It seemed like his idea had met with approval. Chris set of towards the house straight away like a miniature explorer complete with baggage. Connor lingered a moment as if he might speak but then when he heard the name he thought was his being called out he reverted to big brother mode and went after the younger boy.
Watching them Logan realised that that was exactly what they looked like. Brothers. Had Amlarie gone that far? He prayed that she hadn’t. Taking Connor from his real family was bad enough. Giving him a false one was worse. For everyone concerned. Logan had seen the way Chris looked at Connor. There was love there and whether it was genuine or also a result of mind manipulation it was present and had to be taken into account.
What would the kid do if Connor did decide to come back to the Institute? Would he come to? Could they even ask him to do that? And what if he too had frantic parents searching the streets for him? It was a mess all righ.t And one that Logan didn’t think would be as easy to clean up as the torn letter.
His thoughts had distracted him more than he realised for he was surprised when Peter spoke again. "She also says that this will deactivate the implants neutralizing the kids muscles," Logan went very still, taking in what had just been so casually announced .
Implants. They had put Connor on a table and cut him open. Then they had shoved something inside him. Something his regenerative powers should be trying to reject. Wolverine didn’t have long to wait to find out why they weren’t. . "Fridge is stocked, also has his medicine, the pills are for temporarily disabling the x-gene and the needles are for his numbing his senses. It just kept getting better and better.Was there anything they hadn’t done to Connor?
Logan could feel his anger threatening to overpower him, so strong that he was physically shaking with the effort it cost him not to give into it. And still the guy talked. *Does he have a death wish* Logan asked himself *or is he just so stupid he doesn’t know how close he is to having my claws buried in his face?*
They’re there if you want them, or more precisely if Connor wants them. The button with ‘off’ on the control is to deactivate the implants. You can’t miss it, it’s right next to the shiny silver button that says ‘on’." Now on top of everything else he was deliberately provoking Wolverine.
Not that the sarcastic remark made much impression coming as it did after the revelations about Connor. An on off switch. To control his son. Like he was a machine or…..a toy That was it. Amlarie had wanted a nice toy so she had gone to the nearest shop and bought one. And when she had found something that she didn’t approve of she had just got rid of it. His memories. His powers. His claws. All cut out of him till he was perfect; Just what she had imagined when she saw him in that cage in Harmony.
Was that why she’d rejected Michael? Logan wondered. Was the poor kid too broken even, for her to fix up? Still given how things turned out he’d probably had a lucky escape. Though it may not have felt like it at the time.She had fed them a pretty lie. ‘Here’ she had said ‘have a perfect life.’ What she hadn’t mentioned was the cost. Everything that you knew, everything that you were.
. "If you don’t give the kid his pills his senses will return quickly enough,"*You should shut up* Logan thought to himself.*You should shut up right now.* But he didn’t, people like him never did. "[b]She knows the implants weren’t very effective but they weren’t designed to do what they were doing, they were just a way of hiding the things while people tried to figure out a way of cutting through a strange alloy which seems to be spread across his bone structure. That’s that." [/b]
Logan moved so fast that the man didn’t stand a chance. The punch was always going to connect and it carried the full weight of Wolverines fury behind it. “It’s not a strange alloy” he growled as he stood over the bodyguard.” Its adamantine And so are these” The claws were out now as he bent down over Peter,retreiving the device and at the same time trying to find a reason why he shouldn’t just finish him off and have done with it.
But even then the mutant seemed more angry than scared. . Suddenly the other mutants strange tongue flicked out catching Logan on the forearm, a malicious look of triumph appearing on Peters face as it did so. Logan blinked as the toxin entered his blood He felt a wave of giddiness pass over him making him feel sick to his stomach but he pushed it aside. He couldn’t feel any sicker than he already did hearing about what his son had gone through. And besides you didn’t live long as an X man if you didn’t learn to function under worse handicaps. And Logan had lived for a long time indeed.
” Do that again” he said menacingly “and so help me Ill slice the damn thing off and feed it too you.” There was fear in the man’s eyes now. Was Connor scared when they did those things to him? Logan wondered the thought making him press the claws against Peters throat till they drew blood.
. people tried to figure out a way of cutting through a strange alloy which seems to be spread across his bone structure
The words ran through his mind again and again like one of Connors multiplication tables. He knew how you did that.Tried to cut through the adamantine . You strapped someone down on a table that smelled of fear and then you cut open the flesh till you could see the metal clad bone shining through the blood. Careful now. Put metal strips in to keep the wound from closing up. Wouldn’t want him regenerating now would we That would spoil all the fun. Then the saws. Small and round, whirring like a dentists drill……………… Memories. The taste of blood in his mouth and the sounds of someone screaming like a wounded animal. Him? Connor? *Please god not Connor*
He shook his head to clear it not just from the poison but also from the images that wouldn’t let him go, forcing himself away from the man whose life he had so nearly taken with a gasp. “Get up you son of a bitch” he hissed. “Get in the car, go for a jog, do whatever the hell you want but don’t come near me again. Otherwise I can’t guarantee that you’ll walk away.”
He turned towards the house now. The house where his son was waiting for him. *How am I going to explain all this* Logan wondered savagely. *And @#%$, why should I be the one to have to do it?* He could have dragged Peter in with him, forced the man to tell Connor everything that he had just told Logan. But it hadn’t made easy hearing. Not that it ever would have but maybe he could find a way to make it less sound clinical. Less as if Connor was just some rich woman’s pet project. For his sons sake. Not for Amlarie’s.
He reached the door, smelling the chocolate even before he crossed the threshold. It made his stomach heave. Chocolate. As if that could make things better! Buy forgiveness? Well there would be no forgiveness for this Not now. Not ever. He could feel the hatred mounting in him again, driving him to the edge of madness and then……
"They have a kettle dad!" It caught him off guard and left him exposed vulnerable. Strange that that one word could chase all other thoughts away. Just for once his face was easy to read and it spoke of longing and dawning hope. But Connor never looked his way. Instead he turned towards the younger boy affection clear in his voice as he teased him "Think you can break them free before I finish the coffee.. or will I have another victory under my belt?"
Apart from the raw emotion of Logan's face anyone looking in would have thought that they were any normal family settling in for a holiday. But of course they weren’t. And they never could be. *Still I never did care for normality anyway* Logan said to himself *lets just settle for being family and have done*
There were difficult moments ahead for all of them and he wasn’t sure how they were going to get through them.*One step at a time I suppose* Wolverine thought as he pulled himself together. *But maybe we don’t have to start just yet.* He moved over to the younger boy and smiled wickedly, holding a finger to his lips in the sign for silence as he slowly and silently slipped out one claw and nicked the edge of the packaging giving Chris a start . Then he winked and stepped back. “Coffee and biscuits” he said. “All the comforts of home.”
There's just somethin' wild inside me pullin' me to do things I don't understand.
I can't figure it. It's like tryin' to explain desire.
Re: Salem Center - The Illusion of Perfection
While the boys were inside, both too distracted in what currently absorbed their attentions, outside Peter found himself grounded and dazed, a pain burning intensely on the side of his face, the fuming tone as fierce as the punch itself. “It’s not a strange alloy” Things were slow to come into focus, even with the experience Peter had he didn’t usually go up against other mutants, especially none that had the arm muscles required to control the legendary claws of the Wolverine. "Its adamantine And so are these” There had been rumors around work that the kid had blades in his arms like the ones Peter was now having shoved into his face, rumors that were taken lightly since the kid never showed any abilities other then following Sarah around like a wounded puppy at times. At least that’s how Peter and some other agitated guards thought of the obviously lop sided relationship.
It didn’t matter though, let them flash around their claws and growl and hiss and whine like the animals they acted so much like, Peter hardly cared, not when every probably to cross his pass seemed fixable with a flick of his tongue. Smug arrogance ruled Peter’s way of thinking, the guard so caught up in his own power he didn’t conceive the possibility that someone had an ability able to interfere with his own. And for a moment it appeared that Peter’s abilities were once again proving their superiority over others who want to try and push the goon around. That moment however was short-lived indeed.
” Do that again” Rare was it for people to still have the gumption to throw about threats, that alone set Peter’s mind back a notch as he realized things were turning out anything but easy with this new arrival. “and so help me Ill slice the damn thing off and feed it too you.” Barriers broke away, fear driving out impudence and only a lingering façade of bravado remained. Even now, even as a sliver of blood must now be weeping from the cuts of the blades tips against his skin, Peter still clung to the hope that this man would not do anything serious with two youngsters not so far off, so easily able to walk out and see any wound be limp carcasses that may be laying around.
“Get up you son of a bitch” Still threatening perhaps, but the fact Peter was right about the guy brought a ghostly smirk momentarily, a smug ‘ha’ thought as yet another obstacle was overcome. “Get in the car, go for a jog, do whatever the hell you want but don’t come near me again. Otherwise I can’t guarantee that you’ll walk away.” The back of Peter’s hand brushed across the corner of his lip, leisurely getting to his feet shortly after and dusting himself off while watching the other walk off towards the house.
“Coffee and biscuits” Actually Connor was a little too distracted at first with a partly open sugar, the paper torn at the top and obviously rolled up again only it had been knocked enough so that some sugar could spill out. “All the comforts of home.” A simple sentence, one which usually may have gone ignored by Connor but this time it actually had some meaning to it, or more accurately a sense of loss was reflected in the word. Look at him, standing in some strange house with a supposed brother and father and neither knew each other, just like his long time girlfriend didn’t know his little brother and vice versa, and now there’s a house who no one is familiar with by the looks of things. Funny how all the key figures in ones life didn’t appear to connect to each other in any form. And here Connor was just getting preoccupied with fixing a disheveled pantry. At least what seemed so in Connor’s own mind.
"..Coffee." The whisper tried to focus Connor back onto the situation, who cares right now if everything wasn’t perfect, at least they were getting somewhere new, there was plenty of time to find wholes in everything a little later. Right now all Connor had to do was make a some coffee for the guy who could either be his dad or someone who was called to take the placement. "Damn it.." Reluctantly another whispered sigh had momentarily disorientated hands return to track and briskly reach removed item Connor wasn’t going to use was placed back into the pantry and the door determinedly closed as another barely recognizable mumble was muttered while hurriedly grabbing cups.
"Are we having all these cakes?" Chris asked at that point just to show Connor that he won, Connor’s mind seemed easily able to focus for those split moments when his siblings came into the picture but his replies were usually short and to the point. "If you want, one now and one with the drinks, we definitely need to eat something before any more sweets." It occurred to Connor then that perhaps Logan ought to be answering these questions, forcing a slight bite of the blue-eyed mutants lips while he also thought over what kind of coffee Logan wanted and maybe Connor should have some as well instead of distancing himself with a kids drink. Sarah made him finish off half of her coffee, it wasn’t disgustingly undrinkable but Connor never got used to the task and frankly wasn’t keen on forcing himself too. Teas were more his thing, or maybe an iced coffee like Amlarie offered him once but that still seemed a little childish at this point.
