Wednesday 14th A Farewell to Arms
Scott took a final look around the meeting room Everything was in order just as he liked it, the empty chairs waiting for the other X men to come and fill them. They had a lot to discuss. The training island incident, with all the attendant security problems that highlighted. Connors disappearance. *Wonder how Logan’s holding up* he thought worriedly. *I’d be going insane if it was Sean. Let’s just hope he doesn’t do anything stupid. As if we could stop him if he did. We’ve never been able to do so in the past*
There were bound to be other things as well There always were at meetings like this , each one bringing their own particular insights and revelations. Well he had his own bombshell to drop. If only he could figure out how to do it; Scott leaned forward instinctiely to straighten the papers on the desk but only succeeded in making things worse. Having only one working hand certainly complicated things. But then that was something he’d just have to get used to. Like a lot of other things.
Even the meeting was later than he would normally have called it. Mornings were hard. Waiting for the drugs to kick in so that he could contemplate facing the day. Ironic. If even a few days ago you had told him he’d have been reduced to a shaking wreck just by the effort of getting dressed he’d have laughed. Though there would have been fear behind the laughter. This had been coming on for a long time. He’d just refused to believe it.*Well now I have no choice* he reminded himself . *Even I can’t bluff my way through this one Which is why its time to stop.*
He took a deep breath and carefully adjusted the sling which supported his now useless right arm. It was made of dark material rather than the stark white of the more traditional ones. More discrete. *A typical Summers reaction* he thought wryly. Subtle Understated. *Yeah sure! It’s vanity whatever way you look at it. Look at me I’m Cyclops. Nothing phases me Not even death*
It wasn’t true though. He didn’t want to die Not like this. Deliberately he forced down the panic that threatened to engulf him. He had to keep control. That was what he did. It was who he was. *Cool it* he told himself *There are more problems facing the school than your retirement. The place isn’t going to fall apart just because I step down from active service*
It was true and he knew it but it was still hard walking away from the teams that had been such an important part of his life for so long. He’d been an x man since he was a teenager. An X man first last and always. *Maybe too much so* he reflected. *Did I let it get in the way of everything else? Friends. Family. *
But then the X men had been both. The people who were coming to this meeting were the best friends he had ever had. Jean had fought at his side from the beginning, partner and team mate as well as wife. Now Sean too was making his way in the great Summer family tradition. Scott was proud even if he wished it didn’t have to be that way. *I fought so that he wouldn’t have to. That was supposed to be the point. And yet…….things would have been worse if we hadn’t tried. If we didn’t keep on trying no matter how hard it gets.*
*That’s what I have to do now.* he said determinedly. *There’s still a lot of things I can contribute to around here. Help Jean out with running the Institute. Actually get involved with the kids for a change. Look into these security problems Hanks been talking about. I can still be an X man even if I don’t fight my battles in the field. Now all I have to do is find a way to tell the others; And Id better find it fast. Because here they come.*
Meetings. She hated meetings! Of course the fact that they had had a million of them during the past days didn’t exactly help to improve her attitude towards them, despite all psychological theories about conditioning and the like. Releasing a frustrated sigh, Rogue marched down the hallways like a cantankerous old man. As one of the core X-Men, she had quickly learned about the importance of multi-tasking. Be a teacher * and team-leader, save the world on a daily basis and don’t you forget about your humanity. Despite it all, however, she wasn’t used to being swamped with this kind of work.
The Southern Belle had always been the type of person that hit down a wall first before asking who was inhabiting the building. Quite literally in most cases, by the way. She wasn’t dumb, but as streetwise as she had become over the past decades, it didn’t help her to contribute eloquently formulated questions or come up with thought-through solutions. There was the odd idea she had, practical ways of improving things, but despite the strategic skills she had acquired in exchange for her blood and sweat and muttered curses, long-running plans and plots were something she didn’t feel comfortable with. Who could know what tomorrow would bring? Wasn’t it better to react when you knew what threatened you instead of anticipating all eventualities? Wasn’t that spoiling the rare times of peace and quiet they were granted by this obnoxious fate that kept on firing missiles at them?
