. She was approaching, not close enough to speak without raisin her voice, and so Riley took the moment to scoop up his backpack, letting it hang from his hand by the side of his leg. The urge to salute was strangely strong, awkwardness threw him slightly, a brief glance at the watch on Riley’s wrist told him she wasn’t early, right on time, the last half hour just passed in what felt like a blink of an eye, even if the dream stretched on forever. Fragments faded, other parts lingered though, and Riley thought about the things that he saw and what was said and it unnerved him deep down. "Good afternoon," Riley finally announced, his voice slightly husked, a hand raised chest level to spread fingers a little in a gesture of welcoming, even if not so enthused enough to be classified as a true wave.
”I know Levi…” The toneless voice came softly, brown eyes lifting slowly, head turning to glance up at the clock just above her right shoulder. ”We still have half an hour, that’s plenty of time” Eyes turned now to watch the departing students, smiling softly. Before her on the desk sat a pile of papers, and she reached out a hand for the last one from the remaining student, who’d been determined to finish his last paragraph. ”I’ll see you next week” She said with a smile, watching as he left, gaining a ‘yes Miss Thomas’ as he left, leaving the class room deserted except for herself and the golden retriever who rested his head on her knee now.
”I’ll just mark these papers..” She said softly, more to herself than for Levi’s sake. She had Riley’s appointment, timed so they would both have plenty of time to reach her office. Sue had ensured her office didn’t feel like such, nor felt like a psychiatrist room. Because even she didn’t feel comfortable in the former and she wasn’t the latter. Riley would be her first ‘formal’ appointment. She’d had a couple of drop ins, but generally it was decided that she needed the time to first settle in the school before she took the role of counsellor off the over-burdened hands of Jean and Hank. Sue had been determined to start Riley with a fresh outlook, wanting little information about him from the others. Of course, they’d met and he’d seemed like a pleasant young man, willing to learn. But the idea of any counselling session was to get beneath the immediate layer of impressions to the hidden layers beneath, the real person with real problems, and part of her job was to try and help them find solutions to their problems.
A smile crossed her lips when, out of boredom, Levi lay down across her feet, a gently warmth from his soft fur as she marked the papers in front of her. It had been a short in class essay about what they’d learnt about the causes of the Great Depression in the past couple of weeks. She hadn’t been here long but the kids were doing brilliantly. A soft chuckle escaped her as she read them, remembering her own history lessons at their age, studying the Great Depression. A time of such despair for so many people, and not only in America. As they would soon find out the Great Depression also rolled onto other countries as America demanded back debts, placed taxes on imports. Her teacher had been great, making history interesting, easy to learn and remember. And he’d taken into account the fact she couldn’t hear, giving her the class notes if she’d missed anything, trying to ensure though that if he spoke she could see his lips. Mr Hammond was one of those teachers who just remained in you mind for years to come. Of course, History wasn’t the most interesting subject in the world, all she could hope was that she could give it the same life and relevance that he had for her.
Absorbed in her thoughts and her worked, she jumped as a cold nose was pressed against her ankle. ”Levi!” She chuckled softly as it shocked her from her thoughts, eyes lifting to the clock once more, despite the watch on her wrist. There was about five minutes till they were due there. ”Okay, okay” She chuckled, writing a last note on the final paper before putting it her slim satchel bag and gently tapping Levi’s haunches as she stood, putting the bag over her shoulder. ”Come on then” She said with a smile as she headed out towards the office, finding the keys in her pocket. Although if she was in there she’d keep the door open, the need to keep some records on students prompted her to lock her door, so no one could get in to those files.
A chuckle escaped her lips as Levi darted on ahead, sighing softly to her. She knew if anything happened he’d come back, or if she took too long he’d come and soon find her. That didn’t stop Sue worrying when the still young Retriever vanished from sight. Worry for both of them. Without him her world was truly silent. Although yes, she could read their lips, she would not know if someone came up behind her, or if an alarm sounded. And without her, Levi was lost, he was no independent street dog, but a rather spoilt companion to be honest. It had happened once before, a clap of thunder had spooked him whilst they were out walking and he’d darted for shelter, forgetting his training briefly. And it had taken her three days to find him, with the help of her friends. He’d lost weight in those few days and had been covered in muck. But at least he was ok.
A smile softly graced the teacher’s lips as she rounded the corner to the corridor which led to her class room. There was Levi, happily lapping up attention from a rather groggy looking Riley, who must have been there a little while, considering even from here it looked like he’d been sleeping and the dog had caught him off his guard. As Riley stood, realisation coming, Levi barked softly, almost demanding the return of the attention, ears twitching as he looked towards his mistress, bounding the few feet back to her, before stopping half way, tail wagging as he waited.
"Good afternoon," Sue nodded a little, eyes lowering briefly from the other’s lips to the raised hand as she took in the gesture, briefly his posture, then up to his eyes, as if taking in the details swiftly. He seemed a little tense, perhaps nervous. Although she hid it, so was she a little. A newcomer to the school, taking a role shared before by two such respected figures, it was a little more of a load than she expected to take But, this was no time for nerves.
”Good Afternoon Riley” She said slowly, not gesturing yet as she moved toward the door, though she kept her eyes on him as well. ”I’m sorry if I kept you waiting long. I decided to ignore Levi’s advice and get some paper work done early” She said softly, gesturing a little as she opened the door. ”Come in..” She said softly, entering in ahead of him, placing her bag down on her desk. Unlike some offices, the desk was against the far wall, so the room was open rather creating the classic divide. A computer was connected there to the phone to allow her to use it, as it translated the spoken word into the written. One the desk was a few photos, though not many. One of herself and Levi, one of a group of 4 people, and another whish seemed to be her as a child with her parents. On the walls were a few paintings, not cluttering them, but breaking up the plain paint of the walls. Two soft chairs and a small coffee table sat in the middle of the room, some flowers on the table and a small bowl of what were either mints, sugar coated almonds or both. It seemed rather cosy for an office. The blinds on the window were mostly closed, but let in enough light to stop the need for electric lights and create a nice lighting affect. Once Riley, and Levi, entered the room, Sue would close the door.
”Take a seat” She said gently, placing her bag beside the desk, leaving the contents for later. ”Did you want a drink at all?” She asked, indicating the kettle and small sink she had in her room. ”I have a bit of a collection” She said with a smile. From two different flavours of juices to tea, coffee, even some herbal. She actually drank primarily water but liked the variety and was sure anyone else would like it too. The only thing she didn’t keep were sodas, as they had a habit of going flat before they were used. Sue didn’t launch, it seemed, straight into councillor mode, but was happy to start by merely relaxing. She had a few small tricks though. And one included a box of tissues, hidden from immediate site by a small shelf beneath the table, so it didn’t catch the eye and make you think they were expected for use, but if they were needed, they were there. ”And help yourself to a mint or almond” She said with a smile, watching as Levi moved to lay beside the table so he was between the two chairs, facing Sue for now.
There is more than one way to be different in this world.
Re: Friday March 30th: A Meeting with Sue
”Good Afternoon Riley” There was little more he could in reply by wait, after all he had already greeted her and saying it again would just be stupid, no matter how ready his tongue seemed to just spill out another greeting at that point. ”I’m sorry if I kept you waiting long. I decided to ignore Levi’s advice and get some paper work done early” A hand motioned briefly to the doorway, and Riley found no complain in her delay, if indeed she was late, despite the nervousness the former agent really couldn't bring himself to check the time and look rude or impatient. ”Come in..” And so he did as he was told, trained eyes peering over the pictures and the furniture and any little thing that found this room it's home. It wasn't always easy to tell exactly who a person was when looking inside a room, but you could always gleam something off it that matched the persons personality somehow.... Nothing in the room seemed threatening, in fact it seemed almost scarce, simple yet pleasant, so alike and yet so different to Professor Walsh, his former carer may liked things simple but she had a more barren feel, everything needed a purpose or it was just a pointless clutter in her room.
