Let Our Voices Be Heard: Rude Awakening
The drizzle of rain spat down, the air cold yet hardly as chilling as the previous days. The ground was sludge beneath ones feet, the paths wet and for the clumsy-footed considered dangerous to run upon. Large gates stood open in the distance, waiting for any to pass through, unwelcomed guests stopped only by the sight of the security booth that kept an eye on all passer-by’s. The day was coated in a dull gloom by the clouds that blocked out a majority of the sun, morning seemed as late evening and the lack of warm rays left the impression that the coming night would be smothered with a nippy frost.
All Madison had wanted was for her brother to return, and with everyone fussing over her and her difficult to control attitude, Madison had gone out of her way not to cause too much trouble in public. In fact, Madison would have liked to think she went right out of her way as far as pleasing the intolerable wait she had to go through while Connor was still missing. And now? Well now he was back… sort of. As if not remembering them all was bad enough, Madison barely got a chance to spend any time with him, if he wasn’t off doing his own thing with one person or another, he was hovering around the apartment with Chris constantly attached to his hip!
A warmth of heat brushed against Madison’s back as she leaned against the windowsill, her palms pressed down and her bare flesh exposed to the cold. It didn’t bother her at all, in fact she wished it was colder, just in order to irritate the young boy who sat at the table, pencil pressed down to paper and scratching lightly away with different colours. The fact Chris hadn’t commented yet on the cold that had to be bothering him, the breeze was too cool to be easily ignored, it just annoyed Madison all the more. When she wanted to irritate someone she expected a reaction! But instead the boy tolerated it, used to the winter nights on the street to a point where complaining about temperature was beyond him save for the most extreme of cases.
As if having Arisa back home wasn’t bad enough! Just when it felt as if she was finally rid of the nosey little brat, the fur ball returns! Now not only is Connor’s attention divided between two sisters, there’s this annoying little runt that’s now seemed to make himself at home in their private little nest. Of course Madison had her own room outside of the apartment, but there was no way she was going to not be here while Arisa was back, and now the other boy… she’d never get any interactions from Connor if she didn’t throw herself in his path!
"Morning Madison," And there he was, Madison had missed Connor’s time out with Chris eating breakfast, but not by accident, last thing she wanted to do was watch the sickeningly playful ruckus that invaded her sleep and dragged her tetchily awake. A slight turn of her head showed that Connor had a towel neatly placed over his shoulder, not a drop was on him so obviously her brother was preparing to head off for a shower apposed to just coming from it. All he was doing was handing Chris some more sheets of blank paper to scribble all over, and scribble was a nice way of putting the chaotic mess that seemed to form itself on the papers. The kid looked like he’d never been taught how to hold a pencil, grabbing it in his fist and whirling it around and around in circles on the paper as if the mess of colours was fascinating to him. "Do you really need the window open Madison?" The tone wasn’t anything negative, he seemed almost slightly amused to see her intent on standing there with only her black thin singlet and black satin leggings that offered little warmth as it was. "Dad might get a little annoyed since the heater’s on too…" The heating had been put on especially for Chris’s benefit due to him shivering slightly when they first woke up. Though if Connor had wanted a reply, Madison wasn’t going to give him any, instead folding her arms and turning her face back to stare pointedly out the window. At least she’d be disturbing somebody then… even if not the target of her desires.
Connor stared a moment, then glanced at Chris, who seemed more thrilled in the fresh sheets of paper, attempting to trace images he saw around the room to occupy himself. The manner in which the young kid was holding the pencil meant that the lines were often jagged and the images awkwardly drawn. The elder of the two Enrights figured he ought to probably sit down with Chris and show him how to properly hold them, just to make things easier for the boy while he struggled to get a smoother line. Another look at Madison just told Connor it would probably be a waste of time talking to her at the moment, she didn’t seem like the easiest of people to get on with, but lately she was getting even harder to interact with. Instead of forcing the subject, Connor just decided to head off for his shower, sooner or later their dad would be bound to notice and if it bothered Logan, he’d manage to deal with it his own way.
When Connor had vanished off into the bathroom, Madison turned her body around and leaned her lower back now against the windowsill, arms still folded and head turned towards Chris. It wasn’t that he was a bad kid, in fact he’d not done anything personally irritating to Madison other then the fact he just took up space and seemed to need everyone’s attention to an abnormal degree…well…abnormal for this family anyway. The only one to usually give focus of any kind was Connor, he always used to come and check up on Madison, he’d swing by the apartment usually when he was especially wanting to see their father, but frequently all he did was eat, clean, or wash. He never cleaned himself in the shared showers, he tried it a couple of times just to save the long walk from his dorm room… The walk was definitely the lesser evil for him however, and no matter how many times he still got pressured into showing with everyone else (by students and the like), he had quickly reached the limits of his ability to try any further. Connor did often get sighs of distress from the family when people discovered he’d gone on a cleaning spree and ‘fixed’ their rooms. Even Madison wasn’t safe, with all her wild fury and adamant statements of completely trashing his room if he ever touched hers again, Connor still seemed unable to stop himself.
There had been one point where Madison had carried out her threat of trashing her elder brothers room… definitely hadn’t been the best idea she’d ever mustered up. On top of Connor freaking out, their dad wasn’t too impressed that Madison punished Connor for something the eldest sibling had trouble stopping himself from doing, even if Logan himself had moments of frustration when he’d come to a completely polished bedroom. It was always hard to tell him off because he’d know they’d be upset now, to a point he either didn’t hang around or tried to bribe them with a meal he’d cooked himself or sweets he got hold of, or just the most expertly crafted ‘you’re not upset are you?’ puppy eyes that even had Madison bite back any snappish retorts she might have otherwise mustered up.
"You must like it here." Madison stated, and Chris’s eyes looked up at her without hesitation, even though Madison didn’t often speak to him. The boy smiled lightly, though to be honest he wasn’t sure how to reply…’yes’ seemed so bland, and yet he didn’t want to look too emotionally joyful with his affirmation, just because Madison made him slightly uncomfortable, enough to put him on his best manners if possible around her.
"It’s nice to be here." He admitted, though tried to sound casual, also trying hard not to sound as if he was trying too hard to sound casual… it was all so difficult talking to her and he wasn’t sure why. "You’re all very nice to me." And they were! Even with ‘nice’ in Madison’s case was just tolerating him, Arisa got on well with Chris, she liked the idea of not being the youngest around the place any more. Plus Connor… well he was just fun and everything a kid would want in a big brother, from what Connor’s sisters have said about him, or at least Arisa more then Madison, it seemed that they felt he was the best big brother they could ever have as well. Arisa said how close Madison and Connor were, and that the similar ages made it easier for the two to do things together, whereas Connor and Arisa were only just able to do things recently that didn’t feel as if Connor was still on babysitter duties. Chris understood that, because while he loved spending time with Connor, he knew the older boy was more a carer at times then just a friend, but right now Chris really didn’t mind.
"Well of course we are." Because that’s something Logan was best at doing, saving all the other strays he found, even if it meant neglecting the children he left at home, the only difference here was that Logan brought back the stray, and now that particular stray was part of their daily lives! "You must be really upset that you can’t be with your own family, so it’s our job to be nice to you in order to distract you from how upset you are. That’s what we do here after all, we help people." It was so easy it seemed to trip a nerve in the boy, because at the mention of family he seemed to lose interest in colouring, his hand slowly shifting the red pencil in his fingers, the motion of the pencil moving in his fingers the only distraction he had as Madison continued. "Just think about it, if we get you back to your mum and dad and you tell her we were evil and nasty, that’s hardly going to go well for us, now is it?" It made everything sound as if everyone was just being nice because they might get into trouble if they weren’t… but that wasn’t true, Connor was nice to him before he knew any of this, before they were here, before Chris had become a part of this household in recent weeks. There was no way Connor was pretending to be nice to him for no other reason then to cover his own back!
"You must be really eager to remember who your family are, that way you don’t have to stick around this crowded place, relying on strangers to take care of you." Try as Madison might to sound as considerate as possible when speaking, Chris didn’t hear the tone of voice, just the words she used. The dark eyes of the young boy dropped to his papers, staring at the jagged scribbled lines forming the rough shape of a television. Strangers? Chris’s jaw tightened slightly, he didn’t think of anyone here as strangers, not after having spent all this time with them. But then again, he’d not really considered how much his presence here might have effected their lifestyle, how many things had they changed just so he could be here? Though now Madison was making it sound as if Chris would want nothing more than to leave! Oh he was so confused, what was she trying to say to him? What did she mean? Why couldn’t she have just left him alone to blissfully colour away, he’d never gotten to play with pencils before, it was so much fun, now he’s all mopey and confused. "You’re actually kinda lucky, it’s unusual dad’s got so much free time to spend around the place, it’d have been a perfect chance for him to help Connor out. Pity both of them are too busy, dad’s trying to figure out where you came from and Connor’s just babysitting as usual. Poor guy never gets a break, he basically raised Arisa single handed." Ok, so perhaps she was slightly exaggerating that point, but not entirely, Connor was in charge of babysitting and he spent more time with his kid sisters then either parent as far as Madison remembered. At least their mother had the excuse of being dead…
Chris placed the red pencil down onto the table, completely put off his drawing… Was Logan avoiding spending time with Connor by spending time with him? And Connor had been so hurt and upset that his father never had time with him… and now Chris was there and what time they could be spending together was robbed of them because Chris happened to be there. He’d been so close to telling Logan the truth, so close to breaking apart and revealing that he hadn’t forgotten his mother and he hadn’t forgotten where he was from. It was so hard though, it was so hard and he couldn’t really understand why, and he felt so bad because he almost felt as if he didn’t want to go back to his mother… but he loved her, he was so sure he did love her and he didn’t doubt it. But she wasn’t there… just as Connor had said his father wasn’t there… however from what Chris had seen Logan was there a lot more then Chris’s mother was, she wasn’t even there when she was standing right next to him. Was Chris making things worse between Connor and his father? Was that what Madison was trying to say, that Chris was just getting in the way?