A fight was something completely different. You knew what you were facing. And if you didn’t know what, at least the fact that you were in a combat situation was clear. Then it was of course imperative to expect everything, especially when dealing with other mutants or supernatural forces like they had had so often. It was good to adopt the policy, that there was nothing that did not exist. However, the possibilities weren’t endless. Not quite. There were variations, but the basics were the same. Their current situation, however, was quite the opposite. Or not? *Damn, haven’t even entered the freakin’ room an’ ah’m already lost.* It was always like that though. Rogue knew she couldn’t compare herself to any of the others. Storm and Scott with their natural leader qualities, Jean and Hank with their sharp, analytic minds, Betsy and Bishop with their seemingly infinite knowledge of weapons and fighting techniques…
To her, the list appeared endless. A gallery of X-Men – a parade of her own insufficiencies. There was nothing she was really good at, was there? Nothing that was of use now. Sure, she could smash things. Trouble was on top of all those things the others had to contribute, they were all decent to excellent fighters as well. Some people just seemed to have it all. Why, she mused, why was it that she had to choose those as friends that surpassed her in every way?
Had she chosen though?
The thought came unasked and was quickly kicked out by shocked conscience. Now now, don’t be unthankful. *Don’tya ever dare to be freakin’ unthankful.* They were accepting her as equal, weren’t they? Despite her incapability. Despite her lack of knowledge in almost every regard. Despite her uselessness in every way other than smashing and trashing things. They had even given her a teacher’s position. The day Xavier had told her about it, there had been a moment – just a moment – in which Rogue had stared at him in disbelief, expecting it to be an old man’s cruel joke. But it hadn’t been one. She should have known it hadn’t. Yet the part of her that was currently indulging in self-pity and regretful reproaches to a southern girl that had rather run around in woods than take a book from shelves had felt unable to understand how this could have been happening. It was this part that hadn’t shut up ever since. It had been this part that had only been silent in this wonderful dream where someone had loved her.
But she had woken herself up, hadn’t she? And here she was again, preparing to sit around feeling like the ugly duckling among the swans. They accepted, respected and even loved her as who she was. But it wasn’t the same. It wasn’t enough. It didn’t help make her believe they were right to trust in the girl that had become a woman without really knowing what this meant. It didn’t help see her the truth. Leaving Spike had been the first mature thing she had done since, well, maybe ever. At the same time though, it had closed a door he had enabled her take a look through – a door she may have passed one day. But fate hadn’t let her, had it? Had robbed her of this wonderful dream.
No, she corrected herself, no that wasn’t true. It had been she and she alone. It had been something that she had thought needed to be done, the right decision. Maybe it was about time she started trusting in her own decisions as much as she had come to believe in those of others. It really was about time. And so she entered the War Room to meet Storm’s welcoming smile, Scott’s transparent calm, and did what she did best – apart from smashing things: Hoping.
* Though that had turned into being responsible for student activities as she had felt that would be more suitable for herself.
There comes a time in everyone's life when we have to take over responsibility.
The question remains whether there is also a time when we can get rid of it again.
Re: A Farewell to Arms
He couldn’t believe he’d wasted half a day for a damned meeting. Ok It was his own fault. When he had heard that it was Scott who had called it Logan hadn’t bothered to check the starting time He just presumed it would be at the crack of dawn as usual. "What the hells got into him?" Logan muttered as he made his way through the corridors his annoyed expression causing students to get out of his way even faster than usual.
Not that he could blame all of his bad mood on Scott though it was convenient to do so and lets face it if you had to be mad at someone Cyclops was as good a person as any. *He should know I’ve got other things on my mind* Wolverine thought grimly as he neared the meeting room. His son's continued disappearance was slowly wearing him down. Add to that the news that the Weapons X programme was alive and well and apparently killing off their students and all in all the day wasn’t exactly off to the best start.
Besides he was more than just annoyed with Cyclops He was disappointed and not a little hurt if he could have brought himself to admit it. He had expected more. More help in searching for his son.
The two men may have kept up the pretence of mutual antagonism but they both knew it was only a game. There was a friendship and a respect between the two of them that ran deep and true. They had always been there for each other when times got rough and god knows they had seemed to get rough far too often.
