Saturday Morning March 31st: For Richer or Poorer
The bed towered over Chris, the desk beneath it still obscured in shadows as the thick blinds blocked out the morning light. It didn’t matter though; Chris had stared at it for so long the previous days since first he saw it here, sitting in this room made just for him. The bed was sketched perfectly in his mind, but as all things did, he knew it would fade, no matter how long one stared or how hard one tried, things always faded. Like a fully stomach, no matter how much he ate on the streets he’d always get hungry again, he’d always have to try and find another meal, another drink... not here though, never here, he’d never been so hungry that he felt driven to scavenge, he never felt so thirsty that he would drink from sprinklers if he wanted clean water, or dirty city toilet wash rooms when they weren’t locked. His clothes never smelled so bad as they used to, they never looked dirty or torn or.... smeared with gods know what. He never had to wear things too big or too small, or things that were really ugly.. He never got cold at night...
The youth’s fingers reached for the post of the bed, as if touching it just might help him remember this moment all the more clearer. He was never alone here... he was never left for days to fend for himself and he never got in trouble for talking to people, and the people here never talked down to him, they never looked away as if he was something disgusting or shameful. Moving towards the window of his room, the young boy reached out with his small hand, pulling aside the matching deep red curtains that hang before the window to allow in the stream of morning light. It was beautiful at his window; Chris never really got to see so much green from this view point before. The city was always so cold and dank where he lived, the buildings tall and casting their long shadows over the winding city streets and busy highways.
Connor had a printer in his room that printed out photos they took, and as Chris had asked Logan back in the shopping mall about obtaining pictures to put into his room, Connor had made that possible, and Arisa and Connor even had some old frames to put them in. Connor had helped hang them, polishing the dark wooden frames and making the glass surface sparkle as each picture was hang perfectly along the walls at even spaces and equal level. With the curtains pulled back he could see them so clearly now, most were recent, so they had him in it, some were older, with Connor almost his age, or just a little older and Arisa and Madison, with Logan and their mother, followed by another one with just Madison and Connor, then another with just Connor and Arisa. There seemed to be one with a gathering of people, it was the only one Connor could find that had all of the family in it, though with his sisters and father, there were also the other teachers at the school. Sue wasn’t there, but Aunt Jean, Uncle Hank, Uncle Scott, a few names Chris couldn’t remember, he tried but they slipped his mind. Logan said Connor always referred to them as Uncles and Aunts, most of the X-men’s children were similar when it came to the other teachers at the school, they were one big family, Logan had explained. Brown eyes stared up at the picture, Jean was a very pretty woman, she had long red hair and such a kind expression, she seemed to be laughing about something, and her husband was listening with a grin of his own, Logan had said she was sharing a few memories of Connor when he was younger, as it was his 18th birthday and everyone was remembering the years that had past. Connor looked somewhat bored, or distracted, Chris never mentioned anything, but he was staring and Logan mentioned Connor was never really one who took extreme comfort with large crowds, even if he knew everyone in the crowd.
Hank was apparently a doctor; he looked different to all the others in the picture, more of an animal then a human, but Logan spoke so fondly of him, and Connor said he wasn’t sure why but he felt fond of the furred Uncle despite not really seeing a lot of him. Chris was interested in seeing the man, but feared he might stare too much; he tried to instead imagine what it must be like to see the doctor face to face. Most people would probably find him really scary... but the way they talked of him, Hank didn’t seem scary. A few other students were also at the table, or walking in the background, but Chris didn’t remember their names, Logan had pointed a few of Connor’s friends out by name and while Connor took interest Chris had gotten distracted with staring at Hank.
The others weren’t as busy, and mostly consisted of himself and Logan or Connor or him with his kitten, who was usually asleep on his lap it seemed. He’d called her Missy, not saying where he got the name from and that it just seemed to suit her, in honesty he couldn’t really see his mother in the feline, but the kitten was taken in off the street, just like he was, and so a part of him wanted obviously the same thing for his mother, and as he couldn’t see that happening, it seemed comforting to give the kitten her name and so when he fed her, it was like he was feeding his mother and as if his mother had just as much a chance to be saved as he and his kitten were. But that wouldn’t happen... surely... she had people take her back to their homes all the time but she ended up returning to the streets given time, Chris wondered though if it was because of him that she returned... it was both a nice thought and a sad thought. While Chris loved it here... maybe he owed it to his mother to go back to her just as she always went back to him... maybe it would be better for Connor and Logan and Madison and Arisa if he wasn’t there for them to argue over.