"I can look after myself." It wasn’t a defensive tone, but one that was almost assuring, as if that just might help somehow, because he could, he always had in the past, he could find his own food and locate places to curl up into and sleep. He could do it all if he had to, he didn’t need to be in their way. He just liked it here, he felt so comfortable and secure, he didn’t realize how much he might be effecting things, he wasn’t used to being the centre of anyone’s problems. "Logan can spend more time with Connor, I don’t need a babysitter." Things would be better then right? Connor would be happier if his father gave him more attention and didn’t split it with any random boy that wondered unexpectedly into their lives.
"Don’t be silly," Madison smirked and her expression was somewhere between mocking and sympathetic. "As long as you’re around, they’ll just have to keep focused on taking care of you. It’s not like dad’s just going to stop looking for your family, he knows you have to be missing them terribly. And Connor can’t shrug off the responsibility of being the perfect big brother." There was a soft chuckle and Madison shook her head lightly, there wasn’t any feel of humour in her tone however as she continued with a sigh. "Dad and Connor just can’t help it. Dad always brings home strays, kids, remember the kittens too, more often random kids of course but they don’t usually stay with us. They usually stay somewhere else in the school and become students or move on, but only if they’re mutants can they stay, this school is a place for mutants after all." Sure, a school for mutants… Chris already knew that, but there were other kids… ok, they weren’t like him, they seemed to have strange abilities, or their parents did most definitely. Chris didn’t have any ability, not that he knew of, either did his mother, other then vanishing off to other places, how did someone become a mutant? If he became a mutant would that make things better? …But he didn’t have any magic powers, he didn’t have claws like Connor, he couldn’t smell things like Connor and Logan could, he wasn’t special like that. He was just Chris, plain and normal, no… no he was less then normal, he was a boy who couldn’t read or write, and in a school filled with smart people, it was hard for Chris not to feel as if his lack of education made him so insignificant in comparison. "Or I guess not only mutants… A school for gifted youngsters, if they’re special in some way they can get a chance to stick around." That still didn’t help Chris… he wasn’t at all extraordinary, he wasn’t unique, he wasn’t different, there was nothing about him that made him stand out and be considered ‘special’. Even if he wanted to, even if he had nowhere else to go, it sounded as if he wouldn’t be allowed to stay here anyway.
Tears brimmed in the young boys eyes, brushed away stubbornly by the back of his hand, he didn’t want to cry, he didn’t want to look upset. He wanted to pretend that none of this bothered him, that it was all ok. He wasn’t even sure of half of what Madison was trying to say, it didn’t make sense that she was trying to say things that upset him, he was just misunderstanding it all because of how sensitive he was towards the whole subject, that had to be it. It just had to be it… Chris’s hands tugged at the front of his shirt, the material scrunching in his tiny fingers as he bit back any more tears that threatened to fall. The sight brought a hesitation to Madison’s thoughts, it wasn’t that she wanted to bring him to tears, but if she could make him understand that the sooner he left the better for all concerned then she felt it was unavoidable. No one else seemed to understand how important it was for things to go back to how they were, they were so swept up in the whole idea of looking after this kid that they’re forgetting how much better it was when it was just her and Connor. And speaking of Connor, he just happened to walk back into the room now, completely dried off, though his hair spiked from the rugged rubbing of the towel, not yet dry enough to fluff up, but faintly damp enough to still be noticeable.
"Right, back," He declared, glancing around to see if in his absence perhaps Logan had returned from his morning chores, while at first had seemed insane to Connor as the guy got up at about five in the morning or there about. As the days past however Connor seemed to have more and more trouble sleeping the extended hours which had momentarily seemed normal to him. Another handicap of his mutant abilities it seemed, he wasn’t sure yet if he liked it or not, right now most of the thoughts seemed more focused on the negatives, the things he was losing. For example not sleeping ‘normal hours’ meant that he spent half his time laying there staring at the ceiling so he didn’t wake anyone else up by moving around, and really, what else was there to do but stare at the ceiling at five or six in the morning? "I was watching how you held your pencil Chris and you’re going to get tired holding it like that, so.." Light strides brought Connor to the boys side and it was as soon as Madison’s brother arrived at the tableside that he noticed Chris’s distress. The dark eyes that struggled to look away in order not to be seen and yet darted slightly towards Connor as if desperate in their need to find comfort by looking at him. The tears choked back by force of sheer will, unlike Logan, Connor hadn’t seen Chris in tears before, at worse Chris would just be sad or hang his head, but on the verge of tears? A scolding look shot towards Madison, and even if she stood there braced for anything, an air of defiance almost washing over her as soon as her brother looked at her, and she only got angrier when he raised his voice at her.
"What did you do?" Blunt accusation! And no hesitation! Madison felt the sudden urge to reprimand her brother for daring to tell her off with such ease! And her voice indeed showed the irritation she felt over the accusation as she too raised her voice and replied back peevishly "Why do you instantly assume I did something?" The retort was almost laughable, in the very not at all funny sort of way. Connor almost snarled back his reply as he shouted indignantly. "You’re the only other one in the room Madison!" Ok, so he had a point there, but Madison was hardly going to just accept that and walk away! She didn’t do anything wrong! She just pointed out a few facts for Chris, it wasn’t her fault he went all sniffles and teary-eyed over it. "That doesn’t mean I did something wrong Connor! We were just talking!" And that was true! But it didn’t seem to help matters, if Connor had feathers Madison was pretty sure they’d be well and truly ruffled by now.
"What did you say?" Connor’s demand went unanswered, which just caused Connor to move towards Madison and made him raise his voice even more. "What did you say to him, Madison!?" He had told her off in the past for upsetting Arisa, to be honest it was really the only time Madison could ever remember upsetting her brother to the point he looked so angry he had trouble keeping himself calm. It always upset Madison when he got so worked up over Arisa, it upset her even though he got just as worked up when someone did something just as wrong to Madison. But Arisa never really did anything that was so bad towards Madison that it required Connor to lose his cool, in fact, out of anyone, Madison seemed to be one of the few people that could trigger Connor off. Ok, there was Shalimar now that seemed to have a knack for it… but right now Madison let that thought rest as she stressed over her own problems. She didn’t mean to upset him like this, it just seemed to happen, and every time it did happen Madison found herself unprepared, more hurt and angry for the fact he was yelling at her then caring to understand the reasons as to why he was yelling, at least in her opinion. There was one thing that Madison had in advantage in a fight though, sure Connor was stronger then her, and he was older, and he had more power it seemed when it came to telling their father what had caused the argument, Madison may be the one who caused the most trouble but that didn’t stop her from being upset that she always got in trouble for the trouble she may have indeed she started! Madison’s advantage in a fight with Connor was taking advantage of his weakness… and part of her hated doing it, because he looked so hurt afterwards, as if saying ‘how could you’, and every time Madison later felt bad for hurting him… but at the precise moment she opened her mouth it always seemed like he deserved it, she’d get so angry she just couldn’t see any other way to shoot him down.
"Nothing Connor!" And there it was, the simple use of her voice alone enough to cause him to flinch, no special power needed, no fancy trick, nothing but raising her voice loud enough that her brother would cringe, drawing himself away from her, a grunt of disorientation and pain leaving the sour taste of bitter victory in Madison’s mouth.
"Stop fighting!" Chris sounded panicked, he didn’t want this, he didn’t mean to cause all this, it was his fault they were at each other, he shouldn’t have let Connor see him so upset! Logan would be so upset to find out Chris had caused this fight, after all he had done for the boy and this is how Chris ends up repaying him? The distressed youth didn’t have a chance to even catch his breath before Logan was heard coming. Chris had never been in a fight like this before, he’d never had siblings, and his mother just wasn’t around enough to really tell him off often enough, usually it was because he’d vanished off and got lost or she was looking for him and just couldn’t find him, even if he was exactly where she told him to be. His mother had a tendency to forget things, the people she disappeared off with tended to be involved often in the wrong habits, not that Chris knew any of it, but many weren’t shy in sharing or insisting Chris’s mother join them, be it drinking, or something worse. There were times where Missy would return back to Chris so high she’d just pass out and no amount of nudging would wake her. The first few times had completely freaked Chris out, but his mother assured him he shouldn’t worry as it was just because she was sick and her body needed lots of sleep. Logan wasn’t like that, he didn’t seem to pass out for the entire day, if anything he seemed to need less sleep then any one else Chris knew, Connor was much the same. But right now Chris had wished that Logan would have just stayed gone longer, just like Chris’s mother always seemed to be, off doing what she thought was best… Or at least that’s what she said… if Logan hadn’t been there now maybe they could have then pretended nothing had happened… he was good at pretending… but was that a good thing in itself? Now definitely wasn’t the time to ponder such things.
They were fighting again. Logan could here them before he even got to the door. Raised voices. Bitter words ; And now the boy. Caught in the verbal crossfire as Connor and Madison squared off. Dear god! Welcome to my life Wolverine thought bitterly as he placed his hand on the door and prepared to enter.
He didn’t want to go in.Was that a terrible thing to admit, even to himself? He thought it might well be but then again it was nothing but the truth. He needed more conflict like he needed the damp drizzle that had soaked into him as he had gone for his usual early morning walk around the grounds. Like he needed the empty kitchen that had awaited him as he stopped in for his cup of coffee! Logan sighed . Even those brief morning moments of companionship he had shared with Trade had come to a violent end. Maybe he just wasn’t made for peace. Even in his own home; But, oh, how he was tired of trying to achieve it.
He had never walked away from a fight, not even when the odds were against him but this… Logan sighed agan . This was never-ending. The bickering! The constant vying for attention! Connors more than his it had to be said. Or so it looked on the surface. Deep down though it was Logan who was constantly on trial and who always seemed to come up wanting.Do too much and he was interfering. Do too little and he was……………. well they had gone over that ground often enough, and there were plenty of adjectives kicking around to choose from. Uncaring. Absent. Unworthy. Those were three of the more polite ones. And Alone, Worried , and Doing his best didn’t cut it as possible substitutes.
