It couldn’t have been easy for Conner hearing all that, having whatever hopes he nurtured of a safe and normal family life shattered beyond repair. Whatever else they may have been able to offer him they could never give him back his mother and that was a loss which was never really overcome, no matter how much time went by. oh…..ok The response was subdued but then there was nothing much he could say. At least he hadn’t broken down, thought the tears in his eyes told of a struggle not to do so.
Logan was proud of him for holding things together. Even so part of Wolverine wanted to take his son in his arms and just let him cry it all out. The confusion! The betrayal! All the bad things that had ever been done to him! He actually took a step in Conner’s direction before realising that it wasn’t going to happen And not just because Chris was there looking scared and anxious. Logan just didn’t make spontaneous gestures like that, though lord knows there were times like now when he would have liked to.
When the children had been small it had been easier, but then Michelle had been around making him feel that he could almost pull of the whole family thing. Husband. Father. Everything he had so wanted to be. Mystique had robbed him of all that, their sordid one night stand tearing Michelle out of his arms for ever. Nothing had ever been the same again. Neither the touching nor the tenderness. Not even with his kids.
Awkwardness, a sense of his own guilt had always got in the way. The feeling that his touch only carried violence and pain, never comfort. In the end he had reverted back to his old ways becoming as cripplingly shy as his son was when it came to physical contact. So now he stood as he always did, just out of reach, as his son spoke again. "…what do you want to do exactly, I don’t want to leave Chris on his own.."
It was a second chance and one Logan wasn’t ready to pass up Not this time. If Conner wanted him to make the decision as to what to do next then he would do it. He had come so close to seeing his son walk away, back to this unknown woman who had brought such trauma into their lives. He wasn’t about to let that happen again.
Lets go home son” he said gruffly” All of us. There’s no way I’m going to leave Chris alone either That’s just not going to happen.” He turned his attention to he younger boy now, not wishing to scare him as he had before but needing to know that he was alright with this suggestion. Would that be Ok with you? he asked gently. We can always make room for you at the apartment. If you don’t mind things being a little crowded that is?
“Come to think of it.” Maybe the question of hugs was about to be resolved after all. “It will be cozy on the ride home as well. But not like in that damned car.”he hurried to reassure Conner with a grin. “You guys do like motorbikes don’t you?”
There's just somethin' wild inside me pullin' me to do things I don't understand.
I can't figure it. It's like tryin' to explain desire.
Re: Salem Center - The Illusion of Perfection
"Lets go home son” Hesitation was first and foremost, Connor couldn’t go home, he couldn’t go to some strange place, some strange world, filled with strange faces… gah, he had more then enough of that over at Amlarie’s. What if this was all a trick? A superb trick? Chris’s own heart raced, he didn’t want to go back to his home, he didn’t want to despite all the guilt he felt for living so nicely without his mother. He didn’t care that she left him yet again, there was always a reason, she may have been cold at times but living on the streets had made her that way and Chris saw glimpses of the motherly figure she could have been if selfish desires hadn’t been the only thing keeping her alive for so long. Chris didn’t want to leave Connor, he didn’t want to go back to how things were, even if he lived without computers and games and all the things he survived without, he’d still want to be with Connor, he liked the fact ‘James’ would tuck him in at night, he liked how the older boy stayed to talk or just for company, he liked the fun and games and just the fact that he was always there..
“All of us. There’s no way I’m going to leave Chris alone either That’s just not going to happen.” Deep eyes peered up at Logan from the fog of clouded emotional haze which had settled over the young child, a glimmer of confused hope slightly shinning through, unsure eyes darting from Connor to Logan as the meaning of the words settled on the youthful mind like fast drying cement. Logan’s own dark gaze settled firmly on Chris, the child’s tentative fingers reaching for the back of Connor’s leg, seeking that safety net, the first real security blanket he’s ever had.