Returning to the window, Chris pushed it open, letting the chill of the fresh air invade the warmth of his room. He’d never slept so warmly and comfortably before as he had done so here, he never felt so safe and secure and protected by all the elements that usually threatened him, especially at this time of year. There were times he had gotten so sick during the colder months, but now that he had see how nice it could be to live in a home, not only would he get sick and cold, he’d get upset he wasn’t here, upset he couldn’t be back in these safe and warm walls. A soft nuzzling of the kitten’s body against his leg drew Chris’s attention, the boy’s eyes blinking firmly at times, stubborn in their attempts to hold back the tears. How could he say goodbye without telling them where he was going? How could he leave without explaining things? Maybe he should just go while they weren’t around.... if he left he could get his mother to write them a note saying sorry and goodbye....... Chris didn’t like that idea at all, just walking off on them, but it seemed so much easier then explaining to them where he would be going. But... he’d rather run then have them look at him like the other people used to always look at him, as if he was filth on the side of the road that was overlooked by the cleaners, the way they’d shoo him off like some diseased bird or roaming stray. It was his life and Chris accepted that, until now it was all he had known, but it didn’t matter if he couldn’t stay here or not, all that mattered was if those he cared for here would turn from him if they knew.... it was safer to leave without telling them, even if it might be more upsetting for them.
Quick steps carried the boy to his desk, fingers taking a small photo of him, Logan and Connor that sat on the desk, it was small enough to carry with ease and to hide easily enough from his mother. She used to tell him all about her time at the houses of some of her friends and it always sounded so nice it had upset Chris at times when she had gone on about sleeping in warm beds and he’d struggled to find an escape from the chill of the night. Nothing else would be taken, nothing at all, he felt bad enough taking the clothes he currently was wearing, but it wasn’t like he could run back to Amlarie’s and get his old clothes, she had thrown them away. Grabbing at the door, the kitten following the boy as he moved as if knowing Chris was about to leave and she didn’t want to be left behind, twisting the handle and pulling the door open however revealed Logan on the other side, obviously half way to knocking on Chris’s door. The boy’s eyes dropped swiftly, his heart pounding away in his chest as if having been caught about to steal a sweet before dinner, the photo frame held not so discreetly behind his back so that Logan wouldn’t see it.
"I thought you left," It sounded as if Chris had hoped for it, maybe he did considering it was a lot harder to sneak out when everyone was still around to see him go, "I’m sorry I caused a fight," Ok, he didn’t start the argument, but it was because of him that it had started, and he didn’t give Logan a chance to say otherwise, "I know they fight a lot, and they would just fight about something else if it comes up, but Madison doesn’t like me, and I’m not special so I can’t stay here, only special people can stay here, like you and Connor and her," Chris’s voice started to get slightly pitched as the tears began to get the better of him and the boy seemed to continue speaking as if in one long breath, "I just really liked it with Connor, he treated me so differently, and then you, I never had people be so nice and I never wanted to lie, I just didn’t want you all treating me differently like all the others, they were always so mean and rude to me, but I can go and you don’t have to worry about me anymore because I can take care of myself, I don’t need a babysitter," It would see as if Chris would not stop speaking, though even he needed to take in a deep breath and refill his lungs with fresh air in order to stand a chance to continue on, this being the perfect moment for Logan to interrupt the string of tearful words that seemed fall so abruptly from the boys lips.
Re: Saturday Morning March 31st: For Richer or Poorer
It had gone better than he expected. His confrontation with Connor! But then again that wasn’t really all that hard when the acceptable level for their quarrels was set so low. *Still* though Logan as he made his way back to the apartment, they had talked rather than fought. And that hadn’t happened in a long time.
