Friday 16th of March: Breaking down the barriers
I had previously spoken with Nat about Arisa’s reactions to Chris so I’m going on what we had discussed!
While at first Connor hadn’t liked the idea of being left alone with his sisters, simply because he wasn’t sure what to say to them, things had gone relatively well despite Logan’s absence. The girls had strained to keep the peace, all for Connor though at the moment Connor wasn’t aware how rare it was to have both his sisters in the same room and being tolerable with each other. The first thing that seemed to happen after their father left was a raid on the fridge, hauling out the ice-cream and serving it out in decent portions with a healthy smothering of chocolate topping. Madi had actually done the pouring of the chocolate sauce, she knew Connor’s exact amount that wasn’t too chocolaty for his senses but still had the kick he liked, the whole memory loss was frustrating and annoying… Both sisters were furious with what had happen to Connor, with the one who had decided their brother’s memories weren’t important, that THEY weren’t important, that a little runt had been chosen to be Connor’s family instead of them. Madi seemed to either glower at the kid or ignore him entirely as he sat between Connor and Arisa, both who seemed content with the 9 year old’s presence.
Madison hadn’t thought it was possible to hate someone more then she hated Arisa, but at least Arisa was the daughter of their father, who the hell was this kid!? Typical that Arisa would warm up to him, just because she was an annoying pest as well. But Connor was confused enough, he had to know that they were all there for him, no one knew Connor like she did and getting on his bad side now wasn’t going to help her brother or the situation and she wasn’t about to lose him again, not to demons, and most certainly not to some little freeloader.
Chris had taken well enough to the new environment, though Madison was intimidating to say the least and he wanted avoiding spending time alone with her, Arisa had seemed the scariest of them all but ended up being the most affectionate, taking on an ‘older aunt’ type of role as she found him rather adorable. And Connor liked him, there had been little more of a reason needed beyond that. On top of that Chris rounded the group off evenly, meaning when Connor and Madi started talking Chris and Arisa could start talking, then again, when Connor talked with anyone else Madi refused to talk to either of the youngsters and Arisa and Chris didn’t push for conversation, which meant mostly Connor was getting his ear talked off by one or two of them and the other just listened until they had something to add.
Though time seemed to drag by at first, Chris slowly dozing off against Arisa until she suggested they put him to bed. A spare bed had been set up in Connor’s room but Connor had let Chris had the bed since he felt just as out of place as Connor had with the apartment.
"I’ll take him, be back shortly." Careful arms wrapped about the younger boy as Connor lifted Chris from the couch and carried him back to the room which was said to be his, and perhaps it was the room itself that was helping Connor realize all this was more real then anything Amlarie had done for him. The cleanliness of the room, the order, nothing in it called out to Connor’s mind, books were where they were supposed to be and in the order that he liked, at least he assumed so since he didn’t have the urge to sort through them… Clothes was set out in both colours themes as well as types and his closet seemed to have suits hanged in groups of what season they were best worn during. Over board… seriously overboard… and yet Connor found himself delightfully content with his environment. Most of the stuff seemed to be hardly used though, at least not on a daily basis, it was all kept clean but they had told Connor he spent most of his time in his own room, where he took most of the stuff he uses a lot, that didn’t stop him from keeping this room clean and organized though.
"I like them." Connor announced quietly as he entered his room, lowering Chris to the bed covers and letting him wiggle under them before tucking them neatly about the younger boy. "Though I wonder if Logan.. I guess I should start calling him dad right? Yeah.. I wonder if ‘dad’ usually rushes out at this time of night, maybe that’s what Amlarie meant?" There was a little shrug from Chris who knew Connor was just talking without any real desire for a reply, at least to the last comment, Chris wrinkled his nose slightly as he added his own remark about the girls.
"Madison’s scarier then Sarah." Despite the reference to who Connor was now accepting as an ex-girlfriend, he still found the comment humorous and managed a soft chuckle, though it was brief and Connor returned to his more calm neutral expression, "I like Arisa though.. she’s nice." The younger boy added a positive not to show he wasn’t being negative for the sake of it, though Connor could tell Madison had been a little eerie for the kid, she had been very nice to Connor… Maybe Madison was over-protective?
"Yeah.. you get some rest and I’ll come later, it’s a little too early for me." Also Connor wanted to spend more time with the girls, and Chris guessed that so he didn’t ask Connor to stay a little longer and just cuddled more under the blanket after saying his goodnight. "Yeah, nighty night." It was hard just walking out of there, usually Connor did stay around and talk to Chris until Chris started dozing off, but that was at Amlarie’s, then he’d go to Sarah and they’d talk briefly before she… Connor didn’t even want to start thinking of the nights he spent with her, it made the break up harder to accept as a ‘good thing’, instead he just walked back outside his room, closing the door and making his way back to his sisters.
Words had obviously passed between the girls by the stern looks they both had but it was all brushed aside for Connor’s benefit as he approached them, though Madison couldn’t help but add her final retort in a surprisingly casual manner.
"We should probably tuck the other one in too." A ghostly smirk begged to be shown in the corner of her lips, but she fought it down, regardless of Arisa’s reaction, but Connor took it as nothing more then a friendly tease and didn’t respond. Talks began again, Connor prodding them for more tales about their time around the school, which was interesting as one would comment and the other would comment back smugly trying to point out the obvious. Madison got into a lot of fights, Arisa didn’t have many friends, Madison didn’t have many friends either by the retort Arisa had given… they weren’t a very social lot, but they explained the names and personalities of different people Connor had hung around with. Riley, Michael, Scott, Arlen, Heath… it was a short list and yet they seemed to struggle to think of other names, Riley was quiet and didn’t talk a lot about himself, had girlfriend issues but Connor enjoyed his company when he wasn’t sulking about yet another fight. The others sounded more like just people Connor spent time around instead of actual friends but Connor didn’t mention that thought, and Michael seemed to have a question mark over his head…obviously there was something that had happened because Madison said she wasn’t sure how Michael and he would get along after the last time they met. There wasn’t any details given of this mysterious encounter as Madi said that was for another time, for now focus on the important details, it almost seemed at one point that Madi was trying to show how much more of Connor she knew compared to Arisa. The place he liked to hide out, the stash of CDs he had hidden in his room, apparently it wasn’t hidden so well if his sisters knew of the ‘stolen’ collection. They talked finally about their parents, which led to talks mostly of their father, it sounded like Logan really was in a rut with his kids but so far he had tried really hard to show Connor how important it was for Logan to have him back. Maybe they didn’t know him as well as they thought, if he didn’t care so much then he wouldn’t have fought so hard to find his son, right?
At around Midnight the talk seemed to have somewhat quietened down, the TV was on so they were mostly distracting themselves with the movie, getting off the emotional topics by throwing sarcastic and cynical remarks at the TV screen as they watched some oldies show of giant killer alien ants remade in colour for the viewers of the new generation who found black and white ‘redundant’. It seemed however that bed was calling for all of them, the past few days trying on their minds and bodies and making the lack of sleep weigh all the more on their shoulders.
Although they all said they’d head off to bed as Arisa got up and left, Connor remained seated staring at the TV and Madison wasn’t sure if she should just get up and leave or spend more time with him. She had told him once that everything would be ok, but this wasn’t what she had planned, everything definitely wasn’t ok even if he wasn’t angry with their father anymore. She’d rather he be angry with their dad and remember her then this, ok so that was a little selfish but Madi has proved time and time again that she did tend to take the selfish path more often then any other.
"We should do something on the weekend, just the two of us.. something around the school." The last part was added as Connor realized even though he wanted to spend time with her he wasn’t sure he wanted to leave the school if every time he did it seemed to mean he was caught up in one mess or another. "I guess we’ll talk about it later, night." Madison didn’t even need to hesitate after that, she was being sent off, Connor’s way of saying he wanted to be alone without actually saying it, polite and vague as always, but Madi could read right through him, just by the tone of his voice alone, the expression on his face.. As Connor began to clean up the bowls which remained on the table, Madi replied with a goodnight of her own and moved off to her room, listening to the soft attempts of Connor washing the dishes as quietly as possible, the morning would be different… the kitchen would be clean, that’s how she knew Connor was really there, if she woke up and it was dirty, that meant this was all a dream. For once she actually felt herself on the verge of praying for those dishes to be cleaned and put away by the time she woke, otherwise there was someone in the school who was going to be her next victim in the danger room.
Washing dishes left Connor alone to think, wondering if maybe he should call Amlarie… see how Sarah was doing, tell them everything was ok. But at the same time Connor wasn’t sure his father would like to know Connor still thought of Amlarie, Connor wasn’t even sure why he was still able to make excuses for her, to feel as if everything she did was for the best, no matter how screwed up it ended up being. A quarter past midnight… Logan was sure out late, then again Connor wasn’t sure how far away this girl was… It didn’t sound as if it was someone Logan was seeing as a date wise meeting, more as if it was someone who needed his help… Connor couldn’t exactly complain if his dad wanted to see other woman that was his choice, though Connor wasn’t yet told by anyone the separation was due to Logan sleeping with mystique, it was something the girls had carefully avoided and were desperately hoping it would either be something Logan talked to Connor about or even better.. that Connor would remember on his own.
It seemed that Logan had tapped into Connor's thoughts somehow because as soon as Amlarie came flooding back there was the distinct ac tivation of his communicator, which firstly caused a startled flinch before his father's voice broke through. "Uh," Questions regarding who was up and about came through and Connor wasn't sure if he should say yes and wake the others up or say no and leave them be, in the end it had been a trying day and so he stuck with honesty, "They all headed off to bed," Now there was a girl being brought over? Did that usually happen? Maybe Connor wasn't as ok with the whole Logan seeing strange women as he previously thought, then it again it was different seeing them compared to bringing them home... But Connor made an effort not to sound awkward as he ended the conversation with an agreement of staying up and waiting for them. He had to finish putting the dishes away anyway. The device was located on the rim of Connor's old jeans, leaving it out of the way but still wearing it after his father gave the whole talk of its importance and how Connor should have it with him at all times. It was obviously very important to Logan that Connor do that so it was an effort the blue eyed feral was determined to make.