“Would that be Ok with you?” The words were gentle, a man speaking to a child, the type of voice the homeless men back in the streets had taken, always offering to share their warmth and shelter if Chris popped up unfed and unattended. But this was different, there was no pity, there was an offer, a yes or no question and generally Chris never got many of them, it made the very answer itself all the more important even if he wanted to scream it out with all his heart. “We can always make room for you at the apartment. If you don’t mind things being a little crowded that is?” Crowded? He didn’t care if it was a small box they had to take turns in sharing, Chris had dealt with that in the past and being so small he always coped well enough, he didn’t care what it was like, he would give anything ago if it meant he had a chance of staying with Logan’s son!
Connor found himself stuck for excuses, though he still managed to drag one worry up… what if this all was just another lie and he ended up dragging Chris into it? The blue eyed mutant frowned at the trail of his over cautious thoughts and instead watched Chris who seemed more then determined to follow Connor wherever he went.
“Come to think of it.” The boys passed each other glances briefly, their looks alone asking and answering questions, ‘should we?’ .. ‘I don’t know’ .. ‘maybe we could give it a go’ .. ‘what if..?’ “It will be cozy on the ride home as well. But not like in that damned car.” Attention snapped away at the comment of a ride home, he was tired and frustrated and definitely not in the mood to put on any brave faces. Only a slight calm eased into Connor’s expression as Logan mentioned the fact they’d avoid that car, but that didn’t take all the tension away. “You guys do like motorbikes don’t you?” First reply was in true Connor fashion when he wasn’t in the brightest of moods, a negative thought cynically wanting to state he didn’t even know what songs he liked five minutes ago, how could he know if he liked bikes or not?
"All of us on a bike?" Connor asked undecidedly, but Chris didn’t want any chance of Wolverine taking back the previous offer and the boy delightedly assured Connor with an eager voice and a grasp of his hand, ready to tug the older one out the door if need be. "We can do it James, come on, we can see your home!" There was no use feeling reluctant about it but Connor did resist Chris’s tugs, the young boy not even wondering where they would get motorbikes, just assuming like with most things Amlarie did they tended to come from nowhere. "Hold on… where is this motorbike?" The question was directed to Logan, a glance over his shoulder allowing Connor to look at the other man and the question causing Chris to pause as well
Re: Salem Center - The Illusion of Perfection"All of us on a bike?"*Come on Connor don’t back out now. Not when we’re so close!*Logan could hear the hesitation in his son’s voice, so different from when he was a child and had begged Logan to take him on his bike even if it was only for a slow trundle round the institute grounds. Now caution and distrust were apparent where there should have been enthusiasm and Wolverine was afraid that it would be enough to send the whole fragile scheme crashing to the ground. But it seemed unexpectedly that this time at least he had an ally.
Logan had thought he had seen hope kindle in the Chris’ eyes as he had invited him back to the Institute. He just hadnt realised quite how warmly the boy had embraced the idea. Till now. "We can do it James, come on, we can see your home!" He sounded like a kid who had just realised it was Xmas, virtually hauling Connor towards the door in his eagerness to get going.
Logan was surprised but happily so. It would have been a real blow if Chris had decided he wanted to have nothing to do with the school and had demanded to go back to Amlarie. It was clear that Connor would have gone with him if he had and to be honest Logan himself wouldn’t have been happy about the youngster going back to her on his own.
But now the problem had melted away. Chris was willing to come, more, he wanted to come. Whatever his role in this little comedy Amlarie had staged he obviously wasn’t there to drag Connor back to her no matter what and that too was good to know. All in all he seemed like a good kid. Logan was only sorry he had got caught up in this whole mess but he was determined that the boy wasnt going to suffer because of it. Not if he could help it that was.
For now though Connor was letting himself be won round however reluctantly though his pragmatic side still came to the fore. "Hold on… where is this motorbike?" he asked suspiciously almost as if he expected Logan to have hidden it in the nearby bushes as part of some sort of giant prearranged conspiracy.
