She had never wanted to walk down this road again. She had wanted to hold onto the life she had been brought into.. wanted to be alive... But here she was, not even one week after having left the institute and in the shackles of Cortez that she had tried so hard to take away in the past. She wore them willingly now, believing that this was where she truly belonged even when her heart cried in denial, screaming to her of her belonging in a better world a better life. That she really belongs back at the institute. Back with...

No, she had to forget that life! Forget life. Cortez had been right, there was nothing for her beyond the links of the cages and the walls of the pits. Everything out there that she had seen had felt had experienced, they were for someone else. For something else than what she was. She wasn't a human! She wasn't a woman! She didn't really have a soul!.... She was a tool! She was a weapon! She was the property of the man Eddy Cortez...

If she wasn't alive or had a soul then why did it hurt so much? She was crying now, soundless sobs wracking her body, causing it to shake and shudder as she sat curled up in the corner of her new room. It was better to get it out of the way because this was the last time Lorili would ever cry. There would be no tears for her in the future. Only blood. Hot, red, salty-sweet blood. She was dieing in the corner, returning to lifelessness. Being born again into being full time Trade and willing Lorili never to come again. The tears that spilled down her cheeks was blood of her soul, each drop pushing out the part of her that she had clung onto with hope that should never have been there.

Cortez had been right.. About everything... She was nothing and should have never tried to be anything else but what he told her to be. She had to be numb again, feel nothing but the obligation to follow Cortez's every word. He had given her an outlet for her past and present pain, had given her a purpose in life when she would be only getting into a terrible mess without him. He loved her as a daughter and that was why he protected her from living. Why he had shown her the only thing she was good for... Fighting... Killing...

"Tears are for the weak, Trade." She heard Cortez speak from the doorway of the room and brought her face up from where it had been hiding behind her knees. He walked into the room then, stopping only when he was in front of her. As his hand came from his pocket, she looked to see that there was a saringe filled with a clear liquid of some sort. "Do you want to be weak? Or do you want the pain to go away? This can make the pain go away... Unless you enjoy sniffling in a corner like a weak willed child."

No! She didn't want to be seen as a weak willed child! That was a thing of the past! She wasn't a little kid anymore! She wanted the pain to go away, wanted it desperately!... And to stay away.... "Take it." Cortez insisted, bringing the saringe closer to where she could reach it. God if only it were that easy to be rid of those shards of glass that were tearing her heart apart.

She snatched the syringe from his hand, closing her eyes tightly as she stabbed the needle end into her arm. Her next movement was the pushing of the other end to send the contents into her body before yanking the needle back out at the burning and dropping it. Trade opened her eyes wide, her jaw dropping to cause her lips to part as she took in swallows of air. Trade could feel burning though all of her blood before it started to calm into a mid warmth then cool to nothing. By then, she had dropped onto her side on the floor. Her breathing slowed to normal and her stilled as something like numbness came...

It didn't hurt anymore. Actually, she couldn't feel much of anything... except for a chill that was creeping through her body. With each passing second, she was becoming more and more like she had set out to be from the beginning... Stripped of the emotions that would threaten to confuse her or break her down. She was given the blissful numbness of death without the body falling to it as well.