While putting away the bowls Connor took notice of photos, displayed neatly and perfect, a few specks of dust daring to touch the frames and glass after a week of neglect from Connor’s obsessive dusting and polishing. Luminous eyes studied the pictures, the faces, the smiles… the family… reaching for one of all three siblings with Michelle… his mother, she was pretty… she looked so much like Madison too. Not many of their father, few in fact… there was one. Connor placed the one of the family down and picked up the half obscured frame, pulling it from where it was hidden out of sight, but not so much so that it couldn’t be seen entirely.
"Why are you hiding?" Logan was standing in front of a large bike, Connor didn’t know anything about bikes but this one did look impressive, and his father looked proud enough, if it was for the shot with his bike or if it was because Connor was chasing after him with Michelle’s new camera Connor was never sure, and right now all that mattered was that it was a nice photo of the guy. Since it was hidden, maybe they wouldn’t mind if he moved it… but where? Connor frowned in thought, moving away to better examine the whole room. There were photos on the fridge, the front had the kids all there, a few random others, but the one photo of their mother that was on the fridge was off to the side, there but not in their face every time they opened the door… Connor carefully removed the photo of his father from the frame and placed the empty frame aside, plucking up a magnet that had been holding an old reminder note from Connor to himself ‘clean out the fridge Monday’. The perfectly neatly written letter was folded and put aside, the photo placed carefully beside that of his mother and the magnet put in place to hold it there. Mother and father, there we go… just how it was supposed to be.
"Now who’s rescued who from being stuck in the middle of nowhere." Connor smiled a little, but his smile faded quickly as the handle of the front door turned, Connor quickly picked up the frame and placed it back with all the other photos, even if it now lacked a photo of its own, though… they’d obviously notice the move of photo as the fridge wasn’t exactly a hiding spot. He still felt nervous for some reason, but he’d been nervous about being in the school from the moment he arrived, always worried he’d do something wrong or say something or be expected to do or say something… it was all very nerve racking half the time and this was his first whole day!! "Hello?" It was both a ‘who’s there’ and a ‘I’m still up’ in one, though Connor knew it was his father since he doubted anyone else would be visiting at this time of night.
Re: Friday 16th of March: Breaking down the barriers
OOC Lorillis reaction during the bike ride was discussed on MSN .
.........................
As they had walked back to where he had left his motorbike Logan had filled Lorilli in on at least some of the Conner situation. Like how he had had his memories erased and replaced by a new set. After what Wolverine had revealed to her about his own lost memories he knew she would understand better than most just how deeply hurt he was by the whole thing. And that in itself was a strange feeling. He had shown her a part of him usually kept hidden and if that somehow brought them closer it also made him vulnerable in a way he hadn’t been for years. But then he supposed the same could be said for her. They had both lowered some of their impressive defences. Now they just had to make sure neither of them regretted it.
The bike ride back to the mansion was different from the last one they had made together. Then he had cradled her unconscious body carefully before him, mindful of his speed lest he should jolt and hurt her. Now however she was very much awake holding on tentatively to his belt while she got used to the movement of the bike. Conner had held him like that when he had brought him back home. This is getting to be a habit Logan told himself with a smile. But its one I kinda like.
He took it slow to start with all the same, wondering if she would like the ride. Bikes were one of Logan’s passions. He loved their possibility of speed and the rush of the air against his skin as he pushed them to their limits. They gave him a sense of freedom he seldom felt anywhere other than in the wild. Especially when he activated the turbo Scott had perfected. Then it felt more like flying.
He didn’t think Lorilli was quite ready for that yet but she did seem to be enjoying the trip. As they reached the less populated areas he increased the speed feeling the girls excitement mount as he did so, her arms slipping round to encircle his waist, holding him so tightly that he could feel her heartbeat against his back. Warming him. Sharing the moment Maybe this would blow all thoughts of the cage and what it contained from her mind. Bike therapy That’s what Cyclops called it and Logan had to agree. Problems always seemed to go away when he was on his bike. At least for a little while. And sometimes that was all you could hope for.
Still they couldn’t ride around all night, not with Connor waiting for them. All too soon the mansion was in view and Logan slowed to a stop, drawing the bike into a sideways slide beside the gate so that he could swipe his security card and gain them access. The motorbike he left in the garage alongside the others. Scott’s. Sean’s.
He wondered if he should get one for Connor. That would at least get around the claustrophobia. Or maybe a convertible! Well Madi wouldn’t let that pass without getting one of her own. Which was only fair. Sooo Looked like the budget was going to be a bit stretched. At least Arisa could wait. Till she was old enough to get her licence that was ! Better write one hell of a convincing IOU Logan thought Otherwise she’s going to feel left out again. Ah well maybe there’s something else she wants at the moment Though I’m damned if I know what.”
It wasn’t easy trying to juggle with the needs of his children and he hadn’t proved very good at it in the past. Funny how he was doing better with Lorilli. Hey there’s still time for me to screw it up he reminded himself. Lets just hope I don’t do it tonight! There wasn’t much need for conversation as they went up the stairs. Both of them knew the bike ride had went well.Another area of common ground they had discovered. Likewise neither of them needed to rehash the events at the docks. That was done and dealt with. Their secret now and forever.
So if they progressed in silence it was a comfortable silence since they both knew it could be broken. The apartment was at the end of the corridor the door plainly in sight. Logan glanced briefly back at Lorilli confirming that she really was ready for this meeting. And it seemed that she was Flashing her a reassuring grin he placed his hand upon the doorknob and turned hearing his sons voice coming from within. Hello?
“Hey Connor Its us” he replied as he opened the door and entered. Connor this is Lorilli. He stepped aside to let the girl enter knowing that his son couldn’t fail to recognise her scent It did after all still hang on the air of the apartment like a subtle perfume. ”Lorilli This is my son Connor.The one you’ve heard so much about.
There's just somethin' wild inside me pullin' me to do things I don't understand.
I can't figure it. It's like tryin' to explain desire.
Re: Friday 16th of March: Breaking down the barriers
She had only been on a motorcycle once in her life and that had been while unconscious so it didn't really count as really having expierianced it... Although if she did count it, this would be the second ride she's ever had on the motorcycle with Logan. Lorili blinked. Why was she even thinking like that? She didn't understand it. She felt a bit awkward when she sat behind him on the motorcycle, not being used to being this close to anyone and definately not used to touching anyone even if it were an article of clothing such as the belt that she took hold of. It was strange to sit up so close to someone. She didn't have a choice but to sit close once they were moving, her feeling like if she didn't that she might fall off.
She wasn't scared though. No, she was too excited about the ride to be. Her eye sparkled with amusement as they rode down the streets. This was definatley helping with removing throughts about the earlier events of the night, them almost being taken away completely from the whole experiance. When the motorcycle started to move much faster, Lorili instinctively moved her hands so her arms were wrapped around Logan's waist. The instant she realized what she did, her heart sped up slightly and had a slightly awkward moment where she was trying to decide if she were going to try putting her hands back on his belt or if she were going to stay like this where she was pretty much hugging him.
His back was warm and through his T-Shirt, she could feel his muscles. They flexed slightly with each turn the road had. She tried to pull her attention away from Logan and to the scenery but even as she was enjoying the ride itself, she became distracted. Like she was pushed to notice before, she hadn't been close like this to anyone before........ It was nice.
As the bike slowed to a stop, she looked to see that the manshion was in sight. They were home and it made her happy to be able to think that. She didn't let go of him until they were in the garage and the motorbike was at a stand still. Then, she wasn't sure of how to go about letting go of him... Weather to quickly remove her arms from around his waist or to do it slowly... There was only a slight hesitation before she managed to go about it in a way where it was quickly but not so fast as to seem like she was repulsed by him.
The two of them were silent when they walked through the building. It was a comfortable silence that only he seemed to understand so far. She was smiling. She didn't notice that she had been smiling the whole time until upon hearing Conner's voice she became nervous. It wasn't just the two of them anymore and she could already feel her defenses coming up to protect her. Her smile fell away to an expression of caution.
“Hey Connor Its us... Connor this is Lorilli." As Logan stepped aside, Lorili was tempted to step with him so to remain behind him. All at once, thoughts of if she was really ready to meet people on purpose came making her a little more nervous than she had been before. She especially wasn't used to being introduced unless it was the calling of her name and a small description of her for a fight. A small swallow came from her and her visible eye widened slightly so she could take in any signs of a threat. She trusted Logan, really she did, but this kind of thing still took time.
”Lorilli This is my son Connor.The one you’ve heard so much about." Lorili yelled at herself mentally for acting so skittish. No one was going to harm her here, damn it! Why couldn't she just trust a little! The slightest hint of a smile came and a nod but she was at a loss of what to do next.
Re: Friday 16th of March: Breaking down the barriers
"Hey Connor Its us" The youngest in the room found himself hovering for a moment before moving towards them, "Connor this is Lorilli." Connor was still getting used to his name, thinking on it he was pretty sure he liked it, but he liked James too… The one change he wasn't liking was the blasted abilities, new scents hit his nostrils, new yet.. familiar, the scent had been around the apartment already, so Lorilli had spent time here before. The blue-eyed feral found himself staring at the young girl, she had to be his age!!! Maybe a year or so older but definitely around about his… What was she doing spending so much time with his dad? What was his dad doing spending so much time with her?! Connor had thought maybe she'd be older, maybe there was something going on his father wasn't ready to tell them, regardless Madison had brought up the scent in his bed room and both sisters seemed to be more negative towards it then anything else, one thing the girls both wholeheartedly agreed on… But Connor hadn't found himself so upset, not if it meant there would be a mother figure around, that's what he wanted after all, but this … this was a girl!
"Lorilli This is my son Connor.The one you've heard so much about." She looked timid and uncomfortable, so she should, Connor struggled to keep his expression neutral. Tired, worn out, she looked like someone who'd been through a lot and Connor sympathised but he couldn't help feel the bitter disappointment, it burned like an unsuspected bee sting, maybe if he scratched it it would just get worse, but would it go away if he ignored it or would it take something special to calm this irritation?
