Why can't I admitt
That when you're gone
I'm afraid of being alone?
Posts: 1053
(12/6/04 5:49 pm)
New York Hawks vs Los Angeles Crows
The crowds watched as the game progressed, more than a handful eagerly waiting for half time so that they could go outside and stretch their legs or go to the toilet and get something to eat or drink. The L.A. Crows were winning by two points, NY Hawks struggling to keep up, the last few games had been in their favor but they were down one man and not everyone on the team was at a 100%. The yellow and white dressed Los Angeles Crows were playing extremely rough, and it was trying the tempers of the New York team, especially Forrest and another man, Simon, both who were known to have short tempers.
The shorter man tagging Riley was a constant source of stress, though it was rather amusing to watch Riley easily throw the ball over the little guy, Henry had a foul habit of having rough contact when he knew he could get away with it discreetly. So even the calm temper of Riley Finn was starting to wear thin, which was easily seen by his coach when Henry trotted over Riley’s foot and ended up having the six foot two man glaring down at him and moving awfully close, a stern call from Riley’s team coach soon had Riley’s focus back on the game though. At least the tiny companion of his backed off for the next couple of minutes allowing Riley to get the ball, resulting in the other coach screaming at Henry to get back on Riley.
Wearing red uniforms with ‘HAWKS’ in large black letters on the front and ‘New York’ in smaller white letters with a blank outline, Riley’s number was 8, which was displayed in black on his back, a white border run around the large number with a black line around its edges. ‘Riley Finn’ was written in a similar design right above it, he commented earlier before the game to Catherine about it feeling odd now he thought about it, because the Initiative or ‘My last job’ as he referred to it, was just like that, giving him a number and making him wear his name. At least he had more fun doing this.
He knew she was a little worried over him, because of how sick he had been in the morning, but he improved in the day, McCoy had always seemed concerned about Riley, but right now Riley hardly cared what Beast thought. If the good doctor were really concerned about Riley’s health then he wouldn’t have done something so stupid as repair the monstrosity that had murdered Riley’s unborn child and nearly killed Catherine as well.
The ball skidded across the smooth floor towards Graham, the darkly skinned man throwing it towards the basket immediately after grabbing it. As the ball rebounded off the backboard, clearly not going to enter the ring, Riley reached up with his left hand and smacked it in, little Henry looking a little out of place between Riley, Forrest ad Graham who all towered over him. But Henry could be a demon with the ball, he was fast on his feet and low to the ground, making it hard for others to get it off him, so despite the pressure he got about his height (compared to all the other six foot and six foot something’s around him), he was still valuable and to be watched out for.
While the others all got into positions to either get the ball or try and intercept it, Riley looked over towards Catherine who was with the other cheerleaders. Their outfits where revealing, showing their stomachs and wearing short skirts that exposed their legs and much of their thighs. You could see the shorter little shorts they wore under the skirts, the sleeveless tops showing off the full length of their arms, definitely a sight to admire when they did their routines. Well the players were like that he supposed, wearing shorts and sleeveless tops, of course they didn’t have them so short and tight, but still enough for the wandering eye to explore the contours of their muscular arms and legs.
The smooth silken skin of her stomach screamed for his attention, green eyes with golden specks hovering in longing for closer contact. A hand slammed into Riley’s hand pulling his attention away from Catherine, Riley ready to glare down whoever just hit him, Forrest however had caught him with his attention off the game (and it wasn’t the first time or the first game he’s lost focus because of a certain cheerleader in their squad). Riley didn’t dare look back at Catherine just then, not with Forrest getting all huffy and watching him like that.
The call for half time came shortly later, which was lucky for the Hawks since LA had control of the ball and where keeping it over in their half extremely well despite some good tries by the other Hawk players. Forrest had gotten into a mouth off with one of the other teams players when they bumped into him, so Riley and Graham lingered on the court a little longer to hang back and make sure Forrest didn’t get into another fight, he was going to be suspended if he did it again after last week when he pushed another guy back into the refreshments table.