”Take a seat” Another command obediantly followed, though Riley tried hard not to slump down into the seat, even as his knees seemed to give a groggy attempt on the matter. ”Did you want a drink at all?” A drink... there was only a brief moment of thought before Riley raised his hand in a polite gesture of decline as she continued. ”I have a bit of a collection” The sooner this was done the better, even if he wouldn't really mind the taste of juice in his mouth right now, if nothing else it would help keep his hands busy.
”And help yourself to a mint or almond” The offer once again gave Riley a chance to distract himself and yet part of the 22 year old also wanted to refuse any temptations that would cause that. The sooner this was over the better, for all concerned, prolonging his stay here would just lead to more stress and frustration... though honestly Riley wasn't even entirely sure what exactly Hank was hoping Riley would talk to her about.... the surgery? The Initiative? The loss of the baby? Riley didn't even notice his hand rub irritably at his temple for a moment as he repositioned himself in the seat.
"Thank you," The tone of voice would have been a clear 'maybe later' but the expression on Riley's face was a complete and defensive 'no thank you', it wasn't until he realized how sloppy he was being on the whole matter that Riley finally offered a polite enough little curve of his lips to try and not give off the impression he intended to brush the woman off. "Is this about last week?" Maybe it would be easier if he knew where this was all leading too... if it was just a discussion over any concerns Riley might have regarding the surgery that took place and all the stress it might be causing then that was one thing... if it was trying to break into the psychological trauma of growing up in the Initiative... well that was something else entirely.
Re: Friday March 30th: A Meeting with Sue”Thank you” As the words came so clearly from his lips, her eyes took his expression in as well. She was well enough trained not to raise an eyebrow, but she was curious. She’d spoken to Riley before, and he’d seemed friendly, easy enough to talk to. But now there were walls, though he was quick to try and cover them as he spoke once more. "Is this about the surgery?" Sue hesitated at this, not because she was trying to think of an answer, but at Riley’s bluntness. So, he wanted straight to the point. Well, okay then. She could do that. Picking up a bottle of water she moved to sit opposite from him, relaxing in the hair.
”This is about anything you want it to be Riley” She said slowly, softly. ”Hank.. Dr McCoy even, he’s not sent me any of your records. Nor has Mrs Summers. Think of this as a white page. You can write anything you want on it. What you say to me is confidential. Just as is what you said to them.” None of them had wanted that, when this had started. What point was there in betraying the trust of someone, before you even begun to gain it. So all she had were the vitals. Names, classes. And perhaps one or two things that were viewed as important to know. In Riley’s case, it wasn’t the initiative. Although, should she wish, she probably could be privy to such information, at the same time, she had wanted as little as possible. What she did know about was the operation, not the details, but just that there had been one.
”The only thing Dr McCoy said about was that you were having an operation last week. So to take it easy. That’s all I know. Excluding your class schedule, as I didn’t want to book you in for when you had classes” A gentle smile graced her features as she spoke, calm, controlled. She took a sip of the water, looking thoughtful for a moment.
”If you wanted, we can sit here and say nothing for the next hour. But that would be a waste of time for both of us. You don’t have to talk though. And you can leave whenever you like. I’m not going to stop you. I’m here to listen to whatever you want to say. And possible offer my tuppence on occasion. Sometimes Levi does as well” She didn’t want Riley to feel trapped. Although yes, this was her office, the last thing she wanted was to feel she’d dragged him here to her grounds to interrogate him or anything.
”Want the honest truth Riley? You’re really the first person I’ve had an appointment with since I’ve started. I’ve worked in a lot of different schools. But mutants…” She shook her head slightly. ”It’s new to me. And, I admit, scary at times. But at the same time, mutants aren’t so different from normal humans. If you look past the powers, they’re still people. They make mistakes. They get scared. It’s normal. The only scary thing is that they’re different. They’ve got something other people don’t understand. That’s something I can understand. That’s why I volunteered to council. People are scared of the disabled. Perhaps for a different reason, but they are. They don’t know how to act, what to do. Even my parents were like that” She shrugged a little, smiling. ”They were lovely, don’t get me wrong. But, it scared them. The thought of the fact I couldn’t hear everyday noises like them. Differences scare people” It was a fact of life she’d learnt when she was very young. Younger than most mutants, as with some exceptions, most could live a normal life until they reached their teenage years. But then again, it gave such a unique look at life, that she wouldn’t change a moment. It had been hard. But that hardship had made her who she was. And gotten her where she was.
”I think.. if you walked out.. it would be a relief to me as well. I could escape reality for just abit longer. But I don’t think that would really help either of us. Especially now I’ve rambled on anyway” She laughed, gaining a ‘whuf’ of agreement from Levi, who sat there, his tail wagging across the carpeted floor slowly. Sue wasn’t sure, but she hoped that it would at least let Riley know that, in away, they were on a similar level here. And that really, the whole thing was up to him. ”Like I said before though. What we talk about is up to you. We could spend the entire time swapping chocolate cake recipes if you really wanted”
There is more than one way to be different in this world.
Re: Friday March 30th: A Meeting with Sue"This is about anything you want it to be Riley" But what did he want? What could he possibly want to talk about anyway.. talking just led to more trouble, and he really didn’t want to get into more trouble, he just wanted things to be how they used to be when he first came, when the only thing the teachers had to say were indications of how impressed they were with his work. "Hank.. Dr McCoy even, he’s not sent me any of your records. Nor has Mrs Summers. Think of this as a white page. You can write anything you want on it. What you say to me is confidential. Just as is what you said to them." Sure, if he told her that he initially arrived to the school after his team left him wounded to chase down the demons they were hunting, only to be found by Connor and some other students, she’d possibly not tell McCoy... possibly... If he went on to say how he recovered at the school and then went back to the Initiative, only to be told it was a golden oppertunity to see what happened within Xavier’s walls, to be sent back with instructions to infiltrate and spy.. somehow he didn’t see that staying quiet. Not that Riley entirely remembered back that, but he watched the video diaries that helped tell himself what his mind had forgotten. It had appeared so easy back then, back before they knew there was something more to their Riley Finn then he let on.
"The only thing Dr McCoy said about was that you were due to have an operation next week. So to take it easy. That’s all I know. Excluding your class schedule, as I didn’t want to book you in for when you had classes" But how did he trust that, why would they want her to talk to him if they wouldn’t try and pry into the parts of his life he knew they wanted to know...parts they really needed to know. "If you wanted, we can sit here and say nothing for the next hour. But that would be a waste of time for both of us. You don’t have to talk though. And you can leave whenever you like. I’m not going to stop you. I’m here to listen to whatever you want to say. And possible offer my tuppence on occasion. Sometimes Levi does as well" If he could just up and leave then why had he been insisted to come down here in the first place... though.. he’d never really had someone to talk to before, save for Professor Walsh, even Catherine couldn’t really cope hearing the things Riley had to say. In fact she hated it when he talked, she yelled at him when he tried, she told him off and made it out that all he should be trying to do was forget all the bad and speak of them no more.
"Want the honest truth Riley? You’re really the first person I’ve had an appointment with since I’ve started. I’ve worked in a lot of different schools. But mutants…" It was almost an alien word to Riley know, whenever he heard someone say that word it seemed like a completely new word. It never used to mean anything to him personally, and suddenly... suddenly that was all changed, everything seemed to be changing all at once. "It’s new to me. And, I admit, scary at times. But at the same time, mutants aren’t so different from normal humans. If you look past the powers, they’re still people. They make mistakes. They get scared. It’s normal. The only scary thing is that they’re different. They’ve got something other people don’t understand. That’s something I can understand. That’s why I volunteered to council. People are scared of the disabled. Perhaps for a different reason, but they are. They don’t know how to act, what to do. Even my parents were like that" Riley was used to people thinking he was strange, not knowing the most popular TV shows, not keeping up with current hit songs, not knowing the most popular best selling books for any catagory, it all made him feel left out, and yet growing up on the farm without a TV that made it bareable, something he grew up with always. Though even the farm had a radio, even his parents spent the money on a new book or two every other month so Riley had something to read. He never felt how Ben had made him feel though since finding out he was a mutant, even before Riley knew, back when he first went to Iowa and had to pretend he was a mutant to make up for the slightly augmented strength the Initiative’s genetic tampering and drugs had caused. Back then it was just upsetting at how narrow minded Ben was... but now, now Riley couldn’t even say he had lied, back then he always thought that maybe one day he could be honest, one day when he knew that the Initiative wasn’t looming around the corner any more... but now.. Not Riley was really a mutant, and there was no hiding from it now.