Yet Connor had been gone four days now and Scott hadn’t put in a single appearance. Jean too had been distracted but she had still taken the time to run Cerebro trying to pick up Connors life signs. *She’s in charge of the whole damn school and she can still find time to give me a hand.* Logan said to himself bitterly. But Mr High and Mighty Cyclops can’t even get off his ass and do some paperwork? Guess he’s got higher things on his list of priorities than my family.*
It wasn’t the best frame of mind for a constructive meeting but personally Logan didn’t care. They wanted him there, fine he was there but he didn’t have to be happy about it did he.? As he reached the meeting room he flung the door open as petulantly as any student not even grunting a greeting as he dropped into one of the waiting chairs, cigar smoke billowing around him like his own personal thundercloud. Only then did he raise his eyes and look around at the others. . Rogue Storm Scott.
*Holy @#%$!* Suddenly he was upright in the chair , muscles tense as he registered what his senses were telling him. Not just the sling and the tell tale signs of fatigue those were only the surface. Drugs. The smell of them almost filling the room as far as Logan was concerned. He couldn’t identify all of them but there was morphine in there for sure. More of it than he wanted to admit. *This is why I haven’t seen him* Logan realised, understanding dawning on him at last.. *Scott’s hurt. Though he’s trying hard not to show it. He’s hurt real bad.*
There's just somethin' wild inside me pullin' me to do things I don't understand.
I can't figure it. It's like tryin' to explain desire.
Re: Wednesday 14th A Farewell to Arms
Quietly Jean walked down the halls, too tired to even make the effort of rushing but it was more the just physical, her exhaustion was soaked right to the core of her very soul. The telepath’s spirit felt drained and she wasn’t sure she was willing to take part in this meeting, she didn’t want to, every part of her screamed to make up some excuse in which to cancel her arrival there. But ignoring the problem wouldn’t make it go away, it most certainly hadn’t for Scott, and maybe she was more angry with him for not telling her, or perhaps she was angry with Hank? Right now it seemed like she was angry with everyone and no one at all.
There were always those times when Scott would get cold and distant, when something would be wrong and someone would be influencing her husband’s actions, his thoughts, his emotions. But that wasn’t the case here, there was no one for her to hurt, to scream and yell at… the lives of an entire solar system were destroyed by her and yet she couldn’t save one mans life, one man who meant the world to her… Not only was she losing her husband, she couldn’t even find the young man she warmly called her nephew… it’s like Connor’s mind wasn’t out there any more. His thoughts wouldn’t return her calls his mind wasn’t screaming out for attention, there was just silence, vague unfamiliar echoes from hundreds and thousands of minds but none of them were Connor’s… which meant he was somewhere too deep or too well protected for Cerebro to find. Death wasn’t an option, not a possibility in the slightest, Jean wouldn’t allow the thought to dawn on her, just like she was holding off the inevitable with her husband.
The door to the War Room was right there… just a few feet in front of her, a step forward and it would open for her, the smell of cigar smoke alerted her to Logan’s recent arrival before her mind ventured into the room beyond the door. Cyclops. Her husband, her other half, the one she had suffered for and suffered with and in turn caused him suffering when things went wrong and he fretted for his lover as she would for him. Ororo. The old friend, the best of friends when one considers the long late night discussions and private talks and personal moments the two both shared regularly. A smile almost broke through, so long ago when things didn’t seem so broken, when families were young and the children could just brighten their hectic days, still kept from the chaos life now throws at their young. Ororo was always so pretty, and her hair long and white, her eyes showing her fantastic soul… Jean remembered telling Connor that Ororo also had problems with small spaces, the two woman were eating and Jean had been looking after him for the morning. Children get attached so easily at times and Jean couldn’t help but feel that the 11 year old had developed what could possibly be a vague crash on Storm for a good few months before it gave way to a more personal family bond. Even if Storm didn’t spend a lot of time with the children she did do a wonderful job when she was around, and everyone always referred to each other as aunts and uncles, giving them a larger and closer knit family then many of them ever got.