Graham placed a hand on Forrest’s shoulder when he walked by but the former soldier shoved it aside with an angry wave of his hand, shoving passed Riley who didn’t look to content with being treated like that but didn’t have the energy to complain. A tired sigh was released from Riley’s lungs as he looked back at Graham while walking towards their bench, glancing over at Forrest as the more square jawed man started getting told off by the coach. When Riley got closer to Catherine the return of his clammy skin and slightly paled colour could once again be seen, but not at the severity of this morning, plus his physical exertion just put into the game despite his lack of sleep the night before would cause a level of fatigue, but it was the faint pale discoloration that wasn’t normal, additionally he can usually handle a whole lot more physical activity before breaking into a sweat.
One of the girls who hadn’t been talking to Catherine but had been sitting beside her moved over for Riley to slump down in her place, Cheerleaders were meant to get off the bench when during half time so that the players had a chance to sit and rest but since the whole team never went to sit down they rarely bothered to move unless one of them needed to sit down. Seeming a little breathless now that he was able to sit down and relax, his eyes closing while he caught his breath before opening them again and flashing Catherine a smile.
“I’m going to,” He began, but was forced to pause while allowing him a moment to breath and recover from… whatever had tired him out so much, “Clonk out tonight.” There was a grin, but his attention drifted over to Graham who slumped to the bench on the other side of Riley, handing over a bottle of water, which Riley pulled the lid of it off (it was one of the pop top sport bottle lids) and placed it between his lips. Bubbles of air could be seen running inside the bottle while he drank, though they’d stop when he press his tongue against the bottles top and let his lungs gulp for air before continuing to drink.
“Losing well Riley,” A hand hit Riley’s back while he was drinking, the jolt of surprise forcing water down the wrong way, Ben’s voice soon registered, but Riley was choking on the water, a burning sensation rippling through his throat while he strained to breath and cough at the same time. Graham handed Riley a towel that he buried his face into before angrily standing up and turning to glare at his cousin, the whole group were there, Riley had forgotten they planned on coming, and what’s more wanted to take him out as a delayed birthday outing. Everyone else, Ammie, Emily, his parents and Nina in Martha’s arms where all getting seats a few rows behind where Rye and Cat where now, Ben had just come to tell them they arrived since Martha wanted him to.
“Damn it Ben!” The temper dissipated right away though since Ben was holding Hailey, the little two year old clinging rather tightly to Ben while all the strange noises and people around her made Ammie’s daughter shy and uncomfortable and a little frightened. Blinking with his watery eyes and trying to stop coughing, one hand holding the white towel against his mouth while Riley’s other hand reached out to let his finger stroke against Hailey’s cheek, a slight smile creeping on his lips and then another cough.
“Come on Riley, you might get her infected with something,” The irritation in Riley’s body language was easily seen while Ben complained about Riley’s coughing, admittedly Riley didn’t look too well either, but soon Riley watched Martha hurriedly make her way towards them, the others remained in the seats though so not to crowd the area.
“Your mum’s coming Rye, that’s my cue to get going, later Cat.” It was because Graham had told them that Riley died that the Finn’s weren’t pleased with him, they didn’t say anything, it was more the look they gave Graham at Riley’s party yesterday. Riley had mentioned without really thinking about it that he grew up with Forrest and Graham when they asked if he had any important friends in his life. Why Graham didn’t come and tell them Riley was still alive couldn’t be explained to them and it had made everything very stressed between the lot, was Riley lying to them, was Graham lying to them, was something else going on, why did Riley always say he couldn’t explain it to them or he couldn’t tell them, he can’t say or can’t remember or just didn’t want them to know, all these thing were what Riley’s parents kept asking themselves and it hurt to think Riley couldn’t tell them the answers they wanted to know.
Riley stepped over the bench, kissing his mother quickly on the cheek before trying to persuade Ben into letting him hold Hailey, Martha placed a hand on Catherine shoulder as she greeted her, now without Nina who was back at the seats sitting on Ammie’s lap, Riley’s cousin making her daughter start clapping while saying ‘Go Uncle Riley, Go’, though Nina merely giggled and yelled ‘Bravo’ instead. Nina and Hailey were both twins, but Nina was louder, tending to burst into screams randomly, Hailey tended to be much quieter, give her a warm lap and safe arms and she can be content for ages without complaint. Hailey also didn’t go chasing and squealing at Riley’s puppy, Katie, so that also increased Riley’s liking of the girl over her sister, he was overly protective of his little dog and he didn’t like seeing Nina terrorizing his little pup.