"They were lovely, don’t get me wrong. But, it scared them. The thought of the fact I couldn’t hear everyday noises like them. Differences scare people" Scare? Riley could see it more then just scared them, for some it enraged, and while he’d always known this, he never had it aimed towards him personally, and now he felt... he wasn’t sure how he felt, but he didn’t like the feeling. "I think.. if you walked out.. it would be a relief to me as well. I could escape reality for just abit longer. But I don’t think that would really help either of us. Especially now I’ve rambled on anyway" Although Sue gave a laugh, Riley found himself failing to see any humour in the situation, though felt a strange sort of comfort in knowing that she wasn’t taking this all so seriously and could try and make light of the situation in her attempts to try and connect to him. "Like I said before though. What we talk about is up to you. We could spend the entire time swapping chocolate cake recipes if you really wanted" Which would have at least required him to have some recipes to start with in the first place, and he didn’t even have that much to offer. Though it wasn’t entirely lost on Riley what she actually was hinting, he found himself though pointedly focusing on that random fact.
"I..." Saying he had no idea what to talk about seemed stupid and left Riley with trailing off, trying to figure out what he could say that didn’t involve anything bad, or anything that Catherine said he shouldn’t speak about. It left very little however, save for anything that occurred since he stopped really speaking with her. He slumped a little in the seat, pushing his books a little further away from his stomach, closer towards his knees. He still wore the baseball cap, knowing full well that it obscured half his face whenever he looked down and was considered rather rude... but he really didn’t feel comfortable walking around with the fact McCoy had to shove a part of his head to get to the implant. "...I didn’t know I was a mutant," It seemed to be on topic with their current discussion.. which was easier to continue then to decide himself what new topic he wanted. "I only found out recently when Dr McCoy told me," It hadn’t really occurred to Riley at first that if he continued on it would raise questions as to ... what exactly he was doing in the school if he wasn’t a mutant. "...He said I might notice changes after the surgery, that’s why I wondered if that’s why I was asked here, some students didn’t cope well finding out they were mutants at first, I know Catherine was denying it for ages.. until recently, though she still doesn’t talk about it," It wasn’t like this was the worst news he’d ever been told, so Riley found it hard to decide how he felt, he’d not mind so much at this point, since he didn’t even know what exactly his mutancy involved, but Ben was making it all so horrible an experience.
"The students were are usually pretty good, a lot of them are very responsible with their abilities, they slip sometimes, but everyone does," It seemed Riley found it easier to talk once the subject wasn’t directed towards himself personally, though that would hardly help sort out the issues that choked his day to day abilities to cope. And even Riley noticed how far off topic he was starting to get... what if she told Hank he wasn’t cooperating, what if Hank then decided that Riley just wasn’t ready for leadership again if he couldn’t push through all these personal issues? "What sort of things are you hoping to discuss?" He knew she’d said earlier that it was all up to him, but... he couldn’t think of anything, nothing that he really wanted to share, nothing he felt was worth mentioning, or safe mentioning... maybe if he knew what sort of topics she hoped for he could try and wade through them to find something he felt comfortable discussing.
Re: Friday March 30th: A Meeting with Sue
Sue’s soft eyes watched as Riley slumped downwards. Instinctively she flinched inwardly as the baseball cap covered part of his face. Although his lips were still visible, it hid his eyes from hers’ and she so often used a person’s eyes to help her understand. Still, she said nothing, pushing that moment away as if it was nothing. If this was how Riley was comfortable for now, then that was what mattered most. Levi shifted on the floor between them, licking one of his paws for now, though he was alert to the two humans. He could occupy himself somewhat, but enjoyed attention, and seemed to have a knowledge during these times of when was best to offer his and get theirs.
"I..." … "...I didn’t know I was a mutant," The deaf woman made no gesture at the comment. True, many people didn’t know, from what she’d found out. But she had a feeling Riley meant a little more than that. A little more than ‘I didn’t know and then one day I woke up and I was a mutant’. Of course, she didn’t know yet what, but for that reason alone, she kept quiet, still, just watching him patiently.
"I only found out recently when Dr McCoy told me," This time a small nod was given as those few words widened her understanding. So, had Riley then come to the school without the knowledge of his mutation? Perhaps someone had brought him here knowing one day it would develop. Or perhaps there was another reason for a human to be studying/teaching amongst them. It wasn’t completely unheard of. But it would be unusual, hinting that something else had drawn him here. But she wouldn’t ask. She was a counsellor, not a psychologist. Though in many ways it meant she could leave out the ‘how did it make you feel’ stereotypy as well, much to her great relief.
"...He said I might notice changes after the surgery, that’s why I wondered if that’s why I was asked here, some students didn’t cope well finding out they were mutants at first, I know Catherine was denying it for ages.. until recently, though she still doesn’t talk about it," Riley could be right there, perhaps that was why he was on the list of students she was given. But she quietly had he doubts. Not because she knew anything, but was a human really the best person to have speak to him about accepting his mutation? She had, as part of the agreement, said she would try and help where she could with mutant based troubles, but that she would refer them to with Hank or Jean if it was something she couldn’t help with. After all, although she could perhaps relate to the differences between themselves and a ‘normal’ human, at the same time, her own experiences of discrimination couldn’t be directly compared to those of some mutants.
"The students were are usually pretty good, a lot of them are very responsible with their abilities, they slip sometimes, but everyone does," Again the deaf woman nodded slightly. She’d witnessed these ‘slips’’ a few times. A momentary loss of concentration. A slight flare of emotion. It was at those times she found herself finding some pity for them, before chiding herself for such thoughts. Yes, it was tough. But she knew they were trying. Anyone could have a slip of the tongue, do something without thinking, without realising what they were doing. But when that something was something so natural to them yet possibly deadly, they had to learn so much more constraint that any other teenager. But that was what would make them stronger, and to pity them, that would merely undermine that growing strength.
"What sort of things are you hoping to discuss?" although Sue had been listening, absorbing what he said, the question still managed to stir her from her thoughts as if she’d been day dreaming. What had she been hoping for? If she was honest, she wasn’t really sure. She knew from experience, first sessions were always difficult. Two often strangers sat in a room, supposed to be discussing intimate issues. Not exactly the most inviting idea and it could make conversation difficult. She had no ground work, she could see where the problems lay, so she had to pry a little before finding a way to steer the conversation towards those problems, and hope that, with first allowing them to settle, they would feel relaxed enough to talk about them later.
”Well, I didn’t really have anything specific in mind Riley. These sessions are designed to help any student through whatever problems they might be having. With school, relationships, and to a less extent, because of my own lack of experience, their mutations.” She said slowly, thoughtfully. ”But I don’t expect anyone to come in here and immediately divulge their dark, personal secrets. Because no one can do that with someone they’ve just met. Not really” Still, although she wouldn’t pry deeply, not today, he had offered some small foot holds at least.
”I’m not a psychiatrist, so I’m not about to go for the ‘how did it make you feel’ approach, not immediately anyway” She said softly, lightly. ”But.. I’m happy to talk about whatever you’re comfortable with. The surgery perhaps? Or… you’re a student teacher right? How about how your classes are going? Did the surgery affect it much?” Her voice was gentle, thoughtful. She figured at least these would seem like safe topics. He’d offered them, and his mutation, up as possibilities himself after all. Her mind thinking back, he’d mentioned a Catherine too. A friend? More, less? She was tempted to ask but she let it be. Perhaps looking at his relationships within the school should wait for another time. How he ‘fitted in’ into the school. After all, for some people that was a more tender subject that it might first seem.