It seemed like just the other day she was breaking up yet another fight between Madison and Arisa after the two girls got into a clash in the halls, Connor getting so wound up by their bickering Jean would try and find some way of rewarding all his efforts. It got harder as Connor got older, like with most of the children, sweets weren’t always a cure for bothers and trips or outings didn’t solve the gloomy moods like it used to. And what of Sean? How was he going to manage being alone without a father? Jean could always see there was a connection beyond father and son, there was a familiar understanding, both had a power that was strong, but deadly, and though Sean’s abilities were controllable unlike his fathers, Sean still feared being without his visors, so paranoid he may hurt someone. All Sean needed to do was learn to control his optic blasts, a control which was stolen from his father only because of an accident, and both parents know that Sean wouldn’t be as confined as his father but their son had seen the damage an uncontrolled blast could do and refused to put those around him at risk.
A slender hand raised to obscure her face, fiery waves spilling over her shoulder and helping hide her face that little more. Rogue. Logan. Two more friends, though Jean knew if Logan had gotten his way then they would have been so much more. And it would be a lie if Jean denied any affections towards him, but she was loyal, loyal to Scott and to the vows she made him. A kiss, not once, not twice…their moments were uncountable, so close to stepping to far, dancing defiantly in the face of dangerous grounds… those kisses… so long ago but it still haunted her, lingering there on her lips every time Wolverine got a little too close. He knew her dedication to Scott, Logan may be called an animal at times but Jean saw by it, she saw a loving man, a caring father… just like he saw in her the loyal wife. It was like an unspoken truce, a ‘leave me be’ on both sides as each moved on to fulfill their lives, the past almost locked away forever as Logan found Michelle… or had it been Michelle who found Logan? Jean had gotten close to the young woman, hired her as a student teach in the school and introduced her to the rest of the faculty.
It was like she was the exact opposite of Jean and yet similar in ways. Both could laugh and talk for hours, Michelle even starting to fit in as more then just another teacher but another member of the X-men family. She was full of her own mischief, always wanting more and never giving in against the odds, she was never spiteful really, not that Jean remembered, always full of a righteous justice, the same kind that was in Logan and definitely in their son.. perhaps the girls as well but they hid it well. Dark chocolate hair and her eyes passionate brown pools of warm emotion. A dark beauty but never one to flaunt it in anything but a playful tease with friends, her strong personality always surprised Jean, especially when Michelle would correct any wrong doing she saw, no matter the perpetrator. But it wasn’t in anger, at least not if it were someone she cared about, perhaps that’s how Logan and Michelle began to get close, Michelle did more then just judge Logan, like so many before, she tried to understand him, his ways, she wanted to know more then just what she saw, doesn’t every girl love a man of mystery? Even at Logan’s worst, Michelle seemed to just reach in and pull him out of it, to knock sense in a senseless rage. It was fun the talks Jean shared with her, the giddy excitement Michelle had when telling Jean all about the training exercise she had that day with Logan. It was amusing, it went from frustrating ‘he’s too rough’ to thrilled ‘I almost got him!’ and the occasional triumphant ‘He ate dirt’ even if she just managed to trip him up a little, it was still a win in her eyes. The more her powers developed and her skills grew the more challenging an opponent she became but also a brighter spirit seemed to shine, the scars of an anti-mutant family fading away as the X-men became the only family she really needed. Until of course she had her own, her first son, who had developed blue eyes instead of inheriting from her parents, but Beast assure as rare as that was it was possible Connor inherited it from someone else in their family gene.
It was so adorable, just seeing those amazing blue eyes staring up from the fluffy white blanket it was wrapped in, Jean had never seen Logan act so tenderly before, as if he thought the baby so fragile it may break with the slightest of effort. It seemed like four more years of perfect harmony before it all went crashing down… and it hurt so much to see the people she loved going through what they were, Connor and Logan, her and Scott, Rogue and all her issues, both with Spike and those not involving him, Storm had her problems, but thankfully not suffering as greatly as some of the others.