Once again it felt wrong to take even the slightest advantage of what Amlarie had done to his son. But the question had to be asked… would Connor have given him the chance to get this close if his memory hadn’t been wiped? The answer, Logan feared, was all too obvious. Not a hope in hell! Although that still didn’t give the bitch the right to put Connor through all this.
Still there was more fallout than just that to be dealt with from the fact that she had waded into their lives and rewritten everything according to her own vision of what should and should not be. There was for example a boy Connor loved as a brother suddenly catapulted into their existence. A boy, for that matter, left at the tender mercy of a man she clearly thought of as being unfit to be a father. Very considerate! If, that was, she had ever given a damn about Chris in the first place.
That was something Logan couldn’t figure out. Though he was inclined to think the worst! That for her the kid was just some bit player in a film centred on Connor, to live or die as the script dictated. But then again, Wolverine already knew that she had no grasp of the real mentality of the characters she was trying to manipulate. Otherwise she would hardly have ignored his own fervent dedication to his children, however inept that dedication might have seemed from the outside. Or his infinite, if similarly well concealed capacity for caring.
God knows he cared about Chris. Just as Connor did! In fact the boy had become part of the family, whether they had intended that or not. Otherwise Madison wouldn’t have seen him as such a threat. It wasn’t always a blessing to be admitted into the Enright clan. That much Logan was more than ready to acknowledge. It meant fighting and strife and more drama than the average soap opera had to offer on a bad day. But on the plus side, it also meant a fierce loyalty that kicked in when times got hard. And a love, on his part at least, towards his children that knew no bounds.
Did Chris know that? Logan wasn’t sure. And that was perhaps normal given the circumstances. It was clear that it would tear Connor apart if Chris’s parents turned up to take him away from the filthy mutants into whose evil clutches he had fallen. That he would, if he left, also carry a part of Logan’s own heart with him was perhaps less apparent. And yet it was none the less true. But while the possibility of the boys return to a happy home was still on the cards he didn’t have the right to say anything. Though it was hard to keep from doing do.
For now though all Wolverine had to do was make sure Chris realised that this entire trauma wasn’t his fault. Easy? Maybe not! But doable surely….Or so he thought until Chris opened the door. "I thought you left," the boy said abruptly; Accusation or wish? Logan didn’t know. But certainly a big deal either way.
"I’m sorry I caused a fight," Chris went on , cutting the ground from beneath Logan’s feet as he continued "I know they fight a lot, and they would just fight about something else if it comes up, but” That was to have been Wolverines next point but the boy beat him too it. His next arguments though were less well founded. Madison doesn’t like me, and I’m not special so I can’t stay here, only special people can stay here, like you and Connor and her,"
Special people? Mutants? Was this what this was all about? That Chris thought only mutants were welcome at the Institute. If so then the response was easy enough. So why didn’t Logan think that a simple reassurance that he would be welcome here would be enough for this troubled child? Maybe the fact that he could smell fear! And loss. And loneliness! Emotions heightened no doubt by the recent argument but always waiting there under the surface of Chris’s sweet nature and in the end just as much a part of him as that was.
Now though his heart was opening to Wolverine, letting him see the wounds he had always suspected might be there. “I just really liked it with Connor,” Chris said emotionally. “he treated me so differently, and then you, I never had people be so nice and I never wanted to lie, I just didn’t want you all treating me differently like all the others, they were always so mean and rude to me, but I can go and you don’t have to worry about me anymore because I can take care of myself, I don’t need a babysitter,"
The words poured out of Chris like tears, released by some emotional barrier that had finally given way and left him exposed and fragile in a way he had never been before. And faced with them Logan, as usual, didn’t know what to say. No parent ever really did. But they, at least, had the possibility to take their child in their arms and hold them until the hurting past. Wolverine on the other hand didn’t have that option. He wasn’t Chris’s father. He didn’t have the right to fill that role. No matter how much he wanted to. So this time, for once, he had to find words that might help. And hope against hope that they would, against all the odds, be the right ones. Though he suspected the issues raised here were far from simple.