Mine is back at the mall he told his son reasonably.” But I can contact the school and have one sent right over.” He drew the small communications device from his jeans pocket and showed it to the two boys “See this It’s a com badge. Links me with the others at the school. All I have to do is ask and they’ll home in on it and send over some transport. Shouldn’t take more than twenty minutes to arrive I wouldn’t think.”
Swiftly Logan toggled the codes into the badge opening a channel to Xavier’s. Scott This is Logan. he said waiting for Cyclops to reply. Soon the familiar voice was answering Logan is everything all right?
Yeah better than all right he told his team mate with a grin “I’ve found Connor We’re coming home”. Scott’s relief was audible even over the com badge. That’s wonderful news Ill tell the others then concern kicked in He’s ok isn’t he. Or do you need backup?
No hes fine.Ill explain when we get back Logan reassured him. Right now I need a bike. Make it a big one And three helmets.
"No visor for Connor I suppose." Scott asked intuitively not asking who the third helmet was for though Logan could sense his curiosity. “Yeah You got it Cyke Just package it all up, put it in a van and send it over asap. We’ll be waiting.”
There's just somethin' wild inside me pullin' me to do things I don't understand.
I can't figure it. It's like tryin' to explain desire.
Re: Salem Center - The Illusion of Perfection
“Mine is back at the mall” It seemed no matter what Connor threw at the guy, he found a way to explain it, answering enough to be believed yet not so perfectly it seemed well practised. How would it feel to be in Logan’s position, trying to convince a person, their own child, something like this, Connor couldn’t begin to imagine what it would have been like but right now he was more focused on his own personal side of things. “But I can contact the school and have one sent right over.” The school…was this it? Was there no going back now? Connor’s stomach fluttered in anxiety, anticipation and nerves all melding together in yet another bundle of confused emotions. It seemed like a lot of trouble, but a lot of trouble Logan appeared perfectly content in fussing over. A slight curve almost touched Connor’s lips as he found himself liking the fact someone was making an effort to please his needs when he himself was aware how odd others tended to view some of his own reactions. But the smile was caught, a faltering glimpse discarded quickly as he looked down at Chris and then over towards the fridge with only brief thoughts of what was held within it.
“See this” Instantly the flaming blue diamonds returned to Logan, as intense as they always seemed, as lost and curious and confused as ever, so similar yet so empty of recognition. Connor stared at the object the infamous Wolverine himself was holding for the younger males to examine, “It’s a com badge. Links me with the others at the school. All I have to do is ask and they’ll home in on it and send over some transport. Shouldn’t take more than twenty minutes to arrive I wouldn’t think.” Surprise kindled in Connor’s eyes, perhaps even enthusiasm as excitement over a new adventure arose, always the explorer at heart, Connor could feel his mind racing with wonders and curiosity and hopes. The people, the possibilities the very notion that he was finding the missing pieces of his life… he could almost feel it buzzing in the back of his mind.
“Scott This is Logan.” It felt like forever dragging on, Connor waiting and watching and Chris still clutching the older boys hand, though both were more intent on Logan as he spoke into the strange device, their eyes showing the air of being taken back as another voice wafted sternly through the air. “Logan is everything all right?” Concern, it rang clear in the voice, the distant echo of a tone which Connor was forced to wonder just how familiar it really was, if at all.
“Yeah better than all right” A grin, Logan looked happy, more then just content, he was grinning, a gruff strong sort of grin but one nonetheless. “I’ve found Connor We’re coming home”. Connor. There was that use of the last name again, why? The blue-eyed feral found himself drawing closer to the shorter man, listening intently to the other voice. “That’s wonderful news Ill tell the others” Others? Who were the others? Was there many others or just a few others? “He’s ok isn’t he. Or do you need backup?” Backup? There was concern still, the relief being replaced by it again and Connor wondered why exactly one would just assume there was trouble because Logan found him? Well… by the sounds of things it seemed as if Logan had no idea where Connor was so likely none of them knew… regardless of what Amlarie said there was something missing, he was missing… he was the one missing, maybe that’s why nothing made sense, nothing around him was from his world, nothing was related to him or his life. He had been detached from his life just as much as his own memories had been.