In any case it was wearing him down. Even if adamantine did stand some beating. Ten years of it though…………. that was starting seriously to take its toll even on him and it had apparently screwed Connor up sufficiently for Amlarie to have decided he should just forget about the whole mess and have done with it. It wasn’t how Logan had wanted things to be. It wasn’t how he wanted them to be here and now. Somehow he had thought that the kids would grow out of it. That one day they would wake up and realise that being a parent wasn’t easy. And they hadn’t exactly helped him with the job!
But no…… here they were teenagers…… and yet still acting as if they were children. It was enough to make anyone despair and Logan came close to doing just that, to throwing in the sponge and admitting defeat, to admitting once and for all that there was nothing he could say or do that would make things better. Except that he couldn’t. He didn’t have the right. Because one way or another they were his kids, his responsibility, his problem ultimately even if he loved them dearly. And that knowledge took him through the door, into an apartment that was a cold as their tempers were heated. Into yet another battle.
“What the hell “ he said as he stepped inside, damp and bedraggled from the rain “Its freezing in here.” Ignoring the set faces, or rather giving them the opportunity to calm down by themselves without him throwing fuel on the flames of whatever quarrel they were in the middle of this time round, he headed for the nearest radiator asking “Is the heating on the frits or what?”
They had upset Chris, that much was clear. He was standing there close to tears looking as if this quiet world he had thought he had found had suddenly burst apart. The last thing he needed was a full blown family row to deal with. Though, knowing his family Logan doubted that anything he did would stop that from happening, if Connor and Madison decided to go for it.
Re: Let Our Voices Be Heard: Rude Awakening"What the hell" All attention seemed turned to Logan for a brief pause, just as quick glaring eyes seemed turned back to each other however, ready to start barking again should the other so much as get an inch over the other. "Its freezing in here." And Connor gained the ground he needed in the argument, both Enright’s thought so, her brother knew their dad would likely comment on it, and now Madison flared up with seething defiance as she just waited for Connor to throw it in her face. "Is the heating on the frits or what?" Logan’s son recovered his stance and gained a stronger posture of authority as he improved from the loud burst of sound that had hit his sensitive ears.
"Oh the heater works fine," Connor’s reply started and Madison scolded him with a glare, "Madison just decided to aerate the house at everyone else’s expense." He wasn’t done, and Madison opened her mouth to retort but got spoken over as Connor continued and her mumbled retort was lost as she muffled her own voice while Connor’s just got louder. "She cornered Chris while he was alone and upset him," His face had turned away from Madison and looked back at Logan as if wanting Logan to hear that and react just as defensively.
"No, he just assumes I-" Came the defence from Madison that was cut short as Connor snapped back at her. "You were alone with him and he was in tears! I have amnesia, not brain damage!" Ok, he walked into that one, and Madison just wasn’t willing to let it drop. "Seems to make little difference." Of course she’d regret saying it, like all the other things she said in the heat of the moment that were admittedly too far below the belt even by her standards, at least when it came to her brother. And Connor’s staggered reply was filled with dismay as well as irritation. "You’re insensitive!" How could she say things like that and live with herself, it wasn’t like she did it once or twice but every day she seemed to dive foot first into most conversations, regardless of how people might feel about the things she’d say. "I’m surprised you noticed!" It wasn’t the best smart mouthed reply but for once it was entirely honest and there was a touch of hurt in her voice, enough to confuse Connor even if they were arguing at each other still.
"How can anyone not notice?" It wasn’t the comment Madison wanted to hear from Connor, especially since he still sounded upset and exasperated with her, and in the past it was always Connor who went out of his way to patch things with her, Madison’s attempts were often discreet and delayed. He usually found a moment to back down, but it didn’t seem he was willing to back down on this, much like when Madison had hurt Arisa in the past and he refused to get over it quickly. "Why don’t you go clean something?" Perhaps to most people that’d really be a weird thing to use as a weapon, but Connor’s habits were an easy target and right now Madison had no shame in aiming for them. "What’s wrong with…dad?" What was the point in yelling more? Connor’s body language alone was enough to show he wanted nothing more then for Logan to do something… something like send Madison to her room for example! "Oh sure, now you go running to him." The angry reply wasn’t supposed to be any form of attack on their father, but it was an attack on the relationship Connor had with Logan, and looked ready to storm off to her room. Connor didn’t care at this point, it was like she wanted to be hurtful and wanted to push his buttons, why? Because he got upset she brought a nine year old to tears… how was he in the wrong again?
All the while Chris allowed himself to fade into the background, wondering if he ought to inch his way to his room and just hide in there, it was winning a little because Chris didn’t see the point of staying out here, maybe if he hid they’d stop arguing about him.
Re: Let Our Voices Be Heard: Rude Awakening
Ok! It was official! He was cursed. There was no other explanation! After all here he was trying to tread some sort of neutral ground and instead he had walked smack bang into the heart of their latest petty controversy. As soon as he saw the hint of triumph settle over Connors face he knew that he should have kept his mouth shut altogether. "Oh the heater works fine," his son announced "Madison just decided to aerate the house at everyone else’s expense."
Was that it? The cause of all this strife. The fact she had turned the heating down? Surely not! Because if it was then they really were further gone than even Logan had thought. Then over Madison’s stifled attempt at a reply came the real reason, the one he knew his son could never walk away from or even treat calmly. Or at least he had never been able to do so in the past! "She cornered Chris while he was alone and upset him," Talk about deja vue! Substitute Arisa for Chris and you had just another episode in the overriding drama that had spoiled their home life for so many years.
Yet however faulty her logic, Logan could see where the source of Madison’s resentment of her sister sprang from. She wasn’t six now though. And Chris wasn’t a convenient scapegoat on whom she could blame the break up of her parent’s marriage. What possible reason could she have had for upsetting his boy who had only just appeared on their horizon and who was in fact the one saving grace of the whole Amlarie fiasco? "No, he just assumes I-" She was denying it anyway and Logan was tempted to believe her…… except… she had denied things so many times in the past when they had blatantly been her fault. It did make giving the benefit of the doubt a whole lot harder. Not that Connor even tried.
"You were alone with him and he was in tears! I have amnesia, not brain damage!" he told her angrily, reacting as he always did when his younger siblings were concerned with barely restrained violence. Which was unfortunate to say the least for in a battle of words, he wasn’t going to come off the winner. Not when Madison knew exactly where to strike. "Seems to make little difference."she launched back, fully in defensive mode now and her tongue every bit as sharp as her claws. One reply and she already had him against the ropes and Logan knew she had lots more where that had come from.
"You’re insensitive!" It was all too obvious that Connor had been hurt by her words but then again he had apparently started this particular round of accusations, justified or not and if his memory had been intact he would have known exactly what he was letting himself in for. " I’m surprised you noticed!" Madison countered though not as fiercely as she might have. "How can anyone not notice?" Connor retorted, marking a point from what Logan could see, but only making Madison all the more cruel because of that. "Why don’t you go clean something?" Even Logan winced at that one and his son received the jibe head on. "What’s wrong with…dad?"
Wolverine had been looking for an opening, knowing he could shout them down but refusing to put his own temper into the mix for Chris sake if no one else’s. Still it was strange to hear Connor ask for his aid and stranger still to hear Madison’s assumption that he would get it. "Oh sure, now you go running to him." she said petulantly as if she assumed it would now be two against one instead of a parent trying to do what was right for all his children. Including the one he hadnt fathered.
“Ok that’s enough both of you” Logan said sternly stepping between them. In fact that’s more than enough. Logan shook his head as he looked at his two wayward children. “ Connor I understand that you’re only watching out for Chris” he told his son “ but just look at him Do you really think you’ve made things better by flying off the handle like this? And as for you Madison” Wolverine turned towards his eldest daughter his voice still as strict as it had been since he started talking. “Chris has been through a lot recently so it stands to reason he’d be easily upset. Which means that whether you meant to or not you could well have said something that set him off! That doesn’t necessarily mean, Connor, that she was picking on him, just that you presumed she was”
However let me make one thing very clear here and now”.He was as deadly serious as he had ever been and it was clear that he meant every word. “I let you both get away with some things I shouldn’t have when you were kids . Especially you Madison vis a vis Arisa and that was my mistake. This time though you’re old enough to know better. So if you decide to start any of those little games with Chris, or if you, Connor, explode like this instead of really looking out for your brother then things will be very different Do you both understand or should I repeat it one more time?
Re: Let Our Voices Be Heard: Rude Awakening(Ok……I rambled on, perhaps too much. Tell me if Logan would have stopped them at any point or if editing for anything is required)
"Ok that’s enough both of you" Was enough ever really enough? Madison glared, she’d rather keep arguing with Connor till he got it back into his thick head that she deserved as much attention as any other little brat, in fact she should[i/] be getting more like how it used to be! "In fact that’s more than enou But they hardly had started, and it had hardly been settled!! Why was Logan acting as if this was some silly bickering, Connor had expected something more, something more like ‘Madison! How could you make a kid cry?’ not acting as if they were children fighting over who got to use the only red crayon. "Connor I understand that you’re only watching out for Chris" At least that was something, but why was there a sense of ‘but’ floating around? And the fact Connor was getting spoken to first gave Madison a smug look that just annoyed Connor more because it was like she thought she was right and he was the one in the wrong. Of course Madison knew she’d get what was coming to her but she’d take full advantage of the fact Connor got talked to first, meaning what Connor had done was considered more serious in their minds by their father.