Perhaps that was Jean’s weakness with the children, they weren’t just X-men brought here of their own free will, this was all they knew. And they would always be children to her, always be those tiny baby’s wrapped up in their parents arms. Connor’s bright eyes so innocent, so timid and quiet unless there were too many people around him or the area was too loud or he was uncomfortable in some way he’d tend to kick a lot instead of scream, saving that as a last resort if he was ignored too long. Sean, always seeming to be crying for one reason or another, sometimes for no reason at all, which was a problem when the two families got together and Sean started crying, then Connor would start, and then Madison and if it were a large get together they’d all start up and it got pretty amusing, though stressful since Sean wasn’t the only repetitive crier.
Sometimes Scott would stay up for the night with Sean, watching over him if he was sick or crying non-stop, and Jean just too tired to stay awake, three years Jean spent most of her nights between Sean’s room and their bed, so tired she ended up taking a few months of teaching at various points when her energy seemed too low. The world needed Scott, so Jean would always insist she was ok, always demand he get some rest if he looked tired from his day with Sean…Work always had its toll though, and with so many children in the school Jean usually ended up filling up her plate when she had her leave and took on any other youngsters who’s parents were too busy or too exhausted to manage for the day, or days if there was an away mission and Jean offered to baby-sit for the duration.
So much had happened in these walls, so many things that would haunt her should Scott really leave… he hasn’t even gone and she finds herself staring at one place or another and associating it with a memory. Even in her office she just sat there, replying an old event that seemed so trivial a week later she had forgotten and yet now it had all came back. It didn’t take long for people to realize Connor’s fierce streak when it came to his protectiveness with his sisters, a few fights breaking out every time someone hassled Madison… or really Madison most likely hassled them and they just retaliated and then suffering Connor’s wrath if he happened to be around. The temper hadn’t really started to be quelled till he was around 14 and 15, when he took more effort in keeping calm, he gained more control with it, but it still flared now and then if the right buttons were pushed. Scott had been talking with Connor, not only as an uncle but as a teacher, telling him that he had to be more careful since during the fight the feral’s bone claws had slid out accidentally and cut one of the boys bad enough to be sent to Hank for a patch up. Michelle’s eldest child seemed to defend all actions and incurring injuries as justifiable if people were going to start things with his sisters, though thankfully by sixteen he had developed a better understanding and better control retaliation, if not still threatening. They could probably never stop him from being over protective but at least Connor managed to calm down a little and not be so aggressive to the troublemakers.
Right now those problems seemed so simple, even if back then there were real issues, now that’s all they were, issues, what’s happening now aren’t just issues, they’re serious problems, they’re life changing and painstaking in a way that could only lead to heart ache. Standing outside the war room wasn’t going to solve anything though, it seemed nothing was going to be solved the way they were going. Reluctantly jean walked into the room, a passing glance offered to all inside with a perfectly trained smile she developed over the years… easily seen as such by her friends but it was all she could offer as she took a seat beside Ororo. It seemed like she wasn’t the only one in this room who was less then vibrant today……ah well, at least they all knew what each other was going through, well, they will by the end of this meeting, much to Jean’s anguish.
Re: Wednesday 14th A Farewell to Arms
And so they came each in their own way Ororo calm and serene as ever. Rogue with that underlying look of uncertainty that no amount of justified praise seemed to be able to chase from her though Scott didn’t know why. Logan an explosive ball of anger, sullen and irreverent. And in the end all too perceptive. Cyclops preferred the anger he had seen to the questions he now saw filling Logan’s startled eyes. Damn the man! Damn the senses that let nothing pass unnoticed! Damn the concern and worry that he let show all to plainly, threatening to break Scott’s composure with its intensity.
Scott drew a deep breath keeping the self control in place, fixing it there not just for his own sake but for Jeans This was going to be enough of an ordeal for her without him letting his weakness show. It was a luxury he couldn’t afford himself, the one last thing he could do as a leader. Bow out gracefully and with as much dignity he could muster.