There was a triumphant look in Riley as he sat down with Hailey in his arms, they had her wearing the jumper Riley got for her while she was staying at the school hidden away in his room for a few days while he babysat her. Truth be told he had no idea what he was doing, he would have studied up a little more but his cousin needed him to sat her without warning, his parents taking care of Nina and Emily made it hard for them to fit everyone into the one room apartment they rented. Catherine had spent some time with them, mainly before or after she come to collected or drop off Katie, helping Riley look after the puppy since he was having trouble with all his other responsibilities. After all, he couldn’t take his classes with a two year old, no matter how patient she was, so he had to find a substitute and then do his schoolwork and Angela Hughes had help watch Hailey when Riley went the first two and half days without sleeping and looked as if he was about to doze off during lunch in the dinning hall, Hailey on his lap taking handfuls of mash potato and smothering it in and around her mouth gleefully.
With his back to the court while he sat back on the bench, grinning as Hailey laid back on his knees while her tiny hands played with his fingers while Riley tried to cheer her up a little, though she still remained slightly dazed as her attention wandered off to the other strangers around them. The white little jumper with a small scattering of yellow stars and a brown little puppy on the front had replaced the one that Hailey stained with paints Riley let her use to colour paper. He tried to give her pencils but she saw him using the paints, he’d started painting when she’d fallen asleep so she saw him using them when she woke up, making them more important to her then pencils.
“Riley honey, you don’t look too well.” It wasn’t until then that Riley noticed his mother was wearing a number 8 Hawk top, staring at it unintentionally, feeling a little embarrassed with his mother wearing not just his team shirt but his one as well, which a fan would usually wear. There was a slight blush as he slipped his eyes over to Catherine and then back at his mother who caught the look, “I have a pen in my bag, expect me to ask for you to sign this later.” A teasing grin was given as she spoke and Riley blushed a little more as he dropped his eyes back down to Hailey, the warning bell signaling the end of the break, calling people back to their seats and for players to get back from the locker rooms or wherever they disappeared off to. Riley helped Hailey stand up, her large eyes moving over to Catherine while Riley’s hands safely held her body, her arms reaching up for his neck, holding onto the fabric of his shirt. Riley’s hand ran over her slightly curled light hair, blends of green and blue with golden specks, depending on how the light hit her eyes, she was pretty, but many children her age had a cuteness about them.
What would his daughter have looked like if she had been born? Would she have had Catherine’s eyes? Her hair? Would they see any part of him in her? Would she have liked him as a father? Would he have been good, or even decent? He couldn’t see blood, maybe later on he would start to see it again, surely the Initiative’s influence couldn’t last forever… could it? But what if she hurt herself and he couldn’t see, would that make him a poor father? Would someone have taken away his baby because he wasn’t reliable in her care? What if Catherine left again, would she have taken the baby with her? Would someone else have been the father of his child? Or would she have left her with him, what if he couldn’t have taken care of her by himself? None of it mattered any more, and it didn’t do any good thinking over things like that… but he wanted to know.
Catherine had said that she hated having the baby… but she had said she hated him as well, and then she said she loved him, how can she say she hates someone she loves? Maybe she didn’t love him… at his party she had said she still ‘liked’ him, not loved him, maybe that’s it, maybe that’s all it ever was. When the Initiative blocked his memory and Graham, along with Forrest, Kristin and Sam, all helped Spike, Catherine and Riley get free of the Initiative, she drove him to the school, she promised him she’d stay with him, even if the school refused to let him in because he had been sent to originally spy on the mutant refuge. She promised she’d find another place with him; they’d go somewhere safe, they’d keep running, she said she wouldn’t let them take him back.