There is more than one way to be different in this world.
Re: Friday March 30th: A Meeting with Sue"Well, I didn’t really have anything specific in mind Riley. These sessions are designed to help any student through whatever problems they might be having. With school, relationships, and to a less extent, because of my own lack of experience, their mutations." School... he didn’t really have a great deal of problems with school, he loved his classes, both what he took and what he taught, it made Riley feel as if he was finally doing something normal in his life... it’s what he always wanted in the first place, to get a good education. Relationships however, they were another matter, he wouldn’t know if he could cope explaining his problems there. He only had Catherine... he had Connor too but he was having issues, and Scott... who left... Heath, who didn’t understand the day to day lifestyle of this world, the guy was under enough stress as it was; Riley never felt comfortable putting too much pressure on the guy. How do you explain that the girl that tied you in knots did nothing but scream at you, made you feel awkward and act as if your very presence half the time was a hindrance to her life... then again.. you couldn’t really blame her, not after all they went through. And mutant powers was out, he didn’t even know if he had any, for all he knew his power was merely to annoy those he loved with great accuracy.
"But I don’t expect anyone to come in here and immediately divulge their dark, personal secrets. Because no one can do that with someone they’ve just met. Not really" At least she didn’t expect it... though strangely it felt like a challenge, as if she thought he wasn’t able to speak honestly with her, as if she didn’t think he was capable, he hated it when people thought so little of him... And yet... that didn’t even make sense, it wasn’t like he could get angry she was trying to be patient with him, and yet Riley felt somehow... on some level... he didn’t know really. None these feelings made any sense half the time. "I’m not a psychiatrist, so I’m not about to go for the ‘how did it make you feel’ approach, not immediately anyway" It was funny... Riley had joked along the same lines about something he couldn’t entirely recall with Catherine... for a moment he tried to remember why he had said it, what it was about, and yet instead he was too distracted to really focus on the matter, though was it really too distracted.. or maybe he was just too tired.
"But.. I’m happy to talk about whatever you’re comfortable with. The surgery perhaps? Or… you’re a student teacher right? How about how your classes are going? Did the surgery affect it much?" The fact he had a substitute taking his classes would pretty much hint that Hank hadn’t really given Riley the option to continue his own classes, and the ones he attended as a student were few, and yet still more then Hank would have liked. Whatever he said would be admitting to some sort of weakness, that he couldn’t hope with what he had, that classes were too much, that people didn’t trust he could keep up with the load. The upsetting thing was, after today... Riley feared they might be right, he couldn’t keep up, he was tired and the days seemed so long and the activities in them so draining.
"...I..." Again, there was a pause, every reply seemed to start with a struggle, every response dragged through a process of inner debates, so easy an answer and like with all personal questions, especially from someone of authority, it seemed like a challenge that had to have a handful of answers thrown together to cover all possible outcomes. Though at least she gave him some sort of subject to continue on with, it was better to know what he was struggling with then have to guess what topic he was to dredge up, they’d get nowhere then. "... like my classes," Riley leaned forward, not really replying as to how the surgery affected them, though he looked uncomfortable, his face repeatedly lowering when he wasn’t speaking to a point that the cap covered even his lips, especially as the young man’s body leaned forward. It wasn’t until he looked at Levi that Riley realized how his fidgeting would be causing issues, she needed to see his lips and he was seeming to do everything he could to hinder that. A hand hesitantly reached for the rim of his hat, at first only aiding in obscuring his face even more till he pulled by his arm and his hat away, letting it rest on his books, which he picked up off his lap and placed on the floor by his feet. The shaved spot wasn’t too noticeable on certain angles, especially as his hair was slightly longer from the lack of trimming it lately so it managed to be relatively hidden till his fingers ruffled his hair for a moment to try and rid the ‘hat hair’ effect. What if he said something, or behaved in a manner, that she managed to decide meant something else, something that would suggest he’s not ready or capable or deserving of all he had lost since he passed out on the court.
"I’m not trying to be rude," He started, swinging off subject a touch, but knowing maybe if he just explain it then Hank and Ms Thomas and everyone else would just give him a break, "Every time I’ve ever seemed to try and explain something, it seems to blow up in my face, I don’t want that happening anymore," Even if that meant spending less time with Catherine, as it seems has been the case, as upsetting as it was, at the same time, maybe they needed their space, because right now, they couldn’t do anything but argue, even if Riley wasn’t entirely sure why they were arguing. "I’m really good with my students, I enjoy teaching them and they teach me a lot in turn, I can handle training students basic combat no matter what my condition is, I’m a good student and a good-" He almost said soldier... almost... and found himself suddenly quiet, as if the word escaped him, and then he almost forgot his entire trail of thoughts, giving a slightly confused look as he continued, "...I was told that I shouldn’t say anything, because if I did then you would all ask me to leave, so I haven’t said anything, because I don’t want to leave. McCoy’s trying to find out things, and I really wish I could tell him everything.. but I can’t, and when I’ve tried in the past, people have just gotten mad.. or disappointed,"
Re: Friday March 30th: A Meeting with Sue
Soft brown eyes remained fixed on Riley, watching him closely. "...I..." It was becoming clear that something was making Riley very uncomfortable, and that he didn’t feel as free to speak as she’d hoped. "... like my classes," Sue smiled at that, nodding slightly. Well that was good at least, and she trusted his honesty. He had shown an interest in learning when they’d first met, and she could imagine him having the same drive for teaching. Perhaps then this was a safe subject for them to talk about for now then, something Riley might actually enjoy.
A slight look of concern came over her features as he sunk lower and lower into the seat, and the cap crept lower and lower over his face. However, after a short moment he seemed to realise what was happening. The removal of his cap, and then that with the books placed down actually reassured her. After all, it was quiet, sub-conscious actions which hinted he was making himself comfortable, along with the ruffling of his hair. The movement drew her eyes briefly to the spot of the operation, before letting it go. Operations happened. Anything on the head could be serious, but it wasn’t necessarily uncommon. Still, perhaps the seriousness, and the possible trauma from the stress that Riley could be suffering hit home more from the visual. Still, her eyes lowered once more to his face, quietly, patiently.
"I’m not trying to be rude," Eyebrows raised slightly at those words. Often, when someone said that, they were rude and fully aware of it. It was a strange thing to say, she always found. But there were times when people said it, scared they might be misunderstood for a rudeness. "Every time I’ve ever seemed to try and explain something, it seems to blow up in my face, I don’t want that happening anymore," It seemed then, perhaps his nervousness about facing his possible inner demons wasn’t only with her then. Something had happened which had caused him to worry that should he admit to them that things would go horribly wrong. A small frown found her features as she wondered what had happened to give him such an experience which would create the fearful barrier.
"I’m really good with my students, I enjoy teaching them and they teach me a lot in turn, I can handle training students basic combat no matter what my condition is, I’m a good student and a good-" The word seemed to hand in the air between them, ‘good’. A good what? Her eyes flicked down to his hands, not wanting to risk missing something, eyes lifting again. An incomplete sentence offered a strange problem for Sue. Had she missed something? Or perhaps misinterpreted something. It took that few moments longer to realise he hadn’t actually completed the sentence, leading her again to what he considered himself good as. Not that that was a bad thing.
"...I was told that I shouldn’t say anything, because if I did then you would all ask me to leave, so I haven’t said anything, because I don’t want to leave. McCoy’s trying to find out things, and I really wish I could tell him everything.. but I can’t, and when I’ve tried in the past, people have just gotten mad.. or disappointed," The blonde teacher forced herself to hold her tongue for a moment as questions entered her mind. Who had told him that? And who had reacted so badly to whatever his news was? She watched him quietly in thought for a moment, eyes flicking at a movement. Levi had stood up, and moved now to Riley, resting his head softly on his thigh, licking one hand lightly as he sat there, looking up at him. Sue allowed a small smile. Sometimes she thought Levi was the best person for these sessions and not herself.