But it wasn’t going to be easy. He watched as Logan’s eyes flicked to the door searching the woman he must have sensed coming. Jean. Pale and strained but putting a brave face on for the crowd just as Cyclops was. Infinitely beautiful. And he wasn’t the only one who thought that. Wolverines emotions were obvious and undeniable. A desire to protect her from what was coming. A need to comfort her though he didn’t know how. Underneath it all and stronger than all the rest love. Still there. Always there. Something all three of them recognised as inevitable and dealt with in their own ways.
*Will she go to him for that comfort when I’m gone?* Scott thought suddenly, surprised by the pain the notion brought him. It wasn’t the first time he had thought about it since he had learned he was dying. He had thought he was ok with the idea, wanting Jean to go on living. Knowing that Logan had been and always would be there for her. But there was a difference between what you’re head told you and what your heart felt. And no matter what Hank said or his own body constantly screamed at him Scott wasn’t ready to let go just yet. Not of his life. Certainly not of Jean. He would never be ready to let go of Jean.
So he dragged his eyes away from them, grateful as he seldom was for the uncompromising visor which hid them and the anguish which had been betrayed in them from view. Almost done. Only Hank to come now. Hank who must be dreading this meeting as much as any of them, blaming himself as he did for his inability to offer hope to an old friend when he succeeded in offering it to so many others. But he came none the less, hurried and tired as he always seemed to be these days, giving only a concise apology for his lateness before he too took a seat and looked to Scott to get the meeting underway.
“Ok Since we’re all here lets get started” Cyclops said calmly “There are a few things on the agenda today. Hank has uncovered another security problem we should deal with. I believe he’s asked Spike to come along and fill us in with some of the details.” Better to let Rogue know up front that he’d be around rather than just have the vampire walk in on them. Scott hadn’t fully followed what was going on between the two of them but he knew it was intense and possibly painful and there was enough pain in this room for one day without adding to it unnecessarily.
“Then if you don’t mind Logan I for one would like to hear how the search for Connor is coming on. I’m sure the others feel the same. Personally I’ve got some printouts here that might help. People I’ve contacted, favours I’ve called in. Not much but it will maybe help eliminate a few a suspects at least."
All he had been capable of doing. Chasing down tenuous leads on the portable Hank had allowed him to work on during his stay in med lab. And even then the effort had more often than not left him blind and shaking. But he couldn’t do nothing. He had watched Connor grow up. He cared for the boy as if he was a member of his own family. He had seen what it had done to Logan last time he had been taken. No doing nothing wasn’t an option no matter what the cost.
"And finally" he concluded "I have a personal announcement to make but that can wait. Let’s make sure the school is safe first. That is and always has been the top priority after all."
Re: Wednesday 14th A Farewell to Arms
Storm was anxious. Now, admittedly concern wasn’t exactly a rare state of mind for the weather witch to be in, but this time… it was different. One could be worried in a detached kind of way, still hovering above things with a special breed of superiority granted by the absolute certainty that no matter what happened, they would be standing together and solve the problem as they always had. Add the African woman’s overall temperament and confidence and you’ve got someone who tends to be rarely fretful, only concerned. Not this time though.
She had been among the first to enter the War Room, punctual and exact as usual, and thus Ororo had had plenty of time to study the mood. What Rogue had only noticed after a few moments, however, the Windrider had spotted right away. Scott’s arm – something was wrong with it. Now, a broken arm wasn’t really anything serious, was it? Especially not if you considered the advanced medical technology Hank had at his hands… but still Storm’s senses were telling her with utmost clarity that there was something wrong. And marjorly so. Considering the consequences of the Brotherhood interfering with their training plans, another meeting of the core X-Men was, albeit unusual, surely not superfluous, however, this was bigger. Far, far bigger.
A small smile on her face, Ororo’s sky-blue eyes searched the emerald orbs of her friend as she entered, the Southern Belle looking as though she was not overly looking forward to yet another conference. It was something to acknowledge though just how much Rogue had adapted to her status and the responsibility that came with it. Only rarely she would simply take off these days, run away, leave behind what she did not want to, or could not, handle. And in a way, Ororo was proud of her. They were close in age to a point where the difference didn’t really matter, yet the absorption mutant had always been the less mature one, the one that unconsciously pushed Storm into the role of a big sister that looked out for the other. It was different with Jean who entered shortly after. They had rather been on the same level of maturity, yes, maybe the fact that she had children actually placed her even a little above the unbound Windrider in that regard.