"but just look at him Do you really think you’ve made things better by flying off the handle like this? And as for you Madison" Flown off the handle!? The blue-eyed feral scolded the comment with a disgruntled look, though he did look over towards Chris who seemed to be standing there staring at them. At the mention of her name, Madison however stopped looking at Chris who had also gotten her attention and gave her father a defiant look, it wasn’t like she actually started stabbing him with her claws or throwing him across the room, what was the big deal? "Chris has been through a lot recently so it stands to reason he’d be easily upset. Which means that whether you meant to or not you could well have said something that set him off! That doesn’t necessarily mean, Connor, that she was picking on him, just that you presumed she was" Slender arms folded and Madison smirked again at Connor, regardless of the comment that it may have been something she said that set him off, it was definitely a more forgiving scenario then Connor wanted and a lot better in her mind compared to his ‘flying off the handle’. However Logan wasn’t finished and despite what thoughts flickered through all their minds, he continued on with an air of serious that just brought more guilt to Chris that Logan was being so stern with the others just because he had gotten upset. Maybe Madison was right, maybe Chris did sort of unbalance things and take more then his fair share, whether he wanted to or not, he didn’t want the others getting yelled at or neglected just because of him. They’d been so kind and Logan had done so much but Chris didn’t want to be a burden that got between them all.
"However let me make one thing very clear here and now" Maybe at this point Logan would tell Madison how he’d not tolerate her bringing kids to tears, or at least Connor would have hoped and so ended up being more disappointed and feeling as if he was getting more heat despite what she had done. "I let you both get away with some things I shouldn’t have when you were kids . Especially you Madison vis a vis Arisa and that was my mistake. This time though you’re old enough to know better. So if you decide to start any of those little games with Chris, or if you, Connor, explode like this instead of really looking out for your brother then things will be very different Do you both understand or should I repeat it one more time?" To make matters worse Connor couldn’t even remember whatever it was that they apparently got away with all the time so he just felt more frustrated that he was getting something he had no idea of held against him. At least Madison got some mentioning, but once again there was a reference to Connor ‘exploding’ now and the eldest Enright felt that frustration seethe all the more.
"Why bother?" Retorted Logan’s son with a mixture of hurt and anger, "We all heard you, she gets excused and warned and I get told I’m presumptuous, ‘flying off the handle’ and ‘exploding’," A hand motions towards her sharply as he continues with a more seeded anger in his voice as he continued. "You don’t even care that she said those things to me right in front of you, or am I still being presumptuous if she’s standing there in front of everyone throwing it in my face!" Connor was hurting and even Madison wondered if she wanted to defend herself or bend slightly so she didn’t push him too far. It wasn’t that he looked like he was going to throw a fit, but she’d seen him lately close to tears and there was something about him that looked fragile and Connor wasn’t someone who gave that appearance even if underneath it all he really was. But you’d really have to peel through the layers, or at least that’s what Madison thought, and she seemed to be slicing them off rather effortlessly right now. But her temper and defensive attitude had her snapping back before she really could think it over… which was rather typical for Madison.
"Give it a break Connor, you say stupid things too, just last month you disowned dad not only in front of us but in the kitchen in front of the Creeds, and he never said anything about that either! And it wasn’t like he even knew about what happened at the lab and you never told him but expect him to know everything and come running, he still doesn’t know what pissed you off so much, you still wouldn’t tell him and now you can’t even remember anything and you’re still pissed with him!" Sounding annoyed and strangely righteous, Madison’s voice reframed from screaming and yet the sense of irritation kept her tone argumentative. "I’m sick of you turning on me at every opportunity and making me out to be the villain when you do worse to Dad almost every day! He’s not perfect and he doesn’t know everything and he’s not always there when we’ve needed him to be, and ok so we all whine he’s not around but you act more then anyone of us as if he’s never here because he’s so busy with everything else, and you throw it in his face! And then you turn around and tell me off for not getting on with Arisa." Madison had made her point and that was that as far as she was concerned, not really trying to argue but trying to argue her point that her brother wasn’t any better then her but he seemed to always be so ready to ignore how many problems he caused with their dad. Yeah everyone had their problems with him, but Connor was almost unforgiving, at least Arisa suffered silently and Madison accepted the fact that Logan was their dad and she’d not say anything against him outside the family nor would she bring it all up at the drop of a hat like Connor tended to do.
A blanket seemed to cover Connor’s mind and everything he felt in a moment of numbed sensations as Madison had spoken, the impact of her words sedating him to a point where all he could do was stare at her. Everything that had been churning inside of him suddenly stopped, all the stress and frustration abruptly evaporated and left Logan’s son feeling hollow without them and his thoughts momentarily empty. How long had he stared before insidious little thoughts started to leek in? A partial moment, a scant glimmer of time, or had minutes dragged by in an eerie silence? Was Connor really that bad? Was he really so horrible? Was it really Logan who was the bad parent or was it just that Connor was such a horrible child? That’s how it seemed, and he didn’t know anything else but what they said, he couldn’t deny something he couldn’t remember having said or not, he couldn’t defend or explain himself, he couldn’t do anything, or if he could he didn’t know what it should be.
"People aren’t going to always be there for you, sometimes you just have to go to them. Kids are always left on their own or run away from their mean family, at least you have a home and all these other people around even if he has gone somewhere you’re not left alone in the rain, or the snow, or the heat. And he makes sure you have new clothes and fresh food or clean water, and he always comes back, if he wasn’t a good father he wouldn’t do that. You have to stop arguing just because you’re angry, coz you’re angry only because you don’t talk to each other and you don’t talk to each other because all you do is argue." The young voice quivered as it spoke, Chris wanting to keep a hold on his emotions even if he was so very confused, he knew they all loved each other, he could see that and he was just nine, surely they all saw it too! So why was it all so hard for them? Most of this went over Chris’s head but he was envious of all they had and they treated it poorly just because they thought they deserved more! Or at least that’s how it seemed sometimes, they expected more then they got or wanted more then they were able to get or something, they wanted something and they just waited for it and didn’t seem to try but expected it all to happen.
A child that didn’t take the seemingly lavish world he lived in for granted, Chris didn’t realize just how that alone set him far apart from others his age, where TV was just a pastime but something natural for any kid to have. A bed, couch, home cooked meals, it wasn’t that they were just spoiled brats in a sense, but it’s what they’d grown up having, it’s what they’re accustomed to being considered as normal. Chris didn’t realize his lifestyle stopped him from thinking as a normal child that took all seemingly basic rights as a given and instead thought of them as a gift should he be luckily enough to get hold of it. To eat food that wasn’t going stale or worse, to have it handed on a plate instead of scooped from the trash, where luck alone ensued it didn’t get trash spilled over it, like a sandwich discarded still mostly in its wrappings or food wrapped in a bag. Where a good meal involved rushing an under guarded café and grabbing left overs from the table in an act of desperation before being chased off by the owner or waiter. At least their dad was there right now! At least their dad knew they even existed! Chris’s uncles had said his mother didn’t even know his dad’s name and while she kept an eye for him she never saw him again. Of course, saying that, Missy had been with more then one who could have ended up fathering Chris, it wasn’t until afterwards that she became more insistent on taking measures to stop another pregnancy. The fact some guys didn’t carry such things on them all the time meant that Missy was forced to turn down a few customers that she really couldn’t afford to do and so she ended up getting a four year implant that stopped her body from becoming pregnant. The only problem there being it still put her at risks of contracting diseases and obviously some could end up being fatal but Missy was never really one to think the worse could happen to her. Perhaps that’s why she never feared leaving Chris on his own, because nothing could possibly happen to her child, things happen to other peoples children, and nothing will happen to her either, because things happen to other people.
"He’s just a boy who grew up," There had been a few occasions where Chris had adults say they had been kids once as well, and at first it never really occurred to Chris, but once you started thinking about it then it really did make sense he supposed. His uncle Henry had once said that one day Chris would be older and one day he might even fall in love with a girl and have kids and it seemed a little weird to think about it and he had scrunched up his nose at the time not able to see himself as an adult. It wasn’t like Chris was angry at them, not at all, he was just sad, he wanted them to get along because it was silly not too, they were a family and they had so much to be grateful for and it was like they couldn’t see any of it sometimes. Even if Logan had done something that angered his kids, it was unchangeable now, but it was also in the past, and he was there with them at the moment, he’d been there with them the entire time Chris had been around, surely it wasn’t just all for Chris’s benefits that he put in all the effort he had thus far struggled to accomplish.
Re: Let Our Voices Be Heard: Rude Awakening
Be careful what you wish for, you might just get it. How many times had Logan heard that said. And how true it could be!
Connors angry reply had been expected. That was, after all, how things always went. Once he was persuaded he was in the right no one could change Connor’s mind. And, of course, this time he actually had a very good chance of being in the right. Madison had in all probability stepped out of line. Again. But that didn’t mean that his own reaction had been appropriate, even if he was not going to be anything other than furious that this had been pointed out. No what came as a surprise, literally taking Logan’s breath away, was Madison’s reaction.
For years Logan had dreamed of the moment when one of his children, any one of them, would take his part in an argument and yet now it was actually happening and all he could do was look on in confusion and growing dismay. Because no matter how much he had longed for this moment he hadn’t wanted it to be like this. Not with Connor getting more and more hurt with each word that was said.
"Give it a break Connor, you say stupid things too,” Madison told her brother “just last month you disowned dad not only in front of us but in the kitchen in front of the Creeds, and he never said anything about that either! “
@#%$ it was true, though it seemed so much longer than a mere month since the sordid little scene n the kitchen had taken place. So many terrible things had happened between times and not just to his family either. Now Brennen was dead, Shalimar was linked to some alien symbiont she claimed she could control and Connor…. Thanks to Amlaries intervention he had forgotten all about the incident , just as he had forgotten about everything else.
Though his sister seemed intent upon reminding him, as she continued “ And it wasn’t like he even knew about what happened at the lab and you never told him but expect him to know everything and come running, he still doesn’t know what pissed you off so much, you still wouldn’t tell him and now you can’t even remember anything and you’re still pissed with him!"
It wasn’t exactly clear what Madison was talking about unless you already knew the ins and outs of their complicated past, as Connor no longer did. But her aggravation and frustration were all too obvious, and they didn’t let up. . "I’m sick of you turning on me at every opportunity and making me out to be the villain when you do worse to Dad almost every day!” she told him bluntly “He’s not perfect and he doesn’t know everything and he’s not always there when we’ve needed him to be, and ok so we all whine he’s not around but you act more then anyone of us as if he’s never here because he’s so busy with everything else, and you throw it in his face! And then you turn around and tell me off for not getting on with Arisa."
