Logan's Apartment: Missing Pieces
Thursday 15th March
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“Sure Connor, you can have anything you want when we get to the apartment.” That was a bit of an extreme reply but then again if this was his home Connor supposed whatever didn’t belong specifically to him or the others was most obviously shared between them all… like the TV, fridge, whatever else that made the place ‘home’. “The fridge is always well stocked…unless your sisters have emptied it again while I was out. Which is always a possibility knowing those two!” So the girls had a big appetite? Logan walked as he talked and Chris followed, Connor’s mind however distant as he tried to imagine things as how he expected them to be. As they arrived to the apartment, Connor’s mind swam with scene’s, trying to picture what was beyond the door, organizing what he could and looking forward to seeing what he thought up and what was there was identical.
"Here we are then" Unfortunately Connor took aspects of Amlarie’s apartment room that was given to him, and so as the door swung open his heart sank a little at the unfamiliar scene before him. No ghostly memory striking him as he had hoped, no sudden burst of knowing, no magically returning stream of memories. Just the same familiar emptiness. "Home!" It seemed Connor was not the only one knocked into a moments of hesitation, though Logan’s was for entirely different reasons, Connor looked at the elder man wondering if perhaps he too had been looking forward to his son remembering things… Connor let his face lower a moment, feeling as if he let someone down yet again despite having no control over his situation.
“Why don’t I get you that drink while you have a look around” By the time Connor actually glanced up at his father’s back as it moved off, Chris had drifted off towards the center of the room, looking around with extreme interest and getting rather drawn to any photos. If this was Connor’s home, then maybe they’d have photos of him! “That’s my room over there” Hesitant foot steps carried Connor away from the door, as if entering the den of a monster with caution and uncertainty. Striking eyes followed the hand as Logan pointed from one room to another, placing the name with each room and letting it scratch itself into his memories for future reference. “Madison’s. Arisa’s. And that one there is your room Connor. I’m sure Chris would like to see it.Take your time though theres no rush. Just take things at your own pace and Ill be here to answer any questions you might have whenever you need me.” What if Connor wasn’t sure of the questions he wanted to ask and yet needed a fair few answers regardless?
"Can we go to your room Connor?" All the nine year old wanted to do was speed off and see what sort of room Connor had here, it was all different to Amlarie’s apartment room and yet Chris was liking it a lot better, even if it was just because Sarah wasn’t around to try and shoo Chris off. The look on Connor’s face as he stared off towards the room that was pointed out as being his was enough for Chris to return to Connor’s side. "Don’t you like it here?" It was a softer voice as Chris tried to whisper but even without enhanced hearing Logan would have made out the words. Connor sighed a little awkwardly before kneeling down, dropping his voice to a softer whisper to try and explain as best as Connor could what was going through his mind, or at least some of what was going on.
"It’s not that I don’t like it Chris… it’s just… I thought maybe, that if I came back to my real home, I’d remember things, maybe not all at once, but something." As Connor spoke Chris felt a little hopeless before the older boy looked so sad and fighting back the tears with every blink, yet what could the 9 year old say to lift Connor’s spirits? Chris struggled to think but right now he couldn’t really imagine what would cheer Connor up other then remembering *something* he had forgotten.
"Maybe in your room you’ll remember something, maybe you have toys or things that you had forever." Though Chris was trying to help Connor didn’t seem swayed, "Maybe you need time to rest as well, you’ve been stressed all day." That was a point Connor considered, but didn’t entirely believe, the look on the feral’s face however was a signal that Chris had at least given even the slightest spark of hope.
"That’s a point… and I am tired I guess." Connor agreed with a slight sigh of acceptance, though Chris nodded and replied in a matter of fact tone of voice. "You should rest, people that don’t sleep and are stressed get old really fast and become all wrinkly and cranky." There was a nod from the younger boy and a Connor gave an amused light gasp, his hands reaching for the boy and standing up as his hands grasped onto the youth and lifted Chris up and over his shoulder, ignoring the stiff ache of his arms as the mutant did so. "Wrinkly and cranky?!" Chris laughed as Connor repeated Chris’s statement, the boy’s small hands pressing against Connor’s back as he hanged, to help push him up enough to look over his shoulder. Again Connor fell to his knees and it made Chris’s dismount easier, and helped avoid additional stress on Connor’s arm, though the elder boy pointed towards the direction of his room.
"Go have a look, I’ll grab my drink and come join you." Although Chris wanted to wait for Connor before going, he nodded in acceptance of the suggestion and with a grin from the recent buzz moved off towards Connor’s room. Leaving Logan’s son a chance to rub his arms from their soreness which was only exaggerated by the stress of Chris’s weight, though Connor was used to that, as he always pushed himself when playing with Chris and Sarah complained about it aggravating his arms.
Sometimes it took a child to ask the questions that you didn’t dare to. That was certainly the case here and now. Although Logan tried to leave them alone, occupying himself with the mundane task of getting drinks he craved the same response as Chris did and so his senses carried him into their conversation even if he knew he had no right to be there. . " Can we go to your room Connor?" Don’t you like it here?"
Logan though that his heart might stop waiting for Connors reply. Ok the sudden flood of memory he had so hoped for hadn’t happened.It had been a long shot at best. But ….. *please… don’t let him hate this place. Don’t let Amlarie have planted that in his memories along with all the other crap! *
But that at least didn’t seem to be the case. Indeed his sons regrets seemed to mirror his own.Though that was perhaps another source of sadness "It’s not that I don’t like it Chris…” Connor explained “it’s just… I thought maybe, that if I came back to my real home, I’d remember things, maybe not all at once, but something." *You and me both kid! Though I guess things aren’t going to be that easy!”
The boy though… he was quite something Logan had to admit. He really cared and his childs voice carried a weight way beyond its years."Maybe in your room you’ll remember something, maybe you have toys or things that you had forever." In the kitchen Logan smiled. The time for toys was long since past but still…..
The room resonated to Connors presence. Tidy, methodical, as passionate in its restraint as Logan’s would have been in its abandon! If he didn’t always have Connor and the girls to take into account that was. But Connor didn’t seem to want to enter. Perhaps he was too afraid of what he would find. Or perhaps he was more scared of recognising nothing .Of being confronted by a stranger that he was supposed to be even if he didn’t know how And that was something Logan understood only too well.
Yet somehow Chris found the right arguments to counter Connors concern. "Maybe you need time to rest as well, you’ve been stressed all day."* God he knows him* Logan thought* and he can talk to him without all those damned barriers that separate us even now falling into place."That’s a point… and I am tired I guess." See! Right away the kid had eased Connors burden.