Here, however, in the War Room, none of this mattered. They were equals, or supposed to be, and so Ororo decided that it was time to just…ask. “Scott… what is wrong?” Words spoken calmly, seriously, softly even yet with a slight edge to it giving away the anxiety within her, the rootless knowledge that there was more to this meeting than just another strategic talk. And it was about time the cards were laid out on the table.
There comes a time in everyone's life when we have to take over responsibility.
The question remains whether there is also a time when we can get rid of it again.
Re: Wednesday 14th A Farewell to Arms
He should have known he wasn’t going to get away with things so easily. He had just hoped that maybe this once he would. It was true that they had important issues to discuss, issues which could well be overshadowed by his announcement, that hadn’t been only smoke and mirrors to deflect attention away from his condition. But Ororo’s words had only echoed what he saw all to clearly in the faces of the friends he had called to this conference. Concern. Worry . A simple need to know what was going on that he was obliged to answer.
“Ok” he said with a sigh” If that’s how you want to play it…. I was going to save this till last so that we could get the security situation dealt with before this issue reared its ugly head but I can see that’s not going to work so here goes.”
He glanced over at his wife giving her a supportive smile as he began to explain. If this was hard for him to say it was probably even harder for her to hear and once again he felt a wave of pride and love sweep over him as he acknowledged the courage it took to sit there while he described how their life was falling apart.
“I guess you’ve all noticed this” he started, indicating his immobile right arm “Well it’s just the latest stage in something that’s been going on for a while now. The latest…but not the last. I’ve had a sneaking suspicion that things weren’t right for a few months now” Scott admitted with a wry smile ”but I just pushed it to one side and hoped it would go away. Till one day it refused to be pushed. Then I went to see Hank about it and he told me what I’m telling you now." He could see the look of sadness that Hank wore as he to remembered that moment, as if the disease had been his fault somehow instead of something he had just been the first to recognise for what it was. Deadly and persistent!
“The bottom line is this. I’m sick and whatever it is that I’ve got its causing massive and irreversible cellular degeneration. ” Cyclops gave them a moment for the information to sink in knowing that they were all intelligent and informed enough to know what that meant. At the very least he wasn’t going to get rid of the sling . That damage had already been done and there was no going back on it. And as for the future……
“Now Hank has found a way to slow this thing down and we’re not giving up on the hope of finding a cure but Ill be frank, things aren’t looking good. And even if by some miracle we do manage to beat the disease there’s no way Ill be going back to what I was before. Sooo ” Strange Now that it had actually come to it he found he could say the words with a steady voice. “ I’m stepping down from active service. Ill still be here in an advisory capacity and Ill be taking on more of the running of the Institute. But as of this moment my days as member of an X man team are over.”
Re: Wednesday 14th A Farewell to Arms
And all hopes came tumbling down. No, not tumbling, smashing more like, plummeting with sudden force from a sky that she should have known was not all pink and golden but dark, as usual. The only difference was, that one of the few who Rogue had always been able to count on to get them through the storm had just announced his leave from active service. What exactly did that involve, what would be happening now? She didn’t know, and quite frankly was still trying to figure out what “massive and irreversible cellular degeneration” meant in facts.
Rogue wasn’t stupid, not completely as she had stated on the one or other occasion with a self-ironic smile, but her medical knowledge barely exceeded that of the average person, maybe even less so considering that she never really got sick. There were some things her mother had taught her, basic things, but chances were the woman hadn’t even been able to spell “cellular”, let alone “irreversible” – or know what it meant. A simple question popped up in the absorption mutant’s mind, one that seemed a little childish to her to voice, and yet so nagging and persistent that she couldn’t help but ask it anyway.
“Does that mean you’re gonna die?” Spoken into the silence following Scott’s words, it seemed louder than it had been, voice full of worries she could not quell, her trademark hoarseness amplified due to the hard knot that had suddenly appeared in her throat. Emerald eyes flickered back and forth between Cyclops and Beast, the two men she had known as pillars of her own little world ever since she had come in contact with the X-Men. It had been decades. You couldn’t take one away and leave the other unable to help without expecting this world to start crumbling.