This didn’t sound like Madison. Usually she offered blanket denials as her only justification or else distracted people from the issue at hand by her acidic and all too hurtful comments. So why did it seem as if this argument might actually be valid on some level? Logan hoped to God it wasn’t just because she was defending him. Though that in itself was a revelation!
When had she started to think like this? And why hadn’t he seen it coming. Although now that he thought about it Logan realised that, of all his children, Madison was perhaps the most apt to take this route. However ironic that might have been, given her usually unforgiving nature.
After all she had always been the one who had blamed Arisa for their problems. Was this just a continuation of that old grudge or something else? Because .. and maybe this too was just his wishful thinking, but it was true none the less …. it felt different. More like actual understanding and less like the mere by-product of dislike.
Maybe they were growing up after all. His headstrong children! Maybe Connor and Arisa would also have learned if not exactly to forgive, then at least to give him the benefit of the doubt. If fate hadn’t intervened. Almarie! Spike!
No, he had to admit that the path had been paved long before they had come on the scene And to be honest, from what Hank had said, the vampire had acted with some warped sense of Arisa’s best interests at heart. As Connor always insisted Amlarie had. No matter how wrong things had gone. *One drank my daughter’s blood. The other stole my son’s memories* Logan thought to himself *Where’s the difference.*
It was there all the same. Spike had acted to save Arisa’s life. Or his own Or both. Logan was far from comprehending all the details. But he did know that, like it or not, there had arisen a situation between them where life or death decisions had had to be made. And Spike had made them. For better of for worse!
If he hadn’t Arisa could have died. That was that Logan clung to each time he felt the urge to rip Spikes throat out. That was what sent him down to med lab to donate the blood Hank insisted was essential to Spikes well being. Because in the end, like it or not Spike had done what Logan had once again failed to do. He had been there when Arisa needed him and he had kept her safe. And that meant that Logan owed him a debt that wouldn’t soon be paid. No matter how much that rankled.
Amlarie on the other hand….. Logan had tried to give her the benefit of the doubt…... But then again the facts were hardly in her favour. Ok she had purchased his son at auction, and maybe he could convince himself that was a good thing. But she had also left his daughter to fall into the hands of demons. And worse, she had somehow she had convinced Connor that didn’t matter. With one kiss and she had wiped out a lifetime of love and devotion. Because no matter how they fought, no matter how much they hurt each other Connor and Madison did love each other. And in the end that was their strength.
Though now, somehow, it was him coming between them. And Logan couldn’t for the life of him think how that had come about. It wasn’t just a random stick Madison had picked out of the air to beat her brother with that much was clear. There was a sincerity about what she said that Logan couldn’t help feeling grateful for, even as he deplored its affect on his son.
He should say something. God, now of all times he should speak! But his emotions were in turmoil and time didn’t wait. And so it was Chris who spoke, his words as they so often were kind and wise beyond his years, confirming suspicions Logan had formed over his time there and which he equally didnt know how to react to. "People aren’t going to always be there for you, Chris said into the silence left by Madison’s tirade. sometimes you just have to go to them.”
“Kids are always left on their own or run away from their mean family, at least you have a home and all these other people around even if he has gone somewhere you’re not left alone in the rain, or the snow, or the heat.”
That wasn’t how things were. Not even here. Not even with a father like him. “ And he makes sure you have new clothes and fresh food or clean water,” Logan looked at his children wondering if they like him heard the implications of what lay behind these words.. And more importantly if they were able to put aside their own problems and listen.
“and he always comes back,” Chris went on as if this wasn’t a given fact “if he wasn’t a good father he wouldn’t do that. You have to stop arguing just because you’re angry, coz you’re angry only because you don’t talk to each other and you don’t talk to each other because all you do is argue."
It was true. It had been true for too long. Though Logan had never been able to put it into words! Well now Chris had, just as Madison had voiced her thoughts, as far as Connor was concerned. And now they would all have to live with the fall out.
So when Chris said "He’s just a boy who grew up," Logan couldn’t agree more. Even if he no longer had any memories of what it was to be a boy. Still the feeling of being in a situation you were supposed to be able to deal with and which in fact totally escaped your grasp, was all to familiar though. Even if being an adult meant that you no longer had the right to let it show.
“Its ok Chris” Logan said quietly, though he feared that his emotions had been all to easy to read beforehand. “We’re just a family and every family has its problems. Even if ours has had more than most! The important thing is that we’re still here. And that we still love each other.” He couldn’t help but throw a look of gratitude in Madison’s direction, before turning a reassuring gaze on Connor. ”And that, given all the times screwed up in the past, is nothing short of a miracle. But we’ll do better in the future. I’ll do better.I promise.
Re: Let Our Voices Be Heard: Rude Awakening"Its ok Chris" The elder of the group began in reply to the troubled child stuck amongst it all, the fact Logan wasn’t denying what Madison had said just made Connor feel more confused and hurt inside. "We’re just a family and every family has its problems. Even if ours has had more than most! The important thing is that we’re still here. And that we still love each other. " Did they? Connor stared off momentarily as he bitterly thought over what Madison had said… for all the love they apparently had Connor was seeing a hell of a lot of large cracks in it, and by the sounds of things most were coming from Connor himself! What a ground family… as long as he wasn’t part of the picture anyway, as soon as he seemed to come into the fold everything turned upside down and became all the more problematic.
"And that, given all the times screwed up in the past, is nothing short of a miracle. But we’ll do better in the future. I’ll do better.I promise." That’s right, stare right at Connor! Assuring or not, all Connor saw for the moment was ‘despite you screwing up, we’ve managed to get through it all’. And for the moment Connor just stewed in the bitter thoughts of his own apparent actions he couldn’t even remember. Why hadn’t he been told this earlier? Sure it wasn’t exactly something he expected to be randomly brought up but surely there should have been some sort of mentioning about how troubled he was… something! To help stop being caught off guard as he now had been.
"You mean all the times I screwed up." Sure his dad was trying to diffuse the situation but Connor boiled inside, he tried so hard to keep his calm and yet for now it seems like nothing mattered but just finding another fight to release his frustrations on. He didn’t want to hear any more, no more admissions from Madison about how horrible a son he was, no more bleeding hearted attempts to patch things up from Logan, no more teary eyed stress from Chris who was stuck trying to figure it all out. "No wonder you hated me, who wouldn’t if that’s what I’m like." A hand grabbed at the handle of the front door, pulling it open and slamming it shut as soon as his body was navigated outside of the room into the hall. Yeah, it could have been possible to dive in front of him and stop him, Madison was tempted to tell him off for being a drama queen over the matter, but in the end, she’d upset him enough. Maybe she ought to go after him… then again it wasn’t like she’d said anything wrong, she hadn’t lied!
In the end it was just better if Connor was left… at least for now, since in the past he’d at times just get a whole lot worse if you tried to calm him down when he seemed too willing or wanting to be angry over something. Of course, she could go and offer to run a danger room session with him, that usually cheered her brother up, but not if she had been the cause of his distress, and in this case she definitely had been a key figure in it. "Yep, happy family." It was hard to tell if she was being sarcastic or not… negative or not even, but Madison for once didn’t storm out just yet and gave Chris a slight lop sided smile.. bordering mocking without the negative sentiments however.
Re: Let Our Voices Be Heard: Rude Awakening "You mean all the times I screwed up." Logan looked up in confusion as once again Connor somehow took his words and twisted them out of all recognition. "No wonder you hated me, who wouldn’t if that’s what I’m like." Then he was gone. Slamming the door in his wake! Leaving no chance for explanations. “you’re angry only because you don’t talk to each other and you don’t talk to each other because all you do is argue. That was what Chris had said and it was all too true. But how could you talk when one of those concerned stormed out, leaving only hurtful accusations behind.
Because what Connor had said had hit Logan like a knife in the heart. He had tried so hard to show Connor he was loved, grateful despite himself for the chance to build a new foundation, even as he despised the means by which it had come about.
Logan had never lied to Connor about their relationship. He had always admitted that he hadn’t been there when Connor needed him. That he had been less than the father Connor deserved. In fact the only thing he had ever insisted upon was his clumsy, badly expressed, misunderstood perhaps, but none the less profound love for his children. And in the end this was all he got in return?
"Yep, happy family." Madison said with what Logan might have seen under different circumstances as an unexpected but none the less welcome inclusion of Chris into the group. But Logan was beyond noticing. In fact he stood there with his emotions naked for all to see, his pain for once all too obvious, his hurt like an open wound torn into his flesh by what Connor had just said. Usually he hid it. Walking out as Connor had just done. Masking it with anger! But he was beyond that now. Tired out by worry and concern! Worn down by his efforts to keep this most volatile of families functioning when at every turn they saw only his failings! Or so he had thought until this moment.
Maybe that was what had laid him bare. Some small chance of safe ground in the minefield that was his relationship with his children! It was still there waiting to be explored. This hand suddenly extended to him by his daughter. For the moment though it had caught him unawares, making a breach in the emotional armour he normally needed to wear where his kids were concerned. And so when Connor had accused Logan of hating him the barb had sunk deep and drawn blood. Though it wasn’t the usual self loathing that sprang to the surface!
“No” Logan said quietly but with an intensity that betrayed the emotions behind the single word. “Not this time, Connor. This time you don’t get to walk out on me.” Then he was gone. Out of the door and into the corridor, following his son.
“How dare you do that “ he said as he surged forwards to confront Connor in the hallway. “Do you think that you can just walk out and slam the door in my face? Well you cant! I may not be your idea of a father but I don’t deserve that.” There was more hurt than anger on his face but for once both were there as they had rarely been ever since Connors mother had died and Logan had been left alone to bring up three children who had resented him.
“Your great and beloved Amlarie stepped in because she thought you needed to forget all about me” Logan told him, his anger apparent. I never hid that from you. I never denied it. But what…? . you somehow thought our relationship before was all candy floss and roses?”