"Milk," Coffee may exist without milk and if Logan wished his that way so be it, but chocolate milk was not chocolate milk without the much needed dairy addition, though some people managed it with just water it was unthinkable to Connor to skip the whole milky experience. His hand reached for the fridge’s door, resting there for a moment as he looked uncertainly towards Logan, unaware of what was sitting so clearly in sight for all to see the moment that door flew open, "What kind of coffee do you want, would you like milk too?" It was still awkward a little from before, the slip of the tongue, if something so fundamental could be called that so casually, hopefully the guy would understand that it was still all knew and things were still falling in place but scattered as torn and tattered as that now safely hidden letter. Thinking of scattered things, Connor’s mind brought up the image of the pantry once again, which lingered a few moments until it was mentally shaken from his mind.
Re: Salem Center - The Illusion of Perfection
There was perhaps a small moment of connection as Logan helped Chris win the game, not much, no open acknowledgement, but a faint moment of triumph as the younger boy tore open the stubborn packaging to reveal the treats that lay within. Connor was still distracted by th contents of the cupboard, obviously struggling against the temptation to empty it and start again, organising things by size or colour or whatever precise system his brain imposed upon him at that moment in time. Logan could hear the irritated words Connor was mumbling as his son finally managed to break himself away from his compulsion, words which showed his frustration with himself rather than irritation with anyone else.
"Are we having all these cakes?" Chris asked smugly knowing he had beaten Connor in their friendly race. . "If you want, one now and one with the drinks, we definitely need to eat something before any more sweets." came the answer. Logan couldn’t help but smile. As usual Connor was taking his role of big brother very seriously. It was like hearing him talking to Madison or Arisa, in years gone by, always making sure they were safe and cared for, taking too much responsibility onto himself it was true but unable to stop himself from doing so.
*Or maybe that’s just what I tell myself* Logan thought sadly *maybe if Id been more present he’d have felt less obliged to try to do everything himself.* Wolverines' self reproach was cut short by one single word “Milk.”
Inwardly he cursed him self for not having seen this coming. There was no way he could let Connor simply open the fridge and come face to face with the evidence of Amlarie’s manipulation of his life Not without some forewarning. , "What kind of coffee do you want, would you like milk too The moments hesitation that came after the question gave Logan time to move and he seized it gratefully leaving Chris’ side and joining his son by the fridge his own hand resting on the door as he answered. “Black, I take mine black.“
The banal comment wasn’t enough to explain his actions nor the tension in his voice and he knew it.No matter how much he wanted to protect Connor from this there were hard explanations ahead and there was no way of getting round that. With a sigh Logan went on “Why don’t you let me get the milk Connor” . The name came readily to his lips, distracted as he was with more important matters at hand. “Peter and I had a little conversation while you were in here” he explained “and he told me some things that your not going to enjoy hearing. Things it would be better to discuss round a tale with a hot drink in front of you. Not that that’s going to make the facts go away but it might make them a little easier to bear.”
It sounded lame and a little desperate, much like the way he felt and it still didn’t justify him standing there stupidly barring the way to a seemingly innocuous household appliance; Except that he knew this wasn’t just a fridge It was a can of worms and once they opened it there would be no way to get the lid back on it again. And it was up to him to get Connor through this no matter how hard that was going to be.
Logan could feel his diplomacy slipping away from him There were no pretty words to describe what had been done to his son and he defied anyone to tell him otherwise. Words had never been Logan’s strongpoint. Backed against a wall he had only two ways of dealing with things like this. Silence or the truth. And Connor deserved an answer. “If you open this door you’re going to see things that you won’t like” he said bluntly “Things that will raise a whole bundle of questions. Now as of two minutes ago I have the answers. But I’m asking you, lets at least sit down before we start discussing them”
There's just somethin' wild inside me pullin' me to do things I don't understand.
I can't figure it. It's like tryin' to explain desire.
Re: Salem Center - The Illusion of Perfection
The sudden burst of motion from the older man caused Connor to flinch away from the fringe awkwardly, looking a tad confused by the reaction.
"Black, I take mine black." That didn't change the fact that Connor still needed the milk, even though part of the blue eyed feral was just getting it for Chris Connor figured he might decide half way through making a chocolate milk for Chris he might want one as well. But there was something not quite right with the action, as if Logan was hiding some and Connor was seeing enough shifty actions to start figuring out what things were important and what were worth overlooking. So far everything seemed worth while remembering...
“Why don’t you let me get the milk Connor” An uneasy smile was given to show Connor didn't mind, though it took a whole moment before Connor realized he was once again referred to by his supposed last name. “Peter and I had a little conversation while you were in here” The expression which overshadowed Connor's features for that instant were easily readable as something which suggested Connor felt Peter had nothing good to say about him or Chris or anyone for that matter. “and he told me some things that your not going to enjoy hearing. Things it would be better to discuss round a tale with a hot drink in front of you. Not that that’s going to make the facts go away but it might make them a little easier to bear.” Why was everyone bracing him for some unbearable moment that was about to hit him from nowhere? What was going on? It was all very intimidating and Connor was as desperate to ignore all the issues as he was to find his way through them to the other side and discover the truth.
“If you open this door you’re going to see things that you won’t like” Inwardly Connor tried to joke, after al, what could be in there? A moldy ham? Untidy selves? However it wasn't o easy to speak such things when Logan looked the way he did, torn and unsure, but determined to stay on track and not shy away from what was to come. “Things that will raise a whole bundle of questions. Now as of two minutes ago I have the answers. But I’m asking you, lets at least sit down before we start discussing them” Eyes stared between Logan and the fridge, thinking back to the letter which had upset him but the distress was pushed aside with hopes of not letting it eat away at him while he had little ability to do anything about what things where hinted at in there. Bright eyes stared at Logan, who stood protectively at the fridge and was faced with Connor’s own semi-panicked gaze. It was more as if Connor worried that Logan would tell a secret that was not to be spoken, nervousness raising to the surface as he looked towards Chris and then placed his hands together awkwardly and stared down at them in thought.
"I w.. want for my chocolate." The grasped hands motioned towards the fridge, then he looked over at the cups, but Connor shifted his weight slightly, anxiety for what was ahead obviously setting in. Two sisters/ That’s what Logan had said…But Chris… fluorescent sea eyes peered over towards the nine year old and from there to the floor. Everything was unraveling, but Connor couldn’t say he wasn’t expecting the new arrival to burn a few holes into the tapestry those around Connor were carefully trying to weave, all be it in an often reckless manner. Chris is it? Logan hadn’t even known Chris’s name, no one knew each other, no one knew him, though Logan was hitting the mark more often then anyone of the others, even his foster mother. "...Can we have cake first?" Before everything falls apart? Just have a moment to relax, to recover from that horrible drive, to wrap his mind around his new environment... to just have a brief chance to breath before he was thrown back into the the sea of confusion he seemed to be tossed about within.
Re: Salem Center - The Illusion of Perfection
OOC I thought Connor would go back to the table with Chris but if you dont think so just let me know and Illl edit Dont want to god modd here!)
.........................;
Logan had expected defiance, aggression an instinctive shying away from any suggestion he might have made no matter how well intentioned. Five days ago it was what he would have received from Connor in such a situation. Sometimes it had felt as if anger was the only thing his son felt towards him , an anger he could do nothing to dampen or reason with and it had hurt him deeply. But now seeing the fear and confusion in Connors eyes Wolverine almost wished to have it back. The boy looked as if he was hanging on to sanity by a thread, one which Logan knew he was about to cut.
Connors bright gaze wandered from Logan’s face to the fridge door and back over to the table where Chris sat waiting worriedly incongruously surrounded by the overflowing mound of sugary confectionary. His voice when he spoke was shaken , the words as unsteady as the hands which he clasped before him. "I w.. want for my chocolate."
He sounded as if he was six again wandering sleepily towards bed. Back in those days a good many problems could be dealt with by the judicious application of some chocolate. Chocolate and love. Well both were available now just as they had been then but Logan somehow doubted they would be enough to make this particular problem go away. Though he prayed that they would at least help.
"...Can we have cake first?" It was less of a request and more of a plea, a desperate attempt to place some barrier no matter how insubstantial between himself and the trauma that they all knew lay ahead. “We can have whatever you want son” he said gently. "And we can take as long as we need to get through this. There’s no rush. Why don’t you go sort out the cakes and I’ll get the hot chocolate Ok.”
He waited until Connor was well away from the fridge before opening it not wanting there to be any remote chance that he might catch a glimpse of what was waiting within. Drugs. Needles Everything that Connor hated. Shining in the cold glare of the neon bulb. It made Logan sick just to look at them but he tried to keep the emotion from his face as he reached in and grabbed the milk, shutting the door firmly afterwards and heading for the work surface and the waiting microwave. He wanted to smash the cups off the walls, to tear up the mocking homely furnishings that surrounded them but he forced himself to stay calm measuring out the cocoa powder as if it was the most natural thing in the world to be doing at such a time with Connors world crashing in around him.
But it wasn’t easy. He didn’t even know how to make the sweet drink so that Connor would like it now. Before he had been able to dose it perfectly, catering for his sons enhanced sense of taste with an expert hand. Now with the drugs suppressing all Connors powers he was suddenly unsure and awkward. It was stupid. It was such a little thing yet for Logan it was a symbol of what Amlarie had done. She had taken his son and tried to change him into someone else. She had tried to separate them and make them strangers.
Well he wouldn’t let her succeed. Even if Connor went back to hating him again that was better than this emptiness. Logan could feel his resolve strengthening as he stirred the drinks and placed them in to heat while he fixed himself some coffee. “Wont be long now boys” he said with a smile.Suddenly he noticed the shopping bags that Chris had been so excited about sitting beside the table.Well there was nothing better than presents to make a day feel more normal. "Hey Chris" he called "Looks like you’ve got a good haul there! So tell me What goodies did you get at the mall?”
There's just somethin' wild inside me pullin' me to do things I don't understand.
I can't figure it. It's like tryin' to explain desire.
Re: Salem Center - The Illusion of Perfection
“We can have whatever you want son” There he said it again…Logan called James his son once more, seeming so natural and assuring. "And we can take as long as we need to get through this. There’s no rush. Why don’t you go sort out the cakes and I’ll get the hot chocolate Ok.” All Connor could do was offer a depressed nod of his head, hesitantly moving away though he wasn’t in any mood to organize cakes at the moment.