Awkward discomfort flared as Connor tried to battle if he should say something or not, say hi or not, be welcoming or not. It was hard, especially when Connor’s eyes drifted from Logan to Lorilli, taking in the switch of tops, though there was a coppery scent on the air, tainting it no matter how mild it was strong enough to be put offing, to leave the unmistakable taste in the back of his mouth for the briefest moment before he looked away. So much for going off to help someone, though.. blood.. maybe there was helping… was he jealous? Connor wanted to retreat to the safety of the fridge and hide in the safety of his mother’s image, she looked like a nice woman, like someone who Logan should be dating, should be switching clothes with and taking to his room, not this kid.
They should change, they were dirtying the apartment, just the scent was dirtying it, the blood and sweat blending together, even the scent of traffic lingered on them, their shoes, fragments of the outside world surely was being stomped around on the clean carpets he had vacuumed earlier while everyone was off attending to the new team dorm meetings that morning. This wasn’t going to help him build a relationship with his dad, though at this moment right now all Connor really wanted was to leave them, leave them and not think of them and pretend he never had the thoughts he now possessed. He preferred the idea of the motherly figure, he didn’t approve of this, this wasn’t right, it wasn’t fair, nothing seemed fair, it was like everyone was toying with him.
The awkward tension in Connor’s form eased slightly, he couldn’t be paranoid, not now, not after all his father had said, and maybe it wasn’t serious… maybe it wasn’t even happening, Connor couldn’t even remember that there was a certain scent on people who were intimidate with each other, he had no way of easing his mind but he couldn’t get on Logan’s bad side. Chris was here now, Amlarie probably wasn’t so happy with the choice of returning to the school but Connor wasn’t happy with returning to her either and if Logan threw him out angrily then Connor would rather do anything but return to Amlarie at this point. Would Logan throw him out? Connor got paranoid again but he pushed it aside, that was a fret for another day when someone wasn’t looking as antsy as Lorilli appeared to be, a strange place, a strange person, Connor could understand her nerves and anxiety.
As brief as his thoughts had been, Connor was sure his father may have spotted something, some slight reaction only family could tell, the relaxed effort of neutrality in his expression, the lack of all emotions itself a key feature to understanding Connor’s safety net, his bad habit of locking it all away, all at once, all where it couldn’t be seen and couldn’t be felt… But something did show, gradually but it was more a sign of assurance at the moment then a sincere smile, curves slowly forming in the corner of his lips as his posture and expression softened.
"Hey… a pleasure." Always well spoken, at least there had been a time when that was true, the last year had proved to have more then enough strain, and while Connor’s attitude may have been understandable it shouldn’t have been excused to the degree it had been. Well, he tried to sound kind and polite, he threw out a lifeline and now it was up to the other girl to take hold of it or not.
Re: Friday 16th of March: Breaking down the barriers
As soon as Logan saw the look on Connors face he knew he should be worried. Not that the expression would give much away to a stranger. But as a father Logan could read it only too well. Disapproval Just like always. Though Logan couldn’t for the life of him think what he had done this time to merit it. He had told Connor he was going out looking for Lorilli He had called to say they were arriving. So why was there surprise on his son’s guarded face, even if he hide it well?
Logan searched his brain. What had he left out when he had talked to Connor? What hadn’t he said when he had explained the situation between himself and this girl.? That Lorrili was a friend? That he had promised to be there for her? No. He was sure all that had been covered. So what was it that caused this awkwardness? He was pretty sure it wasn’t just Connors normal reticence. That was something he had factored in when he had assessed whether this meeting would be a good thing or not. No this was definitely something where he himself was tried and found wanting
Then suddenly there was the telltale flaring of the nostrils only a feral would recognise and a flickering of the eyes over the shirt Lorilli now wore. His shirt! And suddenly the pieces began to fall into place even if Logan didn’t like the pattern they were making. Surely Connor couldn’t think that there was something going on between him and Lorilli could he? She was just a kid, hardly older than Madi, lost and vulnerable, especially were men were concerned. And yet there it was in his sons eyes. Doubt and suspicion! Two things apparently not even Amlarie’s brainwashing could remove.
Sex! The possibility had never crossed his mind. Lorilli was so obviously……Logan forced himself to see her through his son’s eyes. Young! That much was clear. Attractive! Yes. That too wasn’t exactly hard to notice. But then again neither was her shyness. Logan sighed. Before losing his memories Connor had tended to hold the whole Mystique incident against him, as if that one mistake all those years ago had somehow proved Wolverine to be a rampant womaniser. Now though he had no context whatsoever into which he could place this late night visit. Perhaps he thought that Logan often invited young vulnerable students back to his place with god only knew what licentious schemes in mind. If so he was about to find out he was mistaken.
Still he did seem to be trying at least to give them the benefit of the doubt. Maybe Lorilli’s attitude had already convinced him that he was wrong in his assumptions. In any case Logan was relieved to see his son relax and move towards giving a sincere welcome to the girl. Even the almost imperceptible flash of disapproval had never been directed towards her and now it had vanished, replaced by a tentative smile that gave Logan cause for hope.
It was important to him that this meeting go well. He didn’t want to keep his friendship with Lorilli a secret as if it really was something to be ashamed of. And that meant introducing her to his family at some time. Maybe this had been a little soon but the opportunity had presented itself and he had taken it. Now all he could do was try to make sure it went well. And that any false impression his son had about their relationship was dispelled once and for all.
There's just somethin' wild inside me pullin' me to do things I don't understand.
I can't figure it. It's like tryin' to explain desire.
Re: Friday 16th of March: Breaking down the barriers
There was a silent moment where Lorili was unsure of what to do in except for wait. There was really nothing else she could to.. Well, she could have done something like say a hello.... but she couldn't bring herself to do it. Blue eyes looked from Logan to her to Logan again and she wondered what Connor was thinking. Wondered what was going through his mind. As the moment seemed to drag on forever, she again wondered if this were a good idea. If she really was ready to try to interact with people outside of the fighitng and by her own will. Her will right now was teetering on a thin legde, her having thoughts of trying to excuse herself but at the same time, her wanting this. Her wanting to meet and know Connor.
A twinge of guilt came to the back of her mind. She wished she had been able to help find him. She wished she could have found a way to force the nightmares away long enough to heal up to where she could have been out there helping to look for him. If she hadn't been so wrapped up in her own problems she might have..... A sigh made her blink and she took a glance at Logan, concerned about what it might have been about. Was there something she was missing in this picture?... Maybe this was normal, maybe she was just making a big deal out of the awkwardness she felt in herself...
As she looked back to Connor, she saw his expression soften some and even a small smile come to his lips. "Hey… a pleasure." The young man stated. His tone was sincere, helping her to relax ever so slightly. A soft smile came, showing on her lips and in her visible eye. She gave a small wave then nodded as a greeting and to indicate that she was feeling that it was nice to meet him too. So far, there was no disasters she could see. The greeting had encouraged her to keep from bringing her guard up. It even introduced the thought of a possible situation where this may not be the first and only meeting but that they may even become more than just aquaintences.
Before those thoughts could continue though, she drew away from them. She wasn't ready to think that far ahead about this kind of thing yet. she had learned not to get her hopes too far up long ago. She needed to see how things went as they came, not actually plan ahead about these things. If it were to be then that was how it would be. Just like she hadn't planned on becoming friends with Logan but they were now. For however long of a time or short of a moment it lasted for, she didn't know. She wanted to hope that they'd be close forever but she couldn't let herself do that. A part of her mind kept on repeating that nothing lasted forever that evntually time would end all things. That was why she tended to try not to think about the future but live in the present.
The present, her mind came back to that and she became self-conscious again. That helpped her to remember her state of cleanliness... or rather her lack of. Her gaze moved downward for a moment before she looked back up from Conner to Logan before giving a slightly embaressed look. She was filthy, blood and sweat all on her. What a first impression.... She should have thought of cleaning up before having come this far but her desire to try to meet Connor had made her forget the present state of messiness she was in. Maybe that was why Connor had looked at the two of them like that?
Lorili brought her hands up, lightly tugging at the fromt of the collar of the shirt she was wearing then biting her lip a little in embarrassment, looking over her shoulder towards the hall. She was indicating that she wanted to get changed and clean up and at the same time, asking if it was alright with them. She had one more set of borrow clothes to wear back at the room she was using and after getting cleaned up and changing into them, she would look more suitable, she thought.
Re: Friday 16th of March: Breaking down the barriers
Wow, shy had been an understatement, she didn't seem to speak either, though it was obvious what she wanted to say, and Connor felt awkward wondering if she was told of his cleanliness or if he had made it obvious before. Really, he had to come to terms with it, things were messy, kids were messy, homes got messy when so many people lived in so small a space. Deal with it, move on, why did he have to panic about it? Why could he walk by something without shifting it into place? But why didn't others see how much better it was when things were in their place.. in order.. everything had a set routine that shouldn't be interrupted.
Was that it though? Was it a hi and a bye and was his father going with her? It seemed like the entire day was occupied with everyone else, the morning filled with moving arrangements and the night crammed with yet another distraction, all day Connor’s sisters seemed eager for his attention and Madison hadn’t been best pleased with Connor and Arisa goofing around the night before. Obviously his father had a lot of responsibility and a lot to keep him busy, so Connor had wanted to take the chance of getting involved in whatever his father was doing. The desire to talk about those teams was definitely there as well, if both his sisters were on a team then Connor wanted to be on one, they said he was on one before, so he was eager to get back into one. And he wanted to go to classes, especially if he had nothing to do otherwise, sure Madison was supposed to be in classes herself but she insisted on spending time with Connor and he had a feeling their father wouldn’t let the girls continuously skip classes to be with him. Sure integrating himself back into the school wasn’t going to be easy and to be honest Connor was half avoiding any offers of interacting with other students at this point, but at the same time he wanted to just get the whole thing over with and see what happens.
She was untidy, it makes sense to go get cleaned but why hadn’t she done it before, and what happened to cause her to get like that? Had the outing to get her been dangerous? Was his father waltzing around getting into bloodied up situations? What if one day he didn’t come back? The thought caused Connor to want to make an even bigger effort, but what more could he do? This wasn’t going great, ok it wasn’t going terrible either but he wanted everything to be so perfect…
"W-uh..What about Madi.. her clothes might be suitable?" Connor wouldn’t have offered if he knew Trade was actually given a room at the school, why would his father go and pick her up if she lived at the school… then again wherever she was definitely didn’t seem like Pleasantville, she was obviously in some spot of bother but if it was so bad why was she here in their apartment instead of with a doctor or something?