He may have been interpreting what the boy said to fit in with his own theories but it certainly didn’t seem to Logan that Chris had come from the perfect family. And it made him feel bad that somehow he himself was glad to hear that. That was just the small selfish voice that each and every one had within them talking though and Logan fortunately recognised it as such. If you truly loved someone then you didn’t wish hardship upon them. Even past hardship.
Yes, if Chris was in fact abandoned, as his words and all the other clues that had been accumulating recently seemed to indicate, then Logan could claim him as his own .Something he would not have hesitated one second to do. But then that would mean that the boy had known hardship and deprivation. That his previous life had been anything but happy! And that was something that Logan would never have wished upon him no matter what.
Whatever the truth was though, Logan had to find some sort of an answer to Chris’s pain. Even if he felt far from qualified for such a task! “ Hey, hey where‘s all this coming from?” he asked gently. “Not because of Madi I hope?” Logan laid his hand on the boys shoulder, offering what physical comfort he felt he could reasonably give while resisting the impulse to simply hold him close. “She’s always mean to her brothers. Ask Connor about it. And sure, you can take care of yourself, Chris. You’re a fighter. But then I’ve always known that. Just like I’ve always known you were special. Maybe not in the same way as most of the students here at the Institute with their mutant powers but special all the same. Brave and clever and kind! Someone anyone would be proud to know”. The words echoed those he had spoken to his own son just minutes before but were no less sincere. “And don’t you ever let anyone tell you differently”
Re: Saturday Morning March 31st: For Richer or Poorer
“Hey, hey where‘s all this coming from?” The elder asked Chris with compassion and love that coloured his concerned tone. “Not because of Madi I hope?” Not entirely, but she had said things that Chris wondered if they were true or not, she had said things he couldn't so easily forgot just yet, things he couldn't entirely doubt or deny. The hand that pressed down on the boy's shoulder was firm, real and alive and strong, yet gentle and protective, it almost made him cry all the more to think of what it would be like to be without that again.
“She’s always mean to her brothers. Ask Connor about it. And sure, you can take care of yourself, Chris. You’re a fighter. But then I’ve always known that. Just like I’ve always known you were special. Maybe not in the same way as most of the students here at the Institute with their mutant powers but special all the same. Brave and clever and kind! Someone anyone would be proud to know” Brave? Clever? Yeah, he's been called a kind boy before, but never brave, and definitely never clever! The boy's eyes shut tightly to try and hide away the tears, but all it did was push more out and cause them to fall down his cheeks. “And don’t you ever let anyone tell you differently” The youth wasn't sure what to make of it, it sounded great in thoery, but how did Chrs demand people not to say particular things about him. It wasn't like he could change what they said just by wanting them to say otherwise, nor could he really feel as if he was deserving of it compared to the people here who were definitely smarter then he was. Then again, it was probably one of those sayings that said one thing whilst meaning something very different, or not vrey, but even slightly, and right now Chris was too torn up to think too much about it.
What Chris did understand was that Logan wanted him to not let people upset him so much, that Logan thought he was more important then the nothingness he sometimes felt while out on the streets, but would he still think that... Was it fair to judge like that? After all Logan had done? And yet the painful memories of people who had shunned, or loked with disgust, or thought him lesser with pity and all these horrible things he just learned to live with as his mother had done and those others like him. Those nights on the streets in the winter, and cold, they were always bad, winter wasn't as lonely as summer nights though, because winter was the worst, so people would gather, it was cold but it was comforting at the same time, because it wasn't as lonely as it got in the hotter nights when people wanted space. But it was diferent here, Connor and Logan and the pets, they all wanted each other's company all the time, every day they would see each other and whenever time would pass one had to be gone more then a night then it woul be made known how long and where they were and how to get in contact with them if trouble arose. Chris didn't have that with his mother, she would leave and he wouldn't see her for sometimes days or on the worst occasions even weeks at a time.