“Wont be long now boys” It was a little more nerve racking then calming that statement and Connor found himself slouched on the couch beside Chris who was now curiously watching every move Connor and Logan made with each other. It was a little worrying that Chris was getting anxious with Logan’s interactions with Connor, because the blue eyed mutant was sure it had nothing to do with whether Logan was telling the truth or not, it seemed as if Chris was more cautious over the affectionate way Logan acted, each assuring comment winning yet another sad expression on the boy. There was a moment where the two pairs of eyes found each other and Connor could have sworn for a second that Chris was trying to find a way of wording some question he was trying to form.
"Hey Chris" Whatever it was Connor wasn’t going to find out, both peered over the back of the couch towards Logan, the younger one looking surprised that Logan had called his name instead of ‘James’. "Looks like you’ve got a good haul there! So tell me What goodies did you get at the mall?” The comment took a moment to sink in, the youth managing to push aside other worries for a chance of some excitement to settle in as his thoughts returned to that of his presents and their shopping trip. There was am enthused shuffle as Chris crawled off the side of the couch and moved towards the pages, checking which had what in it and making the thoughtful choice of not just ripping out the newspaper or items and throwing them around the bags until he found what he was looking for. The often neglected child rarely got any attention from those close to him, let alone actual presents, he would have keenly ripped the bags apart if Connor wasn’t so focused on keeping things in order. Shifting the contents from one bag to another so all the worthy to show items where in one.
A ringing of a phone however distracted the eager child as he watched Connor shift around so that the mobile phone could be retrieved from his back pocket. Chris tugged the bag a little close to him as he faced Connor, looking all the more disappointed as Connor greeted the caller in a way that told Chris it was most likely Sarah. She was ok, but she didn’t make the time for Chris like Connor did, no one did as far as the child was concerned and the boy constantly felt as if he was considered some sort of hindrance by people. So when Connor’s attention was diverted Chris always felt as if the only person who bothered with him was off with someone else, leaving him alone and feeling somewhat abandoned. At least Connor always returned, since meeting with Connor Chris hadn’t felt scared or confused and in general his entire life was obviously better considering he had been taken from the streets and thrown into a lifestyle of simple luxury with a makeshift family.
"I don’t know," Connor replied when Sarah got right down to asking him where he was and when he was returning. "We’re in some sort of cabin, not too far away actually." Connor did the expression Chris was able to now place as being the ‘Sarah’s being unreasonable’ look, like when she told Connor off for going through her makeup when he had only been tidying it up or when Sarah complained that Chris was acting like a child and Connor stated simply that Chris was a child. Connor tended to focus on nothing particular but looked ahead with his gaze lowered a little, his lips partially thinned and his brow only slightly tensed but not really a noticeable frown at all.
"Well if you hadn’t left you wouldn’t be alone there, you could have waited five minutes." Connor slipped off the couch by climbing over the back and walking towards the door, though he briefly considered heading out Connor decided against it and just paced over to the other side of the room. "I’m not sure Sarah, this is important ok, and besides, Amlarie has informed me that she wasn’t entirely honest with me and I’m keen on figuring out what’s going on." It was inevitable, sooner or later Sarah was bound to bring up the fact Logan was a mutant, and one who carried mini-swords in his fists. "I haven’t forgotten Sarah," The annoyed voice lowered to a point Chris couldn’t hear clearly, but the boy wasn’t paying any attention really, instead he hovered in place, as if just because Connor left now that Logan wouldn’t be playing nice any more.
"None of us are perfect Sarah," A hushed replied came out more defensively then Connor realized, "I’m not going to turn my back just because he is a little strange, he’s the only one who is put off by the fact I can’t remember him, all the rest of you act as if it doesn’t bother you." After all, they can’t honestly say it does bother them considering the fact that Connor only saw them for a short glimpse before his memories where stored away. They didn’t lose someone they cared about, gained a friend, they were glade for this chance, not hurt by what had happened. "I’m not saying that, no, I didn’t mean anything like that, you’re being unfair." Really he should have said unreasonable but unfair seemed to pop out and it would have been silly to correct himself. "Do what you want Sarah, we’re about to sit down and talk." Suddenly serving out those cakes seemed much more appealing as he hanged up the phone simultaneously with Sarah, Connor would have definitely gone outside if he knew of Logan’s sensitive hearing, having an argument in front of the guy was definitely an embarrassment that would be preferably avoided.
Chris sighed as Connor set about organizing the case and looked up at Logan instead, though the older guy didn’t exactly tower over the nine year old, Connor was taller then the guy but Chris was sure no one bothered Logan after seeing the scene in the Mall. It wasn’t easy getting past that image of metallic claws, it was frightening but since then the guy hadn’t done anything out of the normal. The youngster’s eyes studied the man curiously.
Re: Salem Center - The Illusion of Perfection
Two faces appeared over the back of the couch the eyes strikingly different but the expression much the same. Then the younger boys face kindled with the hoped for enthusiasm and with a child’s ease he turned away from problems to focus on the presents that lay as yet unwrapped in the bags on the floor. Yet even then he never forgot Connors preferences, making sure the wrapping paper was as organised as possible despite his obvious enthusiasm, none of it lying untidily round the floor to set the young mans nerves jangling once again.
It was a consideration that wasn’t lost on Logan setting him wondering as before on the boys reactions to his son. Programmed or not, the affection and concern Chris displayed seemed genuine to him and he wasn’t exactly what could be called just a casual onlooker. Body language was something he could read and Chris’s all to readily announced that he wanted Conner to partake of his happiness.
And it was so easy to do so. It was a bit like Christmas, at least as the boy was concerned. Logan got the impression that Chris wasn’t used to receiving presents. Or maybe he had just forgotten that he was! The two options were unfortunately more than possible but in any case there was the same excitement as there was when the gifts were found under the tree, and the same need to have all the family participate in the celebration. And that family at the moment was Conner. Logan was all too well aware that he was just an onlooker. A long lost relative at best. Someone who might very well appreciate the generosity that had no doubt been lavished on the boy but had in no way contributed to it. Still at that precise moment in time it didn’t matter. All that counted was Chris’s happiness and Connors’s reaction to it.
But that was cut short by the ringing of a phone. The child’s disappointment was palpable and Logan found himself resenting the caller for having provoked it. Especially since the call didn’t exactly seem to fill Connor with enthusiasm either. Still the boys reaction was more than interesting. It was revealing. Logan’s acute hearing had no trouble making out the fact that it was Sarah who was calling. The same Sarah who had gone back to the safety of Amlarie’s refuge, leaving both Connor and Chris in the hands of a possible maniac. Personally Logan hadn’t been impressed. Now it seemed that Chris wasn’t either.
And yet the conversation hinted at intimacy. An intimacy that Logan would have sworn Connor hadn’t known before this absence. It was always a delicate subject, made all the more so by their families heightened senses. If his love life was open to the disapproval of his children then theirs should have been an open book for him. Except he chose not to pry! And he could control his senses enough not to do so. That didn’t mean that he hadn’t noticed how awkward his son was around girls .Or the obsessive web of protection he wove around his sisters. Though he had to admit that was a new revelation and one he hoped was confined to Sabertooth’s children! And even then it was out of bounds!
But this conversation sounded like the talk of lovers! And ones whose life wasn’t going to plan! He hoped it wasn’t the case. Not that he had anything specifically against Sarah. For all he knew she could have been another victim or Amlarie but all the same.. There were certain moments in life that were or at least should have been special and first love was one of them. It would have been for Connor of that he was sure. @#%$ he was already thinking about it in the past tense and that was beyond sad. Because the girl Connor would have chosen to get that close to him would have to have been someone special. Someone who had seen his soul and accepted it .It may have taken time but that didn’t matter. Connor had time just as Logan did. But he only had one moment when he opened himself fully to a woman and if that had been taken from him then something precious had been lost forever
And it seemed that it had been. Unless Connor had somehow fallen totally in love with this Sarah person in the space of four days! Which was possible. If they had been through enough trauma together! If their lives had been somehow compressed into a few vital hours, as was sometimes the case in combat! Then you could let instincts take over. Or even discover another persons soul in a heartbeat! In any case when you had faced death together bonds were created that couldn’t always be understood or ever broken. But what he was hearing didn’t sound like that had taken place. Sarah was obviously freaked out by the fact that ‘James’s’ father was a mutant "None of us are perfect Sarah. I’m not going to turn my back just because he is a little strange, he’s the only one who is put off by the fact I can’t remember him, all the rest of you act as if it doesn’t bother you."
For Logan the words were a step in the right direction. So why did they hurt so much? Maybe because they showed all too clearly that Sarah had no idea who or what Connor really was. "Do what you want Sarah, we’re about to sit down and talk." And that was that. Connor had hung up on her. Even though the conversation ahead was far from pleasant! It dismayed Logan that he could have felt more comfortable with the ensuing discussion than with his so called girlfriend.
Chris seemed hardly less disturbed by the situation as if the phone call had put an end to his possibility of happiness. Logan wandered over casually bearing his offering of steaming chocolate. Secure in the knowledge that his sons senses wee dampened by the hateful drugs he grabbed at least one positive moment from the situation.” Women!” He whispered as he passed the mug to Chris.” Don’t worry ! That ones nowhere near being family. Not like you are!” and he passed the next mug to Connor with a smile “Hey welcome back I think Chris has something to show us! Come on! Open those presents! We need a little Christmas spirit at the moment!
There's just somethin' wild inside me pullin' me to do things I don't understand.
I can't figure it. It's like tryin' to explain desire.
Re: Salem Center - The Illusion of Perfection
“Women!” Looking up at the man Chris’s attention was soon diverted to the drink being offered, allowing the small fingers to uncurl their grasp of one of the bags and letting them take refuge with the warmth of the sweet beverage. “Don’t worry ! That ones nowhere near being family. Not like you are!” The comment brought a proud flicker to Chris’s eyes, even his posture straightening out with the praise as if it was a highly desired reward he was working hard at achieving.
Connor on the other hand was still recovering from the previous convesation, trying to smoothen out the creases which had formed over his features in displease, at least she had wanted to spend time with him, Sarah was a desperate socialite, even after all her bad encounters on the streets she still felt the need to be around company. And Connor wasn’t exactly a bad catch, she was growing fond of his presence, but not in the way she was supposed to be as the supposed ‘long term’ girlfriend. Just because she didn’t approve of Connor paying attention to some weirdo who happened to walk up to them didn’t give her the right to just bail out when things didn’t go her way. Logan wasn’t exactly the most cuddly person Connor has ever seen… at least Connor could say that with absolute certainty consider the last few days were all he recalled, but that didn’t mean he was going to pass off a chance to find out more about his unprecedented situation.