Re: Friday 16th of March: Breaking down the barriers
The worst seemed to be past and here they all still were meeting and greeting even if it was in a somewhat awkward and unorthodox manner. Lorilli hadn’t found her voice yet but neither had she bolted and her hellos if silent were as sincere as Connor’s had been. Logan allowed himself to relax a little, knowing that any tenseness on his part could tip the precarious balance and send things scuttling down to disaster. Logan cursed himself silently for not having taken the time to explain things better to his son.
Connor couldn’t be expected to know what a big step this was for the girl but then again Logan had no intention of filling him in on all the details of Lorilli’s past. Secrets had passed between them and that’s just what they would remain Secret. *Though I could have mentioned that she didn’t talk much* Logan realised *That would maybe have made things a bit less weird.* Still as always Lorilli was communicating quite well enough with out the need for words. A glance. A gesture. All that was needed to show she felt the need to tidy up.
It was true that while her body had rid itself of its wounds her clothes had fared rather less well. Blood still stained them the coppery smell clinging to them both his own tee shirt marked with it where she had held him on the bike ride home. Funny how things like that had slipped their mind in their eagerness to bring about this meeting! Now Logan realised that their dishevelled condition hadn’t really added to the good impression he had wanted to make. It was so easy to forget that Connor was no longer used to people coming back from missions with all the attendant violence that entailed. Not that Logan had been on a mission of course, but then violence did tend to follow Wolverine around like a shadow he could never quite throw off.
Lorilli was still looking for some sort of acceptance of her suggestion that she should go and change. Connor however had a suggestion of his own to offer. "W-uh..What about Madi.. her clothes might be suitable?"It was a kind thought but not one Logan was eager to take up. "Geeze son" he said with a grin "Which one of us is going to be suicidal enough to wake her up and ask her. Naw I think Lorilli would be happier changing in her own room .” His words left no doubt that he had no problem with that solution. "But no disappearing now” he added turning to the girl. “We’ll expect you back here forthat chocolate just as soon as you’re ready.”
There's just somethin' wild inside me pullin' me to do things I don't understand.
I can't figure it. It's like tryin' to explain desire.
Re: Friday 16th of March: Breaking down the barriers"W-uh..What about Madi.. her clothes might be suitable?" Lorili tucked a loose strand of hair out from in front of her face and behind her ear before looking at Logan uncertainly. She still had the clothes she had been given earlier. They were folded up in the closet of the room she was using and closed up in there so she would have less of a chance of accidentally ruining them in her sleep.
Lorili didn't know exactly how to get that message across to Connor without saying anything. Situations where gestures and expressions alone wouldn't translate her meanings had arose before but she had never cared about it in the past. This was different though... She cared and she wanted all to go well. Trade couldn't bring herself to say anything though. She couldn't even get to the point of attempting to get any words out...
"Geeze son." She blinked, confused about what might be going on. "Which one of us is going to be suicidal enough to wake her up and ask her. Naw I think Lorilli would be happier changing in her own room.” She listened to Logan state. She relaxed ever so slightly. He had pretty much been her translator as far as her perfering to change in the room she was using. Changing in her own room meant that she could possably grab a quick shower. As much as she should have been used to feeling old drying sticky blood, she still wasn't all too fond of it. Hoping that Connor would understand, she gave a greatful look towards him for having offered anyway.
"But no disappearing now. We’ll expect you back here for that chocolate just as soon as you’re ready.” She turned her head to look at Logan again as he spoke then down slightly. Lorili had shown a lot of herself to him, she should have known he was going to bring that up in case she found herself wanting to back down from coming back. Looking to the side a little, she gave a small nod. She didn't know how convincing of one it was but it should be enough.
Before she walked out though, she made a quick decision. Connor was most likely wondering what was going on and why the two of them were in the condition that they were in. For him having let his father just go after her like that and for him being so understanding, he deserved to at least know what had gone on if Logan felt he was alright to know. She looked down at where the bloodied spots were in her clothes, making the action obvious with slightly exagerated movements to show Logan she was talking about the wounds that used to be there. Then, she looked over at Connor, gesturing to him slightly with her hand before looking at Logan again.
She was trying to tell Logan that he had permission to tell his son about what had happened at the docks and possably even about that part of her life. The part of what her occupation was, the cage fights. That wasn't much of a secret to her. She didn't mind if Connor knew that but the look in her eye should have told Logan that it was the only thing she didn't mind being told. That she wanted no talk of the rest of the events in her life. Trade wasn't to the point where she would be at all comfortable about that nor did she think she ever would be. With the nervous action of smoothing her hand ovr her hair, she gave a small nod to them both before disappearing into the hall.
While she was getting ready to step into the shower back at the room she was using, she came to a shock which she wasn't sure if was a pleasant one or an un-nerving one. Upon removing her eye-patch, instead of meeting blind blackness with the eye underneath, there came sight. Trade gave a soundless gasp and claspped her hand over the eye, it unused to adjusting to the light and the shock of it seeing at all hitting her.
She stood there for a moment, both hands laying over what should have been the blood orb, one on top of the other. She was in shock. The image of Cortez and his last injury she had seen flashed through her mind and caused her to take a seet on the floor, one hand dropping into her lap while the other remained resting over the eye to keep it from the light. How... How could it have happened? She had had the lood-orb for so long... She couldn't send away her old scars that she knew of, she had tried before only to fail so many times...
Her heart was hammering in her chest and sweat came to her forehead and cheeks. Her chest rose and fell quickly with each stressed out pant. Had she really sent the eye to Cortez? Maybe she had just been imagining things... Going through a rough situation did tend to make people have delusions sometimes, she had heard...
Slowly, she moved her hand from her eye to see red through the closed lid and to feel burning from how unacustomed to light the eye was. This couldn't be real... Lorili managed to get herself to open the eye a slit then closed it again as it met the light, her hand instinctively going back up to cover it. It was real....
Shaking her head, Lorili quickly grabbed up the clean eye-patch and strapped it on. She didn't want to think about it, not knowing what exactly to think or feel about the situation. She was shaking a little. Trying to push the shock and nervousness away, she got up form where she was sitting and quickly continued in her preparations. She had said she would go back and she wasn't the type to lie...
It took only about fifteen minutes for her to get cleaned to satasfactory, get dressed, push herself to not changing her mind. She told herself she would tell Logan later if she got the chance. For now, she wasn't sure if she should bring it up. Lorili was still a little distressed over the whole idea but she did her best to hide it as she returned to the door. Giving herself a calm breath, she reached up and knocked lightly on the doorframe.
Re: Friday 16th of March: Breaking down the barriers
"Geeze son" Although Logan’s words were light, Connor looked slightly uneasy for a moment as he wondered if he had done something or said something wrong, though as Logan continued he smiled a little at the remark. "Which one of us is going to be suicidal enough to wake her up and ask her. Naw I think Lorilli would be happier changing in her own room .” Surprise came as Connor glanced at Lorilli, making it clear that he hadn’t realized she was a student here, he flushed a little in the cheeks as he lowered his gaze. But it wasn’t like he was to know, Logan said she hadn’t met them before, so even if he had his memories he didn’t know her, he may or may not have known of her but they definitely hadn’t met so he should be excused for not knowing she was a student. "But no disappearing now” Curiously Connor lifted his face to look at Trade, wondering why he would state something like that but then again… it was obvious she had been through something, and so had his dad while going to get her, maybe she was scared, jittery and on the verge of hiding somewhere till she built up her courage again. “We’ll expect you back here for that chocolate just as soon as you’re ready.” Connor’s fingers rubbed lightly beneath his nose, trying to rid the coppery stink whirling around inside, the tang it left on his lips and tongue, the air was thick of it and the longer the two stood there the stronger it seemed to get. The scent was familiar… he could almost remember from where, but as usual the memories were just out of reach, the harder he tried to pin point the familiar things the further the memories seemed to hide.
There was a brief passing of hand signals from Trade to Connor’s father, but Connor distracted himself with letting his bright eyes wonder down the bloodied figure of his father. Was any of that his dads? Who suffered and why, who’s blood was smeared over them? It was a disgusting thought but Connor could actually smell differences in the blood. It made his stomach turn a little, he didn’t like it at all, it was worse the a mess and disorder, was his father violent? Was he getting himself into dangerous situations? What if one day he left and never came back? His thoughts of paranoid worry were disrupted as Trade turned to leave, his eyes moving to follow her figure as she left. She was pretty… in a ruff and rugged way, sort of like a thorny rose but one whose leaves were nibbled at slightly by pests.
Connor looked back at his father once they were alone, he didn’t seem to have long periods of alone time with his dad, it always seemed one or more people crammed in on them. Still, Connor felt inclined to speak, even though he was a little confused by everything. "So… you know you have a little smudge here yeah?" There wasn’t really sarcasm in there… Connor’s hand motioned about his own chest to hint he was referring to the blood over Logan, his eyes were a little uneasy and it was obvious he wasn’t enjoying the sight.
Re: Friday 16th of March: Breaking down the barriers
Funny how easy it was for him to understand what Lorilli was trying to say but then again she was an expert at the whole silent communication game. It was good of her to let him know the whole cage fighting business wasn’t taboo where Connor was concerned. It would certainly make explanations easier if it came down to it. Which from the smell of blood rising from the two of them Logan thought it very well might.
He could see it was bothering Connor the small tell tale signs of distress beginning to make themselves known. Recovering his heightened senses hadn’t been exactly an enjoyable experience but he was getting on with it as best he could and Logan was proud of the efforts he was making No need to make things harder him Logan reminded himself. Lorillis not the only one who could do with a shower and a change of clothes.
The girl was leaving now after assuring him in her own way that she would be back . Logan could see Connor’s eyes follow her as she shut the door, still unsure of her role in his father’s life by the looks of things. Well they were alone now. Time enough for him to ask some of the questions that had been running through his mind since the two of them had turned up at the apartment. Logan just wondered where he would start.