"A fighter?" Chris asked, trying to picture himself as a fighter, he couldn't imagine himself as Connor or Logan with strength or power, he was so much smaller and weaker then they were. "I'm not clever though," The boy admitted meekly, "I want to be, I want to be like you and Connor, you're so smart and.. you are kind too Logan, you helped with the kitten's, and you found Connor, and you talk to me ... you make me feel like I'm at home, you make everything feel as if it's ok, I don't want you to be disappointed in me," The admittence was softly spoken, though he felt torn between the weight being lifted and a new one suddenly being squeezed about him.
Re: Saturday Morning March 31st: For Richer or Poorer
It was what he had always wanted to hear from his children. That he was smart. That he was kind. Above all that he had made them a home they would want to call their own. And now here was Chris was saying all the right words. And all they did was tear at Logan’s heart.
I don't want you to be disappointed in me," Chris told him with tears in his eyes. As if Wolverine wasn’t the one everyone was always disappointed in. As if he was something to be lived up to rather than looked down on! How could this child see him like that when his own children couldn’t? And why did it matter so much to him that Chris did? Logan either didn’t know or wasn’t willing to admit to himself that he did. Still he couldn’t altogether keep the emotion from his voice as he said gently “That will never happen Chris.”
“ You’ll probably worry me half to death.” he added with a smile “And I’m sure that you’ll make me mad sometimes. After all I don’t exactly have the best of tempers. But I’ll never be disappointed in you. Not going to happen.”
Logan lowered himself cross legged onto the floor in front of the Chris trying not to let his face show just how much his feral senses picked up of the boys distress, hoping that his own stillness would somehow stifle the desperate urge to flee that he recognised all too well.
Did I do or say something that made you feel this way? he asked worriedly. Because if I did then, I’m sorry! Sometimes I mess up. Well most of the time actually. Just ask Madison. But… there’s something important that I want you to know. Something its taken me a long time to realise.
If Wolverines voice was still marked by its characteristic gruffness his smile was open and sincere. “We don’t have to be perfect Chris. Not you. Not me. Not Connor. We just have to care for each other. That’s all. We just have to be family. And you are family now.Our family. Mine and Connors and Arisas and Madisons. Even though she’ll fight every inch of the way rather than admit it. And that’s all that matters. So whatevers worrying you its ok. You can tell us. And we’ll deal with it together.
Re: Saturday Morning March 31st: For Richer or Poorer"That will never happen Chris." There was a certainty in the older mans voice, and the affection within helped ease the anxiety Chris felt a little. "You’ll probably worry me half to death." With a sniffle, the boy looked up at Logan as he spoke, wishing more then anything that he would never cause such worries, and yet feeling so strange inside that there was someone that would worry. After all, Chris’s mother may say she worried at times, but she always found a way to avoid facing her worries, and sometimes it seemed like she would get over things too easily. Seeing her on drugs was a very painful thing, because she was as indifferent to him at times as the strangers on the street, and he never liked that. "And I’m sure that you’ll make me mad sometimes. After all I don’t exactly have the best of tempers. But I’ll never be disappointed in you. Not going to happen." Logan lowered his body, gently dropping to the floor and sitting down, it seemed an odd place to sit, or maybe it just seemed odd considering Logan had so many more comfortable spots, and he never sat on the floor that Chris had seen.
"Did I do or say something that made you feel this way?" No not at all, and Chris drew in a swift breath about to insist that but Logan continued with his words and the young child found himself staring hard at the ground. That wasn’t the impression he wanted to give anyone, that they were why he was upset, because it wasn’t, and he wanted them to know he really cared about them and he didn’t care if they were different, they were so nice and giving and … loving! They were everything Chris would have dreamed up as being a family. "Because if I did then, I’m sorry! Sometimes I mess up. Well most of the time actually. Just ask Madison. But… there’s something important that I want you to know. Something its taken me a long time to realise." Now Logan thought he had done something horrible, and Chris felt all the worse for it, besides, Madison was always angry it seemed, as if nothing anyone did ever really pleased her.
"We don’t have to be perfect Chris. Not you. Not me. Not Connor. We just have to care for each other. That’s all. We just have to be family. And you are family now.Our family. Mine and Connors and Arisas and Madisons. Even though she’ll fight every inch of the way rather than admit it. And that’s all that matters. So whatevers worrying you its ok. You can tell us. And we’ll deal with it together." For a moment, Chris found himself staring at Logan, his chest breathing in and out in a slow steady rhythm, his mother always said you never tell a stranger the truth. Then again… Logan was hardly a stranger… and what’s the worse that he could do? It wasn’t like either way Logan would let him stay.