”It sounds like this is something big then” She said slowly, knowing it was obvious, but offering her recognition that it was no normal teenage problem. There was this look of thoughtfulness, a very slight furrow on her brow forming as she considered this new, unknown hurdle. A soft smile reformed on her lips as she saw a path here. So, he’d been told not to tell anyone. Well, she’d leave that to him. She didn’t want to force anything out of him.
”I’m not going to force you to tell me Riley, and I never would. I don’t know who told you to keep silent though, and what I will say is that from my experience, when people say that, it’s to protect themselves. Not the person they’re telling.” Her words were calm, gentle. Without even considering the fact she could be planting the doubt in whoever this unseen entity was, she merely wanted him to feel more secure somehow. ”At the same time, I’m going to hazard a guess that it could be something which, for whatever reason, could cause problems. Hmm”
A thoughtfulness once more crossed her features as she voiced her thoughts, letting Riley know what she was considering, if not where she was going with it. ”If, or when, you decide to talk about it, then we’ll decide what to do. Whatever you say to me is confidential. The problem of course comes if it is.. dangerous.” ‘Dangerous’ came out as a thoughtful, second meaning word. An umbrella term for anything that could be something more than you typical teenager problem. ”At which point, we’ll both have a decision to make I think, depending on what it is. For yourself, a decision on how to progress, whether to tell anyone else. For myself, the decision is far more ethical. But if or when we reach that bridge, we will tackle it together” She said gently, smiling softly.
”That feels abit heavy really doesn’t it?” She said softly. ”It’s totally up to you though. Whether you want to talk about it or not. I used the word ‘dangerous’. And perhaps that’s where your decision needs to come from. Whether your secret could hurt people if they don’t know. It’s difficult. Sometime, in everyone’s life, they will have to make a decision on that. It could be something small, or something major. And it’s hard to know which is right. Sometimes, no matter what you do, you could hurt someone. Or yourself. That’s what makes it so hard. Weighing one pain against another. And noone can tell you which is the right decision for you. Sometimes, you have to just close your eyes and hope”
She smiled gently, eyes glancing down to Levi who was nuzzling Riley gently, straining a little to softly lick at Riley’s hand, tail brushing across the floor slowly. It looked like he was demanding attention, whilst she knew at the same time he was responding in away to her voice, her limited tones, hoping to calm him slightly. She hadn’t expected things to feel so heavy so swiftly.
There is more than one way to be different in this world.
Re: Friday March 30th: A Meeting with Sue
For a brief moment it was quiet enough for Riley to take the chance to think over their discussion, to try and recollect scattering thoughts, it was as if the harder he tried though, the more difficult it became. Movement caught Riley's gaze, the former child agent of the secret organization was almost pleased to see the canine's sudden closer proximity to him, and found comfort familiarity as the animal laid his head gently on the student's thigh. Katie would be in a fit of sniffing when he got back to her, wanting to sniff and memorize the other dog's scent out of both jealousy and interest. Fingers reached cautiously towards the muzzle, meaning to pet the head only to be side tracked with the long tongue brush against Riley's fingers, which drew a smile on his face.
"It sounds like this is something big then" For a moment, Riley had no idea what she was saying, the smile fading as he lifted his gaze to eye the woman, her expression one of thought and consideration. "I’m not going to force you to tell me Riley, and I never would. I don’t know who told you to keep silent though, and what I will say is that from my experience, when people say that, it’s to protect themselves. Not the person they’re telling." The sentence jogged a few topics they had raised in this room, and he was able to once again think over them..it was complicated though... yes it was to protect them, and yet if Riley spoke, then his life too was in danger, and whoever he spoke to... like with Catherine. And yet... Hank knew someone was after both himself and now Catherine and yet instead of wanting them to leave he wanted them to tell him more. However Riley could deal with it on his own, he had thus far, but it was the people around, tthe people beginning to get more and more involved with his life...he needed to shut them all out to keep them safe and yet... it was so hard.
"At the same time, I’m going to hazard a guess that it could be something which, for whatever reason, could cause problems. Hmm" Oddly enough Riley felt more comfortable listening to her throw out her guesses, he felt more capable and more able to steer the conversation, unlike when he alone was forced to speak and he felt as if he were trying to cling to a slippery snake. "If, or when, you decide to talk about it, then we’ll decide what to do. Whatever you say to me is confidential. The problem of course comes if it is.. dangerous." Again Riley's eyes dropped away, staring down at Levi's face, hands stroking over the soft brown head, he was not hesitant to think that this would be something considered dangerous, this was in fact life shattering for people like him and Catherine and any of the others who get wrapped up in the Initiative's affairs.
"At which point, we’ll both have a decision to make I think, depending on what it is. For yourself, a decision on how to progress, whether to tell anyone else. For myself, the decision is far more ethical. But if or when we reach that bridge, we will tackle it together" There was no doubt though, and if he said it then surely her duty would be to do what Riley himself had every desire to do and yet seeminly no will to carry out what he knew to be so vitally important. Would it be something that she really needs to know.... a part of him agreed it was, another part just didn't want to test those waters.
"That feels abit heavy really doesn’t it?" There wasn't really any response from Riley aside the steady stare at Levi that seemed too focused and too withdrawn from her presence. It always had seemed that way, it always felt as if it would be, always and constantly weighing so heavily upon him, the worry and concern it dredged up. "It’s totally up to you though. Whether you want to talk about it or not. I used the word ‘dangerous’. And perhaps that’s where your decision needs to come from. Whether your secret could hurt people if they don’t know. It’s difficult. Sometime, in everyone’s life, they will have to make a decision on that. It could be something small, or something major. And it’s hard to know which is right. Sometimes, no matter what you do, you could hurt someone. Or yourself. That’s what makes it so hard. Weighing one pain against another. And noone can tell you which is the right decision for you. Sometimes, you have to just close your eyes and hope" It felt odd, it seemed odd, maybe that was because it was odd or maybe Riley just never imagined this time would actually come. Though when she stopped talking, Riley had to look up just in case she had possibly asked something he hadn't been paying attention to.
Sue's expression was soft, curious and uncertain at the same time, patient and waiting, close your eyes and hope, it seemed so odd a request as he thought over her last words. How does he explain things in a way she'd want him to, how does he express hope for things he wasn't sure about. In the end, Riley just closed his eyes, at least he could give her that much. Though Riley found that when he closed his eyes what the former soldier saw was anything but hopeful..
"What do you see when you close your eyes?" The words slipped out without thought, pulled from his inner mind as a whisper he had often wondered, and when his eyes opened, he almost couldn't be sure if he had in fact said it or not. And then, once he thought of that, he wondered how they even got onto that subject. "Sorry, mind slip, what were we saying?" More often then not snippets of conversations about the Initiative or inolvement with it would come and go and linger like a vague dream but right now all he could really recall were comments on how difficult things could be and how there were times it all felt so heavy. Were there any questions asked? Anything in particular that was expected of the youth to reply back in order to shed light on whatever it was Sue seemed to be patiently waiting for. "Oh right, is this about last week?" The repetition went unnoticed to Riley, but for a moment it seemed as if they had rerolled all the way back when he first sat down, repeating the first comment that had come to his mind when he initially started their conversation.
Re: Friday March 30th: A Meeting with Sue
Careful, quiet eyes watched the student-teacher, waiting patiently. Perhaps things had gotten too heavy for him, but hopefully that wouldn’t send him running just yet. For the briefest instant her eyes dropped to Levi, watching her faithful companion offer his quiet support. The golden retriever’s ears perked, though in the typical way of his breeding it was only the raising of the base which indicated his flopped ears were positioned any differently to normal. His head rested lightly on Riley’s knee, watching him in that curious canine fashion.
"What do you see when you close your eyes?" It was a curious question, and not one Sue took lightly. Because closing your eyes might mean you don’t see what’s in front of you, but see the thoughts of your own mind, like a dream. Before she could speak though, the young man had opened his own eyes, and his face as well as his words gave away that slip, something which, in away, troubled Sue.