God what a gift! One Wolverine would have given anything to possess. But then again the relationship between him and Connor could never be like this. Chris had innocence on his side, something a parent never possessed in the eyes of their child And him even less than most
Still he was most heartily grateful for it being offered when his son had need of it, Chris’s next words both wise and simple as was the way of youth. . "You should rest, people that don’t sleep and are stressed get old really fast and become all wrinkly and cranky." Logan stifled a chuckle knowing all to well that if he could hear Connor then Connor could hear him. Besides.. one thing they didn’t do in this family was get old fast.. or at all for that matter. Though Chris was hardly likely to know that now was he?
"Wrinkly and cranky?" There was laughter now easy, flowing, as it so seldom had even between Connor and his sisters.* And in the end that’s my fault as welll* Logan told himself. Or maybe it did. When he took himself out of the equation .But that was something he would never know. Logan glanced wistfully over to where the boys played together played together. Once he and Connor had played like that and now….not much of a choice really! Forgotten or spoiled. The memories were tainted either way. Though that had never been what he had wanted. "Go have a look, I’ll grab my drink and come join you."
The signs weren’t lost on Logan. Apprehension as to what might lie behind that unopened door. Pain, concealed yes but not from him who forever searched any trace of it in his children’s faces. His own concern was still plain in his eyes as he watched Connor approaching. But the milk at least was ready, all he could physically offer at this moment to ease this homecoming. “ He’s a good kid “ Logan said gruffly as he held out the glass for his son to take or leave . Much like the rest of his life here! “And its obvious you mean a lot to him. Whatever else Amlarie did that I disaprove of, she sure picked you one hell of a little brother.”
There's just somethin' wild inside me pullin' me to do things I don't understand.
I can't figure it. It's like tryin' to explai
Re: Logan's Apartment: Missing Pieces
Tentative steps carried Connor towards the bench where his father stood, a glass of milk served and ready and Connor let his eyes linger on the cold glass, merely letting his gaze stare over at it idly. It was so hard, just the small simple things, what every family had unique, it seemed to them so common and normal and yet an outsider always had to wonder… small things, like use a coaster under the cup or not, drink in the kitchen only or free to wander? Small rules of the house that allowed for so many bear traps that it was a legitimate cause for concern or worry. Connor was just lucky in the sense his compulsions had allowed him that extra bit of leeway when it came to house rules, even if he got yelled at as long as his objective was complete it seemed to be worthwhile.
If someone was angry with Connor the people close knew how to hurt him the most and it wasn’t anything physical, Connor’s weakness was mental, outside his sister’s well being he had a need for cleanliness and order and more then once Madison had taunted her older brother after harsh disagreements. Just because Connor loved his sister’s to death didn’t mean they could live together, if anything they’d be the death of him in the end! Constantly at each other’s throats with him in the center, dare not back up Madi and she’ll let him know her displeasure.
For now Connor found himself wondering if this family had any quirks, not entirely realizing his ‘odd habits’ tended to effect the entire house hold, though that didn’t mean he’d not have to get used to his own tendencies, he had to live with himself and find out who he was, even if he did things he wasn’t so comfortable doing. Getting yelled at how cleaning Madi’s room of her pile of clothes or scattering of items was never something he looked forward to and yet the compulsions seemed to take command and more often then not Connor felt like a puppet to it’s will.
“He’s a good kid” Iridescent eyes glanced up at Logan, the light striking them and causing the familiar reflective gleam that was always more noticeable at night. Unlike the eyes of a five year old child who looked up with anticipation, these older eyes looked up with a sadness that seemed to fill the hallow depths, lost of all they had seen and left with only what little he now knew, and even most of that seemed like a twisted, empty lie. Logan’s arm outstretched now held the glass of milk for Connor, and his eyes dropped down to the white liquid again, tentative fingers reaching for the glass, his other hand quickly reaching to support the glass as he took hold of it. “And its obvious you mean a lot to him. Whatever else Amlarie did that I disapprove of, she sure picked you one hell of a little brother.” The glass was drawn close to Connor’s front, momentarily cradled as he glanced over towards what was supposedly his room, which was where Chris was exploring.
"…Yeah… it’s really hard finding out we aren’t… really…" The words seemed to snare within Connor’s through, as if not wanting to say the truth aloud in some last ditch effort of denial. "He’s the first face I remember when I woke from the accident… or whatever." The correction was half hearted, though Connor pushed on, distracting himself by rambling "He said I’d been sick for a bit before the accident, a flu or something, they weren’t sure, he stuck around when I woke up and was more involved and… yeah. Amlarie meant well, but come to think of it she’s not that much older then me I think." A sip finally came as the rim of the glass was brought to his lips, the brief pause of silence as he drank swiftly ending once the glass was drawn away from his mouth. "Amlarie was always saying she wanted me to take things a day at a time, that it had been hard for me and she’d rather not flood me with information… come to think of it, she didn’t really say much other then you tended to be too busy. She never once talked about my real mother, I wasn’t sure why, but I never pushed." Speaking of Chris earlier, and then mothers now, Connor looked back towards the room Chris was in and in a lower voice added an earlier personal observation that somewhat worried him inside.
"Chris got really defensive when he was asked about his family…" Lowering the glass to the bench in an effort to free Connor’s hands and allow him to fold them across his chest, a small sigh almost heard in his breathing briefly. A frown formed across the handsome features of Connor’s face, brow creasing and lips thinning is realization of a very important fact that Connor had let go by ignored till now. "…you’ll probably try and get him back to them, right?" Now a hurt echoed in the gaze of Logan’s son that seemed to struggle to hold contact with Logan for longer then a few moments before slipping off for a brief breather and then returning. Meanwhile Chris sat on Connor’s bed, blissfully deaf to the conversation now that he had discovered a stash of unsorted photos Connor had left in a clear folder on his side table a few weekends ago with intentions of splitting them up correctly into his folders.
Re: Logan's Apartment: Missing Pieces
Maybe it wasn’t a subject he should have brought up, but then again Logan always did have a bad habit of saying exactly what was on his mind. And Chris was certainly up there in the foreground with Connor. Still he hated himself for having caused Connor further pain and it was obvious that he had done so. "…Yeah… it’s really hard finding out we aren’t… really…" Family? No! It was true. Technically they weren’t . But that wasn’t all that counted. If it was Logan would have been screwed long ago. . "He’s the first face I remember when I woke from the accident… or whatever." Connor told him, the first trace of real doubt finally finding its way into his voice. Logan didn’t know whether to be happy or sad. Sure, all the bullshit that Amlarie had fed them about being brothers was a load of crap. But their feelings…… now that was something else entirely.