”No hes fine.Ill explain when we get back” Explain… explain it all, to everyone? Connor pictured the stares, the questions, the sympathy or ignorance to what he was dealing with and going through. That came from anywhere, from any one, but it didn’t mean he liked it any better just because it may be in a familiar environment. “Right now I need a bike. Make it a big one And three helmets.”
"No visor for Connor I suppose." No visor, that’s right, Connor seemed to inch closer to this voice, a sense of awareness identified by the youth as he noted Scott’s familiarity with the problems Connor faced with closed in spaces.. “Yeah You got it Cyke Just package it all up, put it in a van and send it over asap. We’ll be waiting.” Careful eyes lifted from where the voice had come from, the strange device within Logan’s hold, lifting to the elder mans face, which stood a few inches short of Connor’s own. Disbelief was nudged aside a little, concerned dimmed as focus was given, attention sparked and a calm study began unlike any of those before. Logan had growled, thinking back now, Logan had growled at Peter earlier, just like Connor had growled, a thoughtless reaction that humiliated the younger mutant but came with a fierce strength that it felt more then just normal, it felt natural, as if no amount of control could stop it at times. He knew of the moon in the water, the way to calm the nerves when in the car, so many things, could they all be guessed, a fluke or lie of some kind? The inquisitive look made it obvious that there were thoughts, both questions and possible answers flowing through his mind, though Connor didn’t want to face any more questions just yet, the answers he had were complicated enough, he’d rather deal with them first before delving further into any more.
"Would you excuse me?" Words were spoken directly to Logan as Connor’s hands gently slipped from Chris’s, which hadn’t gained the more affectionate of replies as Chris appeared to grow anxious by Connor wiggling his hand from the younger boys grasp. "I’ll be right back Chris, I’ll just wash up before we leave." Not the dishes, which is the thought that first came to Chris who was on the verge of offering to help collect the cups, but the way Connor looked over towards the doors Chris figured he meant that it was a bathroom clean up and not a tidying clean up he was referring to. "Save some cookies and cake for me ok?" A smile was offered down at Chris (who replied with a shy ‘ok James’) as Connor moved away, his bright eyes focused on Logan once again as he walked towards one of the doors to see if it was a bathroom or just another room. "Five minutes," The first door Connor opened wasn’t a bathroom, it lead into another room however inside it had it’s own unsuit, the open door inside the room assuring Connor of this so he slipped inside the master bedroom and closed the door carefully.
Swift movements had Connor into the small bathroom, the tiled walls white with petit flowers, the large mirror, the cosy bathtub and the elegant shower, it felt more girly then country or cottage style. Finally a sigh fell clearly from Connor’s lips, his palms resting against the white sink, his bright eyes hidden away behind closed lids and for the moment his own expression blocked from his view as he faced the mirror.