"So… you know you have a little smudge here yeah?" Ahh Violence before sex then. Both objects of disapproval though to be fair Connors remark was tending more towards the humorous than the cynical. “Yeah I always have been a messy eater” Logan replied as he pulled the stained tee shirt off and checked the damage. At least this one had no holes in it. One less for the dustbin then. He was just about to put it in the washing machine when he glanced back at his son. “You do know that was a joke don’t you?” he asked only half in jest.
I guess I do owe you some sort of an explanation though. Lorelli….. he began with a sigh she got mixed up with some pretty unscrupulous people.He chose his words with care knowing he could say some things and not others, trying to preserve as much of Lorillis privacy as he could working within the limits he felt she would accept. They dragged her into the world of cage fighting. Don’t know how much you know about that kind of thing. Hope its not a lot. Its violent and nasty and sure as hell no place for a kid let alone a girl.
As he spoke it was clear from his eyes that it was a world Logan knew only too well. He had never talked about that side of his life with his children. It was, like so much of his past, not something he had wanted to share with them. But recently…since he had met Lorilli… he was beginning to think that maybe he should. Maybe if they knew all he had been through they might just understand him a little better. And with understanding might just come love. Or at least something resembling it.
I met Lorilli in a café near the docks, four days ago. Been out looking for you and found her instead.he said with a wry smile. Anyway there was some mutant trying to cause trouble and Lorilli was already hurt from the fighting so I kinda stepped in and we got talking. It was pretty clear to me what shed been doing. And that she was a mutant. So I told her about the school. Was just doing the whole Xavier’s philosophy speel when she passed out on me. So……… I brought her back here and patched her up. She’s been in the guest rooms ever since. Trying to decide if she wants to stay or not.
"Its never easy letting people in.Trusting them. he told his son seriously. "Hell I know that better than anyone. But she’s doing well. Tonight was….. a lapse. I was kinda expecting it. That’s why I asked security to let me know if she left unexpectedly.. And no… I didn’t go along to drag her back. I went so that shed have the option to come back if she wanted to. Which thankfully she did. Unfortunately some of her former associates didn’t think that was such a great idea".He flung the tee shirt into the machine and stood up “Which brings us back to the blood”
There's just somethin' wild inside me pullin' me to do things I don't understand.
I can't figure it. It's like tryin' to explain desire.
Re: Friday 16th of March: Breaking down the barriers
“Yeah I always have been a messy eater” The first instant after that comment Connor stared rather blankly, the words taking a moment to settle and even then they were rolled over in his mind trying to detect the humour he was sure lay hidden within the words. Wolverine’s form was exposed as his shirt was peeled off and examined, Connor didn’t exactly feel intimidated by the sight but he did feel uncomfortable by his fathers bulk and yet Connor himself had more slender muscular definitions. Stronger then the average youth his age, Connor “You do know that was a joke don’t you?” A blink from Connor was given in reply, his thoughts obviously having been distracted though he quickly focused and offered a partial shrug and nod of his head.
"I guess I do owe you some sort of an explanation though. Lorelli….." It seemed like an explanation that his father wasn’t so keen on giving, not out not wishing to tell Connor but evidently for personal reasons as he continued on. "she got mixed up with some pretty unscrupulous people." Bright eyes watched his father, listening quickly and trying to look as supportive as he could without looking like he was making a great deal of effort. He may be uncomfortable and confused but he didn’t want Logan to think that there was a problem. "They dragged her into the world of cage fighting. Don’t know how much you know about that kind of thing. Hope its not a lot. Its violent and nasty and sure as hell no place for a kid let alone a girl." Was his father speaking of experience of third person knowledge? Connor was curious but he wasn’t sure he should ask just yet, it did look like a sore spot for his father though… just by the expression within the elder mans eyes. Connor was tired so he couldn’t help but consider what would have happened if these people put Arisa or especially Madison in a cage fight scene, whoever tried would definitely regret it but from what Connor has seen of Madi she may thrive in that sort of hostile environment. She needed to learn to calm down, to tend to her humane side more often then her wild thrill seeking tendencies. Connor looked back at the doorway, he had sensed the other girls mutant ability but he hadn’t paid it much attention till now, while Connor didn’t know exactly the lifestyle he knew the basics and the power she had must have come in handy more often then she could count.
"I met Lorilli in a café near the docks, four days ago. Been out looking for you and found her instead." At least something good came from Connor’s misfortune, although the younger feral couldn’t say the experience was entirely unpleasant, but he was far from content with Sarah’s refusal to see him anymore and he hardly forgave her. While he was finding it hard to be angry with Amlarie he found it easier to be angry with Sarah, though he wished things had worked out with them, in so many ways it was probably good that she didn’t want to be involved with him anymore. But she had made things serious… how could she do that knowing they barely knew each other? Lying… treating him as if they’ve been together for years, it wasn’t fair…
"Anyway-" Connor quickly shoved aside his thoughts and focused again on what Logan had to say, listening intently despite the previous distraction "-there was some mutant trying to cause trouble and Lorilli was already hurt from the fighting so I kinda stepped in and we got talking. It was pretty clear to me what shed been doing. And that she was a mutant. So I told her about the school. Was just doing the whole Xavier’s philosophy speel when she passed out on me. So……… I brought her back here and patched her up. She’s been in the guest rooms ever since. Trying to decide if she wants to stay or not." Connor gave a slight nod, sounded rough but to be honest Connor needed to sleep on it before the weight of the matter really dawned on him, he was too all over the place to feel the burden of other peoples problems… he had enough of his own, though thankfully he wasn’t forced to fight for anyone but himself. Well… and the school from what he hears… but that’ll come in time… for now all he had was himself to contend with and that was appearing to be more then enough.
"Its never easy letting people in.Trusting them." And often when you did that just left them to bring chaos and havoc, smashing their way from one side of the heart to the other until they had nothing left to stampede upon. "Hell I know that better than anyone. But she’s doing well. Tonight was….. a lapse. I was kinda expecting it. That’s why I asked security to let me know if she left unexpectedly.. And no… I didn’t go along to drag her back. I went so that shed have the option to come back if she wanted to. Which thankfully she did. Unfortunately some of her former associates didn’t think that was such a great idea". Connor seemed to hover about the machine, staring at it from where he stood but looking as if he was on the verge of running around to collect and deposit what he could find laying around so that he could go to sleep without there being a single item loitering around waiting for another day to be washed. “Which brings us back to the blood” Shifting the vibrant gave from the machine to Logan, Connor nodded distractedly, smoothing out the fabric of his shirt by running his palms down his front, a tell tale sign that he was thinking of straightening or fixing something but resisting, instead his mind dealt with it by turning its focus on something else.
"Oh," Logan’s son was all too hesitant to ask if these associates were still alive or not, he didn’t want to think that his father was a killer but he didn’t want to have thought that his father used his claws to slice at people either. What would it be like to have ones claws slice into the tender flesh of another? Connor almost visibly cringed at the thought. "Well at least someone benefited from my ‘disappearance’." There was a crooked smile there, and he was sincere enough, it sounded as if this young woman needed assistance and Logan was helping her and she’d not have met him had Logan not been out scouring the city limits for him. "I’m not really sure what to say though.." There was a slight rumbling in his stomach as he finished speaking, though he had eaten dinner he’d not had a lot and he was already feeling more then just a little peckish.
"ok, I’ve had breakfast, brunch, lunch, after lunch snack, dinner, dessert, and I’m still hungry as if I haven’t eaten much…oh, and we finished off the icecream while you were out, but Madison so had the biggest serve." He felt awkward with the over eating, well it seemed like such to him but with his body devouring the food so quickly once again it was just a normal occurance for Logan, who would have spent similar amounts of money on one of his children’s eating habits in a year then a parent would possibly spend on all three kids. Though Xavier had always helped the family and all students with their special needs, Arisa wasn’t as bad as Madison and Madison wasn’t as bad as Connor, though Madi and Connor were pretty big eaters, Connor just went through more fruit then Madi did and fruits weren’t the cheapest snack out there. Right now Connor didn’t want to think of his father’s habits, he didn’t want to wonder what situations his dad walked into, nor did Connor want to think about the possibilities of one day Logan not walking out of it. "Oh, anyway, did you want a shower? I can start the drinks if you like."
Re: Friday 16th of March: Breaking down the barriers
So the explanation had been offered and all that was needed now was some sort of reaction from Connor. Thought to be honest Logan wasn’t sure what that reaction would be. And from the looks of things neither was his son. "Oh," Logan sighed He was getting used to hearing that as a reply when he launched into some explanation about certain aspects of his life both past and present. The look on Connors face was far from reassured though. In fact he was staring at Logan as if he thought he might suddenly transform into Jack the Ripper. And maybe thats not so far fetched after all! Still he did rally. Guess he’s getting used to doing that! Logan thought resignedly.
"Well at least someone benefited from my ‘disappearance’ Connor said with a valiant attempt at a smile. . "I’m not really sure what to say though.." Logan appreciated the gesture and the words. Things couldn’t have been easy recently and maybe he shouldn’t have added this further complication to their already troubled existence. But there was his responsibility towards Lorilli to be taken into account as well and if this hadn’t perhaps been the best way to handle things at least it had got the subject out into the open.
Still if many things had changed in recent days some things thankfully stayed the same. A familiar gurgling sound reached Logan’s ears indicating that Lorili wasn’t the only one who felt in the mood for a late night snack. "ok, I’ve had breakfast, brunch, lunch, after lunch snack, dinner, dessert, and I’m still hungry as if I haven’t eaten much… Connor stated his voice tinged with embarassment and outright amazement at just how much his metabolism could actually burn off in one day. oh, and we finished off the ice cream while you were out, but Madison so had the biggest serving."
Logan had to smile. Madison usually did. Trying to feed his kids was like trying to fill a bottomless pit.He sometimes pictured himself like one of those birds on the wildlife programmes forever heading home with a beak full of worms. Still at least his brood managed to find their own way to the food…. With remarkable ease and regularity.
"Oh, anyway, did you want a shower?He’s been taking Scotties diplomacy class by the sounds of things Logan thought with a chuckle. He could see that his unkempt appearance and the smell of blood that still lingered on his jeans bothered his compulsively tidy son. “ I can start the drinks if you like."