But she still left, he didn’t know how to work in this world, he didn’t understand what they expected of him, the only way he was even able to cope was because he’d been undercover for a few months before all that happened. When she left the Dying Star he thought she went back to the school, so he went back there, but she wasn’t in her room, maybe she went for a walk, so he waited there. Every day he’d check, a knock on the door, a call of her name, his old room window had enabled him to see the distant front gates, he had nothing else to do, no one else he remembered that he could talk with. Despite Lisa Redpath and Dawn Summers, Angela Hughes and Connor Enright swinging by, amongst others who eventually didn’t ask Riley to leave his room, more demanded he come out with them somewhere. If no one went to his room to invite him to lunch he’d not eat, just pointlessly waiting for someone who wasn’t returning, every day waking to think that day might be the day she comes back, every night spent falling asleep thinking the following day she might return and then he’d have someone to talk with again.
Would it have been the same if he hadn’t been allowed in the school? Would they have run for a few days and then would she have left him to run alone? Where would he run? They knew where he was all the time, he’d never get far, and night was always the most dangerous because there were fewer chances of civilians being around. Of course she would have left him, just like Clare, left him alone to face his captors as if he had some chance to beat them all… why would he want to run anyway, he didn’t know anything, he wouldn’t know where to run to nor would he have any reason to keep him running.
Riley didn’t even realize his mother was talking to him, telling him about the plans they had for tonight, about a nice place to eat, that he should bring Catherine along because there was music and dancing and they’d put all of what little money they had into getting a table there. Ben reached to take Hailey away from Riley since he wanted to go back and sit down with the others, it pulled Riley out of his distant thoughts, blinking as he watched her being taken away from him.
“Bye-Bye Hailey,” It was around then that Martha had the distinct feeling she was being ignored, Riley’s eyes looking off away from them, causing more worry to stir inside her since he’s been acting differently since Catherine left him behind in Iowa and he didn’t appear to be getting much better for what she could tell. “I need to go back on court soon.” He mumbled in reply to his mothers question about if he was all right, he was tired of people asking him that, he was perfectly damn well fine. A girlfriend that keeps leaving him, a family that doesn’t trust him, a friend that does nothing but yell at him, a team that barely knows how to work together, everything is just bloody perfect, and to top it all off, he could now go and have chats with that artificial Initiative soldier. Ask him what it felt like when it pulled the trigger, if it felt anything when it stole the chance of having a family away from Riley.
And just when you think everything falls apart on you, the one person you need to hold while trying to come to terms with what had happened was no where near him because he had been told not to tell her about the baby’s death until she recovered more. All the horrible things she had said… why did she always have to say things that hurt so much? Riley looked back at his mother and slowly forced himself to stand again, he didn’t really feel well, if he cancelled tonight’s dinner would they think it was just because he didn’t want to go?
He hasn’t really done that much for them since he found them again… brought an mechanical monster to their peaceful sleepy town of Huxley and had him blow away a few people, including Catherine who had been pregnant at the time. A mothers arms… he used to dream about being in them again, fragmented memories, were they alive, murdered, was he orphaned, it seemed to change when Professor Walsh got a new lab assistant in charge of the memory manipulation every few years. She was so much smaller then he remembered; Riley used to be up to his mother’s chest and now she was reaching his own. At least he was starting to remember more things, and figuring out which of the things he remembered were true, false or at least have a possibly of having happened.
It had been so easy when Catherine had been in Iowa with him, he didn’t like all the strangers acting as if they knew everything about him, mainly because it made him feel so out of place, as if it wasn’t really his home any more because there was so many things he couldn’t remember at the time. A lot of things did come back, Riley always did have an excellent memory (when it wasn’t being tampered with), and so faces brought back memories that helped him recall different things in his past that he had forgotten. Everyone just wanted to know about Catherine and how the two met and what they had planned with the baby… of course, Riley couldn’t mention much more then he met her at the school because going into details about rescuing her from the other dimension in the city called Lost Angels. And then there was that whole Initiative ordeal, in which not only had he been part of the team that had taken her into custody when she interrupted their pursuit of Hostile 17, commonly known as Spike, the vampiric lover of the X-woman Rogue.
Not that Riley was actually aware of any of his actions due to the potent drug that had been called the ‘Soldier Formula’ by the few agents who knew of it due to the true name being so heavily classified. It was quite simple to tell when someone was being injected with the heavy drug, because they’d be highly receptive to commands, no matter how absurd or brutal the order plus the lack of emotional response and the blank stare above all else was a dead give away.