"Sorry, mind slip, what were we saying?" At first it seemed harmless enough, distracted he’d briefly forgotten the past minute or so. But she didn’t expect the repetition to come. It was more than a simple lapse in concentration as he repeated himself from soon having entered the room. "Oh right, is this about last week?" It was an honest worry that took her, that perhaps there was something wrong here. There was no frustration in her though, and she quietly collected herself, wondering how to take the next step.
”Are you feeling okay Riley?” The question came genuinely, yet not so over stated. ”We’ve just been discussing about how today can be about anything you would like it to be. You seemed to have something on your mind, weighing you down” It could be, she rationed quietly, that approaching the subject could have been what caused the lapse. It happened occasionally. The mind would try and protect it’s self by not allowing it’s self to consider things. ”But we don’t have to discuss that if you don’t want. We can talk about last week if you like. I’m here as a pair of ears, so to speak” She said, a smile gracing her lips at the joke at herself. It was such a common phrase, and this wouldn’t be the first time she’d used it to break the tension.
”Though, you did ask me what I see when I close my eyes. If you like I’ll tell you. Though I will say, sometimes the scariest thing I do is close my eyes. Because the instant I do, I’m lost. Because other than touch I have no idea about my surroundings. About what people are doing or saying. Sometimes we have to face things which scare us everyday. And that’s one of mine” Sue’s face was calm, like she didn’t mind admitting nor explaining this fear. Seemingly so irrational, until you considered it. Closing your eyes when you could hear, in a room of strangers, was scary enough. But to do it and not hear them either, it was like being plunged into a dark vacuum. But it was something she’d learnt to deal with. Something she could cope with. And she wanted him to learn to deal with his own problems in the best way, not just ignore it and hope it goes away, like so many people do. Because chances are it will never go away, not like that anyway.
There is more than one way to be different in this world.
Re: Friday March 30th: A Meeting with Sue
For a moment he had to wait, an odd mixture of emotions seemed to cross Sue’s face, and Riley found himself waiting as Ms Thomas prepared herself with approaching the question he asked. "Are you feeling okay Riley? " For a brief period Riley obviously figured that she was asking how he felt over the whole ordeal, and to be honest he had no idea how to reply. However, as the woman continued to speak Riley found himself slowly chewing the inside of his lower lip as he thought over what she was saying, "We’ve just been discussing about how today can be about anything you would like it to be. You seemed to have something on your mind, weighing you down" How could he explain that? It wasn’t like Riley wasn’t already aware that he had those lapses, it’s one of the main reasons he has diaries, both written and recorded clips. It helped him in case he ever forgot something again.
"But we don’t have to discuss that if you don’t want. We can talk about last week if you like. I’m here as a pair of ears, so to speak" What was the best way to reply to that, to brush off her suggestion and try to recall what he was thinking or to go with the flow and tell her about his week.. but which part of his week? The one where he collapsed in front of everyone or the part where Catherine basically suggested they were dating again only to turn around and in the sane breath say they weren’t… or the part where he had his head hacked open along with his chest.
"Though, you did ask me what I see when I close my eyes. If you like I’ll tell you. Though I will say, sometimes the scariest thing I do is close my eyes. Because the instant I do, I’m lost. Because other than touch I have no idea about my surroundings. About what people are doing or saying. Sometimes we have to face things which scare us everyday. And that’s one of mine" Her words were taken in, and Riley analysed the reasons behind her fear as best he could given the clues around him, he took her condition and situation, her strengths and weaknesses, and for a moment in time tried to place himself in her shoes. He had been in dark places before, he knew what it was like to be unable to see an inch in front of you, where every step was dangerous and unpredictable, and every sound a vital tool in survival. But where would he be now without that tool? Without knowing that someone was running up behind you, that something was crawling along the ground.. the walls.. the ceilings.
Despite all that, Riley couldn’t help but think of how much of an advantage one would have against her in a fight, all they’d have to do was blind her and that was that, he knew her weakness, he knew how to disorientate her, and effect her more so then most others. Once you knew someone’s fears, then it gave you a power over them in a sense, and knowing that made Riley uneasy and awkward. Then again, that was what these kinds of people did, wasn’t it? That’s how Riley was told in class to approach ‘clients’ when studying psychology, he was told some people, when needed to gain ones trust, responded to personal information, though he was also told that sometimes it was wise to have ‘fictional’ information rehearsed so that should any problems arise with the troubled client, you are still safe and secure.
"I don’t know what I should say to you… I haven’t done any work since, you know.. then," It should be easy to say, emotional perhaps but not bad enough that Riley had to avoid it as much as he did, yet any reference to his trip to the hospital was remote and almost against his will. "I only just started taking classes and even then I constantly get told to ‘relax’ and ‘sit back’ .. it’s so frustrating, they act as if I’m incapable of doing anything," It didn’t matter if he was recovering from something, he’d be hurt and injured before in the Initiative and was told time and time again, if he wasn’t dead, he was useful to them. Even if he was bed bound he had to do research for them so the more mobile units could get out there and know what they were facing. "I don’t know what you all want from me, nothing I do - or say - seems right,"
Quiet brown eyes watched Riley calmly. She was honestly worried about that lapse, hopefully only a lapse of concentration, possibly from stress, but it was still enough to make her concerned. It seemed though, judging from his reaction that he wasn’t worried. Either he knew the reason why or it happened often enough. Which wasn’t exactly reassuring either. But, it wasn’t her place to pry. Despite her roll here.
"I don’t know what I should say to you… I haven’t done any work since, you know.. then," Without a single thought, a soft, reassuring smile found her lips, eyes briefly lowering as her canine companion gently nudged his hand, a soft reminder to his presence coupled with a desire for attention. Whether this was a selfish notion or an innate knowledge that it would be calming for the student-teacher.
"I only just started taking classes and even then I constantly get told to ‘relax’ and ‘sit back’ .. it’s so frustrating, they act as if I’m incapable of doing anything," Yes, it was infuriating to be treated like you were unable to do anything. She knew that all too well. But she also knew that it wasn’t deliberate. They were attempting to make things easy for him, to allow him time to recover. But she had the feeling Riley wasn’t one who wanted to take things easy like that.
"I don’t know what you all want from me, nothing I do - or say - seems right," A gentle smile remained on her lips as she nodded slowly. It was a sort of knowledge that glistened in her eyes. It was almost like a mild paranoia she suspected, feeling incapable of doing what people wanted, assuming you always in the wrong. Sue had gone through a phase like that as a teenager. Everyone felt like it at times. But in some people it was far worse. And could lead to far worse as well.
”Riley” The words came as gently as could be expected from the tone lacking voice, an audible hint to her deafness. ”As far as I’m concerned, we only want you to be you, and be your best. They don’t mean to treat you like that, they’re only worried, and hey, you could use it as an excuse to relax for awhile. But on a serious note, maybe you should tell them you feel capable of doing a bit more. Try and reach a compromise” She knew there was a risk he’d take her words wrongly, but she hoped silently that he wouldn’t.
”It can be hard, can’t it? To feel like you’ve got to reach expectations without really knowing what they are. But sometimes, it’s not the people around us putting those levels just out of her finger reach. It’s us.” Her words were honest, coming from her own experience. She’d always felt pressured as a child, to be more like a normal child. Because her parents tried to give her the best chance, but she always thought they wanted the perfect child. ”You don’t need to prove anything to anyone Riley, if you are pushing yourself. Your friends will accept you for who you are, no matter what the test on your friendship. And from what I’ve seen so far, the teachers are just the same. They won’t fall at the first hurdle. And if you do, it will be them who will give you a hand to help you up again, just like I’m sure you would be for them” The smile never left her. Sue found it easy to trust people. And yes, she did sometimes trust the wrong people. But it was their reaction to that first hurdle which proved their worth.
There is more than one way to be different in this world.