"I…" The boy started uneasily, "I have a mom… and we have a place we stay," And with that, Chris found his voice lost in a mass of knots in his stomach, which caused the boy to move his hands from behind his back and drew it to his chest.
Re: Saturday Morning March 31st: For Richer or Poorer
It wasn’t what he wanted to hear, but in the end it had needed to be said. "I… I have a mom… and we have a place we stay," And with those few words a whole house of cards that Logan has been trying not to build but which he had built nonetheless came crashing down around his ears.
So… There would be no adoption of this boy. No legal acceptance of him into their family to mirror the emotional one that had already taken place. There would never be a time when he would bear the Enright name as his own or when Logan would call him son in anything but the figurative sense. Strange.. they had talked about the possibility of this moment coming, he and Connor and Logan had been the one saying that even if Chris had parents it would change nothing Well he had lied. To his son. To himself above all! Because in the end it changed everything, no matter how much he wished that wasn’t the case.
Still he couldn’t let the boy see how much this news had affected him. After all it had taken this long just to get him to admit to the existence of this mother he now talked about with such great difficulty. Why should that be? Logan didn’t even want to speculate on the possibilities though certain thrust themselves all too easily into his mind.
Had she hurt him? Had life with her been so bad that Chris couldn’t bring himself to even imagine going back? If that was the case then they would sort something out. There was no question of letting him be hurt again, by anyone let alone his own family. But that was jumping the gun. First of all the story had to be coaxed out of him and that wasn’t going to happen if Logan let go of his emotions!
And so he sat, willing himself to calmness, telling his heart it could break another day and his anger to stay caged until it had a reason to break out and said softly. “Soooo .. a mum ehh? She must be worried about you. I know I would be in her place. What do you think we should do about that Chris? Logan’s eyes held no judgement just a steady compassion and a willingness to help. Nor did the thousands of questions he wanted to ask spill out to overwhelm the child in this most crucial moment.
Of course as an adult he could have taken control of the situation and simply told Chris what to do. Or rather what would be done whether he liked it or not! This though wasn’t his call to make. Or so Logan’s instincts told him. Advice he could offer if it was asked for. Implications for the future he had a duty to point out.But in the final analysis this had to be Chris’s decision. And so once again he asked “Don’t you think we should let her know that you’re all right” and waited to see what the answer might be.
Re: Saturday Morning March 31st: For Richer or Poorer
Logan did that thing that Connor did sometimes, that look that was designed to brush agitation, upset or annoyance aside, that push to focus and that desire to keep things positive, Chris had seen Connor with that expression a few times before Connor started arguing with Sara. "Soooo .. a mum ehh? She must be worried about you. I know I would be in her place. What do you think we should do about that Chris?" Staring into the face of Connor’s father left Chris feeling more miserable, and wondering if it were at all possible to just say this was all a misunderstanding and go back to how it had been for a while. What needed to happen now? Did Chris have to leave? Was there no more choice, no chance to come back? The tears threatened to return at that thought, and it took all Chris’s will to focus on not breaking down in front of Logan as he continued to speak.
"Don’t you think we should let her know that you’re all right" Yes… and no. Hands drew the hidden picture from behind his back and just held it against his chest, he didn’t want to lose it all, this, not the house, not the clothes, none of that mattered, Chris liked them all but they weren’t what made this special. It had been Connor and Logan and even in some ways Arisa and Madison sometimes had been nice, in that way that took so much getting used to. Instead of offering him a drink if he was thirsty and waiting for her to finish pouring herself, she’d just sigh and serve him too, or grumble about supposing he wanted some too. When people really didn’t care, they just turned their backs and acted as if you didn’t exist, and if Chris left this place, then that’s where he’d be again, in that place that made him feel as if no one cared if he existed or not save his mother, when she was around, and his uncles… but they were always moving and weren’t the type of people a child could really stay around too long.