“I wasn’t there when you needed me. And yes you made me pay. But that’s in the past and if you had your memories back then we’d be dealing with that right now
“But the fact is” Logan went on “ that I don’t know what I’ve done to make you think that I do, or ever did, anything but love you. So no! You don’t get the right to say things like that to me and then just waltz off. Not any more! “
Re: Let Our Voices Be Heard: Rude Awakening"No" There was no desire in Chris at that point to run after Connor, perhaps for a brief moment beforehand there had been, but with Logan’s single word, the emotions pouring out of it, his feet were rooted. "Not this time, Connor. This time you don’t get to walk out on me. " Chris’s eyes followed Logan’s form as it moved, swift, torn between a hurt and an anger, leaving Chris to wonder just how often had it been that Connor walked out, and how often had Logan let him? It seemed so complicated to be part of a family, with Missy it was easy, she was there or she wasn’t, when she was usually she was asleep, he loved his mother because she was his mother, she was the only one who had ever held him as close as she had once done.
"How dare you do that" Logan’s voice seemed to boom out in Connor’s ears, Connor half turned but his father was already swooping before the elder of his brood, cutting off any further escape, not that Connor would have blatantly ignored Logan and continued to storm off… at least it didn’t seem like he’d have in Connor’s mind now that his father was going to extremes to block his path. "Do you think that you can just walk out and slam the door in my face? Well you cant! I may not be your idea of a father but I don’t deserve that." Fists tightened, though Connor’s anger wasn’t burning just because he was getting told off, it was because his father just didn’t seem to get it! How do you shove facts down someone’s throat if they ignored what was in front of them, because it was obvious as far as Connor thought. All this talk about how evil daddy is no good, but you get to the heart of it and everyone has the truth about how troublesome, angry, uncaring and all the like Connor was in turn towards his dad. Didn’t this guy get it? Didn’t he see it too? All Logan wanted to do was help his son remember and the more Connor learns the more he wishes he continues on in blissful arrogance.
"Your great and beloved Amlarie stepped in because she thought you needed to forget all about me" The blazing blue hue of Connor’s gaze glared off to the wall, as if wanting to drill a new escape way for him to crawl through. "I never hid that from you. I never denied it. But what…? . you somehow thought our relationship before was all candy floss and roses?" No, that wasn’t it at all, Connor would have thought he himself, as the son, would have at least tried harder, done more, not just given up and made matters worse!! "I wasn’t there when you needed me. And yes you made me pay. But that’s in the past and if you had your memories back then we’d be dealing with that right now" Made him pay!! That was Connor’s unspoken point though! His dad wasn’t around so Connor drove some knives in his back instead, why would Connor even want to remember any of that? Why did they wish for him to remember all those horrible things!? "But the fact is" Iridescent eyes looked back at Logan, their gaze full of a blue charge that seemed as vibrant as any electrical storm. "that I don’t know what I’ve done to make you think that I do, or ever did, anything but love you. So no! You don’t get the right to say things like that to me and then just waltz off. Not any more!"
"You don’t get it!" The youth yelled back to his father, "You all say how horrible she was to make me forget, but the more I know about myself the more I want nothing to do with who I was!" Eyes were pressed shut, just in case the threat of tears was seen, "I don’t care what you were like, you said you weren’t perfect and fine, but you never said how bad I was, you never explained about how I was to you! Everyone’s on your case about how horrible you are, but you’re the hero that gets the job done and teaches us how to stay alive, and I’m the one that gave up on you!"
Re: Let Our Voices Be Heard: Rude Awakening
"You don’t get it!" Connors own anger was obvious in the raised voice, the accusation thrown as it had been so often in the past, back towards his father. How many times had Logan heard the same thing over the years? That he didn’t understand what was going on with his own children? But then again wasn’t that what every teenager though about their parents? That they had never themselves gone through this awkward age when everything in the world was thrown out of kilter as childhood receded and the responsibilities of adult life suddenly loomed large on the horizon.
Not that what he and Connor were dealing with here was simply an adolescent tantrum! Far from it. Still the basic mechanism was the same. He didn’t understand.. and unless Connor explained then he probably never would. Which was why he couldn’t just let him leave! Not until they had cleared the air. No matter how painful that was going to be.
And it certainly seemed to be painful for Connor. "You all say how horrible she was to make me forget, but the more I know about myself the more I want nothing to do with who I was!" What? Logan’s eyes widened in astonishment! This time it was true. He had no idea what Connor was talking about. How could he possibly feel that way? Didn’t he hear the way Arisa talked about him? Or the way Madison fought tooth and nail for every scrap of his attention? Didn’t he see the respect he had earned from all those he had ever fought beside? Or the affection his friends felt towards him?
How could all of that not make him realise the kind of man he had grown up to be? Kind! Caring. Fiercely loyal! Someone you would be lucky just to know, let alone have in your life. And he didn’t see this? Logan couldn’t think why? Until Connor spoke again that was. "I don’t care what you were like,” the young feral told him, his dismay all to clear “ you said you weren’t perfect and fine, but you never said how bad I was, you never explained about how I was to you!
God! Was that what this was all about! Their screwed up relationship. Was that really what was poisoning his sons existence to this degree? “Everyone’s on your case about how horrible you are” Connor went on “ but you’re the hero that gets the job done and teaches us how to stay alive, and I’m the one that gave up on you!"
The anger drained out of Logan leaving only tiredness behind in its wake. “Don’t” he said quietly “Don’t say that. If you had given up on me.. on us.. you’d have walked away and never looked back. Don’t you see Connor.. the only reason we can hurt each other like this is because we care about each other. And that’s what counts. So let me put you straight! You, Connor Enright are a fine young man, one that any father would be proud to have as his son. And I am . Proud that is. And believe me you should be too”
Re: Let Our Voices Be Heard: Rude Awakening"Dont" It wasn't angry, it wasn't shameful, if Connor could even stir a paranoia over Logan getting ashamed by the snivelling display, it'd be brushed away with the tone of voice, and should Connor brave the risk of opening his eyes he'd see the expression too.
"Don't say that. If you had given up on me.. on us.. you'd have walked away and never looked back. Don't you see Connor.. the only reason we can hurt each other like this is because we care about each other. And that's what counts. So let me put you straight! You, Connor Enright are a fine young man, one that any father would be proud to have as his son. And I am. Proud that is. And believe me you should be too" Should he? Sure, there was a handful that seemed to show a keen regard in Connor, the family aside, a small cluster of individuals that seemed more sincere in their friendship then¡ some others he knew like Sarah. The blue eyes cautiously opened to eye the other sadly. Did Logan really think that?
"Proud of what?" Came the softly spoken whisper, "Chris was right about you, and I'm no child, there's no excuse for the things I hear I've done," It wasn't like Logan had beaten them senseless, drunk himself into a stupor, fed all their family funds into some pathetic pokers machine¡ Logan was still there, day and night whenever he could, gone only when work and obligation and necessity took him, regardless what sort of necessity, he always returned, and always supplied his family with all they needed and more to survive the day.
"I don't want to be the son that shows how much he cares because he can hurt you that bad, I don't want to be him!" Connor's arms wrapped about himself, despite his still slightly damp hair there was no chance of him being cold, he turned slightly, having now the side of his body facing Logan inside. "I don't want to just be some freak with claws, and I know my compulsions are a handful too," Connor wasn't one to refer to himself as a freak, if anything he felt it an unjustified retort if ever thrown at him, perhaps it would be hint enough to know it was a quote from some other source, though if Logan realized Connor was quoting someone like Sarah or not, his son didn't really think about it. As for his obsessive compulsions, that was always a sore spot.
"I'm not what someone would be proud to have, I'm what fathers fear for their sons to be, I know how lucky I am that you didn't just throw me away, that's what some parents do. That's what Amlarie's parents did, they said she died at birth just to avoid having people know their daughter was a mutant like me, they locked her up for so long she never leaves her building really. Her parents taught her she didn't belong, but that's not what you do with us, you try really hard like right now and I just.." Wanted his father to be proud of him¡ but Logan had said that he already was, which was what Connor had wanted, right? So why was everyone so angry? Why was he still arguing with his father¡"I don't know."
"Proud of what?" How could he even ask that. There were so many things, Logan couldn’t even list them. But he wasn’t sure Connor was ready, or even able, to hear that just now. Not in the state he was in. "Chris was right about you, and I'm no child, there's no excuse for the things I hear I've done" Logan could have stopped him there, could have leapt in with one more assurance that whatever had gone down between them in the past was already forgiven on his side at least. But he didn’t. Instead he let his son get it out of his system, hopefully once and for all. Now this had been stirred up it was like gangrene eating away at Connor and the only way to deal with gangrene was to cut it out. No matter how painful and unpleasant that might be to do.
"I don't want to be the son that shows how much he cares because he can hurt you that bad, I don't want to be him! I don't want to just be some freak with claws, and I know my compulsions are a handful too," Logan gasped at that, biting back the words that tried so hard to escape from him. The compulsions he didn’t give a damn about. But since when had Connor been ‘just a freak with claws? Who the hell had made him think like that? And why had he let them?
"I'm not what someone would be proud to have, I'm what fathers fear for their sons to be,” What? Where was all this coming from? Was this the result of what had been done to him or had it been festering away in him for years now without Logan even noticing? God if that was true then he really had failed his son, and in worse ways than he could have imagined.
“ I know how lucky I am that you didn't just throw me away,” Connor went on stunning Logan still further. “That's what some parents do. That's what Amlarie's parents did,” Amlarie! He should have known that name would come up in this little bout of self loathing. Though this time she wasn’t portrayed as the great saviour and righter of all wrongs. “ they said she died at birth just to avoid having people know their daughter was a mutant like me, they locked her up for so long she never leaves her building really.”
It was a story Logan had heard before, though that didn’t make it any better and the sympathy he felt for someone who had lived through such an experience was entirely genuine. But even so! He had given his kids a home. Love. He had tried to teach them to be themselves and to be proud of who and what they were. Though from what he was hearing from Connor that hadn’t been too great a success. Even so he had done his best. Which was a hell of a lot more than Amlarie’s parents had ever done for her! And yet it still hadn’t been enough to satisfy whatever standards she now set. He had been judged so unworthy that she had wiped all trace of him from Connors mind. Go figure, because Logan sure as hell couldn’t. He just had to clean up the mess she had made of his families life and pray that they would come out of it all right.