Sure Logan said with a smile That would be good. I could certainly do with freshening up a bit. It didn’t take a minute to head to the bedroom and strip off the rest of his clothes. This is getting to be a habit he thought wryly as the hot water hit him. Wonder what Connor would say if I told him every time Lorilli comes around to the apartment I have to take a shower! The thought made him laugh out loud the sound rich and full of amusement as it so rarely was. Maybe that wasn’t something to drop into the conversation. Not if he wanted the meeting to go well anyway!
There's just somethin' wild inside me pullin' me to do things I don't understand.
I can't figure it. It's like tryin' to explain desire.
Re: Friday 16th of March: Breaking down the barriers
Sure Well, whatever the sentiments with Connor’s unusual hunger and him devouring a decent amount of food, Logan seemed to move on swiftly, as if it were nothing extraordinary to fuss over. That would be good. I could certainly do with freshening up a bit. With that Logan vanished off to shower and change, Connor watched him leave, there was probably a few good ways to have better handled the situation he had been faced with, but then again, there were a great deal of ways he could have gone that would have been utterly terrible, so on a scale of one to ten he hoped he didn’t do too bad.
There was a pause in Connor’s movements, a confused, curious glance thrown back at his father’s room… was he laughing? It felt strange to hear laughter in here, no one had really laughed louder then a soft chuckle. It faded off though and Connor remained wondering what it had been which caused his father’s sudden burst of happiness… A soft sigh came as Connor found himself hoping it was something he had done to make his father happy, yet considering he hadn’t done anything other then offer to make drinks Connor didn’t see how it could have effected his dad in such a way.
The drinks were poured not too much later, hot, steaming, their making had been slow as Connor figured Trade would not be back so quickly, and to his delight she came just moments after they were set down on the main coffee table. The blue eyed feral moved over towards the door, hearing his father shuffling about inside the main bedroom with the delicate hearing that was quickly returning to full strength, along with all the other senses and abilities. A hand grabbed at the door handle, twisting it and pulling it open to reveal the girl on the other side.
"Hey, welcome back, drinks are served and father should be out shortly." Connor stepped aside, a hand motioning over towards the sofa as he let her enter, being patient with her and waiting, the door closing once she was inside and then he moved over towards the lounge area, though he hovered uncertain for the moment. "Dad! Drinks are served." Lips parted into a handsome grin as he picked up and then offered one of the mugs to Trade, looking a little unsure if she would take it but hopeful nevertheless. "For you, if you want more milk or sugar or coco.. just tell me."
Re: Friday 16th of March: Breaking down the barriers
As the door opened, Lorili stepped back, becoming slightly defensive for a brief second before forcing herself into calm. A glimmer of an appology came her her visable eye, her not being sure of if Connor would understand or not. "Hey, welcome back, drinks are served and father should be out shortly." His words of welcome brought about a faint smile and keeping herelf from hesitating, she slipped past the door as he stepped aside to let her do so. Still, she jumpped slightly as the door was closed.
She didn't jump because she had been startled or because she was afraid... Fear wasn't present at that time. She had jumpped because of the events of the night bringing her to a point where she was preparing to defend herself at any moment and because she did not yet know Connor. His telling her that Logan would be out soon comforted her though.
As Connor moved towards the next room, she followed then upon seeing that there were drinks prepared, three of them, she let herself relax a little more. She couldn't expect a miricle though. She could still feel how her shoulders and back were tight and she didn't fail to notice that her hand hovered over the spot she usually placed her knife. "Dad! Drinks are served." Connor called, causing her fingers to twitch once at the unexpected yell but she did well not to go beyond that reaction.
When he grinned, she felt encouraged to give a small smile back to him. "For you, if you want more milk or sugar or coco.. just tell me." He offered her one of the cups, she only hesitated for a split second before accepting it from him. Hesitation, uncertainty, suspicion and defensiveness... She didn't want to feel any and succeeded in cutting all but the hesitation and jumpiness off from herself. This was one of the safest places that she could be, at least that was what she was trying to convince herself.
At the latter part of his offer, the part of him telling her all she had to do was tell him if she wanted sugar, milk, or cocoa, she glanced down. Trade wasn't exactly sure if she could let herself say anythign right then. Every time she thought about talking to anyone, she could only feel the self-loathing and the disgust at the sound of her own voice. But there was one exception. It was different with Logan. Lately, whenever she spoke anything to him, she had been able to push aside her discomfort about the whole thing. But that was different with him. He was someone she concidered her friend.
Trying to get the message across to Connor about the drink being fine and her not needing anything, Lorili brought the cup to her lips, taking a tiny sip then smiled and nodded. She then shook her head to indicate it didn't need anything else.
all this time I can't believe I couldn't see
kept in the dark but you were there in front of me
Re: Friday 16th of March: Breaking down the barriers
He was just about dry when the knock came to the door just towelling his hair roughly to get some of the water out of it before he wrapped the towel round his waist and headed into the bedroom in search of some fresh clothes. It didn’t take him long even if his room wasn’t as tidy as Connors. Jeans tee shirts boxers they were all at hand….. they just weren’t always exactly put away. Not unless Connor had been in and ‘sorted things’ that was. That happened from time to time when his meticulous son decided that things were getting beyond a joke and took matters into his own hands. To be honest it drove Logan as crazy as it did Madison. After Conner had tidied he could never find anything for days until he managed to re-establish his own haphazard clutter and felt at home again. Still now he didn’t care if Connor wanted to iron the carpets. It was just so damned good to have him back and safe again.
Just like Lorilli was safe Logan could here Connors voice coming from the other room sounding relaxed and friendly. That was good. Better than he had had a right to hope for he supposed but then again even he had to get lucky sometime. "Dad! Drinks are served." Logan grinned. Hot chocolate and slippers. Not really the image of Wolverine that sprang to mind but right now it suited him just fine. He picked up the dirty clothes he had taken off and headed back into the living room just in time to see Lorilli smile at his son and sip her cocoa. Now that was a sight worth waiting for and Logans own grin widened as he came to the table.
Looks good Connor. he said making his way past them to the washing machine and throwing in the rest of stuff. Smells good too. But then so it should he said winking at Lorilli mischievously After all he learned from the best.
There's just somethin' wild inside me pullin' me to do things I don't understand.
I can't figure it. It's like tryin' to explain desire.
Re: Friday 16th of March: Breaking down the barriers
A soft smile of assurance came from Connor, like when Chris had seen Connor’s eyes for the first time and though they were different Connor was patient and soon enough Chris easily turned blind to the strangeness of the splendid gaze. Being a child, relatively unharmed by most things, Chris had been easy to sway past his insecurities, Trade on the other hand was a lot more troubled, and a lot more scarred.
The feral could tell she was off in thought as her eyes turned downcast from him, if it was to study the drink or some other reason, Connor couldn’t be a hundred percent sure. But as Trade tried to express her ok for the drink, he gave a slight shrug and nod, the offer was still open, but he tried to show it wasn’t so big a deal and he’d be happy to oblige her if she changed her mind. Movement from Logan’s room caused Connor to look over towards the elder man as he made his way, clothes in arms, to their side. Everyone was smiling, that was good… well.. Trade wasn’t being overly standoffish so for Connor that counted as a smile. A motion towards one of the armchairs was an offer for her to take a seat, Connor himself placing his mug down on the coffee table beside the three seater situated in front of the TV as his dad praised him.
"Looks good Connor." A grin was thrown towards his father, a praise! A compliment! And someone else to witness it, it made Connor feel strangely giddy and yet content. "Smells good too. But then so it should" Connor served Chris and Sarah enough to know how to make the drink but he hadn’t had much practice with his own likes now that his taste buds were so heightened, he sipped at the liquid here and there while preparing it but it still didn’t taste ‘just right’. "After all he learned from the best." Not as enthused with that comment as Connor should be, he sank down into the side of the three seater, snuggling up to the cream square cushions, two of four.. the other two on the other side neatly displayed, the other armchairs possessing one on each, displayed meticulously as always.
Bright eyes seemed to stare over at Logan as he got comfortable in his armchair, and while Connor didn’t want to be crushed up against someone there was plenty of room over on the couch… they could of each had a side to themselves with the centre spare for space. The youngest one of the three pulled his feet up onto the dark leather, tucking them close and comfortably sitting there with pillows and the armrest supporting his body and his back resting against the back of the couch as well. For a moment he stared over at his father, wondering if it was habit or something else that drove the man to take his own seat, ok, they were seated beside each other… but still… Connor felt a little clingy and didn’t realize that usually he was so adamant on his personal space that if his father had the audacity to sit in the room with them half the time lately Connor just walked off elsewhere in anger. As soon as Logan passed a glance over towards Connor though his son looked away in a blink, staring off now at the TV, as if watching something interesting which only he saw in the blank screen.
Slowly his legs spread out, not wanting to look as if he had been conserving space for another to sit down, his hot drink temporarily forgotten as his attention slipped to his t-shirt while he shifted about. A hand skilfully smoothed out the fabric, pressing it down his front with a focus in his eyes which showed this wasn’t just an absent minded thing. The creases slowly vanished from his dark pale greyish green top, which had an image of an Asian temple outlined in black on it. Connor didn’t seem to have a style he preferred, probably he never cared to grow attached to clothes, they always ended up tossed away sooner or later anyway. However he did like dressing nicely, perhaps a little more formal then most students, though he toned it down enough not to stick out against the other casual dressed students. Though often they were forced to wear the cheaper variety around the house, not that what they wore was ever anything less then decent, Connor still had an organized closet, which clothes he wore in the house, which ones he wore out, ones which were for certain types of outings… all planned in his mind. Which currently seemed for a moment as if he was about to fidget with the worn out jeans he had, scuffed marks from wear but no tears which meant Connor would have to get rid of it. A hand hesitated however and pulled back as Connor focused on the others in the room who invaded his senses once again, reminding him he was not alone. Instead of tidying his clothes further, Connor laid down a little on the sofa, not usually relaxing so much in front of strangers but it had been a long day and he had been getting ready for bed just before, rest wasn’t exactly a painful thought at the moment.