"Hey welcome back I think Chris has something to show us! Come on! Open those presents! We need a little Christmas spirit at the moment!" The comment brought at least a small smile as Connor weighed the thought of calling Sarah back and at least asking if she wanted to join them or not, he didn’t like arguments and he didn’t like leaving things off on such a bad foot, but he knew even if he did call there was a good chance she was too upset to feel like picking up the phone and responding. Not that they had a lot of fights, and some ‘fights’ were rather petty and brief and Connor felt awkward classifying them as ‘fights’, more like disagreements or misunderstandings gone sour. It wasn’t turning out to be a very good day in so many regards, the anxiety from the drive here hadn’t entirely faded, he still felt overwhelmed by the drive but as always tended to push his problems to the back of his mind until there was so much pressure from the troubles he refused to face that it all just boiled over on the few occasions into an outburst of more often uncontrolled anger and frustration.
Chris didn’t wait a second once Logan had passed Connor his drink and Connor had a reluctant look that could be seen as a silent sigh, offering himself up for submission into whatever was to come, but instead of talking it was something more positive. The nine year old already hurrying around to set down his hot drink and then bring forth the small collection of items Connor had obtained during the shopping trip, including Connor’s own Discman. There was a tired look briefly on Connor as he sank into the seat again, but he seemed more uplifted as he watched Chris show climb up onto the couch beside him. Connor already read the boxes of the games in order to get an understanding on what the game was about, but he didn’t point it out to Chris who was expecting Connor to be as thrilled about reading the box as he was. Even as a child though, Connor never got into video games or the like, he was never too good at sitting still for so long and especially when there was a hundred other things he’d much rather be doing, which usually involved a lot of activity, and when there was nothing left to do or play, a good clean of the house was always there to amuse him.
Besides, the few times Connor had watched someone play their video or computer games, they tended to work Connor up to a point he just wanted to get out of the room and run about mindlessly himself. The only ‘computer game’ Connor was partial to would be the all too serious Danger Room and the training it could provide to the dedicated students.
"Just our luck huh? All these new things and we can’t actually use them yet," Connor mused with a slight tease as they lacked both a computer to play the games and CDs that Connor could listen to. Though it appeared the thought hadn’t entirely dawned on Chris who looked around with a slight air of heartache. "That one looked really interesting, you were playing it in the store remember?" Chris nodded his head, bracing himself for the challenge of reading what was on the box, his eyes focused and his lips occasionally mouthing out the word silently. It would be really easy for Connor to take the box and read it out loud himself, but the way Chris tackled his reading it seemed like it was something he’d rather do on his own and ask for help when he needed it, which Connor was impressed and proud about.
Connor offered a soft smile, deciding he'd been cruel enough and pointing casually to one of the other boxes still being left behind, waiting its turn for Chris's attention. "Don't forget that one." The young boy looked surprised, obviously not thinking that was another thing for him, looking focused and curious as he put aside his games and began carefully unwrapping the slender yet decent sized box.
Since Logan was there and since Connor was giving him the benefit of doubt, then the blue eyed feral decided to casually peer over towards the other with a hint of curiosity in his eyes before a carefully study of his new Discman was given.
"Do you know what kind of music I prefer?" It seemed like such an easy question but in the end it wasn’t entirely, considering that the only music Connor owned were three ambiance CDs given to him over the years, one being from his mother and the others from Madison and Riley as separate gifts on separate occasions. Riley’s being the most recent, having brought a few for when he was up in the city and not enjoying Washington’s busy street life, whose sounds were unfamiliar and invasive to the farm born young man. And on top of that Connor tended to listen to all kinds of music, mainly having the radio on when he did retreat to songs and even then he usually did it to have something in the background while occupying himself with other tasks. It was always hard to tell whether Connor liked a song or not, since he’d turn on the stereo and either the CD will start playing or the radio, depending on what was being listened to last, and often Madison’s songs tended to be loud and heavy, though there was a wide collection she owned she usually listened to her songs in the confines of her own room unless she knew she had the entire place to herself. And now with everyone having moved out in the last two years Connor didn’t even have a stereo or his sisters music to randomly switch on. The problem with Connor was that the songs had to be down really low and it was more depressing then anything else the thought of having a guest over and having them turn the music on and adjusting it to their liked level of volume. Though he did have a hidden stash of his mother’s old CDs, though Logan would have known that Connor had taken the four CDs by the smell of fresh scent, but as a distraught child Connor didn’t really think of it and it was just a memory that Connor never really thought of. Sure he knew he took the songs after his mother died, but he never brought himself to listen to them, it was always too painful, maybe that’s why he took them originally, so they’d never be played again, at least not those four, all with her more special of songs that Michelle always had on in the background when she wanted to relax and unwind.
Like so many things though, Connor just didn’t seem to show his interest in which songs he liked and which he didn’t, the only thing that was obvious about Connor’s taste was that he liked a little bit of everything and especially songs that were with nice or interesting lyrics. Usually appearing to be paying more attention to the song when the lyrics were a little depressive or about being strong, finding the strength to move on or surviving something in general, coping with things or being ‘out of the norm’. Definitely finding himself put off by overly cheerful tunes that usually signalled the end of his music session with an indignant press of the off switch.
Edited by: Forgotten Love at: 11/3/05 2:39 pm
Re: Salem Center - The Illusion of Perfection
His words did manage to bring a fleeting smile to his son’s face, though there was still a look of mild annoyance in Connor’s eye’s, left over from his less than satisfying conversation with his supposed girl friend. Not to mention a trace of apprehension at what lay ahead. That was why Logan was glad of the younger boy’s enthusiasm for the gifts he was so busily unwrapping and his eagerness to share his happiness with Connor. Logan watched silently as they settled themselves down on the couch, noting with satisfaction the way some of the tiredness fell from Connor’s shoulders as he allowed Chris to show him each new purchase.
Not wishing to intrude upon the moment, Logan contented himself with placing Connor’s drink down on the table beside him where he could easily reach it if he wanted to, then retired back towards the kitchen area. There would be time enough for meaningful conversations later, conversations from which Chris might well feel excluded. It was only fair to give him this time with Connor. Even if if was only to let him realise that Logan wasn’t necessarily trying to drive a wedge between the two of them. That wouldn’t have felt right. There was a bond the two boys for whatever twisted reason. And it was maybe the only good thing to come out of this whole mess.
Logan could hear the teasing note in his son’s voice as Connor said "Just our luck huh? All these new things and we can’t actually use them yet" Wolverine couldn’t help but smile. He had a good idea of what was coming next and his suspicions were soon confirmed when after a brief moment of disappointment on Chris’s part Connor drew the child’s attention to a hitherto overlooked package. Don't forget that one." he urged gently indicating a slim wrapped object that Logan supposed contained the solution to Chris’ current problem.
A laptop. Not exactly something you could afford to buy every day. Or maybe James could. Perhaps Amlarie’s funds were at his disposal. Money Just another way to keep her pets happy. Logan glanced down at the game Chris had been looking at Sims World It seemed appropriate After all wasn’t that what Amlarie was playing with the lives of these two boys. Feed them. Clothe them. Buy them expensive gifts. Watch their little happiness meters fill up Except that it wasn’t working. Not that he could see anyway.
Still it seemed that Connor had bought himself at least one present with his benefactors ready flowing cash supply. A discman. Something Logan would never have imagined he would want, but then again for the moment he was unhampered by the acute hearing that always made such devices a source of frustration in the past. Then the bright blue eyes slid up to meet his own and Connor asked "Do you know what kind of music I prefer?"
It didn’t hold the same desperate bitterness that had coloured previous questions but it was still a challenge albeit of a slightly friendlier kind. Logan laughed quietly “Hell kid not even you know what kind of music you like!.he answered. “I know you hate anything that’s loud just for the sake of being loud . Music was always a bit of a problem for you because of your heightened senses” he explained, keeping his tone deliberately casual as he touched on the thorny subject of Connor’s abilities. “So mostly if a song doesn’t have words that are worth the effort, you don’t bother listening to it. Which seems a pretty reasonable attitude to me
Don’t you agree,”
There's just somethin' wild inside me pullin' me to do things I don't understand.
I can't figure it. It's like tryin' to explain desire.
Re: Salem Center - The Illusion of Perfection
“Hell kid not even you know what kind of music you like!” Laughed the man in friendly manner that forced Connor to take it lightly, though he was slightly disappointed in the response it did explain why Connor was finding it difficult to find a song he was really taken with. “I know you hate anything that’s loud just for the sake of being loud . Music was always a bit of a problem for you because of your heightened senses” In truth Chris was partially tuned out of their talks while struggling to read, he missed the creasing of a frown starting to form as Connor slowly reran what Logan had said and tried to figure out what he had meant by that. “So mostly if a song doesn’t have words that are worth the effort, you don’t bother listening to it. Which seems a pretty reasonable attitude to me
Don’t you agree,” The confusion didn’t fade as Connor watched Logan continue on as if nothing out of the ordinary was spoken, though his lips thinned as he replied rather despondently.
"I suppose.." Came the words more out of polite necessity then anything else, Connor hesitating nervously as he prepared himself for the question to come, not sure he was ready for this tale to end and yet not willing to play along in a story which continued so many holes he knew something was wrong and out of place even without his memories guiding him. Dazed eyes seemed to stare towards the elder X-men without actually looking at him, an image of the photo Logan showed Connor earlier returning to the young man’s mind. The vision of Wolverine’s claws returned as the ache of his arms clouded the physical senses, slowly Connor turned away, no longer twisting around to look at Logan and staring at the coffee table anxiously.
"What .. you said.. what erm, what do you mean I have a problem with music?" It was as if everything had knotted up inside, yet there was also a flurry of anxiety, his tone troubled enough that Chris looked away from the computer he was now ripping out of the box and quite happily, though the young boy was perturbed with the constant feel of negativity. "..I know that I… I have a lot of problems." It was a statement of fact, Connor wasn’t stupid, he could register that some things he felt he had to do or some ways in which he reacted wasn’t normal, it put people off, it put Sarah off and he tried so hard around her but she’d still get upset when he did things that annoyed or frustrated her.
"I mean, i-it's obvious." Didn't mean he liked it any better and Chris was a little unsure on how to reply other then saying there was nothing wrong, which he did whisper a little quietly to Connor before had added his final comment previously. Strong blue eyes gleamed as they looked over at Logan, but the mood was anything but bright and positive and happy.