"He said I’d been sick for a bit before the accident, a flu or something, they weren’t sure” Had the illness been real or provoked? That was just one more question that would perhaps remain unanswered. Unless Jean took a hand! Now that was something he’d have to think long and hard about. Especially given the personal problems she had at the moment.Wolverine's mind shied away from the thought of Scott’s demise. It just wasn’t going to happen. Whatever else Cyclops was he wasn’t a quitter. And he’d never leave Jean. Not even if it was death himself that came knocking.
*So maybe* Logan told himself *I should just go on as if I knew that was true. Not walk around her as if she was made of crystal. But just act normally. As if it was all going to go away. Which of course it was!. Wasn’t it? Yeah. Shit, how could he even imagine for a second that it wouldn’t . Scott and Jean! Together! No matter how much that once had hurt. They would be there to help him with his problems just as they always had been . Problems he'd better focus on damned fast.
He stuck around when I woke up and was more involved Chris! Connor! Priorities! Even if old friends did run a close second. and… ; yeah. Amlarie meant well, but come to think of it she’s not that much older then me I think."
Logan sighed. And what exactly was he meant to do with that information? Forgive? Shit, he looked a hell of a lot younger than he actually was and that didn’t mean anything. So he had two solutions….. someone manipulating bastard who was much older than she seemed and had her own agenda Or… a kid with super powers who thought they were god. Whoopee! Wasn’t that exactly why Chuck had started the Institute in the first place? So that anyone with a grain of sense could come here to learn?
"Amlarie was always saying she wanted me to take things a day at a time, that it had been hard for me and she’d rather not flood me with information… come to think of it, she didn’t really say much other then you tended to be too busy. She never once talked about my real mother, I wasn’t sure why, but I never pushed."
* Because she couldn’t handle it that’s why Because she stands back and judges without even once getting her hands dirty..* And wasn’t that soooo easy to do. To say, with a merciful hindsight that those caught in the moment never had ‘I could have done better!’ Sure it was. Hell Logan himself could have done that. It didn’t put you in the moment. It didn’t make you react in the second when your heart was being torn out!
Thankfully though most kids Connors age didn’t have the ability to just walk in and change things. Though apparently this Amlarie did. “A few years learning about life would do her a world of good” Logan thought*“And that’s the only thing keeping my claws out of her throat* But even then she was yesterdays news. "Chris got really defensive when he was asked about his family…"
With the devotion of a father Logan concentrated solely on the problem in hand . "…you’ll probably try and get him back to them, right?"“Woah … this isn’t an easy situation” Logan told his son. Ok If I’m sure that his folks are out there somewhere, feeling what I felt when you were missing then yes, sorry, Ill be doing everything I can to reunite them. Because Id never put anyone else through what I’ve been through these past few days! ”
This finally was something Wolverine knew how to give. The Truth! Palatable or not. “That doesn’t mean for a moment that we’d tear you apart. If his folks feel the same way I do then that’s just not going to happen. Hell you have both been through major trauma and the only good thing to come from it is this bond you have with each other .Now why would any parent want to break that?”
There's just somethin' wild inside me pullin' me to do things I don't understand.
I can't figure it. It's like tryin' to explai
Re: Logan's Apartment: Missing Pieces
“Woah … this isn’t an easy situation” Cradling the glass as Logan cut in quickly, Connor wasn’t sure if this would lead on to something he perhaps wasn’t prepared to yet face, regardless if it was Connor himself who had brought it up. “Ok If I’m sure that his folks are out there somewhere, feeling what I felt when you were missing then yes, sorry, Ill be doing everything I can to reunite them. Because Id never put anyone else through what I’ve been through these past few days!” There was a slight blink at the comment, which caught Connor again off guard as he realized that his father really had been so thrown by Connor being taken, and to think that Chris had family like that helped Connor cope a little more with whatever answer came. After all, if Chris had someone like Logan then surely chris wouldn’t be as down as he seemed when talks of going home came up. Though Connor would miss him so much, yeah he had sisters now but… he liked Chris, he loved the boy, he didn’t want to lose the kid just because of something so bizarre that threw them together was now being slowly torn apart.
“That doesn’t mean for a moment that we’d tear you apart. If his folks feel the same way I do then that’s just not going to happen. Hell you have both been through major trauma and the only good thing to come from it is this bond you have with each other .Now why would any parent want to break that?” That was… comforting… it made sense really, why would someone who loved their kid do anything but try and keep them happy? Though what if Chris lived too far away… sleep overs! Wait, what if Chris’s family didn’t like mutants? They couldn’t lie!! Connor would be hard to prove he was anything less then a mutant, his eyes were a dead give away, even if they were so innocent in their appearance, they were still different.
"I suppose that’s true…" Though it was still easy to see Connor was still trying to convince himself about all of it, he wanted to feel assured and yet he still feared the time where Chris was taken away from his side. "I’ll still really miss him, even if we still see each other often it’ll be different…"
"James!" The youthful voice called out from Connor’s room and Logan’s son turned his attention very quickly to the direction Chris had yelled from, "Look what I found!" Interest sparked at Chris’s excitement and Connor placed down his glass and moved towards the room, forgetting his earlier inhibitions if only just to see what got Chris sounding so thrilled. The younger boy was already at the doorway ready to charge Connor down if he took any longer, small hands handing over a camera in excitement. "You have a… one of these!" As far as Chris cared that meant Connor really did have it all, as his mother always said things about people who had too much money and went to far off places taking pictures to show everyone all the special places they’ve been, she’d always seemed so bitter but Chris always was intrigued by the thought of travelling like they did. To see special places! Special people! To go from one place to another and store all your memories to show everyone what you saw! Though Chris wasn’t sure what they were called and couldn’t remember if his mother told him or not… though that didn’t dim the thrill as Connor took the smooth silver digital camera and examined it. Chris was watching him, proud and happy to have found something interesting and yet Connor seemed hesitant to turn it on, dreading the likelihood of seeing things he couldn’t remember. And yet if he didn’t try how would he ever recall things?