"Is the drink ok dad? I can get more sugar or milk if you want..." What else was there to really say.. the stranger was so silent, it seemed like an awkward situation to be in, sitting down for a chat (as that's what Connor was assuming this was) when one of the three didn't appear to speak much at all. Connor's head remained lifted, his body stretched out but his head not resting yet, still alert and poised so he could clearly see both the other two without having to tilt his head he would have once it laid snuggled against the pillows. Looking briefly over towards Trade he also added as politely as he could muster, "And if you're hungry I can get something for you." His hand was already against his lips in a signal of food, unintentionally mimicking her hand gesture habits and catching himself only after having done it. Dazzling eyes turned to Logan as well, not wanting to seem as if he was ovelrooking his own father, how terrible would that be?
Re: Friday 16th of March: Breaking down the barriers
The soft smile that Connor gave her caused her to relax a little more, even if it was a slight change in her. But to her, it wasn't slight at all, it was a big step for her to let herself relax that much even. Concern came, concern over the thought of her possably being rude. That was yet another new addition into her life since she had been there at the manshion. Before, she hadn't cared about how other people might look at her as long as they weren't trying to get too close ot her or unless she felt like she was being crowded by too many people in one room. Then, it had been only concern about if they were looking at her in a way that would show any signs of them planning an attack of some sort.
As Connor gave a gesture towards one of the seats that were available, she looked over at them a little unsure. She wasn't unsure abotu the offer itself, it was just that the habit of just standing or leaning against a wall was still strong in her. The habit was so deep of one that even if it had been Logan who had offered the seat, she still would have been hesitant. She didn't want to give the wrong impression though. She didn't want Connor to think that she wanted to just decline his offer just like that. If she were to sit down in that armchair that he had motioned to, she would be left less able to defend herself from an attack, sitting being somethign that would restrict her from reaching her knife as quickly as she could if she were standing....
No, she had to stop thinking like that... She had given up that life. She had walked away from the cage tonight and told herself it was the last time. That she was retiring. So she had to give up thiking like she used to too! Not everyone ws out to get her. Doubt came at the back of her mind at that thought. Lorili wanted to bring herself to think that but her heart, her memories, and her soul wouldn't let her. She didn't know if she would ever be able to bring herself to just leave herself open like that... Enough of those thoughts, they weren't helpping her any and they would only lead up to her becoming uncomfortable when the events of the night started creeping in more into her mind than they already had started to right then.
There had been only a short moment of hesitation before Lorili made herself accept the offer, walking over to the armchair and slowly sinking down into it. It felt unnatural. As she felt her knife's handle poke into her some, she adjusted her position so she wouldn't be leaning against it... But now it was pinned slightly and a little tangled up in her clothes. Another change in posture fixed that though and once she got as comfortable as she possably could while sitting there, she gave a small smile before taking another sip of the hot chocolate and giving a look of compliment to Connor.
As Logan walked into the room, Trade looked over at him, the hint of a smile coming to her visable eye and to her lips. A smile of welcoming. "Looks good Connor." At the comment the man made about the hot cocolate, Lorili instinctively looked over to see Connor's reaction. An excited grin, not only excited but a happy one. Seeing that made the grin contageous, Lorili finding herself smiling a little more too. "Smells good too. But then so it should... After all he learned from the best." The smile remained but there was a subtle change, a glimmer of amusement towards Logan tooting his own horn some. But she allowed the smile to fade back to her normal expression gradually.
She watched the son watching as his father took a seat in another armchair while Connor had taken one on the couch and she wondered what he was thinking. Then, as she started to feel like she was being nosey, she brought her attention back to the hot chocolate in her hands. It was a good drink. Connor had done a good job. [b]"Is the drink ok dad? I can get more sugar or milk if you want..."[/b] Lorili looked up from the now almost empty cup of chocolate and over at Connor as he spoke then as he glanced at her, she glanced down for a second before looking back at him. "And if you're hungry I can get something for you." He told her. Lorili gave a slightly amused look at his making the motion for eating.
At the thought of food, her stomach rumbled a little and she quickly placed her free hand over it to silence it. She had workked up an appitite earlier but just had been to distracted to notice enough for it to make any noise. A slightly embarrassed look crossed her face and she looked to the side so not to be looking at them for a moment. Then, she looked back over and shook her head a little. Another rumble came, despite the fact that she was trying not to seem greedy and a sheepish look came this time, followed by a small nod. For a moment though, she had tried to answer in words, the silence seeming a bit arkward but she couldn't bring herself to, having found that when she was just about to speak, the unspoken words just turning into a small sigh instead.
Taking a last swallow of the hot chocolate, she placed the cup between her knees before leaning to the side some and reaching at her hip. Then, grabbing her knife and the sheath that was clipped to her belt, she took both off and placed it on the arm of the chair she was in carefully and in a way she hoped that didn't look like she was taking it out for easy acess. She didn't know how to explain that she was moving it to get more comfortable though.
Her brow furrowed a little before she picked up the sheathed knife again and this time, taking the cup in her other hand, she bent down and placed the knife at her feet to show them she wasn't planning on needing it. That she was trying to not be defensive. She was unsettled though over the thought of making herself appear as paraniod as she was trying not to be. After the knife was on the floor, she sat back again, holding the cup in her hands and trying to get herself to relax.
It was instinctive for her to tense up when she didn't feel her blade at her side. She could feeel and hear her heart racing now and tried to calm herself down. After a moment, her heart obeyed and slowed to almost normal... Well, to almost her normal, it being a little fast to start with anyway. <Relkax!> She shouted at herself in her mind. Muscles over her shoulder and back settled back to the way they had been almost and she offered a small smile.
all this time I can't believe I couldn't see
kept in the dark but you were there in front of me
Re: Friday 16th of March: Breaking down the barriers
Ok what was wrong now? Because something was. Connors eyes felt like they were burning into him their gaze hotter than the mug Logan had his hands clasped around. And the way he was sitting, with his legs curled up like that. Connor didn’t do that in front of people he knew never mind strangers. It was…….. messy. At least to Connor’s way of thinking. And the fact that he was doing it now set Logan’s nerves jangling. He sent a questioning glance Connors way wanting to understand, maybe put right whatever it was that was bothering him but his son refused to meet his eyes, glancing instead towards the TV that stood dark and silent in the corner .
Great! That would really help him figure things out. Still the problem didn,t seem to lie with Lorilli for which Logan was grateful If it was just that he had somehow messed up again then he could live with that After all he seemed to do it a hundred times a day. But it wouldn’t do for the girl to be caught up in one of Connors disapproving fits. Especially since she seemed unaware of the underlying current in the room. Her smile had been easy enough when Logan had come back into the room She had even picked up on his attempt at humour which was more than Connor had seemed to do. Now she was concentrating on the sweet liquid in her cup relaxing as he had hoped she would after her earlier ordeal.
But what was Connor doing now? Lying down? Not good !Not good at all! And the tell tale smoothing of the clothes Oh this could turn bad at any moment. If the compulsion took hold of him! If whatever had bothered him continued to run relentlessly round his brain. Come on Connor pull back Logan urged him silently and it seemed for once that his prayers were answered. Is the drink ok dad? I can get more sugar or milk if you want.
Not exactly sparkling conversation but a valiant attempt under the circumstances. Lorilli’s silence didn’t exactly make things easier either though it was never a problem when they were alone. Strange that. They just sort of read each other as if they had been doing it for years. Connor on the other hand was finding it a little awkward. "And if you're hungry I can get something for you. He accompanied the words with a miming motion as if Lorilli was deaf as well as silent but she didn’t take offence. In fact the effort appeared to amuse her and she smiled again not in a mocking way but just as if it pleased her somehow.
And it seemed that Connors question had struck a cord. If she still hesitated to speak her stomach wasn’t nearly as reticent and it gave its full approval to Connors suggestion. Logan’s grin reappeared as she looked away in embarrassment then tried to deny what was all to plainly obvious. It was futile of course Hunger had its own voice and it was one that Logan was well accustomed to hearing. And in the end even Lorilli had to give in to it.
For a moment he had thought she was going to speak, his heart encouraging her to break down the barrier, but when she failed with a sigh he still took even the attempt as a good sign. And a better one was to come. He had seen her fidget in the chair, known where the omnipresent knife would chaff against her hip. But the fact that she might actually relinquish it had never crossed his mind.
It was too big a sign of trust for him to have anticipated it and yet here it was, an awkward shifting of the sheathed weapon to the arm of the chair. Yet even that didn’t seem to be enough to satisfy her.He watched in astonishment as she set it on the floor well out of easy reach and sat back trying to relax as best she could without its comforting presence.
She was doing this for Connors sake of that much he was certain She must have known that Logan wouldn’t have seen the move as a hostile one, or at least he hoped she would have. But Connor was an as yet unknown quantity and her desire to show him that her intentions were far from hostile was both considerate and brave on her part. Logan was absurdly proud of her for having taken the step and his pleasure showed in his face and in his voice as he said. Let me get it Connor. I’m sure I can rustle up a late night snack. If you and your sisters have left us anything in the fridge that is.
He rose easily, a small man with hair still wet from the shower and bare feet shoved casually into leather slippers Hardly the legendary fighter Trade had seen such a little time before or the blood stained figure Connor had greeted on the doorstep. Yet even now, relaxed and at home there was something about the way he moved, the animal grace, the implied strength that hinted at the possibility of violence. As if his body acknowledged what his mind tried so hard to repress. That the Wolverine was always there, not caged but merely held in check by his will and ready if to strike if the need arose.
Logan’s thoughts at that moment were very far from violence. Unless of course you were an unsuspecting chicken leg that was. Midnight feasts were run of the mill in his household , his families accelerated metabolism made sure of that. Connor himself had admitted he could do with a refill and Logan had to admit that the prospect of some food was certainly doing wonders for his moral as well. So he wasn’t really on the defensive as he went to pull open the fridge door and that’s why it hit him so hard.
A photo. His photo There where it had no right to be. Where he had forfeited all right for it to be. Beside Michelle. It stopped him more effectively than any bullet and hurt just about as much. Memories can flooding back. The day. The laughter The bike of which he had been so proud. It had been perfect and he had smiled not even minding the camera so much for once. Looking at Michelle as the photo was taken. Loving her. They had been a true family then. Before Mystique. Ironique then that he was alone in the picture. Or maybe it was just appropriate.