“Hank?!” She addressed the feral just a second after having posed the question, the unreasonable hope he would come up with a simple and brilliant idea to make everything better she felt clearly shown in her expression. That’s how it had always been, wasn’t it? The hero was in trouble, the genius helped… and gave the slugger something to do, something to sort things out, make them right. Why did she have the feeling it wouldn’t work that way this time? Why was it that Storm was so silent, not replying at all, just sitting there, blue eyes miles away and saying FREAKING nothing?!
Rogue could feel panic rising within her as she watched the other’s superficial calmness, guessing – no – knowing that this was more of a reply than anything else could have been. Ororo had always been the smarter one. No versatile genius like the doctor, but still more versed in various fields than Rogue would ever have been. And beneath the surface, the auburn-haired woman knew that her friend had realised with absolute clarity what Scott’s words meant. And that they went far beyond a simple sick leave.
It had taken not even a minute for Rogue’s fighting spirit to roar up and be silenced again, neither Beast nor Scott needing to say a word. Storm’s look had been enough – and so the Southern Belle’s form that had been upright and full of energy sank down and into the chair she had felt like jumping out of just a few seconds ago. “I see.” Just that; and it expressed everything she felt. Sadness, anxiety and that vague pain that comes with news you were not prepared to hear, you could not ever be prepared to hear.
But this was no defeat. There would be ways. She just had to wait for the numbness to fade away and then… There had to be a possibility to make this all better. There just had to. A magical cure, some scientific miracle – ANYTHING. Just let this numbness go away and it would soon be better. Everything, everything would be better.
It was only deep, deep down in her mind that a timid voice dared asking this one question she dreaded. And what if…?
There comes a time in everyone's life when we have to take over responsibility.
The question remains whether there is also a time when we can get rid of it again.
Re: Wednesday 14th A Farewell to Arms“Does that mean you’re gonna die?”The directness caught Scott unawares. But then Rogues remarks often did that even after all these years. She was always the one who cut to the chase and this time was no exception. He wasn’t the only one who was struck by her question. He could see the pain in Hank’s eyes as he waited for the inevitable follow up. “Hank?!”
And there it was. One word that hung like an accusation over the doctors head. Or so it seemed to him. He knew they were all looking to him to find a solution. That was what he did wasn’t it? Like the sign said The impossible we do at once Miracles take a little longer. Except this time it was taking too long and he knew it all too well. And now the others knew it to. “I see.” Rogue said as if the momentary silence was more eloquent than any words could have been. Perhaps it was but someone still needed to break it.
Hey Scott said gently That’s the worst case scenario. It was also the most likely but that didn’t need to be said. They had all understood, that much was obvious from their stricken faces. I’m not giving up on things and neither is Hank. Besides we’ve managed to slow the thing down so Ill probably be around for a long time yet. ’
Probably’ ‘Maybe.’ ‘Perhaps’ But it was far from being certain. It all depended on whether he had another attack or not and that it seemed was in the lap of the gods. There was no rhyme or reason for what was happening to him , none that anyone could discern anyway. Which made its possible progression all the more difficult to predict. Who knew. Maybe that was just as well.For once the element of uncertainty was welcome as far as Cyclops was concerned. It meant he could at least hope for time. He just didn’t know how much.
“The only major change will be that I don’t go on missions. Apart from that Ill be as annoyingly controlling as ever.” Logan laughed, though his eyes spoke only of concern “Geeze Scott you don’t have to tell us that. When have you ever been anything else.” If this was how Scott wanted to play things then ok, he could go along with it. Keep it casual. Pretend that a bombshell hadn’t been dropped. Avoid looking at Jean, because otherwise any chance of holding things together would go right out of the window. That’s what team mates did They moved in to cover your back when things got rough. And right now Scott could use a hand keeping this meeting the way he wanted it to be. Cool and controlled.
“Thank you for that vote of confidence” Cyclops replied “ill try not to let standards drop.Even if mine have always been ridiculously high.
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