Logan had realised where his seemingly casual comments could lead if Connor finally decided to follow through with the inevitable chain of thought they would set up.. After all they had been dancing round the problem for a while now and while it was obvious that Connor was far from enthusiastic about discussing the whole mess both of them knew that in the end they would have to.
Wolverine waited patiently while the young mutant edged his way towards subject, his phrases awkward and hesitant "I suppose. What .. you said.. what erm, what do you mean I have a problem with music?" The tension was palpable, bringing Chris’s head round from the laptop he was so delightedly unwrapping to gaze at Connor in concern. "..I know that I… I have a lot of problems….. I mean, i-it's obvious.". There was fear in the eyes that rose to look at Logan but also a demand for answers he could no longer ignore.
“Everyone has problems kid” he said with a sigh, coming to sit in the chair facing his son. “But being a mutant means that you have more than most that’s for sure. Its not always easy dealing with the powers that you’re born with but even so….. they’re a part of you. And once you realise that then you can start looking on them as a gift rather than a curse. Even though it may take a little time. ”
There was no going back now even if he wanted to and to be honest Logan was rather relieved that they had finally started this most difficult of conversations.” Now I know that you’re thinking’ this guy must be crazy I don’t have any powers’ but I’m asking you just to stay with me on this one. I’ll get to the explanation for all that soon enough. For now just let me tell you how things were Then we can get to how they are now. “
He drew a deep breath before he went on his brow furrowed in concentration as he tried to find the words to describe what it was not only to be a mutant but to be his son, an Enright with all the added complications that that entailed.” All my children inherited my abilities.” He explained gently, steering clear for the moment of the question of Michele and her own gifts. One trauma at a time was probably enough to be going on with he estimated and this was surely going to be traumatic.
”That means they can heal much faster than a normal human can , that they have heightened senses and I mean the ability to hear a pin drop three rooms away or track a man from one side of town to the other by smell alone. Not to mention the claws. But I think you might have noticed them already. He said with a slight smile "All of that can be quite a handful as I‘m sure you can imagine”
“So” Wolverine went on after a small pause to let what he had said sink in, “for you its normal that loud music should be something you avoid or that coffee is too bitter for your sense of taste. You’re not being neurotic or anything Its just that the way you experience the world is different to the way other people do . And yes, until you learn to control it, it can be a pain in the ass. I won’t deny that. There are days when we all feel like that about our powers. When we wish we could make them go away. But that doesn’t mean that we really want them too. And although you disliked all the extra complications that your abilities brought into your life I don’t think you wanted to lose them either However it seems that Amlarie didn’t see things quite that way..”
Suddenly he was getting to the crux of the matter and he wasn’t sure that he was entirely ready for it but there was no other option than to plough ahead" Now you seem fond of her and you seem to think that she’s trying to look out for you so let’s give her the benefit of the doubt. Lets say that she saw you were having certain issues with your abilities, hell maybe even with your life and so she decided to step in and help.”
Logan couldn’t stay seated now. It was already all he could do to keep on presenting things in what he hoped was a reasonable manner when all he really wanted to do was find Amlarie make her pay for what she had done to his son. “If you look in the fridge you’ll find the drugs she’s been giving you to blunt your senses. Stop taking them and things will go back to the way they were before. At least that’s the message she asked Peter to pass on to me. As for your claws…….” He pulled the control pad out of his pocket and laid it on the table in front of Connor. "She’s keeping them sheathed by using an implant. This is the…….”
It was all to much. Looking at the machine with its all to obvious on off switch Logan’s control broke letting the depths of his emotions pour through though he had promised himself that he wouldn’t. “Christ Connor how could she do that to you?” he said his voice raw with anguish. "How could anyone do that to you?"
There's just somethin' wild inside me pullin' me to do things I don't understand.
I can't figure it. It's like tryin' to explain desire.
Re: Salem Center - The Illusion of Perfection
“Everyone has problems kid” Yeah well, Connor wasn’t in the mood to focus on everyone else’s problems just at the moment, he didn’t even know all of his and yet his day still seemed ruled by his odd behaviour. From seeing everything as if it was placed in the wrong or less then perfect position to not being able to sit in a car like the rest of the guys around him. And these apparently weren’t even the faults which Logan was thinking of as the elder man continued to speak, taking a seat before Connor who tried hard to keep his eyes on the man instead of pulling them away and locking himself up tight. “But being a mutant means that you have more than most that’s for sure. Its not always easy dealing with the powers that you’re born with but even so….. they’re a part of you. And once you realise that then you can start looking on them as a gift rather than a curse. Even though it may take a little time. ” For a moment Connor had wondered if the issues he thought of were due to the powers Logan mentioned or if really Logan was just bringing up a whole new world of problems in which Connor was starting to dip his toes into. There was a strange desire to stop listening, to ignore whatever he didn’t like or couldn’t cope with, but at the same time part of him saw the idiocy in that, the fact he wanted to know driving him on despite his habit of pulling back when personal things got hard. Anyone could trust their life in Connor’s hands, everyone but Connor that was, the biggest fault in him was that he let himself down constantly.
“Now I know that you’re thinking’ this guy must be crazy I don’t have any powers’ but I’m asking you just to stay with me on this one. I’ll get to the explanation for all that soon enough. For now just let me tell you how things were Then we can get to how they are now.” The knots and fluttering sensations in Connor’s stomach got only worse, it felt as if this was all just some vague dream he was watching from the outside, as if he mind wasn’t even accepting the reality of the situation. “All my children inherited my abilities.” Now Connor’s gaze did fall away, images of those claws returning once again, the way people stared, the way Sarah reacted, the way even he had felt when seeing those knives slice out of the others knuckles and through bleeding skin..
“That means they can heal much faster than a normal human can , that they have heightened senses and I mean the ability to hear a pin drop three rooms away or track a man from one side of town to the other by smell alone. Not to mention the claws. But I think you might have noticed them already." A side glance was given over to Chris who listened curiously, but then Connor focused back on Logan, listening carefully and yet too taken back and unsure to actually look as if he was understanding anything of it. "All of that can be quite a handful as I‘m sure you can imagine” No… not really… he couldn’t imagine any of it, his eyes lowered their gaze to stare at the drink which had been served. Connor was starting to feel himself getting sick from the overwhelming sensation passing over him, the muddled emotions which conflicted each other, both negative and positive so heavily entwined Connor could hope to assess what his actual thoughts were at the moment.
“So” A slow blink followed as Wolverine continued to speak, Connor gradually willing himself to look back up at the one who seemed to be pulling at the threads of the frayed tapestry Connor had so naively been sitting upon. “for you its normal that loud music should be something you avoid or that coffee is too bitter for your sense of taste. You’re not being neurotic or anything Its just that the way you experience the world is different to the way other people do ." But was he being neurotic when he sat in a car for ten minutes and then felt as if it was crushing in all around him, the air too thick to fill his lungs and the world growing only ever smaller. Was staring at reasonably tidy room and finding faults in nearly every aspect something people would grow angry or frustrated over? …Apparently it was, Sarah aside, Connor still remembered the mentioning of someone or something which Logan had referred to as ‘Madi’.
“And yes, until you learn to control it, it can be a pain in the ass. I won’t deny that. There are days when we all feel like that about our powers. When we wish we could make them go away. But that doesn’t mean that we really want them too. And although you disliked all the extra complications that your abilities brought into your life I don’t think you wanted to lose them either However it seems that Amlarie didn’t see things quite that way..” Why would he want them if they just brought him trouble? At the moment Connor didn’t understand how the abilities could be used to help others, as well as himself, proving that he could handle himself and he could he worth something…worthy even of praise. The mention of Amlarie honed things a bit more into focus, Connor’s mind grasping at the one thing it could really relate to at the moment. "Now you seem fond of her and you seem to think that she’s trying to look out for you so let’s give her the benefit of the doubt. Lets say that she saw you were having certain issues with your abilities, hell maybe even with your life and so she decided to step in and help.” Now that was an interesting statement, who would just step into someone’s life and rearrange it for them in such a way that left him nothing but a lost and confused cripple within his own existence. Was there something to that though? Was there something so wrong with his life or his abilities that someone decided he needed to be rescued from it all? There wasn’t really a chance to speak that quizzical thought out loud, Connor’s head tilting back a little as his eyes followed Logan who stood, there was definitely some underlaying emotions behind this entire speech, it wasn’t easy for Logan to say all this, for once someone seemed hurt and upset while trying to explain things to Connor.
“If you look in the fridge you’ll find the drugs she’s been giving you to blunt your senses. Stop taking them and things will go back to the way they were before. At least that’s the message she asked Peter to pass on to me. As for your claws…….” Tension trailed gradually after that comment, Connor’s hands slowly balling into fists and his eyes growing distant with thoughts of bitter emptiness. The device however pulled the cerulean pearls of gleaming splendour onto it, a numbing sensation spreading through both mind and body as hallow eyes stared at the seemingly innocent device. "She’s keeping them sheathed by using an implant. This is the…….” Unfocused eyes slowly scanned the disclosed item, though Logan trailed off Connor could slowly brave the risk of finishing the sentence. There was a sudden shift of the tension in the air, it wasn’t just hanging there in the background, it was brought to the fore, a strong essence of ambience which filled the room as Logan continued, pain and frustration ever so evident in Logan’s eyes, his voice, his very movements.
“Christ Connor how could she do that to you?” The youths fingers uncurled, his posture straightened slightly as he sat up, his hands dragging up his thighs as he seemed to take more notice of what was happening instead of just letting it wash over him. "How could anyone do that to you?" A faint change of Connor’s expression would have been noticed, as his attitude went from being a sole victim to being one of a few who were all involved in this, even if he was the center of this thing there were still people around him that were suffering too.
"Sometimes people do extreme things to help those they feel for, it doesn’t always work out the way they wanted, and Amlarie isn’t as old as you are, we all trip over good intentions sometimes.." Connor offered, as if it would provide some sort of solace to the man, the blue eyed mutants fingers curling once again and moving forward o his knees as he tried to reply to the last thing said, tried to keep things simple, to not think so hard and treat it like any other discussion someone would have. If it wasn’t about him then it was easier, but he couldn’t avoid his personal problems for long… but he didn’t need to be dragged down by them either. "So… what happens now?" It was easier to just hear someone else keep talking, easier then mulling over the problem himself, to hear another voice, despite its deep gruff nature there was something comforting in the depths of the voice, was it the voice itself, an old familiar tone Connor couldn’t place, or was Connor just needing a touch of affection and protectiveness that any strangers voice would have that effect on him?