"If you tell me where the park is from here, I can walk there." The comment was given as if there were really only one park of importance that needed to be mentioned, "I can find her…" Of course, Chris had been moved about so much lately, going to shops and Amlarie’s and here at Xavier’s, he’s lost complete understanding of which way was home and the best root back. Being a street boy of New York however he knew that the tall sky risers weren’t exactly down the street… however as this thought came, Chris found himself once more confused on his location. "I don’t go past the bridge, or the graveyard, I’m not sure of my way around past those places," It was relatively clear that the only directions Chris might know were places and icons, since he hadn’t mentioned a single street name yet despite trying to explain where he was meaning.
Re: Saturday Morning March 31st: For Richer or Poorer
The question had apparently been far from straightforward given Chris’s reaction. And yet surely if all had been well it should have been. If psychology was far from being Logan’s strong point , body language at least was something he could read with ease. And the boy’s body language screamed indecision. Though given the way he clutched the photo he was holding to his chest as if it was some treasure he would have died rather than give up it really didn’t need an expert to deduce that.
Which just made the whole thing even more painful for as all those concerned! And Logan was more than just concerned. He was in fact committed heart and soul to this boy who had come so suddenly and unexpectedly into his life. And who, he fully realised, could leave just as abruptly. Except he didn’t want to leave! That Chris actually wanted to stay with them was obvious. As obvious as the fact he had ties elsewhere which he had to honour.
And honour them he would from the look of things. No matter what it cost. "If you tell me where the park is from here, I can walk there, I can find her…"” he told Logan bravely, but then again courage had never been something that he lacked, from what Wolverine had seen. It was only sad that at his age, he had had to prove that so often. And sadder still that he had to call upon it to go back to his mother!
The park could in some ideal world have been a point of reference to a safe and cosy home , but somehow Logan doubted that. Nor did Chris’s next words do anything to reassure him. "I don’t go past the bridge, or the graveyard,” the youngster told him earnestly I’m not sure of my way around past those places,"
It was the moment if every there was one to simply say ‘screw all that, stay here with us where you’re safe.’ Because it certainly didn’t sound as if Chris was safe where he had been before!
Logan knew New York! In fact his enhanced senses had mapped it from one end to another in ways no normal person could ever imagine, and so these reference points that Chris mentioned were well known to him. They designated a territory that was based not on the normal residential area where everything was all cookies when you came home from school and white picket fences.
These were instead the markers you retained if you were down and out and trying to simply stay alive. Logan had been there and done that. By choice! In those days when had felt that he wasn’t even worthy of setting foot in the institute. In the days before he had had a family. Because once you had one you had to be there for them, didn’t you? Yeah sure! Like he had always done that!
Sometimes, if things really touched bottom, you could actually convince yourself that they might be better off without you. That all you could bring them was violence and heartache. That thought was all that kept Logan from asking Chris to simply stay. Even though he knew Connor would hate him for not insisting that he did so.
Because maybe the boy’s mother hadn’t been actively abusing him! Instead maybe she had also touched bottom, just as he had from time to time! And if that was the case then he had to offer her a way back to the surface. After all, the Institute had always done that for him. No matter how many times he had stumbled. So now, no matter what it cost him to do so, it was his turn to offer a helping hand. He only hoped that Chris’s mother was still able to grasp it for the right reasons.
Which was why he smiled at Chris encouragingly and said “If you really want to find her than we can do it. After all I tracked Connor when he was lost, didn’t I? I will track anyone you truly care about Chris. People who love each other shouldn’t be apart. And people who truly love each other never will be”
It wasn’t something he said often. Nor would it ever be something he ever said easily. But something told him it had to be said here and now. “Connor truly loves you” Logan said gruffly, his voice already retreating into an awkwardness he wished he could avoid but which in the end perhaps made his declaration all the more sincere. “ and I do too. Come on kid he went on even as his emotions broke through his apparent calm. you should know that by now. So that’s not going to change no matter what happens. But if there’s the least chance that your mother feels the same way than we have to take it . Because a love like that isn’t something you want to pass on, is it?
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