"More complications." Connor had asked for answers, for clear cut and simple to understand answers, but instead everything seemed to be bringing up more questions then answering them. It didn’t help that he found himself taking on every snippet of info with a cautious attitude. "James Connor." Everyone called him Connor though, maybe he didn’t like the name ‘James’. "James… Connor.." Bright eyes opened to stare at the face in the mirror, the reflection that should have been as familiar as the names he uttered but it wasn’t, nothing was… at least… nothing obvious at first. Fingers lifted from the basin edge and touched his warm cheeks, brushing carefully over the defining features, his eyes may be a different colour, his hair a different style, his appearance more clean shaven, but there was something there… something familiar, something he had seen before, just recently, similar features found on the man that stood just outside, waiting, anxious, determined… The same chin, the same jaw the same brow, more youthful, but Connor was sure it was there, he was sure he wasn’t just wishing it to be there, it was real, the structure was similar, maybe he had his mothers eyes! Examining fingertips moved over his cheek, moving down and then slowly brushing up against the grain, the regrowth of his morning shave lightly felt in parts, as always he would need a clean over in the morning…
Iridescent eyes moved to examine his hair, the way the fringe was held, the way it was so neatly combed and carefully trimmed, hadn’t been trimmed for a few weeks though, so although it was still shaped it was started to grow a little longer then what Connor usually had, brushed back neatly as always however. Fingers began to fiddle with the style, aimless in its efforts and stopping again with a sigh as his hands fell, reaching for the handles to twist them and let water flow freely into the sink. Hands cupped to collected the water, his face lowering and his hands lifting simultaneously to bring the fresh liquid to his features. His hands cupping under the stream of water again to splash it against his face once more, the procedure continue a few more times, the ache of his arms muscles blocked out as much as possible. It felt nice, it wasn’t a hot day but the sun had been out and the car drive and all the emotional talks, it made this moment nice, Connor turned off the water so it went from warm to completely cold and left a sweet cool bite against his skin and in his hair. Hands ruffled his hair as his fingers brushed threw it, careful not to flick water over the place so that he needn’t clean up much of a mess, his hands moving to turn off the water and his face lifting to let the bright eyes stare ahead at his reflection.
"Hey James… Hey Connor. I’m James.. I’m Connor.." The amnesiac youth reached for a towel as he offered yet another soft sigh, frustration etched on the edge of the breath though he tried not to think too much about how he felt at the moment, more focused on trying to see which things were more familiar, or even partially so. The towel was petted gently at first but rubbed through his hair more roughly, another pause gradually made as Connor focused on the mirror, watching the reflection mimic his every actions. "Can I come with you dad?" The voice was dropped slightly more, an insecure tone wanting to hear the words out loud but not wanting others to overhear it. "Can I come with you father?" It was hard to tell which fatherly name he liked more, it seemed one better fitted at times where the other did not as much, though Connor couldn’t know if Logan preferred one or the other, or if Connor should even refer to the guy as father or not. "Hey Logan… no, uh, hey dad." Maybe Logan should be carefully left untitled for now, avoid naming him as much as possible… yeah… although it had slipped out earlier hadn’t it? Did that matter? Maybe Logan would expect it… "Can I have some ice cream dad? My father’s taking me out for dinner. I’m going out with my family tonight." There was a whirlwind of emotions at that point, half of which Connor couldn’t pin down with a perfect understanding, from a giddy excitement and a content smile to a sudden teary eyed retreat to the safety of the towel which was pressed up once again to his face. A single sob was lost into the folds of the soft white towel, a deep breath swiftly putting a stop to the tears, slowly released and taken in again, Connor closed his eyes for a moment as he lifted his face and once again tried to get control of the turmoil raging around inside of him.
"Let’s go home." What if it wasn’t his home? What if this… Connor closed his eyes tighter, opening them a moment later and staring back at himself with a stern resolve. "There’s too many things to take in, too many things to know and learn and think about, all I can do is take a step at a time. This is just my next step on a long road ahead of me."And let me pray this road doesn’t lead to another cliff. The thought crept in as Connor cuddled the soft fabric against his cheeks once more, soon after carefully returning it to the rack as neatly as possible. The gaze never once really left his own, his eyes locked on their own reflection, a stern and understanding pep talk helping him build the nerve to walk back out there as if all was just another day in their lives.
But he had to, he didn’t come in here to hide… at least not exactly, another deep breath was taken as he moved for the door, opening it and letting his legs take him across the room to the other door, which itself lead to the main room the others were waiting in. Connor fussed a little with his damp hair, parting it as best he could though it was still semi-styled by the styling gel he had used earlier, he wasn’t sure he liked having his fringe constantly done in that fashion, he wasn’t sure he liked the gel itself, he really couldn’t be bothered spending the time putting it in lately, but he assumed he liked it considering Amlarie stated he always wore the same style, though there was a lot of things she said that was turning out not to be true.