The camera shifting between rooms, though the laptop Connor brought himself remained in his own spare room, it was five hundred but a year of hard work and and saving birthday and Christmas money had enabled him to get it when he was 17, 15 months of saving and he brought his first bit thing ever! Though if he had given the puppy eyes and asked for it enough he was sure Logan may have gotten it for him, if not then at least pinched in a large enough sum to make the price more manageable. But it was always Connor’s nature not to ask for things, no matter how much he wanted it he never harped on about things. He loved his laptop though, and always kept the thing securely hidden in his room, he wrote all his private thoughts and loads of stories on it when he was bored or just needed to write creatively. All his pictures were downloaded onto it and even though people knew he brought the computer – as he had showed his dad the receipt, Connor never actually showed it to anyone, it was his, and much like the camera, it was something he wasn’t going to share… probably because his sisters have intentionally or accidentally broken some of his things in the past and he wanted to limited the chances of his favourite possessions being damaged, or destroyed.
On his 18th Jean had given him a special printer, allowing him to print proper photos from his computer, for the last year he went over kill on printing out photos (he used to always get so impatient when he was younger waiting for his dad to get the disk to the people who in turned developed the photos) and had even made Jean a fair few which she actually framed her few favourites in her office and it always made Connor so proud when he saw them there. This Christmas he had planned on gathering photos specially for each of the other staff members and he was making collage on his computer of all the nicest photos that he thought each aunt and uncle may like. One for each of them, a frame of memories. How ironic when one thought of it.
"Don’t you remember how to turn it on?" At Chris’s comment Connor merely let his fingers tap the top of the camera, still thinking before the older boy spoke with a slight hesitance.
"Maybe it’d be better if Dad guided us through any photos, he can at least tell us what’s going on in them." The suggestion was taken excitedly by Chris who agreed but wasn’t sure if that was meant for now or later and so the boy sort of hovered in front of Connor with uncertainty for a moment. "I wouldn’t mind changing clothes though… so lets go find something fresh to wear." A mission! Somehow it made it a little easier to step inside his room, though the way his eyes diverted themselves to stare at the ground and only casually slip off to explore other areas hinted at how awkward he felt in the unfamiliar environment. There was a brief discussion on Chris’s awe at how much clothes Connor had, though he had less then the girls and none of them were spoiled for clothes, they’re wardrobe always kept in order due to the damage their clothes often suffered.. and there was only so much sawing and repair that can be made. Though it didn’t seem long till Chris was trailing out of the bed room and closing the door behind him to allow Connor the privacy to change.
The boy glanced around a little, dark eyes examining the apartment once again before searching for Connor’s father, and as he caught sight of the older man the boy slowly approached Logan. The small lips shifted to the side, persed together thoughtfully as if trying to summon up the man, he looked a little bit like Connor… but they didn’t have the same eyes, perhaps Connor got his eyes from his mother? But also Logan wasn’t what Chris had expected from what Amlarie had said… he wasn’t even what Chris had expected from what Connor had said, before the older boy had lost his memories, though Chris had only known Connor for the night and by morning the memories were gone, all the night before they had talked though as Chris was lonely and Connor was sick after he was given various antibiotics (not that any of the people could figure out why his body reacted so negatively to so harmless a thing) so Amlarie thought the two would do good occupying themselves with chatter. Chris had done the most due to Connor being under the weather but still he had said some things and… well… Logan obviously cared about connor by the way the older guy was acting…
There was a smile to Logan, though it was more out of trying to be polite which was made clear as he glanced away awkwardly before looking back at the man… though there was a moment where the kids eyes fell silently on Logan’s arms as he remembered the knives which had come out of his knuckles in the mall. That was scary, but he didn’t sound scary when he had them, he just looked scary…
Re: Logan's Apartment: Missing Pieces
There was still uncertainty on Connors face, though Logan thought the out and out misery that the idea of being separated from Chris had etched there had eased a little, as if for once Wolverine's words had been the ones he needed to hear. "I suppose that’s true…" he said hesitantly "I’ll still really miss him, even if we still see each other often it’ll be different…" And to that Logan had no easy answer. If they did locate the boys family then it would be up to them what contact they allowed him to maintain with Connor. All they could do was hope that they would recognise, as he had, that these two lost children had at least found each other and that to tear them apart was a further cruelty that would do either of them any good.
"James! "Two heads swung round in response, answering not just to the voice but to the name it called. Once again that strange feeling of deja vue swept over Logan, something in him responding instinctively as the deeply buried chord was struck unwittingly by Chris’ cheerful cry. "Look what I found!" The spell was broken, memories retreating once again into the quagmire of his sub conscience, his attention now held by the object Chris was carrying towards them. "You have a… one of these!" Connor’s camera! Wolverine held his breath. Would he recognise it? Would it perhaps make a crack in the wall of forgetfulness that Amlarie had raised in his mind? If there was one object in the world that could then this was surely it, for after all wasn’t it in its own way a repository of Connors memories? His own way of holding on to those moments that were precious to him.
And yet… Logan struggled to keep his disappointment from showing as his son's fingers rapped lightly on the camera, no trace of acknowledgment showing in his bright blue eyes "Don’t you remember how to turn it on?" Wolverines heart bled at the thought. This had been Connors pride and joy, the physical representation of his love affair with photography that had started so many years ago, before his hands had even been big enough to hold a camera steady by themselves. Logan remembered even if Connor didn’t. How small and fragile his bones had felt as Logan had helped him support the weight of the lens. How Michelle had laughed and posed for them, tossing her hair back like a model, so beautiful in the sunlight that, as always, Logan had been amazed that she had chosen him. That she had given him love and children and a happiness he hadn’t believed possible and was far from sure he deserved.
Now Connor looked at the camera as if it was just another dispassionate object, not his own special means of expression and that tasted like ashes and loss in Logan’s mouth. "Maybe it’d be better if Dad guided us through any photos, he can at least tell us what’s going on in them." Even the fact that Connor called him Dad didn’t ease the pain. He didn’t know how he could stand to watch his son look on with that same blankness at the precious photos it contained, waiting for some flicker of recognition, dying a little each time it failed to come. Logan took a deep breath. That was no way to be thinking. Perhaps there would be recognition .And if not then… he could wait. They could wait. What counted was that Connor was safe and well. Something he hadnt been sure of just a few short hours ag. Everything else would come in the fullness of time.
"I wouldn’t mind changing clothes though…”Connor told Chris. “so lets go find something fresh to wear." Somehow the words made Logan relax a little. That at least hadn’t changed. And if the fundamental Connor was still there then surely the rest was as well. It was just a question of giving it a chance to resurface.
Logan forced himself to patience as the boys disappeared back into Connors bedroom and had regained something like calm by the time Chris came back out, obviously respecting Connors overwhelming shyness when it came to things like getting changed. It would be hard for him, sharing a room, even if it was the most logical solution at least in the short term. * Have to give that some thought *Logan told himself as he watched the boy make his way towards him, his face alight with curiosity and perhaps a little apprehension though he tried hard to hide it behind a smile. Even so, Logan saw the way his gaze flickered towards his hands as if expecting his claws to spring out any second.