It’s not like they’d probably believe any of the things Riley had to say, and in the unlikely case they actually did swallow it, he highly doubted his mother would sleep well knowing that’s the kind of lifestyle he’s led after they helped encourage him to leave when he hadn’t been overly keen on accepting the spot offered to him by the headmistress of Massachusetts Academy, Miss Fontain. Don’t get Riley wrong, he had studied hard even at a young age and was devouring his school books, the chance to go to a place not only with more information and more of a chance to help him get a really good job to help pay for whatever the farm needed, he also was keen to hopefully gain new friends. After all, a place in a large city was bound to have at least a handful of people who he could get along with, his farm was too far out of town for him to walk there, so any one he did know from his classes he’d never get a chance to have more then half an hour at lunch time with them, while they lived mostly in town and got to hang out all the time. Whenever he tried to stay at his grandparent’s shop, which was in Huxley, he’d attempt to spend some time with the others he knew, but being both young and not very familiar with everyone in the group, it made things more then just a tiny bit awkward for him.
Martha pulled away from her son’s hold and reached out a hand for Catherine, saying her good-byes and giving her motherly smiles before making her way back to the rest of the family. During one of their fights in Iowa, Catherine had blurted out, amongst other things, that she hated his parents, he didn’t understand why she’d say something like that, all his parents ever did was try and make her welcomed, especially his mother. Jonathan, Riley’s father, was really nice to her, but he gave Catherine space since he didn’t want to crowd her, she already had Martha going out of her way to try and help Catherine settle in. Most of the time had been spent with Catherine in her room, Riley had been really upset she was isolating herself all the time, it was like she ran away again, he was getting tired of her way of handling situations, just avoiding anything she wasn’t comfortable with. Including him and their relationship at times, when things got rocky instead of helping sort through it she’d just bail out on him and once on the entire school when she ran back to Washington.
The final whistle blew for the players to get back on court; Riley glanced over his shoulder towards their coach, who had been busy juggling a few different things all at once the whole day. The team was doing really well, and for new comers right down to having players who have basically never played more then on a school basketball team or less, it made the prospect of their winnings unlikely. But with them doing so well they were getting people wanting to sponsor them so they market their products or logo’s, it was only just starting to get busy for the team, at first things had been really slow, the only publicity they got at the start of the year was when they defeated another team who had people watching those players closely.
Looking over at Catherine as he stepped over the bench and a little closer to Catherine then he usually dared to venture, but he figured since she slept next to him last night that things between them where getting better again. There was no way he’d be brave enough just yet to kiss her, even quickly on the cheek or forehead, because it wasn’t just an entire basketball stadium full of people who would see them, his parents were also here, it would be highly embarrassing if she pulled away or looked uncomfortable. Instead he offered her a rather weak smile, the clammy look of exhaustion seemed to drain the devotion put into it.
Forrest still looked upset, he’d been in a fouler mood then was commonly seen in him, but since no one other then the coach (plus of course Riley and Graham) would approach to tell him off and the additional fact the Initiative had ways to help channel their frustration that they no longer really have access to, his temper sometimes got pretty sour when he has a bad day or week. Graham and Riley had other ways to exhaust their boundless energies, both having a steady relationship helped (Well, Graham did anyway, Riley more had a sort of obsessive belief that Cat never really breaks up with him, she just pushes him away for extended periods of time, not that he’s admitted that, even to himself). Plus the fact Riley is able to teach a few classes a week, and all his studies he started taking again, not to mention his creative side, making things seemed to ease the frustrating feel of worthlessness.
Being the oldest of the group seemed to give Forrest more leeway when it came to throwing his weight around, even if he was only a couple of months older then them. But it was also the fact he was the loudest and more outgoing of the group. Riley had been extremely shy when he first moved to the City and every face was alien to him and it was rare to see the same stranger walking on the street, unlike in Huxley where even if he didn’t know them by name he’d recognize their face from somewhere. Graham wasn’t really shy, but he was quiet, rather laid back and yet openly friendly with everyone who approached him or he crossed paths with. Forrest was the kind that would shout out across a crowd of people just to say hi to some person who only barely knew, he was always out to prove himself with more demand for attention then either Riley or Graham, which was hard especially with Riley who tried so hard to impress his Psychology teacher, Professor Maggie Walsh.