“Her parents taught her she didn't belong, but that's not what you do with us, you try really hard like right now and I just……I don’t know"
“You screw up. Sometimes” Logan told him bluntly. “Big deal. Everybody does. The point is that more often than not you don’t! Wolverine sighed and ran his hands through his hair. “You and the girls have always been the best thing I’ve ever done in my life. And the way you have all grown up to be the people you now are, despite everything we’ve been through…….thats nothing short of a miracle.”
You say you don’t like the way things were between us. Well neither do I. So let’s change it. And you can start doing that by trusting me when I tell you that if your mother were to walk in right now and see who you are and what you’ve done with your life she would” Logan gave a wry chuckle, even if the longing in his voice when he spoke about his wife was all too clear” well first of all she’d smack me round the head a few times for messing up…. and she’d probably tell you to chill out… but she’d be happy. She wouldn’t just love you Connor , she’d like you. Faults and all.
Re: Let Our Voices Be Heard: Rude Awakening"You screw up. Sometimes" Although Logan was agreeing with what Connor had hinted at, it seemed bitter, and upsetting, though as Connor stared at his father it was clear what was trying to be expression, the following words only helped prove that. "Big deal. Everybody does. The point is that more often than not you don’t! " Was that true? Memories couldn’t even back up the words, couldn’t help put doubts at ease, all he could do was rely on Logan’s words… But that meant something in itself, didn’t it? "You and the girls have always been the best thing I’ve ever done in my life. And the way you have all grown up to be the people you now are, despite everything we’ve been through…….thats nothing short of a miracle." the slight curve of Connor’s lip came with a will of it’s own, even if it looked sad and meek, the younger feral found himself wondering how it must be, to have the kids Logan has, to be the man that Logan was… to survive the life that Logan lived. It seemed to hard, so unfair and almost too impossible at times, as if some higher power just threw one ball of hellish delight after another till maybe he cracked from the pressure of it all……And his own children seemed to help pushing it along at times.
"You say you don’t like the way things were between us. Well neither do I. So let’s change it. And you can start doing that by trusting me when I tell you that if your mother were to walk in right now and see who you are and what you’ve done with your life she would" For a moment Connor stared at the door, as if while Logan spoke Michelle just might have reappeared through the doorway, a face pieced together only by photos, few and scarce as they seemed for Connor’s liking, but effective enough. "well first of all she’d smack me round the head a few times for messing up…. and she’d probably tell you to chill out… but she’d be happy. She wouldn’t just love you Connor , she’d like you. Faults and all."Would she really? A fist balled, raising a little to hover just before his stomach as his moist eyes stared down at the knuckles that lined the back of his hand. She had fallen in love with Wolverine, and it was no secret as to who and what the X-men was, she loved Connor’s father, she had to have cared for him it was obvious in Logan’s eyes, and still she loved him faults and all.
"…Faults and all," The voice soft repeated, fingers flexed out, stretching as if he could see the strange metal that lined his bones beneath the flesh, his eyes seeming to drift into serious string of thoughts as he waded through the memories. It seemed odd, but all Connor could think of was Sarah and Racheal, where Sarah had played the good role, she readily dropped it at the first chance she got, she lied and toyed and cheated him. Racheal on the other hand… she saw him for all he was and she didn’t hate him for it, she embraced it, she shared it with him! He suddenly wished his mother really was here, he felt foolish and awkward and unsure and confused and……something seemed to dawn upon Connor as his face lifted and worry coloured his voice. "Not everyone’s like her," Some are like Sarah, cruel and judgemental and selfish… like Amlarie’s parents! "What if Chris’s parents are like Amlarie’s, or like Sarah, what if they never let me see him again, or what if they make him miserable for having spent time with me, what if they convince him it’s wrong to be around us?" The words flowed though even Connor knew once he had said it that the likelihood of someone brainwashing Chris into believing Xavier’s and the mutants within it’s walls were evil was slim to none at best.
"They definitely won’t let him visit if Madi makes him cry, or if I look as if I might accidentally skewer him whenever I try to hug him, or at family meals together what then? I’ll just waltz up with a cat-eyed girl, god knows who Madi might bring and they’ll stare at Arisa and they’ll think we’re all weird and-" Although it was mid sentence Connor seemed to cut it off there with a frustrated motion of his body, his palm rubbing agitatedly against his eye for a moment. Michelle sounded like a good woman, a woman who had a decent head on her shoulders, like a fair mother, obviously there would have been times he grew angry at her, Connor didn’t doubt, but her love for them was so obviously strong. And he’s witnessed second hand what else was possible, the parents that lingered on the other side of things. If Michelle were here maybe she’d manage to convince Chris’s mother it was ok, maybe she’d manage to speak mother to mother… Logan had a heart as big as his temper it seemed, and yet somehow Connor couldn’t see normal parents sitting down with Wolverine talking sensibly, not when Logan looked and acted the way he so often did. "There’s so much happening," It was a cross between an apology and a desperate statement, one so obvious and yet it seemed such a difficult thing to admit. There was so much he probably needed to say, so many things that needed to be addressed, it felt as if he needed to just scream it all out and until then it would just keep clawing and grinding away inside, and yet when the blue-eyed feral opened his mouth to speak half the time nothing come out. How do you talk when you can’t find words to express what needs to be said?
Re: Let Our Voices Be Heard: Rude Awakening
It did look as if he was making some headway.. for a change. There had even been a hint of a smile hovering on Connors lips for a moment though it was short lived being replaced by overly bright eyes as Logan spoke about his wife and her love for her children. Faults and all Connor repeated quietly when his father had finished speaking, his gesture making it abundantly clear where he thought the majority of his faults lay.
Logan wasn’t all that surprised. After all the claws were his heritage! His curse! He knew better than anyone what they were capable of and that was when you had them under control. To have them capable of slipping out at a moments notice, such as Madison’s and Connor’s had a tendency of doing, made them doubly dangerous. And doubly hateful for the person who bore them! .
"Not everyone’s like her," Connor continued obviously referring to his mother. "What if Chris’s parents are like Amlarie’s, or like Sarah, what if they never let me see him again, or what if they make him miserable for having spent time with me, what if they convince him it’s wrong to be around us?" It was something Logan had considered as a possibility as well, although the more he spent time with Chris the more he became convinced that whatever the boys parents were, they were far from being normal in the conventional sense of the word even if it was true that they could hardly hope to rival in strangeness with his own brood.
"They definitely won’t let him visit if Madi makes him cry, or if I look as if I might accidentally skewer him whenever I try to hug him, So that was part of the reason he had reacted so violently towards his sister was it? This underlying fear that she might somehow cause Chris to be driven away from them. Well it was justifiable then on some level though, to be honest, Logan had seen Connor fly at Madi in the past with far less reason. They fought. It was what they did, like it or not. Though it was true that Logan , like Connor, wished they could do it a little less.Still it seemed his son still had other worried on his mind.
or at family meals together what then? I’ll just waltz up with a cat-eyed girl, . god knows who Madi might bring and they’ll stare at Arisa and they’ll think we’re all weird and .. Even in the midst of the drama Logan couldn’t help picking up on this. There was only one cat eyed girl on the horizon that he knew about; Racheal. Did this mean that what had started at the lake had progressed to something else other than just friendship? Now that would be good news. From what Logan had seen she was kind and caring as well as having the obvious advantage as a feral of understanding things about Connor that no one else could. She wasn’t some manufactured girl friend cooked up to keep Connor in line like Sarah had been. She was real and here for him when he needed her. And that surely had to be good for Connor especially at this trying time.
"There’s so much happening," Connor admitted almost desperately, looking as if everything was getting to be too much for him. “ You’ re right , there is.” Logan answered quietly “but that doesn’t mean you have to deal with it all at the same time. Take Chris parents for example. Sure there could be problems.. but then again maybe there wont be. We can’t tell Connor and there’s no point worrying about it till we find them.”
Logan gave his son a reassuring smile “Besides.. how can the fail to love us… what with Madi’s sweet temperament and my winning personality. Hell I’ll be playing golf with his dad before you know it! And if I’m not .. well the important thing is how we feel about Chris and how he feels about us.. And nothing is going to change that.
Re: Let Our Voices Be Heard: Rude Awakening"You’ re right , there is. " And at least with that connor didn’t feel so alone in this sensation of drowning, though if Logan felt it as strongly as Connor did the young feral couldn’t be sure. Still, any admission of agreement was enough for him at the moment. "but that doesn’t mean you have to deal with it all at the same time. Take Chris parents for example. Sure there could be problems.. but then again maybe there wont be. We can’t tell Connor and there’s no point worrying about it till we find them. " It was always a problem when Connor got himself stressed it was never only about one thing it was about the whole string of things. Madison used to try telling Connor to think of his biggest problems like a session in the Danger Room, he could be so focused and clear thinking in the heat of battle, but as soon as personal problems came into it he seemed to put far too much onto his plate.
"Besides.. how can the fail to love us… what with Madi’s sweet temperament and my winning personality. Hell I’ll be playing golf with his dad before you know it! And if I’m not .. well the important thing is how we feel about Chris and how he feels about us.. And nothing is going to change that." the smirking smile couldn’t help but come through as Connor tried to hide it with a turn of his head, it wasn’t time for jokes and yet it did seem to work…… Then again, maybe that meant it was the time for jokes, Connor was never one to fully appreciate light humour in a serious moment, after all if your mind was trying to lighten the situation then it wasn’t focused on the problems at hand, at least that’s what he used to say not too many years ago.