Re: Friday March 30th: A Meeting with Sue"Riley" He was being a child, complaining about things he couldn’t change, people couldn’t be demanded to like you, they couldn’t be told they were upsetting someone, not when that someone was supposed to be working their way into higher ranks of importance. People weren’t just given those sort of things. They had to earn it and suffer the constant pressure of students and teachers, peers and general public. "As far as I’m concerned, we only want you to be you, and be your best. They don’t mean to treat you like that, they’re only worried, and hey, you could use it as an excuse to relax for awhile. But on a serious note, maybe you should tell them you feel capable of doing a bit more. Try and reach a compromise" Even as she spoke Riley found the negatives… it didn’t seem to matter how much he wanted to do, Hank made clear exactly what were the limits allowed and Riley bored along those limits almost daily at times. Keeping stress low easily being the one which caused the greatest hurdle for Riley to over come and the thing that caused the most problems at times it seemed.
"It can be hard, can’t it? To feel like you’ve got to reach expectations without really knowing what they are. But sometimes, it’s not the people around us putting those levels just out of her finger reach. It’s us." For a moment Riley straightened up, his face showing thought on that possibilities, yet it didn’t entirely help when he had Professor Walsh’s stern voice in the back of his mind barking demands and telling an entire team of people exactly what was expected and what would happen if they failed. The things he’s seen done to people who weren’t at their absolute best was enough to scare the youth.
"You don’t need to prove anything to anyone Riley, if you are pushing yourself. Your friends will accept you for who you are, no matter what the test on your friendship. And from what I’ve seen so far, the teachers are just the same. They won’t fall at the first hurdle. And if you do, it will be them who will give you a hand to help you up again, just like I’m sure you would be for them" But, sometimes waiting till that hurdle arrived before knowing who you could or could not trust was almost life threatening. He had thought he could trust those in charge, trust them to look out and watch for their soldiers under them, and that didn’t leave to a very happy ending, and there was no way Riley ever wanted to be in that position again.
"But…" The word started, a sentence ready to follow behind it with images of various lectures and happenings from the Initiative, and for a moment, just as the words hanged on the tip of his tongue, Riley thought of that day he’d been shot so many years ago, and just as he pushed it away, the words too seemed cast aside. "…uh…" While what he was going to say may have slipped his mind, Sue’s words still remained for him to work with, and so Riley quickly recalled what was said and what would be a useable reply. "People have expectations all the time… especially if they know your capabilities, and if you don’t preform to your capabilities then you let them down and if you let them down then you’re expendable, I’ve seen it happen all the time," Granted, Riley was referring to the Initiative, but for him that’s really the only world he really remembered clearly. Save the last few years here at the school, and yes the school was different, but how different? When push came to shove…… what was the school really like, when all the chips were down and people got fed up?
"Dr McCoy is already well into the disappointed phase with me," It was a tone crossed between frustration and upset in a strangely forced calm that, which didn’t hide the worry in Riley’s eyes. "Ok, there are things I know he’d want to know, and I should tell him because he needs to know, but I can’t tell him because he’s not allowed to know, so I shouldn’t tell him… but I should tell him because I…can't?" It wasn’t Riley just trailing off to avoid finishing the sentence, and that much was clear when he stared for a moment at Levi with slight confusion, trying to figure out what he was on about and what exactly he was trying to get through to her. After the pause he couldn’t even really pin point the meaning of what he was saying, which made him wonder if he was just rambling or if he had lost track half way through. "… you know?" quietly the words were added as if somehow that would make it all better, as if she would be prone to just agreeing and then shortly after her agreement they’d wrap up this meeting and Riley could go and sleep. He wasn’t making any sense as far as his mind was concerned, no one cared to hear him whine and carry on, and complain about things that he had no right to complain about. He couldn’t be upset Hank was disappointed in him, it wasn’t like Riley was making it easy for Hank to do otherwise.
Re: Friday March 30th: A Meeting with Sue”But…” It seemed it was Levi who reacted to the single word, his ears perking up as his voice, tail wagging slowly against the floor. Sue watched quietly, that but could be so telling. But were generally either an argument or a defence mechanism. And it was to be expected really, it was the words after the ‘but’ which could be the surprise. And not always pleasantly.
"…uh…" Sue waited patiently for Riley to gather his thoughts. Talking about problems could be the first and most important step towards working them out. And it could be terrifying. "People have expectations all the time… especially if they know your capabilities, and if you don’t preform to your capabilities then you let them down and if you let them down then you’re expendable, I’ve seen it happen all the time,"
At first, Sue had been about to agree. But it was the latter end of the statement which stopped her, and there was some shock in the deaf teacher’s eyes. People were never expendable in her view, and to think such a thing! She couldn’t help but wonder who had put such ideas in his head. But clearly somewhere in his life someone had implanted this idea, either through actions to him or some form of teaching. The fact he’d seen it though hinted towards the former. Before she could say anything though, the student-teacher continued.
"Dr McCoy is already well into the disappointed phase with me," Sue wasn’t sure about how true that was, but either way she had this urge to explain that there were different forms of disappointment. She felt it was important to explain that. Because from the little she knew, if Hank was disappointed in him, that didn’t mean he disliked him and this was the feeling Sue felt Riley might have gotten.
"Ok, there are things I know he’d want to know, and I should tell him because he needs to know, but I can’t tell him because he’s not allowed to know, so I shouldn’t tell him… but I should tell him because I…can't?" … "… you know?" Not really, Sue thought quietly, looking at him quietly, but she thought she knew where he was coming from a little at least. It sounded, complicated when it wasn’t almost. She leant back in her chair in that thoughtful manner, pondering this latest bit of information. But first, she did want to address this issue about expectations.
”I’m not saying people don’t have expectations” She said softly, smiling. ”Saying they didn’t would be a lie. But most people won’t push you so hard, and if you do fail for some reason, most people will be there for you, to find out why and help.” The slightest frown found her lips once more as she recalled those words about people being treated as expendable. ”Noone is ever expendable Riley. I don’t know where you found that. But nothing could be further from the truth. Everyone is special, everyone has talents no matter who they are. People who treat others like that, like they can throw them away at the drop of a hat, they don’t care about those people. Not really. Because they’re treating them more like tools, like things rather than people. And, personally, I think people like that are the ones who cause troubles in this world” It was an honest, and rather strong opinion for the empathic teacher. Sue wasn’t normally one to condemn people in such a manner, but this was one of those times where she was glad she had a voice, so she could speak against them.
”As for Doctor McCoy…” Her features softened as she came away from the less tasteful subject. ”Disappointment comes in many forms, and not all of them mean that that person dislikes you at all. Everyone disappoints and is disappointed at sometime. Even Levi disappoints me sometimes,” For the first time, Levi seemed to respond to his mistress’ words, a whine escaping him and his head turning to her, ears lowering, bringing a gentle smile to her face, chuckling lightly at his reaction. ”but that would never stop me caring for him. Nor would it stop me loving him. It’s the same with friends and family. And more often than not, you’ll be forgiven more quickly than you might realise.” Sure, she wasn’t sure what had happened to cause this possible disappointment from Hank, and she couldn’t speak on his behalf. Which was why she generalised it.
”And honestly, no I’m not sure exactly what you mean” She said softly. ”And it sounds like you’ve gotten yourself tied up in something complicated. This is one of those times though where you have to make your own mind up, weigh up what, to you, is the right thing to do. People might disagree. But in the end it’s your decision. And we can only be there afterwards to do our best” Again, without knowing what it was, it was really all she could say. Because every decision had it’s consequence, which would then cause others to have to make their own moral decisions. It was a domino affect which happened to some scale every single day.
Hannah: In this world we're forced to make choices everyday. We don't always know the consequences. But it's how we react to them which makes us who we are
Re: Friday March 30th: A Meeting with Sue"I’m not saying people don’t have expectations" It wasn’t said sternly, or as if any suggestion otherwise would just be stupid, but there was this calmness about her as she spoke, this confusing certainty, as if everything Riley knew for a fact was just not really as important as he was led to believe… which made things so much more difficult. "Saying they didn’t would be a lie. But most people won’t push you so hard, and if you do fail for some reason, most people will be there for you, to find out why and help." Maybe, but when Riley really needed people, it seemed everyone else had their own problems to deal with, and only a very few seemed to go out of their way to stop by and make sure he was ok. Like Connor, Heath, Scott even Arlen stopped by… though Riley wondered if that was only because Scott made a point of suggesting it to the merman. Each of them offered a different sort of company, each were supportive in their own ways and helped keep him company, even when he thought he wanted to be alone. Though thoughts of friendships and past pains washed away for a moment as Riley listened to Sue speaking, with a conviction that made her words seem justified, and yet Riley’s memories still forced his doubt to linger.