"Hey, you, where’s my cookie." Chris had been munching at a cake and sipping from his earlier made drink when Connor spoke and the younger boy fell into a light fit of giggles and coughs as he chocked somewhat on crumbs and coco that went down the wrong way. "Careful now kiddo, eat up ya dinner and we’ll see what’s for snack afterwards, maybe a nice steak, or is that too heavy for an after meal snack?" Chris wrinkled his nose at Connors last comment and just took another sip from his drink to wash away the remaining crumbs, offering another cough afterwards and receiving a mocking pat on his back from Connor who was taking his own mug to his lips.
"James? Are we still going out tonight?" They were supposed to do something and Chris wondered if that was still happening, it was being tossed up between a few things, not exactly settled, as different as spending some time at the pool house or going to the movies. Chris supposed it wasn’t likely they’d share the time together with Logan around but it was still possible.
"Well technically we are going out, we’re heading to the school, after that it might be a little too late and after that you’d be out like a light anyway, you’re hopeless with late nights." Connor placed down his mug and reached for one of the treats in the basket, a passing glance fluttering over Logan before being distracted with Chris who discarded his own mug and semi tackled the taller boy with a knock of his shoulder against Connors. "I am not hopeless!" Connor’s retaliation was a ruffling of Chris’s hair despite the younger one trying to dodge back to avoid it. "Sure you are, you can’t make it past midnight even if you try." It wasn’t true, Chris has never tried to stay up late but he did get worn out from their active days and early mornings so he tended to go to bed around ten or if not bed he’d start slowing down and by eleven he’d definitely be starting to doze off no matter where he was.
It wasn’t so long a wait, eventually the sound of a vehicle soon reached even Chris’s ears as Van pulled up, Connor flared a little with excitement as he climbed over the couch they had been sitting on and moved to the door to open it for a chance to examine the driver and what he brought. The tainted windows helped outsiders see disfigured mutants and also the fact that there may be no driver, as was the case this time.
"No way!" The blue eyed mutant was at the door of the van swiftly enough to open the door (which unlocked only due to Logan’s nearby com-badge) and notice there was no occupant inside. The elder man had moved to open the back door, Connor knew Logan was last to arrive because he had grabbed the items from the fridge but that thought was pushed to the back of his mind. An excited talk building up from the boys who were enjoying the mystery and surprise of the Van and where it came from and how it got there. The helmets were able to dimmer Connor’s enthusiasm but with assurance from Logan Connor had closed his eyes tight and allowed Logan to help guide the helmet over his head, the snug fit causing Connor to open his eyes quickly though the open visor made the enclosed space all the more manageable, and Logan got rewarded with a relieved smile from his son.
Soon all three were seated and ready, Chris at the front, and Connor at the back, as far as Connor was concerned he preferred sitting behind Logan, it enabled him to cling a little tighter and feel a little safer on the speeding contraption. Not that Connor had any worries, but three of them on a bike, no matter how well they managed to fit on it, it still seemed like they were pushing their luck and Connor couldn’t shake that foreboding feeling off, though he was getting it with everything he seemed to be exposed to, overly cautious was a definite description Connor was realizing fitted him at times. Fists balled tightly as Connor’s arms wrapped about Logan’s torso, at first struggling to find a footing but managing it after a moments examination down to the side of the bike. A brief flinch of pain occurred when Connor realized the position added some stress on his upper arms, which caused Connor’s arms to lower and loosen a little, wrapping about Logan’s stomach. "I’m ready.."The way he sounded, determined but unsure, it left it obvious as to the next part which had been left unsaid as Connor prayed. At least I hope I’m ready.
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