“They’re a bit scary aren”t they”Wolverine said quietly. “The claws I mean. "The eyes that met the boys were filled with a wry understanding “’Sometimes I forget. They’re just…… part of me. Like.. fingers or…. eyebrows” he said with a smile. Logan walked back t the fridge and poured another glass of milk which he placed on the table for Chris before sitting back down and motioning for the boy to join him if he wanted to. “And they’re part of Connor too.” Logan told him “Even if he doesn’t remember that.
"All my kids have them. Now Arisa, my youngest She’s like me. She doesn’t even need to think about controlling them she just can. Madison and Connor… well they have a lot more trouble.” He didn’t make it sound frightening, in fact there was nothing in his voice but amused affection as he explained. "Sometimes.. when they get upset or mad… and Madison gets mad quite a lot….they tend to pop out…. plays hell with their wardrobe I can tell you. But its nothing for you to worry about OK? Its natural as far as they’re concerned. A lot more natural than Connor having them stuck inside him all the time because of these drugs Amlaries been feeding him.
Logan sighed. “That’s why he keeps rubbing his arms like that.” he explained “Because it hurts when its not you yourself that’s holding them in. But do you know what would hurt him even more?” Wolverine’s face was serious his concern obvious as was his need for Chris to understand. “If you freaked out when you saw them. If he thought that because of what he is you were scared of him. Now that would really tear him apart. “
So….here” Logan laid his hands on the table and slowly clenched his fists letting the shining claws extend as slowly as he could, the wounds they left in their wake healing even before the blood fell. “Connor’s are just like mine. Take a good look Chris and tell me if you have any questions. Because I don’t want these to come between you and him! Or you and me!”
There's just somethin' wild inside me pullin' me to do things I don't understand.
I can't figure it. It's like tryin' to explai
Re: Logan's Apartment: Missing Pieces
"They’re a bit scary aren’t they" Part of Chris felt a little bad, because thinking bad to the mall situation, even if at the time it had been so scary right now Chris could recall how desperate Logan had sounded, how taken he looked and how his actions were from a source of need … the need for Connor to remember… and not from aggression. One of the three main elders Chris knew who often he ended up hanging around with when his mother wasn’t around once said that his family had shattered over the bitter raciest disputes of mutant and none-mutant members of their family. Apparently his niece was a mutant and he loved her but his wife divorced him after she wanted nothing to do with a polluted bloodline. Not everyone appreciated Old Simon’s preaching’s about the absurdity of hating someone because of differences they were born with, but Chris grew up with stories of crime fighters that helped keep the streets safer. Hero’s like Spiderman, Daredevil, any and all that helped remove one criminally inclined scum after another, Chris’s mother found it romantic, and so her and Chris would actually have something to discuss in length if there was ever something about one of their heroes in the papers, or otherwise just general chats. It meant, in Chris’s mind, even if some mutants were dangerous, they could be wonderful as well, like Daredevil, and the highly publicized Spiderman, everyone had their ups and downs, even teams as wildly known as the fantastic four and the infamous X-men, who’s real intentions were always challenged by the often misinformed media.
"The claws I mean." Wolverine continued, tugging Chris from the air of guilt he got once his thoughts had been discovered, it was never polite to stare, at least that’s what Chris had heard and what he had occasionally been told. There was also the fact that you shouldn’t stare as it drew attention, and that was never good, Chris wasn’t always sure why, but his mother made that very clear… attention was very bad. The boy pressed his lips together a little as he looked up at Logan’s face… mutants weren’t all that amazing in some ways… sure they could do amazing things at times, but they were just normal people at heart, normal people pushed to do abnormal things and it wasn’t by choice, just like it hadn’t been Chris’s choice to live on the streets. You were born into situations and sometimes those situations could be changed, other times they couldn’t… Chris was lucky that being poor wasn’t something that would brand him for life, there was always chances for him to break out of that lifestyle, but it wasn’t so easy for a mutant to break free of their powers.
"Sometimes I forget. They’re just…… part of me. Like.. fingers or…. Eyebrows" That would make sense though, wouldn’t it? At first the comment surprised Chris, how could you forget something like them? But then again, Chris tried to think of how different animals were to people, their bodies were different, they had claws and tails and different shaped ears, to them that was normal, and yet on a person it wasn’t. However, if the person was born with the same features, would the person not also be accustomed to them, since it was after all, all they knew? Chris tried to picture one of the older men he knew, who had recently passed away during the winter months… he always had a such a long beard but then shaved it, he was so used to his beard you could see his hand reach to stroke it, and yet his fingers would have nothing to brush again, and he had said how strange it felt to him to be without his beard after all those years. It was part of the old man, and it was taken away… he never seemed able to adjust to the change, though he never really got a good chance at it either.
Connor’s father walked off, a slightly baffled stare focused on Logan’s back as Chris tried to figure out the guy, so alike with Connor and yet so different, though he did not sound the monster that he had been portrayed as. Were they lies… or was he playing? He did not look as if he were pretending, though Chris could not understand why this man seemed so unlike what Connor had once described. Then again, Connor did say he loved his father, perhaps not in so many words but enough that even Chris got the hint and from the way Connor spoke it sounded more as if Connor wasn’t sure if his own father loved him. Yet this man was doing more then enough to show his affection towards not only his son but the stray that Connor had also brought home with him.
How curious… though with Logan approaching Chris’s focus turned to the glass in Logan’s hand. Chris hadn’t really brought himself to drinking plain milk yet, it looked strange, so white… so unlike the often murky water Chris was more used to drinking. A gesture was made from Logan to offer the chance for Chris to join him, though it took a moment for it to register. The leder man sat happily at his kitchen bench and yet it would be a struggle for Chris to get up there and join him. Why? Well.. he'd never sat on a stool before and it looked very awkward. Furniture was still a new thing for Chris and on top of that he was usually told to stay away from things that looked expensive and everything lately that seemed to surround him seemed far too expensive for him to be allowed anywhere near, and yet he was. Not that Chris really understood what his mother meant by ‘expensive’… it seemed like anything and everything that wasn’t in an ally was not to be touched or approached, and it had taken a few nights for Chris to manage to sleep in his bed, preferring instead the familiar hardness of the floor as he wrapped up in thin sheets.