"Noone is ever expendable Riley. I don’t know where you found that. But nothing could be further from the truth. Everyone is special, everyone has talents no matter who they are. People who treat others like that, like they can throw them away at the drop of a hat, they don’t care about those people. Not really. Because they’re treating them more like tools, like things rather than people. And, personally, I think people like that are the ones who cause troubles in this world" It would be a lie to say Riley hadn’t thought the same things at times, there was always a reason that drove him to try and run away from the Initiative more then once or twice. Not to mention the outrage Riley had towards being classed as expendable for the speed of the group, it wasn’t like Commander Jorak had not faced packs of hunting demons before, they all knew the risk going in, they finished the mission, they saved the day and all that crap, and it still wasn’t enough. He still had to get the team to the pick up point without delay, and sure it wasn’t like Riley was the only one who had been picked to remain behind, but that didn’t make it any better. As if for one moment he had been captured by an enemy and three of the weakest were being picked off for being too troublesome and not their problem to deal with. The other two, Riley recalled that moment, were rather bad off, they definitely couldn’t walk, and they had to be carried… Riley’s leg had been injured; he could only hobble at a slow and steady pace. The image of the weapon in Jorak’s hand caused Riley to close his eyes and turn his face away, thankfully when his eyes opened it was Levi who he saw, and Sue’s voice was still speaking.
"As for Doctor McCoy…" The subject turned, from misuse and disrespect to Doctor Hank McCoy, Riley could barely find the strength to lift his gaze towards Sue as she continued, he almost didn’t want to know what was about to come next. "Disappointment comes in many forms, and not all of them mean that that person dislikes you at all. Everyone disappoints and is disappointed at sometime. Even Levi disappoints me sometimes, " That Riley understood, he knew people weren’t perfect and needed time and made mistakes, he learned that over the years in the school, children grew by their mistakes, and unlike where he grew up, that was rarely a fatal thing. "but that would never stop me caring for him. Nor would it stop me loving him. It’s the same with friends and family. And more often than not, you’ll be forgiven more quickly than you might realise. " But the problem was Riley had trouble seeing Hank as a friend… and he wasn’t family… so what did that mean?
"And honestly, no I’m not sure exactly what you mean" Once again Riley gently sucked in his lower lip for a moment in thought, if she wanted an explanation on the matter Riley wasn’t sure he remembered enough of what he had been on about to give one. "And it sounds like you’ve gotten yourself tied up in something complicated. This is one of those times though where you have to make your own mind up, weigh up what, to you, is the right thing to do. People might disagree. But in the end it’s your decision. And we can only be there afterwards to do our best" What he wanted to do? Riley thought on that a moment, and with the sensation of a quickening heart in his chest, Riley raised a hand to rub over his chest for a moment, as if to quell the anxiety within.
"…Ok," The former agent thought for a moment, then glanced down at Levi, found no comfort from the canine, looked over at his books which gave no advice to the here and now, and finally returned to Sue. She seemed to be sitting, patiently waiting, watching and probably expecting a reply. There were two options it seemed… remain silent and do as he was once told, or try and talk to Hank about the things he wanted to share, thus breaking the rules. And right now Riley only really had one more question he felt was of importance…"What should I do?"
Re: Friday March 30th: A Meeting with Sue
Quietly the deaf teacher watched Riley. Sue wasn’t sure how long they’d been sitting here now, but it didn’t matter. She’d known people in the past who had hour slots, and had to fill them. Sue wasn’t like that. Sometimes it was ten minutes, sometimes it was three hours. It depended on so many things, so she always ensured there was plenty of time. But she had a feeling that perhaps now was the best time to draw this to a close. Riley had a lot to think about it seemed, and she hoped going away, letting today settle and coming back some when else would be more efficient then continuing.
"…Ok," Still the brown eyes followed her ‘patient’ before her fingers moved slightly where they rested on her thigh, a silent gesture, to which Levi hesitated, nuzzling Riley, before turning and going back to her side, receiving a soft stroke across his head for his efforts. But still her attention remained on Riley. Well, it seemed that he had at least taken in what she’d said, which was good. In all honest, Riley seemed ait of a mystery to her. Some people she could sum up fairly quickly, but he was complex, even his body language gave out mix signals.
"What should I do?" Sue’s brows rose in thought, smiling gently and giving a small nod. It was a good question really, and whilst she couldn’t give him the final answer, she could offer guidance.
”If I were you, I’d go, have a rest. Maybe have something to eat. And then, after relaxing, think through what you want to do. What you believe is best. And then stick by it, trust yourself. Because you have to learn to trust yourself. I think you’ll be fine Riley.” Her smile was gentle, it was rare that it wasn’t. she let that sit for the briefest moment, before a hand ruffled through the thick fur around Levi’s neck.
”So for now I’d say we call it a day, unless you have anything else to talk about.” Her voice was soft, an open option even though she already had a good idea about what Riley would decide. ”We could make another appointment now, or you can sort it out later, if at all. It’s your choice Riley. This was a sort of... introduction if you like. Though a bit deeper than that as well. If you need any help I’m here, I’ll be getting a sign on the door to say if I’m in with anyone, so as long as I’m not you can just pop in” She seemed relaxed enough as she spoke, not minding others using up her free time. Though like anyone there would be times she wasn’t free, at the same time she didn’t see that being a huge problem really.
There is more than one way to be different in this world.
Re: Friday March 30th: A Meeting with Sue"If I were you, I’d go, have a rest. Maybe have something to eat. And then, after relaxing, think through what you want to do. What you believe is best. And then stick by it, trust yourself. Because you have to learn to trust yourself. I think you’ll be fine Riley. " Trust himself? Riley wasn’t sure that was so easily done, and he felt slightly upset by the thought, though Sue’s belief in him seemed oddly placed and yet still caused Riley to smile slightly. Was she just saying it though, he wasn’t sure… but she seemed like a very sincere person, and for that he felt a little more relaxed. However, what was considered best was determined by which side you faced, obviously there was one person riley knew would be passionately disagreeable towards one of either choice that Riley had to make… Hank would want to know about the Initiative and the Initiative would want to remain secretive. But as Sue had said, it might be best to think over it once he had gotten a little more rest.
"So for now I’d say we call it a day, unless you have anything else to talk about." There was a thought over the different things that could be discussed, but none of them were things he wanted to discuss, and right now he felt all talked out and drained. "We could make another appointment now, or you can sort it out later, if at all. It’s your choice Riley. This was a sort of... introduction if you like. Though a bit deeper than that as well. If you need any help I’m here, I’ll be getting a sign on the door to say if I’m in with anyone, so as long as I’m not you can just pop in," Riley put his hat back on, straightened it a little, and then collected his books and pencil case, standing up only once he was done and sorted. The tall youth offered a hesitant smile as he wondered over what she had offered.
"I should probably find out my schedule first," The former Initiative soldier offered, not wanting to sound as if he were brushing her off, "But thank you, and the rest sounds like a good idea right now," Riley was already moving towards the doorway, though hadn’t turned his back completely on the teacher, "So I’ll….uh… probably catch up a little later, have a good day Ms Thomas," Or whatever was left of it, but still a good few hours that there was enough time to get up to something, be it good, bad or just plain boring. In Riley’s case, he intended to go to his room, grab something quick to eat, feed Katie and crash for the night. Hopefully he’d manage to get a decent enough sleep. And then tomorrow…… he’d have some serious thinking to do.
Topic Commands
Click to receive email notification of replies
Click to stop receiving email notification of replies