It had been a pet peeve and probably the main reason that Riley got the blunt end of Forrest’s bad tempers or mocking statements over the years, the fact that somehow Riley became the Professor’s favorite, sure she never said it, but they could tell. And as usual Riley was dump enough not to realize and would try harder to be better, forcing anyone who wanted to compete for the Professor’s attention to push themselves harder as well. It wasn’t that there was anything particularly special about the Professor, aside that she had recruited them and all the others who were hand picked from the Academy; it was basically the end result of all the conditioning they had been put through. Furthermore she was the only major female figure in their life, both her and Commander Halliwell had gained almost automatic parental positions in the minds of the soldiers who served them.
Of course, loyalties had been burned and confused and trust twisted with uncertainty when they found out that she was responsible for not only genetically altering their bodies, but placing implants inside them to have more control, and to stop them from turning on each other by – just like with the ‘Hostiles’ – shocking them when ever intending violence towards another. Due to the device in their hearts, though not everyone had these special implants, a chemical was introduced constantly into their blood stream, which not only would increase strength, but perform a number of other functions, such as breaking up any foreign substances, like chemicals or drugs, that are entered into his body, things invading his bloodstream are dealt with incredibly fast, the rest of his body, though still makes a speedy recovery, isn’t quite as fast.
In truth they could deal with all that, it was the added fact that agents were being taken, tested and treated on, and like in Riley’s case often mistreated if they didn’t co-operate. Some agents would go missing and not be seen again, no report of death and yet no answers as to where they went, it was things like that which were starting to worry many of the soldiers involved closely enough inside the Initiative to be aware of such things that were going on.
Special Agent Riley Finn, now a rookie basketball player, it felt strange… and even though he liked this freedom Catherine had given him, it was pointless for him a lot of the times since he felt so useless, despite the amount of help he was giving the school as a Language teacher to the students and team leader as well. He promised Catherine he’d live for her, he’d told her dying was so easy a promise to make, anyone can die for someone else, it was living for them that was hard. Sometimes he’s wondered if it really mattered to her, she didn’t seem to take him seriously, they way she’d come and go, the things she’d blurt out angrily, it was like she wasn’t afraid of losing him.
Movement swirled around Riley, Henry seemed more annoying now then earlier, or was it just him? He did feel a little more sluggish then before, the coach was watching the former agent while Riley struggled to deal with the midget player that was really getting on Finn’s nerves. A yell cried out, for a moment Riley looked a little unsure why everyone had stopped, only realizing a minute later that Henry had done something worth a foul, the angry little man unhappily standing beside Riley who was given a free shot just a few meters from the hoop.
Going through the motions and simple routine like an old habit, Riley effortlessly managed the easy shot, though it still caused a cheer nonetheless. Still his thoughts were everywhere but on the game, leaving him dawdling behind as all the others raced off to their starting positions. Catherine has said she loved him, that had to mean something, didn’t it? But then she has also said she hates him, and she hates his family, and hates his child, not that it really matters any more, she doesn’t have his child inside her now, so that problem of hers had been dealt with. And it’s not like she had interacted with his family much at all, so that solved that problem as well, was he just another problem to her that had to be dealt with?
A hand rubbed irritably over his chest, another shout from the coach for him to either wake up or get off the court, for the instant Riley felt so tired and weak that even his pride had to admit getting off the court sounded like a good idea. The pain his chest was heavy and ached so much worse then ever before, the game was almost over though, he didn’t want to let everyone down. At that point everything seemed to instantly become so distant, sound, people, as if it was just pushed away from him, leaving him alone in the dark once again. It wasn’t the first time the ground seemed to have slammed into him from nowhere, but it was the first time that it happened with people around.
(You can reply if you want... didn't really expect anyone to other then Catherine maybe... but you don't have to reply to this, I was just bored and wanted to post it, continues in Sometimes you cant let go of an old life... )
Will you have this dance with me... will dance in my arms forever?
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