Re: Salem Center - The Illusion of Perfection"Sometimes people do extreme things to help those they feel for, it doesn’t always work out the way they wanted, and Amlarie isn’t as old as you are, we all trip over good intentions sometimes.."
Hadn’t Connor heard what he had said? Logan looked at his son in disbelief as he defended the stranger who had done this to him. How could he forgive her all this when he wouldn’t even forgive his own fathers past ‘offences’? Sure Logan had to admit that there had been some biggies from Connors point of view. But he had never deliberately hurt his kids, nor had he tried to let them down. Sure he hadn’t been there for them when they had been hurt and that was something he had to live with but they had never asked him why. They had never even thought that maybe there was a reason behind his so called indifference.
Had all the years he had loved and cared for them, all the time he had devoted to them especially since their mother had died meant nothing? Yes he had continued to be an x man and that involved being away more than he would have liked But he wasn’t the only father who had to juggle work with family and if his work was extraordinary well then the problems he handled in his own home were too. And he did his best, even if that didn’t seem to be enough.
He was Connor’s father. He had taken him to baseball matches, bought him ice creams, taught him to swim, there had been years of Christmas celebrations and birthday parties that he had always made time for and despite the situation between himself and Michele they had made sure that there was still time spent together as a family. For the children’s sake.
Yet here was Connor finding excuses for a woman he had only known for four days, after she had violated his life and his memories though he had turned his back and walked out on Logan when he had been strapped down and lying in his own blood on a torture table. It hurt, perhaps all the more so for being unexpected. Or maybe because for once Logan’s guard had been down all the way, leaving him vulnerable and exposed as he so rarely ever allowed himself to be.
"So… what happens now?" Connor asked sounding more than a little vulnerable himself.* I don’t know* Logan thought despairingly. *And yet……* He knew he had to answer something. They were watching him, two boys looking at an adult as if he held the solution to every problem, when all he was really trying to do was stop them seeing how badly Connor’s words had affected him.*I’ve got to hold it together* Logan told himself. *Connor’s counting on me and I’m not going to let him down no matter what it takes*
“Well the way I see it there are several options” he said as steadily as he could. “We can stay here and talk some more, you can try to get in touch with Amlarie and ask her for some explanations and eventually go back there if you want too…. or you can come home with me. I know which one I’d prefer.
He doubted that he had needed to add that the last part of the sentence had sounded more like a plea than anything else no matter how much he had tried to prevent that. Still Amlarie had taken Connors free will away from him. Logan was damned if he was going to do the same. “But just like the choice as to whether to take those drugs or not the decision ultimately isn’t mine to make.You have to make your own mind up about that” he went on.
“And then there’s the problem of Chris.” You’ve found your family again but what about him? Maybe his father is out looking for him the way I was out looking for you. What about it Chris he said gently squatting down before the younger boy. “Do you remember where you come from? Anything at all that could help us find your folks for you? ”
There's just somethin' wild inside me pullin' me to do things I don't understand.
I can't figure it. It's like tryin' to explain desire.
Re: Salem Center - The Illusion of Perfection
“Well the way I see it there are several options” For now Connor refused to look at Logan, merely because it was too awkward and too hard, obviously not just for Connor but for the elder man himself. “We can stay here and talk some more, you can try to get in touch with Amlarie and ask her for some explanations and eventually go back there if you want too…. or you can come home with me. I know which one I’d prefer.” A home… for a moment Connor’s mind ran with that idea, trying to picture what it was like before reality returned and it came crashing down with a simple echo of a word in his mind; a school. No cheesy house with the perfect garden, just a crowded noisy school, or at least that’s how Connor pictured the place. A slight feel of anxiety formed as there was an air of pressure felt, at least in Connor’s opinion, he didn’t want to decide, he wasn’t ready…
“But just like the choice as to whether to take those drugs or not the decision ultimately isn’t mine to make.You have to make your own mind up about that” That still didn’t help things, Connor raised a hand to cover his face in an effort to try and bide some time alone and think. It seemed so twisted now, secrets, lies, half truths and drugs now? It was astonishing that people could do this to someone, anyone, especially those they love! But as Logan continued to speak Connor’s hand returned to his knee and his bright eyes remained focused on Chris.
“And then there’s the problem of Chris. You’ve found your family again but what about him? Maybe his father is out looking for him the way I was out looking for you. What about it Chris” This time Chris locked up, tight and firm just like when Sarah had started yelling at Connor once for needlessly organizing her things when they were in a hurry to do something and then telling Chris off if he told her she didn’t need to yell. “Do you remember where you come from? Anything at all that could help us find your folks for you?” Panic struck, should Chris reply honestly or lie? What would happen if he told them where to find his mother, he didn’t know the name of the places he hanged around aside from down town New York and he knew his way around but not being able to read meant he always relied on visual aspects and not names and such. If Chris was honest, would they send him back to his mother? He didn’t want to live on the streets any more, he didn’t want to live with her, he liked Connor now, he cared about his mother and he’d wish he could give her some of the new things he is getting now but Connor was giving him more attention then she ever did, and they had fun together.
"I don’t know!" Replied the youngster defensively, his anxiety and concern obvious though his indirect reply was more then enough to tell the watchful eye more then Chris would be able to express if he tried. Anger flared now as dropped the empty box which had once held the laptop, managing to knock it against Logan in his panic while manoeuvring towards Connor, the one and only real safety net Chris knew.
"It’s ok Chris," The words weren’t really useful or heartfelt, more instinctive to try and calm the child down as he crawled up onto the couch with Connor, the small arms flinging around to seek comfort which Connor tried to offer but was rather tense from the discomfort of his aching arms. "We won’t make you do anything you don’t want to do, we’re just talking about this, we won’t do anything yet, it’s all just talk." Connor went Quiet for a moment but he his mind was racing, he had no idea what to do or who to trust or if truth was really so important if it was just hurting him more then he was prepared for. Connor looked over towards Logan, it was so hard to explain what it was that Connor felt but right now he felt as if he was given too much responsibility and not enough shoulders to lean on. "Look, I think you’re right, I should go back home… I mean to Amlarie’s, and we’ll talk about things, and then… maybe I’ll give you a call." It seemed easier like that, at least it did right now, just to drop everything that was rolling now and retreat back to where he was familiar with, to the people he at least recognized, even if the memory of them was only a few days old. Right now Connor didn’t even want to think about the drugs, he just wanted it to all go away and that seemed enough for him right now, what one thinks one can achieve… he knew it was a wrong attitude but he didn’t really care. "We all might feel more comfortable talking about things… on our own." Connor didn’t want to directly say ‘without you’ to Logan but in essence he felt that was true, Chris would tell Connor more things if it were just them and no one else, but right now he was obviously nervous and upset and Connor had to talk one on one with the kid to assure him that no matter what Connor wasn’t just going to walk away and forget about him.
Re: Salem Center - The Illusion of Perfection
Words weren’t really Logans thing and he had always known that So he supposed he shouldn’t have been surprised when what he thought was a simple enough question exploded in his face. And yet he was. He was concerned too; he could tell when someone was scared and this boy was verging on panic. "I don’t know!" Chris told him, the intensity of the reply clearly indicating the depths of his feelings. Wolverine could hear the child’s heart hammering in his chest as he fled to the safety of Connor’s side, the erratic beating telling its own tale of fear and deceit.
And there was deceit here. Chris knew something about this whole mess even if he didn’t want to share it. That had always been a possibility; Logan had known that from the first minute he had laid eyes on the kid. That didn’t lake him any less of a victim It didn’t change the affection he so clearly felt for Connor. Or Logan’s desire to help him for that matter, though Wolverine doubted that Chris would believe him if he ever managed to tell him that.
For now all he could do was watch while Connor tried to comfort the younger boy, whispering reassurances "We won’t make you do anything you don’t want to do, we’re just talking about this, we won’t do anything yet, it’s all just talk." And it was true. It was all just talk. Nothing concrete had been decided. Looking at Connor Logan wasn’t even sure he was capable of making a decision at the moment There were too many things being thrown at him all at once and Chris problems were just one more complication. But then again…"Look, I think you’re right, I should go back home…
Thank god! The relief was overwhelming and it showed clearly on Logan’s face. Now things would be all right. Connor would be safe. Chris too for that matter. They could work their way out of this mess at the school. Jean could help them figure out a way to get Connors memories back .though seeing his own room, the photos he had taken, being around the people who loved him,perhaps that in itself would be enough to bring him back*And we’ll be closer. I promise that.I stay home more, hell I can even quit the team if that’s what it takes….. A thousand plans went racing through Logan’s head and they were all halted just like his heart by what came next. … I mean to Amlarie’s,
The ground dropped from under him. This wasn’t right! This wasn’t how things were meant to go. He felt physically sick from the shock, as if he had been shot but Connor just went on talking like nothing had happened and we’ll talk about things, and then… maybe I’ll give you a call."
*maybe I’ll give you a call! " That’s what you said when you didn’t want to see someone again but were too polite to tell them so to their face! Logan couldn’t believe this was happening. He had thought he was getting through to Connor, convincing him that he was loved and wanted. But now all that was shattered.. *Connor would rather go back to someone he knows has drugged him and lied to him and stuck implants into him than be with me.*The realisation washed over Wolverine and left him broken.
"We all might feel more comfortable talking about things… on our own." He heard Connor’s voice. He even knew what the words meant. He just didn’t know how to answer. All the arguments, all the fine words he should have been able to call up, deserted him leaving only what was in his heart “Please” he said” Please don’t go back to her ”
He had never pleaded with his son before but he did so now. Just as he had pleaded with Michele when she lay in the coma. Please don’t leave me. Please don’t die. It hadn’t worked then no matter how many times he had repeated it. He didn’t think it would work now but he had to try.
”I know I said that it was an option…… as if id be ok with it if you did decide to go back…… but I was only fooling myself. Guess I never really believed you’d choose her. Just shows how wrong I can be”He looked up at his son from where he half knelt on the floor “The truth is I’m scared. I don’t know who she is or why she’s doing all this but I do see what she’s done to you already and I’m scared that if you go to her I might lose you for ever. Hell you might lose yourself. So I’m asking you please don’t do that. There has to be another way.
“You guys need to talk things over on your own. I understand. There’s so much to take in and none of its easy. But you could stay here…..Ill go……..far enough away so that you’ll know I won’t hear anything you say.” That sounded reasonable didn’t it? He thought it did though he was no longer sure of anything. Only that his son was slipping away. “I can wait for as long as it takes.” he told them simply.” And if you want me back just yell . Ill come running.”
There's just somethin' wild inside me pullin' me to do things I don't understand.
I can't figure it. It's like tryin' to explain desire.