Pillows… Chris loved pillows, they were so soft, and he could cuddle up to one and he’d easily sleep, that’s one of the only reason he started climbing into the bed, it was to play with the pillows. So strange and yet so simple, he never had a stuffed toy, toys weren’t for him, Chris’s mother always said only children who had rooms got toys, but one day they might have a home, and then Chris would have a room, and then he could have all the toys he wanted. It didn't occur to Chris tat money was needed to get toys and his mother just never had any money.
The couch had cushions… Chris moved towards where Logan sat, staring back at the pcushions, this stool didn't have one, it wasn't as soft as the couch. Somewhat awkwardly the boy climbed onto the stool, even still he wasn’t entirely sure if he’d get told off or not, but he was told at Amlarie’s not to be so timid and nervous about things, if he did something wrong he’d be told, though… Chris would rather avoid doing something wrong and not need to get told off in the first place, but it seemed this would be an experience full of trials and errors. Small hands tugged the cold glass towards him, silently sniffing at the milk as he assessed the strange substance.
"And they’re part of Connor too.” The child wasn’t really sure what Logan meant… Connor had never used his claws so Chris dismissed the thought of the claws without even realizing it and it took a little more before Chris realized it was indeed the claws Logan was talking of. For now Chris listened a little baffled. “Even if he doesn’t remember that."
"All my kids have them. Now Arisa, my youngest She’s like me. She doesn’t even need to think about controlling them she just can. Madison and Connor… well they have a lot more trouble." Now was about the time Chris glanced at Logan’s hands again, the dawning of what he was trying to explain only slowly making it’s way into the child’s mind. "Sometimes.. when they get upset or mad… and Madison gets mad quite a lot….they tend to pop out…. plays hell with their wardrobe I can tell you. But its nothing for you to worry about OK? Its natural as far as they’re concerned. A lot more natural than Connor having them stuck inside him all the time because of these drugs Amlaries been feeding him." Stuck inside of him? Chris thought for a moment, the serious look of concentration undeniably bordering ‘cute’ from an adults point of view even if there was a deep seeded seriousness to it.
"That’s why he keeps rubbing his arms like that.” It started making sense now, the pain in Connor’s arms… so he had claws too? How strange, but… did Connor didn’t know that did he? Right now Chris knew more about his ‘brother’ then the older boy knew of himself. If it was hurting him then why did Amlarie keep them in? Was it because Connor couldn’t control them like his father? Maybe it was to protect Connor… if they pop out he might scratch himself or hurt himself badly and that’d be horrible. “Because it hurts when its not you yourself that’s holding them in. But do you know what would hurt him even more?" Now worry was starting to rise, all this talk of pain that Connor was facing or may face was stirring the protective nature the two boys had developed for each other, even if it had come over such a short time, it was still there, still deep, and right now it was only getting stronger.
"If you freaked out when you saw them. If he thought that because of what he is you were scared of him. Now that would really tear him apart." Never! Not Connor, Chris would never fear Connor! Connor was just as brave as Daredevil, braver even! No one could hurt him as long as Connor was around, because Connor could protect him, and Connor didn’t need to promise anything, Chris knew that no matter what, the older boy would do whatever it took to help, it was just part of who Connor was.
"So….here" The flare of defence that started to swell was quenched quickly as Logan placed down his hands on the table, fists balled closed and then, to Chris’s surprise, those long blades once again started to slip out of the man’s knuckles. It was… weird… and a squirm was barely able to be withheld, not because it freaked him out, but it looked like it might hurt, just the way the skin was sliced like that! Chris had many cuts in his life, and he knew it hurt.. but he couldn’t imagine how that might feel, Logan didn’t seem to be cringing in pain… then again, Chris wasn’t all too familiar with the fact that some people just had a far higher tolerance of pain then others.
"Connor’s are just like mine. Take a good look Chris and tell me if you have any questions. Because I don’t want these to come between you and him! Or you and me!" There was no need to think, the first thing on his mind was the first thing that was asked, his uncertainty towards the answer more because he didn’t like the idea that there was something like this that Connor couldn’t control and yet it hurt him whenever it happened.
Re: Logan's Apartment: Missing Pieces
OOC I have horribly god modded Connor here. ........ just because i was feeling that i had neglected you angie. ... if its not ok of course ill happily edit....I shouyld have taken the tile to talk with you first I know..... but ive been soooooo horribly late recently...*
.........................
"Does it hurt?" Sometimes kids always cut to the
quick, avoiding all those inconvenient but nevertheless
reassuring questions like how and why, to get right down to the essential. And so it was with Chris. There were no questions about what made one person an acceptable human being and the other a mutant. Nor were there any about why some mutants appeared normal whereas others..
Logan couldn’t really complain on that score. Ok he was short, but hey that was only a by-product of his mutation, the fact that his regenerative powers had kicked into over ride when he had still been growing, If Chuck’s diagnosis was to be believed that was. And besides it had never exactly been a problem. Sure there were those who had laughed. That still laughed today. Did he even have to say that they had mostly been male? Or that the sight of his claws soon silenced them?
At least that his height wasn’t something he had passed on to his kids. Though he and Michelle had spent many a long and guilty hour measuring them, knowing that the children’s’ powers had emerged long before his had! But in spite of that they had thankfully all progressed normally and then….
Even if he had been alone to bear the burden, when they had hit puberty those measuring tapes had emerged again. All right, for the girls it hadn’t been an issue. They were both cute enough, despite his genes, for it not to have been an issue! But his son! He didn’t want that for him.
He had after all given his children claws. Give given them quasi immortality Because sure as hell the thing that was his legacy even if the ability to absorb powers was Michelle’s . And while that was immense! While that was inevitably part of why government agencies inevitably sought them out, still it was his gift that condemned them inevitably to loneliness. Though perhaps, if he was lucky, they hadn’t realised that yet.
What Logan didn’t want to admit, even if he knew in his heart of hearts that it was true, was that what he had really bequeathed to his kids was merely the inability to die…….. .Unless you really tried to that was. Just as he had been ready to try when Michelle had died! If it hadn’t meant leaving his children behind!
But instead he had stayed. To raise them as best he could Even if he had known even then it was doomed to failure. She had always been the one who cold find the words to comfort them. All he had ever been able to do was hold them tight. To take them in his arms and keep them safe till the pain disappeared.
But that was a miracle that required trust. A trust he had lost on the way. Along with their love! Until now, he could almost answer ‘no’ to the question Chris had posed. Because the pain that his claws caused each and every time they sliced through his skin was nothing compared to what he felt whenever Arisa looked at him.
