Merry Christmas!
I know its been forever since I've posted anything here.
Frankly I kinda forgot about it.lol.
I'm also really really busy right now...
Between getting over a bad ending to a relationship, looking for a new place to move to, and work, its been a bit stressful here.
This holiday season feels incredibly lonely.
when i was little i could never understand why the holidays might inspire suicide, but now i do.
no, don't worry thats not where I'm at.lol.
but i can understand it better now.
theres this deep loneliness that permeates everything...
when one isn't surrounded by friends its unbearable at times.
I made so many plans...and now...
I have to go on on my own again.
life is strange indeed.
but thats just the way it goes.
oh and i really really recommend Indigo girls Rites of Passage as healing music. It helps me alot.
I'm drinking peach detox tea while smoking a cig...typical jen.
Speaking of Christmas - is there anyone else who doesn't like presents? It's not that I'm already loaded with material things, but there isn't really anything I want, (new Apple G5 excepted but even then I would have less satisfaction with someone else buying it than paying for it through my own hard earned paycheck) but you're allowed to say "No need to bother getting anything for me, thanks." My in laws always give me and my brother-in-law the same amount of money, far too much - if we have to have something for the sake of pleasing them, then a book or CD would suffice - however the reason is nothing to do with what we want but that the In-Laws would be embarrassed if their friends and neighbours found out they'd not got us anything. Does anyone else think this plays a large part in seasonal giving?
christmess
Jenny ~ I always thought the suicidality was, yes, due to the loneliness some are stuck in while the rest is (allegedly) having a great time with their (alleged) loved ones ...but also b-cuz of the expectations that everything be fine, fine... which of course it often is not considering you get to spend a couple days locked up with your uhmm "alleged ones" ~
Nick ~ oh, I love presents. I think. Do I? I get too many (out of the blue even) where I hardly ever know what to give back. (I *really* don't get out much and there are many pritty gift-able things that I just don't ever think of!) so that makes me feel bad kinda. What I don't like is getting random trinkets that just don't "fit" but I have to pretend I like them or else somebody will cry. And being asked what I'd like because hey, $100,000 in plastic surgeries is prolly out of the question, no? And so is the new computer I could really, really use. (And art & "decorative" stuff they just wouldn't know where to get, or even what.) Maybe if I told them I'd reward them with a Great Big Smile then... hmm... might try that next year...
I actually asked for a kittie plushie just to be mean. Because there exist no such things, except ugly ones.
Re: christmess
Nick~ Yeah I do know what you mean about the presents...
Its like this mad rush to prove to everyone you love them..
Not that thats necessarily bad...
Its just that I think it would be better if people did it on their own more often without needing a holiday...
But I do love presents and appreciate them...especially those
that are handmade, or done with alot of thought as to something I personally would like...
I always thought it was odd when someone was really determined to get me something I told them I couldn't use or didn't want..but hey, everyone gives in their own way.
Thymey~ *Hugs* wonderful to see you here rolling around impishly
Ally~Hugs*~
Just...*Hugs* for existing in my world
Re: Merry Christmas!
Ally~*~
Lol..what with all the orderly replies I forgot what I wanted to say in reply to yours.
All the nice good togetherness is so @#%$ depressing when you can't spend it with someone who you want to spend it with cuz your not talking to them at the moment..
breaking up with someone right before christmas is so @#%$ depressing.
ugh.
ugh
ugh.
I mean I did like christmas this year I was able to get my mind off of that stuff for the day mostly...but theres still that ache of something missing and having to make myself forget so I can have a decent day..I am grateful to have family and friends that every year i spend it with, its comforting in the midst of hard times to have some constants.
The other really depressing thing about christmas..
is the holidays are so messed up in how they are organized thruought the year.
you've got halloween, thanksgiving and christmas right after eachother, then NOTHING for months.
and during the most depressing coldest months too. whats up with that!?
I really think that people need some kind of celebration every six weeks its necessary for the sanity.
'Every day we must dance if only in our minds'
'why?'
'Because we are happy to be alive'
said by some interesting charecter on Six feet under one of my favorite shows.
ally the big poophead
Unregistered User
(12/31/03 6:40 pm) Reply
la la.
Look, it's new year's eve, so naturally I'm sitting at home screengazing the night away.
I'm obviously not worth inviting anywhere. Or maybe they're used to me not wanting to go. Or I don't know. I'm a bit sad about that. It's like I'm not even consider-able as a guest. Maybe that's really my fault though. I don't act "outgoing". And I'm not.
Re: la la.
(so ya'll know, I'm Milad. Sombody actually already had my handle when I signed up at ezboards, so I made up this lame ass name. wiggy, hey?)
I don't know why, but I'm not completely cynical during holiday time. I still get a warm feeling in my cockles (cockles and mussels, a-live a-live oh!) There really is magic still in the air during those times. You can smell it.
And I'm not sure it really matters exactly why folks exchange gifts for xmas and such, be it from habit and tradition or some sort of wierd social obligation or just for the hell of it, they still do something that seems to be quite against human nature. They actually give freely, often with no thought of reward ("Santa" anyone?)
And Nick, I dont' like recieving gifts either. It is nice to have material goods and such, but I don't care. The only reason I do accept gifts is because I understand how good it makes that person feel to give. And it's always nice to know someone actually cares.
And giving and recieving gifts is always best during the summer months, I think, because it is least expected.
And Juni, I've always said that we need more feast holidays. Especially in early spring and late summer. Like of Feast of St. Cold Cuts or something.
And fraulein, I did the same thing too for new years. No date, no party, nothing. Sucks, but nothing new. Fortunately, I had a bottle of wine. It helped. Could've been more. I think next year I'll get some scotch or something. Kicks like a mule, that.
Slainte dear. We should meet and be lonely together.
I hope I can learn to speak german.....
==========
~Mike
"And I heard, as it were, a voice from amoung the four beasts. It said ""See"" and I saw. Behold! a pale horse and the name on him was Death. And Hell followed with him."
Re: la la.
Its kind of insane how many people who know eachother all spent new years eve alone.
(Including me.)
Cockles and muscles...hehehe
Oh god growing up, that song always had a special place in my heart...I really still love it and its so rare anyone else mentions it.
Yeah, i have a problem accepting help and gifts..
i mean i love gifts..
but i have to be sure the person really wants to be giving them. if i am and they are someone i would also give a gift too its wonderful.
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