Re: Salem Center - The Illusion of Perfection
While Connor may have had bright blue eyes, one could rarely say his eyes sparkled as brightly as they should have, quite often nothing more then dull pools of murky water, whose only light was that of reflections instead of the glitter of effulgence within. Misery seemed to be a trademark at times with the siblings but Connor was always so much more isolated and calm in comparison to his outwardly angry and socially neglected sisters. While Madison was able to start a fight with anyone and everyone, Arisa would just content herself with vanishing and Connor seemed stuck in the middle with nowhere to go, caught between the warring sisters and clinging to the past in all sense. Everything that had gone wrong was remembered, it was clung, the wounds kept open without resolve, salt being rubbed into each and every one by never really speaking his mind, always just allowing his emotions to fester away in the deepest reaches where all troubles and worries were shoved one after the other. Perhaps Connor may not remember all that troubled him before but new troubles were definitely finding their place in the overflowing section of Connor’s subconscious, leaving his emotions in constant fray. The gnawing sensation of sickness still built as the knots in the younger ferals stomach grew tighter and all the more, his arms holding Chris just a little closer in an effort to draw some much needed comfort. It was soon made bluntly clear however that Connor was not the only one so distraught on what should be the next step.
“Please” So much pain, the plea itself may have been warranted but it still caught Connor by surprise and it somehow seemed all the more crushing to see such a man as Logan appeared to be crumble down and open himself so vulnerably to them all. “Please don’t go back to her ” No more then ever Connor was so sure that Amlarie had lied of knowing this man, if indeed Logan was his father… Connor was beyond angry, he had skipped right past it into a realm of dazed denial, his furious temper still boiled discreetly under the surface, ready to ignite with little provocation, but for now Connor felt safer not thinking about all the overload of information which had just been revealed to him. The blue spheres glazed every so slightly with a momentary threat of tears which had swiftly been blinked back, Connor’s eyes withdrawing away from the pitiable man who might as well have thrown his bleeding heart to the floor and left it there for Connor to watch it wither away.
”I know I said that it was an option…… as if id be ok with it if you did decide to go back…… but I was only fooling myself. Guess I never really believed you’d choose her. Just shows how wrong I can be” Choose her? Had Connor really done that? At the moment he didn’t know what to do, or who to choose, was it really Amlarie Connor was running back to? Or was it just the safety of the world she had created for him? The iridescent eyes of Logan’s son weaved their way back to those of the elder man, timid and confused, lost and dazed, yet pain reflected back into them. A pain that Chris didn’t need to see in order to feel as he held tightly and buried away his face into the safety of Connor’s chest, the echoes of a thudding heart making Chris hold onto Connor just a little more securely.
“The truth is I’m scared. I don’t know who she is or why she’s doing all this but I do see what she’s done to you already and I’m scared that if you go to her I might lose you for ever. Hell you might lose yourself. So I’m asking you please don’t do that. There has to be another way.” Could any more possibly be lost? Connor felt his heart ache all the more as he listened, the honesty of the other perhaps too much, too real and too painful to be ignored. What if he didn’t want to go back with either of them? Maybe he didn’t want any of this!! He didn’t want their lies or their troubles, their inevitable games of tug-o-war over him… none of it!! Why couldn’t it all be easy like he had thought originally… when it was all just an accident, when his parents were just too far away to be around and when all that mattered was rediscovering new faces… It was already hard enough without all this, why couldn’t they leave him be, why was it all so heartbreaking…
“You guys need to talk things over on your own. I understand. There’s so much to take in and none of its easy. But you could stay here…..Ill go……..far enough away so that you’ll know I won’t hear anything you say.” It sounded exactly like what Connor had wanted…but it didn’t make him feel any better. Did Connor want Logan to leave? Did he want the guy to stay? What? Knelling on the floor like that, looking as if Connor had forced him down there, as if it were his fault that the man had lost his footing, no one understood what it was like, no one knows unless they live through it. Emptiness is terrible, all tales are absorbed and formed into precious memories and then to discover those memories were nothing but fairytale, what little stability he thought he had just an illusion, a lie, it was worse then not knowing anything!! “I can wait for as long as it takes.” With that Connor looked away, his brow creasing in the same manner that it always did when his effort for control felt as if it was slipping, his eyes focusing hard on anything but what was right in front of him and his gaze seeming as if it burn through anything and yet see nothing at all. “And if you want me back just yell . Ill come running.” Everything Logan said sounded so open, his words so desperate, his emotions so torn and divided… Tension built in Connor’s body so much so that Chris lifted his head and looked up at Connor, who was staring off at one of the doors, but it was easy to tell Connor wasn’t just wondering what was behind them.
"..I don’t know." It was as simple as that and Connor gently guided Chris off his lap and stood to his feet, looking down at Logan as if the man was just another person trying to hurt and confuse him for the sake of it. "Sisters I don’t know, brother’s I don’t really have, girlfriends that aren’t real, a lifetime I don’t remember and a illusion you’ve all ripped apart as swiftly as it was placed together." He sounded as if he wanted to start yelling, struggling hard to keep his voice from raising though the anger and frustration was definitely there. Once again his eyes glazed slightly from the moister which was painstakingly held at bay with as much effort as possible while throwing a spiteful glare at Logan. "What happens if I believe you and you turn out to just be another tale woven into this story?" While the voice may have wavered a little unsteadily from the emotion Connor still managed to sound distrusting and hurt, though he wasn’t sure where to place his anger, leaving him just as confused and lost as he always seemed to be since even before Michelle’s death.
"You don’t understand what’s like to have lost everything!" Everything felt as if it would be so much better if Connor just screamed it all out, if he gave in and relaxed his defences enough so that he didn’t have to remain so ‘civilized’, he wanted to yell, he wanted to stomp and kick and scream and it felt so tiring and so draining to just try and keep himself so restrained. It would be so easy… just yell out, just stop fighting everything, so much energy going into holding everything back, his fists clenched tightly and raised a little as if the struggle was just as overwhelming as the rest of the day. "And then to just be played with like a finger puppet in a play, you all have no right to do this to me!" The accusation wasn’t even directed towards Logan, just ghosts in the room that Connor refused to pin his anger on, everyone, yet no one, each face too valuable at the moment, with too few faces he could recall he wasn’t yet ready to just toss one aside so easily, regardless of whatever he was being told. But that didn’t stop the anger, he may ignore it but it always caught up eventually.
Re: Salem Center - The Illusion of Perfection
Connor looked down at him, his eyes darkened by confusion and anger. "..I don’t know." he said simply "Sisters I don’t know, brother’s I don’t really have, girlfriends that aren’t real, a lifetime I don’t remember and a illusion you’ve all ripped apart as swiftly as it was placed together." So once again it was Logan’s fault. Funny how that always seemed to be the case! No matter what he did or tried it always ended up the same way. Maybe there really was no point in trying anymore. Maybe it really was too late
"What happens if I believe you and you turn out to just be another tale woven into this story?" What could he answer to that? If nothing he had said up to now had managed to convince Connor of his sincerity then he didn’t know what more he could do. Grab the device and deactivate the implants? Hope that the reality of his claws would convince Connor they were father and son? That might work but it wasn’t something he was prepared to do. Just as he wasn’t prepared to simply grab the boys and have then forcibly teleported back to Xavier’s.No Logan had said that this would be Connors choice and he was going to stick to that even if it killed him And it certainly felt like it might.
"You don’t understand what’s like to have lost everything! And then to just be played with like a finger puppet in a play you all have no right to do this to me!". “ The irony of the statement almost made him gasp. Of all the people in the world he was best placed to know what Connor was going through. Hadn’t he been stripped of his own memories? Hadn’t he been left with nothing but a tangled mess of lies and fabrication in which he could no longer tell what was real and what wasn’t. Yet that was something Connor had never known, not even before his own mind had been wiped clean.
Strange, Logan had told a complete stranger about it just a few days before yet he had never discussed it with his own children. Because they were too close perhaps? That was one reason he supposed. The other was that his past wasn’t exactly the sort of subject you tended to want to dwell upon. But then neither was Trade’s. He had been there when she had broken and all the horrors she had lived through had come spilling out. Telling of his own shame had seemed the only way to level the playing field between them again. He had done it because she had needed him to and now here was his own son with that same need burning in his eyes. How could he refuse him what he had granted Lorilli.
“I understand” he said quietly. “ You don’t think anyone can but I do” He rose to his feet as he spoke beginning a restless pacing as he dragged the words out of himself. “It was a long time ago, I don’t even know when exactly that’s how confused things are…. but I was taken…….a government agency…………….He smlied then without humour. “Like I said people are reaaalll interested in our powers kid. They took one look at my regeneration and decided it was just what they needed….. to make me into a weapon that is And if there’s one thing a weapon doesn’t need it’s a past. So they took mine. Wiped it clean away.”
There was still sadness and loss in his voice as he spoke of it even after all that time. They had taken away his roots and without them he had become something less than a man. But that hadn’t been enough for them.” And just in case I should start to get it back, they threw in a whole load of false ones for me to discover first. Took me some time to realise that of course”. H
is laugh was bitter.” I sure got all excited when I started to ‘remember’ More fool me. They messed me up so bad that I doubt now if I’d recognise the truth even if I did come across it. No my past is gone Connor. All I’ve got to work with is the last forty years.” He stopped and looked at his son again saying “They’ve been good years latterly. I’ve had the Institute, your mother, you and the girls to help me get through them and sometimes that almost seems like enough. But” Logan sighed. “There’s something missing and there always will be. I have so many questions I can’t answer. There are people in my head I can remember loving. I just can’t be sure they even existed. That’s not easy to live with Connor and I don’t want it happening to you.”
There's just somethin' wild inside me pullin' me to do things I don't understand.
I can't figure it. It's like tryin' to explain desire.
Re: Salem Center - The Illusion of Perfection
“I understand” He understood what? What was it now Logan was trying to make sense of, like some lone figure of the night courageously trying to piece together a broken puzzle, offering enough without too much that it seemed untrustworthy...Igniting enough hope to enable some warmth, with only the fear of being burned dragged up in Connor’s mind as his cold numbness began to thaw against the radiance of affection and desperation. “ You don’t think anyone can but I do” Defiance swirled, Connor’s body drawing back a step as the elder man stood, readying to lash out in protest to such absurdity.
“It was a long time ago, I don’t even know when exactly that’s how confused things are…. but I was taken…….a government agency…………….” Government? Connor’s body seemed to grow patient with the words being spoken, not understanding them just yet, not truly believing what came from the ‘strangers’ lips.. but listening all the same, caught up in the story that was about to unfold. “Like I said people are reaaalll interested in our powers kid. They took one look at my regeneration and decided it was just what they needed….. to make me into a weapon that is And if there’s one thing a weapon doesn’t need it’s a past. So they took mine. Wiped it clean away.” What was he say? A weapon? A weapon for who? How could that be true? The voice though, the expression, why did everything this man say seem so heartfelt and sincere?