And yet the boy deserved honesty. As did Logan’s children on so many levels he wasn’t yet ready to deal with. So, backed to this particular wall, and knowing what his answer meant to this unexpected intruder, who could so easily become so much more, he gave only the truth. ”Yeah It hurts like hell. For a moment anyway.“
Oh god! Conner was suddenly there, listening from afar as Logan described what it would feel like each and every time his claws pierced through tender flesh. And like it or not, he decided to hold nothing back. After all if he chose to come home Connor would have to accept the good with the bad. And the good could seem few and far enough between.
“But at least I control it.” Logan said steadily “I decide when there’s pain and when there isnt. When I want them to come out and when I don’t. That’s something Connor hasn’t learned yet. Not entirely. So yes.. Wolverine looked at his son as he went on though he tried all the same to keep Chris in the conversation. Knowing the role his acceptance could play, as far as Connor was concerned .Wanting it somehow for himself. And able perhaps for the first time to ask for understanding from a stranger where he couldn’t ask it from his family.” Letting go of what Amlarie has given him will hurt Connor sometimes. But its all part of accepting who he really is and where he came from. And without that ………….. There’s only emptiness.
There's just somethin' wild inside me pullin' me to do things I don't understand.
I can't figure it. It's like tryin' to explai
Re: Logan's Apartment: Missing Pieces
(Your postie’s fine Ann –hands cookies-)
The voices outside of Connor’s room were heard, most or all mainly being Logan, distant and muffled at times, making it hard for Connor to make out all of what was said and yet finding himself pausing in actions to try and pick up what was passing between the other two occupants now left alone without Connor’s own company present. It was strange how the time was progressing, how things were flowing from one thing to another and all so smoothly. Even if it wasn’t easy, it wasn’t hard either, perhaps that in itself was what caused some difficulties, the fact that things were all so suddenly falling into place and there was so little left to do but sit back and wait for things to continue coming.
Careful fingers brushed against the forearms which throbbed with tight pains, muscles beckoning for their freedom, chemicals wearing off enough to allow the taut muscles to twitch in a momentarily light spasms, which Connor watched ripple down his arm and into his fingertips. It was strange, while part of Connor was upset with everything he was forced to endure, upset that Amlarie hadn’t felt able to tell him the truth, upset that she felt the need to suppress all the mutant traits she could… Was it really that bad to be a mutant? Had his abilities been so terrible or a cause for so much pain that she, an obvious mutant herself, would do all she could to hide his own mutations?
A short hunt about the room lead to Connor finding his fresh clothes, all so neatly ordered that a strange comfort flowed over him, a strange feel of all being right… at least where his clothes were concerned. Even the colours were done in a fashion that were ordered, whites, greys, blacks, his rainbow display of tidily ordered sets of coloured items. Everything had a place, a specific home, and as long as it was kept in its right place Connor knew where to find it and what to expect, there were no surprises, everything was in his control and no one but he could keep the order that reigned within this room. A smile was almost drawn to Connor’s lips as hands made their gentle withdraw of one of the white t-shirts and a new pair of jeans. A fresh pair of white socks and black briefs were also found and all taken to be laid to rest on the end of the ferals bed. As always, when each item was removed from Connor’s body, it was neatly folded and placed down by the clean set of clothes, piled neatly and ready to be taken to the laundry basket.
It wasn’t out of the desire to be stealthy that had Connor’s near silent footsteps carrying him back to the door, his clothes cradled in his arms and balanced with one as the other twisted open the door handle and pulled it back. The feral, just like all of his family, had a tendency to be quiet in their movements and so it allowed Connor a moment of remaining unnoticed, allowed him a chance to realize that things with Chris and Logan had taken a turn for something really serious and this wasn’t really what Connor had wanted to walk in on.
”Yeah It hurts like hell. For a moment anyway.“ The conversation was barely heard and so Connor could only go by assumptions, the sight of Logan’s claws were rather intimidating and his admittance was probably just as frightening to know. To think that someone could hurt every time they used something they were born with was somehow unfair! Connor drew his neat bundle closer to his front and Chris remained focused solely on Logan, even when the older man noticed Connor. Logan’s eyes pinned the amnesiac to where he stood, fleeing seemed out of the question and yet… as Logan continued Connor had wished more and more that he had left earlier and not heard what was being revealed.
“But at least I control it.” That was good, control was good, however, what was to come was bad, the worry enough to cause Connor to catch a small gasp in his throat. “I decide when there’s pain and when there isnt. When I want them to come out and when I don’t. That’s something Connor hasn’t learned yet. Not entirely. So yes.." Claws like that, without any control? Those monstrous knives slipping and sliding in and out unbidden! The dangers! God who cares about the pain, what about the people who could be hurt! No wonder Amlarie kept those blasted claws hidden, because they were dangerous!
At this point Chris turned his head enough to see connor standing by the doorway to his room, it was hard to explain what it seemed Connor was going through, Chris was young and his experience with emotions were limited. There was a similarity to someone finding out someone they cared about had become seriously sick or unwell, as that was something Chris had seen happen a lot and seeing that expression on Connor at this point was a tad confusing for the youth who turned attention back to Wolverine as the elder continued to speak.
”Letting go of what Amlarie has given him will hurt Connor sometimes. But its all part of accepting who he really is and where he came from. And without that ………….. There’s only emptiness." Sometimes Chris got the feeling people were saying such fundamental things to him and yet at the same time the youngster just couldn’t see what it was. While Chris understood a majority of what Logan was saying, part of him didn’t get the comment about emptiness… because no matter what Connor would always have someone there to fill the gaps, even if it was just Chris himself! Connor’s voice caused Chris to turn his head again to listen.
"…Whenever someone comes near me I risk hurting them," That wasn’t fair! That wasn’t good… that was something that Connor wasn’t ever wanting to happen! At any cost! He didn’t want to hurt anyone by accident! He’d do anything to prevent it… he’d just have to learn to keep his distance. "That doesn't really give a warm and fuzzy feeling." The hurt in his voice made that clear enough that words weren't needed but they were given anyway, the items of clothing cradled slightly closer to his front as Connor fought for a reason why someone like Amlarie would do what she had done to him. "…Amlarie probably didn't want me to hurt anyone, it's not a bad thing if what she's doing is keeping others safe." Despite defending Amlarie, Chris felt connor was also giving up on himself, it wasn’t easy for the nine year old to understand his own thoughts on the situation but he did know that he didn’t like what Connor had said, that it sounded as if Connor had bowed down to something that was too much for him. Chris knew that connor was stronger than that, and if Amlarie thinks he’s not than Connor ought to be proving her otherwise, not accepting and praising her! That didn’t seem right, even if there were positives, the fact that Connor sounded as if he was some out of control danger upset Chris.