"I know… I guess…. It’s just he’s so young, I don’t want him to leave and then have to wait years to see him because his family has a problem with us. I just wish he could stay here, I like him being around… I love the girls and all but they can’t sit in the same room, and they’re always so busy and doing their own things, Chris seems to be the only one who has time for me." He felt like such a child, whining about losing a playmate and being more upset he might be lonely then the fact Chris himself would vanish from the school, but it wasn’t like that only, Connor liked Chris and would want him around even if he was just as distant at times as the girls could be. "He brightens things up, you know?" Of course Logan knew, everyone knew, chris was their little shinning beckon in the family in comparison to the rest of the moody broody temperamental lot. It was a wonder Chris felt so safe and happy about them all things considering. "I thought it’d be best if I just went for a walk instead of continuing to argue, I didn’t mean to upset you more for it,"
Re: Let Our Voices Be Heard: Rude Awakening"I know…Connor admitted I guess….Logan waited for his son to continue, glad that he was finally talking about this. Talking! Not yelling. A major breakthrough, by Enright standards. And no matter how you looked at it his concerns were justified. It’s just he’s so young, he told his father I don’t want him to leave and then have to wait years to see him because his family has a problem with us. I just wish he could stay here, I like him being around…
Logan sighed. He felt the same way. And if things did go wrong, if this mysterious family they were talking about did suddenly reappear and take Chris out of their lives then he would blame himself forever. For after all if there was one thing that really brought the whole mutant danger question sharply into focus it was a set of adamantine claws. And as far as his children were concerned those were his legacy and his alone.
I love the girls and all Connor continued candidly but they can’t sit in the same room, and they’re always so busy and doing their own things That too, when you got right down to it, was Logan’s fault, though god knows, he had no idea how to remedy the problem. If he had he sure as hell would have done so before now!
But in the end what could he do? He couldn’t take back the mistakes of the past no matter how much he wanted too!And lets face it he couldn’t honestly say he totally regretted things.. not when Arisa had been the outcome. *No but maybe now you could explain them!* It was an option that hadn’t arisen till now. Not with his kids so emotionally immature. Now though Arisa had declared her independence in no uncertain terms.. Madison had calmed down long enough for him to glimpse the cha,ce of understanding that lay behind her perpetual anger and Connor…
The cost had been too high and one that Logan would never have paid but here they were.. communicating at last. Sharing in this moment feelings they had both, not so much concealed, as had been unable to show. And Chris had played a large part in that miracle. More perhaps than Logan had given him credit for given his sons next words
* Chris seems to be the only one who has time for me." Logan let it pass, knowing that Connor, for once, wasn’t criticising him, at least not directly. Wolverine had done his best to be available whenever Connor needed him but it was true that sometimes it was a sibling’s presence he craved rather than a father’s and there, well, Chris did fill the role to perfection. "He brightens things up, you know?"
Yes! Logan did know. That summed up exactly what Chris did. He made things easier just by being there. He made them believe that they could function as a family. In the end he gave them hope that maybe, this time, things would turn out right. And they had too. With or without him! Otherwise Logan would have failed utterly! But ohh.. Logan did so want whatever future his family had together to include Chris.
One positive thing that he had in common with his son! Well.. one that they could both admit too at least. And maybe the thing that would save them both! The mere fact that they had recognised it was immense. And something they both needed time and space to digest. So when Connor explained half apologetically why he had left the apartment so brusquely Logan let it go. "I thought it’d be best if I just went for a walk instead of continuing to argue, Connor said I didn’t mean to upset you more for it,"
*You don’t slam the door when you just want to go for a walk. You don’t accuse people of hating you and then storm out! Five minutes ago Logan had been ready to say al that. If it had been anyone else but one of his children standing in front of him he would still have said it. You did that when you were a parent. At least when it seemed best! You sucked up your pain and tried desperately to see things through your children’s eyes. And the regret in Connor’s voice had been sincere. As was Logan’s acknowledgement of it when he said “Its ok. Things just got a bit intense back there, but then.. that happens . Especially in our family!”
It wasn’t, in the end, said with shame or even resignation. It was rather, on Logan’s part, an acknowledgement of strength of character, misplaced or otherwise. A strength of character that would either tear his family apart or unite it into a force the world would have to reckon with. And he for one wasn’t laying any bets on how things would go. Not if he overplayed his hand that was. So , hard as it was, he backed off. Leaving Connor the same space he was according Arisa. “ Go! Take a walk if that’s what you need. Run if you want too. Logan’s eyes were filled with too much understanding as he added . Hell bust up the danger room if it helps. But just promise you’ll come back… Even if its just to say goodbye.. That’s all I ask.
Re: Let Our Voices Be Heard: Rude Awakening
“Its ok. Things just got a bit intense back there, but then.. that happens . Especially in our family!” It would be nice if that wasn't the case though, Connor hated how upset he got so easily, he hated how hard it was to get through to Madison when they weren't alone, he hated all the things he heard they'd put each other through, surely they all saw how bad it sounded? “ Go! Take a walk if that’s what you need. Run if you want too. It wasn't until Logan continued on that Connor realized that half of his fathers reasons for chasing after him like this might have not just been because Connor just rudely stormed off... but because he might not return. "Hell bust up the danger room if it helps. But just promise you’ll come back… Even if its just to say goodbye.. That’s all I ask." For a moment, Connor found himself surprised, uncertain of how to reply and even toying with the idea of just where Logan expected him to go... back to Amlarie's? Had he told Logan in the past that he wanted to leave?
His arms felt oddly out of place by his side, everything about the moment seemed strangely awkward and Connor wasn't sure how to fix it save for just walking off, which really would not be the answer he wanted to give his father considering the current concerns the guy was going through. "I don't know what would give you the impression I'd just walk off and leave, but I wouldn't do that," At least not any more, regardless of who he used to be, if that was something he would have done, then maybe he wasn't that person any more, he didn't know how else to think about it!
"There's just so much going on," It was a repeat of an earlier statement and so Connor felt a little helpless on how best to explain something already mentioned without feeling as if he was running in circles. "I don't want fighting to be part of it all, but I don't want to watch her push Chris away, he's been unhappy all weekend, and I have this really bad feeling, and if she pushes him away right now he might go, and I'm not ready for that," There was an awkward feel to the tone of his voice, as if this were some overly public place to discuss something so personal. "I don't want to be yelling... but it's so easy to just get angry.. I find it easier to think when I'm alone, you know? I can think about how to wrap my head around whatever without being pressured...Besides.." Connor offered a crooked smile as he added, "..what's the point of running off, I'm sure you'll just find me anyway, so I might as well make do with living in a massive mansion with all it offers at my disposal, including free food," Though a sense of seriousness fell over Connor's expression as he continued, "I might have difficulties with things about myself right now Dad, but at least I have a family, Chris and the girls are a handful at times al in their own ways but they're my family, and so are you, I just need time to deal with...well, everything else that comes with it, that comes with being me,"
Re: Let Our Voices Be Heard: Rude Awakening
@#%$! He had said too much again. Lord knows he hadn’t meant to but it had just spilled out. And Logan was all to well aware of how desperate he had sounded. Now Connor was looking awkward and embarrassed and probably thinking he should run far away from all this. From the tension and the fights and the general trauma that came with being part of Logan’s family. That was how Wolverines mind was working as Connor spoke. Which is why his sons words took him completely by surprise.
"I don't know what would give you the impression I'd just walk off and leave, but I wouldn't do that," Connor told him as if this was the most natural thing in the world and not a major and earth shattering revelation. The relief, as far as Logan was concerned, was complete and almost overwhelming. He hadn’t even realised himself just how much he had feared that Connor would do just that until suddenly the threat seemed to go away. Did the young feral even suspect how many times Logan woke up in the night just to listen to his breathing? Just to make sure that he was still safe?
You couldn’t keep children on a leash. Especially not children like his. Though sometimes, like every parent, Logan sincerely wished that he could. There were so many dangers surrounding them. So many people that wanted to use or hurt them! And the only sanctuary he had to offer was this apartment they didn’t even want to be in half the time. It wasn’t enough, he knew. But it was the best he could do. And having Connor tell him that he wouldn’t just leave it on a whim meant a great deal. More than he could possibly imagine.
"There's just so much going on” the young Enright continued. "I don't want fighting to be part of it all, but I don't want to watch her push Chris away,” he's been unhappy all weekend, and I have this really bad feeling, and if she pushes him away right now he might go, and I'm not ready for that,"
Logan sighed. Madison it seemed was always going to have a problem with anyone who got close to Connor. No matter what their age! But he was damned if he was going to let her pick on Chris the way she had on Arisa. She wasn’t a child any longer. And while it was true that she hadn’t been consulted about bringing the boy into their family still she could surely see that having him around was good for Connor. Not to mention for them as a family. He would have to have a talk with her. A talk.. not a fight. And , given some of the things she had said during this most recent argument, Logan thought that might just be possible.
"I don't want to be yelling... Connor went on, unknowingly echoing his fathers thoughts. but it's so easy to just get angry..*Tell me about it* They were so much alike in many ways, he and Connor. A fact that became even more apparent with every word his son uttered. . I find it easier to think when I'm alone, you know? I can think about how to wrap my head around whatever without being pressured...Besides.." His son smiled at him and the world seemed to get easier to live in. "..what's the point of running off, I'm sure you'll just find me anyway, so I might as well make do with living in a massive mansion with all it offers at my disposal, including free food,"
It was an acknowledgement, however humorously delivered of the fact that the Institute was home and for that Logan was grateful. He didn’t ask for more nor did he expect it. And yet it came. "I might have difficulties with things about myself right now Dad, but at least I have a family,” Chris and the girls are a handful at times all in their own ways but they're my family, and so are you, Logan couldn’t believe his ears. How long had he waited to hear this? How often had he told himself that he never would? To be included in the circle of people Connor cared for. And that he knew cared for him.
“ I just need time to deal with...well, everything else that comes with it, that comes with being me," Logan looked up at his son and nodded his head slightly. “You take that time son. You take all the time you need. And try not to worry too much about Madison and Chris.. I’ll have a talk with them…. Diplomatically!” He flashed a grin at Connor. ”Difficult to imagine, I know but possible all the same. I’ll make sure they both know he’s part of this family. After all“ For once there was no uncertainty in Logan’s eyes as he said “that’s a fathers job. Isn’t it”.
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