“And just in case I should start to get it back, they threw in a whole load of false ones for me to discover first. Took me some time to realise that of course”. Although the expression on Connor’s features appeared confused, it was obvious that Connor understood, if nothing else, what the man was trying to explain… But it all seemed so hard to believe…and yet Connor felt himself relenting into the tale, giving into the story and grasping at the simple hope he was not alone. “I sure got all excited when I started to ‘remember’ More fool me. They messed me up so bad that I doubt now if I’d recognise the truth even if I did come across it. No my past is gone Connor. All I’ve got to work with is the last forty years.” All Connor had was the last four days, while the days had been relatively pleasant and most of his needs thoroughly served, there was still the desire to know what else he had experienced before, what secrets his mind kept hidden away, always longing to know what memories he had lost.
“They’ve been good years latterly. I’ve had the Institute, your mother, you and the girls to help me get through them and sometimes that almost seems like enough. But” Mother? If she was a positive aspect then whatever was wrong with her wasn’t so negative that people hated her for it, so what was it that Amlarie was trying to keep him from knowing until he was more ready? Maybe Connor was right and she was sick, or maybe they didn’t get on well, or…Desperate thoughts were cut short as focus drifted back to Logan’s words, a haunted look in the youths eyes as he took in the similar sentiments they seemed to share. “There’s something missing and there always will be. I have so many questions I can’t answer. There are people in my head I can remember loving. I just can’t be sure they even existed. That’s not easy to live with Connor and I don’t want it happening to you.” But it was happening, right now it was happening, there was nothing Connor seemed able to do to ease the pain, nothing but trust, and was Connor ready to trust again? Sure Connor knew there were some flaws before but he hadn’t realized to what magnitudes, he didn’t want to go through that again.
Would it really be so bad to give the guy a chance? To step into this world Logan tried so hard to paint for Connor? A world of family and friends and a life he had left behind? Perhaps not the most perfect life but it was his… maybe… What was there left to lose?
A hand brushed against Connor’s cheek, smearing the tear which fell against the skin, flaring up a stubborn anger that refused to allow himself such a show of fragile emotions. Trying so hard to disassociated himself from the emotions that constantly toyed with the young feral’s heart, Connor had recently realized that instead of being in control of his emotions he was merely blocking them out, burying them so deep that he barely realized he was trying to make himself so numb to the world around him. Connor knew various people, but he couldn’t really say he knew them all so well, even Riley was full of mysteries that Connor hesitated on trying to figure out. Arlen was interested in his little sister but showed an honest devotion which Arisa returned, thus making Connor respect the merman despite his over protectiveness for his siblings.
Though he had started spending the occasional time with Heath, most times Connor was on his own, later realizing only after his recent ordeals that he had so few people to go to and open up with heart with them. Madison had become stiff and unsure, wanting to help Connor and yet not knowing how, not able to offer the gentle touch or the kind words, just the affectionate assurance of a strong minded and faithful sister.
He knew about the moon in the lake… that was amazing, regardless of all the other strange things Logan had said or done, he knew about that image in Connor’s mind, maybe Logan was real… maybe he was worth a chance, but what if the risk was too high? What if…
"Why do you live in a school if you have a family?" Avoiding all real questions made it easy to get hold of his emotions, driving back the tears which were blinked away and yet enabling him to try and figure the man out still, trying to understand what things Logan had shared earlier. Fair enough the guy said he was a teacher, and going to a school with him was more appealing then going to a strange house god knows where.. at least at a school there were lots of people.
Re: Salem Center - The Illusion of Perfection"Why do you live in a school if you have a family?" That was the sixty four thousand dollar question wasn’t it? The one that had to be answered before they could move on? So much pain So many mistakes. Logan wasn’t sure where to begin. Or even if he should begin for that matter! Did he still have a family? That was ultimately what he had to decide And honestly he didn’t know. He hoped so. That much was clear. As far as he was concerned his kids meant as much to him now as they ever had. Everything! Even if they didn’t seem to know that! He just wasn’t sure they felt the same way about him.
Its………. complicated he said , the weight of what he was about to reveal forcing him to at least sit before his son. “ “You live at the school because that’s where I live.” He was lost and awkward as he always had been when talking about this subject but he forced himself to continue. Your mother and I…………don’t get me wrong………. We always loved each other but……… . How could he explain to Connor what had separated them when he had never been able to explain it to Michelle? Sometimes things happen……it was my fault…
He had been deceived, tricked by Mystique into adultery. That didn’t make it feel any better. Somewhere deep inside there was a voice screaming that he should have known. After all he had loved Michelle. That alone should have let him see through Mystiques trickery. But it hadn’t been enough. If it had been Michelle that he had desired on that fateful night the fact was that it had been Mystique he had taken to bed. And that was something he could never forgive himself for.
Anyway Logan drew a shaky breath. “I screwed up big time and that pushed the two of us apart. She kept the house and the kids, I moved out. Great that would soo cause Conner to want to come back Still he had nothing but the truth to offer and he was damned if he’d offer anything less. No matter how hard that made things. .. But somehow we always though we would get together again. One of the draw backs of regeneration” he admitted sadly You always think you’ll have time to put things right. But we took too long…. He hated to face the facts but now he was forced too. Maybe she was too proud, maybe I was too stubborn. It doesn’t matter now.
His voice was low its gruffness accentuated by emotion as he finally said what he so badly wished he didn’t have to say.”The fact is that she was killed. About ten years ago” It still broke his heart every time he thought about it and this time was no different.. “You were all just kids” he went on hating himself for having snatched away Connors mother from him again when he obviously so desperately needed her. So do I Logan thought There’s not one damned day goes by that I don’t need her.But Michelle wasn’t there and he would just have to do what he had been doing ever since she had been taken from him Try his best.
“ I needed help looking after the three of you” he explained “And all the people close to us were at the school. Your uncles and aunts kind of. Even if they’re not related by blood.They got us through the hard times. They still do. That’s why we stay. Cos in a way they’re my family too.”
There's just somethin' wild inside me pullin' me to do things I don't understand.
I can't figure it. It's like tryin' to explain desire.
Re: Salem Center - The Illusion of Perfection"Its………. Complicated" That didn’t sound at all welcoming, Connor half hoped for a simple response like ‘we have special boarding rooms due to me teaching there’ maybe it was out of the way, the guy was a mutant after all… though, so was Connor, he had to get used to that idea. “You live at the school because that’s where I live.” So far that wasn’t so complicated, but why did the words seem so simple and the emotions so diverse and pained? "Your mother and I…………don’t get me wrong………. We always loved each other but………" Divorced? Separated? Was that the big deal everyone was on about? Logan sounded as he did really care about her… Connor wasn’t sure he wanted to know what happened and at the same time he was pretty determined to find out what caused this separation, was there something wrong with her, why else were the kids living with their dad?
"Sometimes things happen……it was my fault…" Well… considering the guy waltzed up and brandished his claws at Connor and the others for an intro, Connor was pretty easily able to guess that it may have been something like that again, maybe Logan spooked her off by showing her his claws… that’s if she didn’t know about them before hand, or maybe the fact her children had them was what sent her away…
“I screwed up big time and that pushed the two of us apart. She kept the house and the kids, I moved out." Wait… if she kept the kids why had Logan said they lived with him? A house as well? Now it seemed there was a sore spot in the story, Logan had just twisted his own story back to front… maybe he wasn’t the real thing… ".. But somehow we always though we would get together again. One of the draw backs of regeneration” Connor was slowly getting more and more lost, obviously the two were separated and they loved each other but Logan screwed up and now they find it hard living together? Or they are too hurt or confused to find a way to live together again.. that wasn’t so terrible, as long as they cared then the parental side of things shouldn’t be too strained. Sarah had explained how her parents had fought and that had been one of the driving points of her running away as a kid. "You always think you’ll have time to put things right. But we took too long…" Too long? Connor’s mind still tried to puzzle it together, focused on the idea that things had taken too long and so they just got used to living apart, "Maybe she was too proud, maybe I was too stubborn. It doesn’t matter now." Connor’s mind already took the road of a torn child who’s parents lived too far apart, the kid plotting ways on bringing them back together, no matter how silly or unhelpful the plans were, they just wanted to try to bring back the balance of mother and father in the family. It didn’t even matter that Connor was still weary with all this, he wanted the perfect home like any one dreamed of having, and maybe if they loved each other enough they’d come together in order to help their son?
"The fact is that she was killed. About ten years ago” A crack rippled across Connor’s little illusion, the images of his mind shattering along with his hopes of a proper family, his heart turning into a lump in his throat and his mind growing numb. “You were all just kids” Kids… This was it…This was the reason… A child having his mother snatched from him, Amlarie must of known, that had to be why she didn’t say anything, she wasn’t willing to lie to him and say she was alive because Amlarie knew how strongly Connor felt towards his family structure. The news was upsetting.. but tears already swam in Connor's eyes and right now he was fighting too hard to blink them away to give into any more painful surprises.
“ I needed help looking after the three of you” So… they went to a school…? Only as Logan continued did Connor understand a little better, it made sense… didn’t make things easier entirely but it made more sense definitely. “And all the people close to us were at the school. Your uncles and aunts kind of. Even if they’re not related by blood. They got us through the hard times. They still do. That’s why we stay. Cos in a way they’re my family too.” Aunts and Uncles? Do they know their mutants? Connor was so wrapped up in his own issues that he didn’t notice Chris waiting, watching, worrying…
"…oh.." How exactly was Logan expecting him to reply to all that? "..ok." It wasn’t good, no… but it was something at least… a school would also be full of people, and maybe they’ll be a group his age, Amlarie did say that Connor had school friends after all!! "…what do you want to do exactly, I don’t want to leave Chris on his own.." And it didn’t seem like Logan wanted Connor going back to Amlarie’s right now even if it was just to drop Chris off, and by the way Chris instantly seemed to be leaning against his leg quietly it made it rather clear Chris didn’t like the idea of being left on his own either. Was Connor actually agreeing to leave with Logan though? It did seem like that… no strings attached though, just because he went there didn’t mean he had to stay, Connor knew one call from him and Amlarie would be there… Though he wasn’t sure he wanted to run back to her either… he definitely wanted to have words with her but he wasn’t sure what to say… he didn’t know what to say about any of this, it all seemed so overwhelming.
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