Someone. Connor probably, god knows he didn’t see either of the girls doing it, had placed them together Tried to make them look like a couple. But whatever way you looked at it they were still apart. Each one isolated in their separate world with a wall between them that they hadn’t known how to breach. It tore Logan’s heart and drew an involuntary gasp from him full of pain and longing and loneliness.
And yet….that hadn’t been what Connor had intended To hurt him He knew that. Before it might have been the case but not now! The memories, the emotional baggage were his burden not his son’s. No for Connor this meant something else. Though longing did perhaps play a part of it! A desire to have a normal family! The dream that Amlarie had seduced him with and which Logan was now trying hard to replace with a reality that was all too far from being perfect! And yet, look! He had his part in it. He had been brought back from exile, merited or self imposed and placed back in the picture. And emotionally that was just about as hard to handle as the grief.
There's just somethin' wild inside me pullin' me to do things I don't understand.
I can't figure it. It's like tryin' to explain desire.
Re: Friday 16th of March: Breaking down the barriers
"Let me get it Connor. I’m sure I can rustle up a late night snack. If you and your sisters have left us anything in the fridge that is." Ooops? Maybe they shouldn’t have eaten so much today, but he was feeling as if he barely had more then a couple of snacks. The last day and a half especially he’s just never seemed to stay full. He wouldn’t have eaten so much, but Madi kept going to the fridge in order to grab a snack and she’d ask if he was hungry and then usually the three of them ended up have a snack or three between the main means.
Connor’s eyes followed his father, his whole body shifted in response to the other mans movements, sitting up gracefully as vibrant blue orbs trailed after the elder Wolverine. Maybe there was something Connor could do to help… the kids grew up used to the fact they got hungry quickly but that didn’t mean Connor still felt comfortable, even on the training island Betsy had given him a slightly larger portion of food and Connor had made his usual effort of rationing it out over the night but as always the camping trips tended to either leave him starved or constantly fishing or gathering for food. Not that Connor hated the extra effort he had to put in to eat, but more then one another tempered student had noticed his additional rations and usually they were happy to complain about how unfair it was.
Connor peered over the back of the couch and watched Logan carefully, almost sinking away defensively as Wolverine stared at the photo. Maybe it wasn’t right to put it there, maybe Connor wasn’t allowed to move things like that, but it made sense didn’t it? Why was it hiding away… it was a nice photo, he looked happy, it deserved to be where it could be seen, where it deserved to be, husband and wife, mother and father…
An awkwardness grew all the more with Connor and he shifted on the couch, throwing an uncomfortable glance over at Trade and then at the pillows he had lain on, his hands quickly reaching to fix them and brush out the wrinkles from the fabric. He looked back at Logan, biting his lip softly and then carefully moving off the sofa. The young feral finding himself by the fridge in fluid motions and hovering near his father with a hope of helping out.
"Can I help?" Connor was a little more uncomfortable having to stay and keep Trade company… but he wasn’t trying to avoid her either, he wanted to help and he had offered to get something and he really wanted to try and make up for eating a lot of the food today. Even if his sisters helped deplete the supplies he still felt guilty.
Re: Friday 16th of March: Breaking down the barriers
Silence... there was starting to be too much of it for once. It was only because it was a different kind of silence here than when she was alone or when she was just with Logan. When she was alone, she didn't worry about the silence because there was no concerns about it being akward and no concerns about her giving the impression that she was a deaf-mute like people tended to assume in their minds somewhere along the way. People tended to think that she couldn't understand or couldn't hear due to her lack of speech in front of them... Some even thought she was mentally challenged. She had grown almost used to it though, it having been to her advantage in the ring and it having been no concern to her when she was walking out in the places where other people were...
The only person to know that she wasn't completely stupid and the only person who hadn't though of her being one who sisn't understand or was retarded was Cortez back before she had run away and back before she had met Logan. Her expression remained the same, the glint in her eye changing ever so slightly and being the only change. "Let me get it Connor. I’m sure I can rustle up a late night snack. If you and your sisters have left us anything in the fridge that is." She barely heard Logan's words, her eyes wandering to her knife that was on the floor. She could almost imagine her knife asking her what she was doing putting it on the floor like that when she had never done that intentionally before in the whole time she had had it. In the whole time it had been her friend.
As Connor moved, she looked over, catching the glance he had cast over at her. He seemed anxious. It wasn't too much of a surprise to her when he got up and moved over to where Logan was. "Can I help?" She half-heard him ask as her thoughts pulled her in again. <He should have time with his father without me making things hard for either of them...> She thought, her eyes going back to her knife. A small swallow came and her brething slowed slightly as the thoughts that had been running in her mind out of her own sight started to surface to the front.
There had been enough unsettling situations that night. It all branching out from her own addictions. Even now, she was starting to get over the disgust of the cages already and start to feel the craving creeping back in. Cortez... She had hurt him, she had made him bleed and passed on the ruined eye to him. "Do you really think that she'll let you kill someone who took her nothing-self and made her into something? Turned a piece of unwanted trash into something of worth?" Lorili blinkked and looked up for a second, the voice having been so real that she had thought Cortez might have been there. It wasn't him though, it was just her memory of the night filtering in.
She didn't understand what she had felt when the chance of him being there had crossed her mind though. She couldn't figure it out, the mixture being so odd and the different emotions being fuzed so close together that they seemed to be a single one somehow. There had been fright but had she been wanting to see him too!? Did she want to see him there and want to see that he was alright? Was she angry? Was she happy? Her hand came up and combed through her hair, causing it to all slip out of the hair tie she had loosly put it into. Picking up the hair tie, she began to figet with it.
He had taken her in, became a father to her, raised her for years and trained her..... He had hurt her, use her, yelled at her and threatened her.... He had turned her into someone, Cortez had even stated that out loud to Logan and to herself and what had she done right after he had stated that? She had hurt him, made him cry out in shock and pain as his eye seemed to just burst into blood. Her stomach turned, hunger vanishing and changing into just a knot of discomfort with a little nausea at what she had done. <I didn't only betray him once by running away but I went as far as attacking him...> She couldn't stop that voice from speaking in the back of her mind.
<He had never struck me or yelled at me unless I did something against his orders... He took care of me as long as I was in his home and I should have known not to go against him or to betray him even if I didn't want to fight anymore... I only ended up staying in that line of life anyway when I left... Maybe I did want to keep killing and fighting afterall and was just going through a defiant stage like he had told me back then. Maybe he threatened me to show me how serous he was about not wanting me to leave. He was so angry... But maybe I was mistaking his reason for anger. I might have been hurting him on the inside. Should I have kept from lashing out at him whn he went to grab me?> Confusion was settling in along with doubt in herself.
She loved Cortez like a father at one point, there was no doubt of that in her mind but... but had she truely managed to hate him? No, she didn't hate him. She still loved him as a father even if there had been rough times. He was the only father she could remember, he had even replaced the images in her mind of the father she had had back in her early childhood. The one who had died so long ago. How could she have hurt him? Had she been the one usng Cortez the whole time and her own selfishness warping everything to where it seemed he had been evil toward her? Had she been the dark one out of the two? He was giving her shelter and she was providing for him by fighting and bringing him money. He was training her, raising her, buying her clothing and food. He was teaching her how to protect herself how to kill if she needed to how to throw away such things as pity for an enemy and pity for herself.
Still.. it seemed she had too much self-pity. That thought came nurtured by the memory of how she had broken down in front of Logan upon waking in this place. She had cried harder than she had cried before and for so long. Even when she had promised herself a long time ago, back when she ended her life as the old Lorili and came into the life of Trade that she would never cry again. Even now, she was on the verge of breaking that promise again, tears starting to brim at her eyes. trade bent down and picked up her knife, bringing it close to her and hilding it against her like a child would do with a stuffed animal. She needed her knife right then, it comforted her and helpped her to regain her strength.
She glanced over at where Connor and Logan were. Family... She looked away again and closed her eye for a moment. Could it have been like that with her mother somehow? maybe all of those times her mother had beat her, it was because of something she had done? Her memories were terrible about back in those days, her only remembering the pain and the yelling and the striking and tears. It seemed that was almost what all of her memories consisted of. But maybe she had just been that bad... After-all, had she been a kind person at hert, she would never have been able to be pulled into the life of a cage-fighter. A kind person could never be molded into a killer with an addiction to pain and giving pain.
<Doubt, uncertainty, discomfort and trouble... My life is spilling into others lives when I don't even know who I am. I don't even know if what I feel, think, or wish is real. I had thought I wished for safety, to be away from the violence and pain but then I just ran to it and dragged someone else into it... Who the hell am I!?! Lorili died! Trade died! What am I when both are gone? I don't have anything left inside and this self-pity is driving me insane!> Her head was hurting now and she was gripping her knife so tightly that if she gripped any tighter, she would split skin.
Lorili made herself loosen her grip. <Do I even know what I'm thining? What if I'm just confusing myself? I need to slow it down. I'll straighten things out later. I can't just get itno it right now, this moment here is important. This step is important to me!> She thought, placing her knife back down. Her hands trembled though as she did so. <Is it important to you? You don't even know hwo you are or what you are truely like? How do you know what's important to you and what isnt?> It was the voice that always had come in the past that she used to listen to with no fight but that had been different lately. <Shut up! It's important to me now! Please just let me have this moment...> She thought.
Lorili... Trade... Whoever she was now... swallowed again then forced her troubled feelings away. As they were shoved away, she felt a bit drained but she at lest found herself able to smile a little again as she looked up and over at the two. She wanted to be here and to spend this time with them. She was going to let herself enjooy this time damn it! Then, she would treasure it and tuck it into her mind to remind her that not all is cruel in the world as she had been with a few other times of peace she had found since after the doughnut shop incident. Times where she actually even forgot for a moment how rough things had been in her life... Times since she had met Logan. Since she had been able to have the chance to know what life was beyond the blood and tears. Beyond the chain link walls of the cage she resided in inside herself.
all this time I can't believe I couldn't see
kept in the dark but you were there in front of me
Topic Commands
Click to receive email notification of replies
Click to stop receiving email notification of replies