The thought came to mind and yet Chris lowered his gaze in silence as the words trailed across his mind. "If the puppy bites you don’t just throw him a muzzle, you take him to a proper school." It was a quote that Chris had heard from one of his self proclaimed Uncles a few times over the years and Chris might not know the basics of canine obedience but he had the saying explained to him in enough detail that he knew how to use it. And the muzzle was something that was to be used as the last resort, and in this case that was whatever forced Connor's claws to remain hidden where they were. And if it was hurting Connor to have them out, and was also hurting him to think about the dangers they caused, what course of action did one take when wanting the best for Connor? Chris once again found himself lost and unsure, but unlike so many times before he didn't have to comfort himself.. dark eyes turned instead to Logan and looked to him in a way that Chris rarely had a chance to do so. Guidence! Assurence! Discussions ont he matter even! Anything would be better then the dark pit of worry that swelled in the childs heart at this very moment.
Re: Logan's Apartment: Missing Pieces
It was the same desperate argument Logan had heard so many times over the years and not just from other people. Oh no he had used it himself enough in his time. It had sent him running back into the wilderness alone and lost on more than one occasion. It had put up barriers around him that were more restrictive than any of the cages weapon X had ever kept him in. "…Whenever someone comes near me I risk hurting them. That doesn't really give a warm and fuzzy feeling."
What could Logan say? It was true. They were by their very nature dangerous, he and his children. And he wasn’t about to hide that from Connor. Powers like theirs were one hell of a responsibility and one that had to be assumed each and every day. Assumed! Not hidden or randomly disconnected! Lived with and lived up to. Because in the end that was the only way to learn!
"…Amlarie probably didn't want me to hurt anyone, it's not a bad thing if what she's doing is keeping others safe."“Bullshit Connor” Logan said sheathing his claws “You’re hardly a walking time bomb you know. “ Wolverine sighed and motioned for his son to join them at the table. "Come on kid. Have a look at some of these photos you took and maybe they’ll help put things in perspective." Logan waited for him to arrive then moved the camera round till they could all three see the digital display before starting to flick through the shots.
“Here” he said stopping at a picture of Scott and Jean “Take these two for example.” Connor had caught them of guard, Jean’s red hair flashing in the light a half smile on her full lips while Scott…… well he was looking at her as her sometimes did despite all his composure with a love so intense that you didn’t need to see his eyes locked away behind the seemingly innocuous glasses to read it on his face.
*This had to have been taken a while back* Logan thought to himself suddenly *before Xmas at least. Before Scott took to wearing his visor almost all the time! Damn! Why didn’t I pick up on that? It was a warning sign and I missed it. We all did. Maybe like, now we were too busy with our own problems. * And the problem at hand right at that moment was indeed big enough to excuse almost any distraction from what was going on around him.
“ A model couple.” he said to the listening boys with a wistful smile “Good looking. Intelligent! Both teachers here at the Institute. They’ve got a son Sean, not much older than you and they’ve been my friends for over twenty five years. I’d trust them with my life, hell I’d trust them with your life and that’s saying something.”
“And yet” he turned to look at his son as he went on. “Take his glasses away and Scott could blow this room up in a heartbeat. He’s got an optic beam that can take out the side of a mountain and no way of controlling it. As for Jean. Telepathy that would drive her crazy if she didn’t keep it in check and telekinesis that could take out anything even a city if she set her mind to it. Believe me, compared to what they could do if they lost control we are teddy bears. Speaking of which….. ”
Logan scanned through the photos looking for what he was sure he would find though he couldn’t help but smile when he did. Connor had a flare for capturing the essence of those he photographed and this time was no exception. Glasses firmly pushed on his nose, Hank hung upside down from his office ceiling, book in one hand and tell tale Twinkie in the other. “That, boys, is the school doctor. 350 lbs of feline killing machine. If he choose to be! Also, by the way, a contender for several Nobel prizes and one of the gentlest guys I know.”
“There are lots of people here who are dangerous. Students and teachers alike” Logan said seriously. “But they’re more than just that. They’re funny and loving and clever……they’re people Connor! Like you and me. They have lives and families and memories. Do you really think Amlarie should simply waltz in and make Scott forget how much he loves Jean? Or wipe away all Hank’s knowledge? Because I sure as hell don’t. Just like I know she didn’t have the right to tamper with your mind either. No matter what her intentions were.”
There's just somethin' wild inside me pullin' me to do things I don't understand.
I can't figure it. It's like tryin' to explai
Re: Logan's Apartment: Missing Pieces
“Bullshit Connor” It wasn’t that Connor got queasy at the mere use of a swear word, but it was something Connor never really allowed himself to get heavily involved in. Vulgar words would had always just added to ‘filthy animal’ image that Connor had spent much of his childhood trying to avoid. It was as if he thought being well spoken and politely mannered would help people overlook the fact that he tended to snarl and growl when angered or frustrated. Strong emotions always drew out the animal within and that’s one of the biggest reasons Connor had learned to control the emotions to a point where he sometimes acted as if he was severely lacking them. Holding back had always been a coping mechanism, because if Connor didn’t then things went wrong. If he got angry, people risked getting hurt, if he got close to anyone, he risked getting hurt himself. Connor wasn’t sure he could have coped with any more pain, so treading carefully and avoiding it seemed to be an almost subconscious reactions, one that Connor had recently started noticing as yet another reason he didn’t have a lot of friends.
“You’re hardly a walking time bomb you know.” It hadn’t sounded like that, Connor didn’t want to upset Logan, it was obvious he cared… but if he cared so much why did everyone say how bad a dad he was? He didn’t seem so bad… Sure, not exactly the clean cut, fresh looking business man one could hazard a guess most fathers look like, but heck, Connor wasn’t turning out to be like most kids, so why would his father any different? "Come on kid. Have a look at some of these photos you took and maybe they’ll help put things in perspective." Photos he took? Maybe there would be something in there to help trigger some memories… or maybe there wouldn’t be anything but the faces of strangers who he’s supposed to know. Both Chris and Logan awaited Connor to move to join them, and while part of Connor was tempted to just stay standing where he was another part resigned to the fact he couldn’t just avoid things out of fear that they wouldn’t help him. Otherwise he had no chance of getting better. With the slightest sigh, Connor moved towards where Logan and Chris were, the last thing Connor wanted to do was upset his father by being difficult… or at least intentionally so.
“Here” A few pictures were skipped off, his father resting on the image of two older people that Connor guessed were friends of his dad due to the age different between them and Connor. “Take these two for example.” Did Connor have a tendency to waltz around snapping photos of anyone he came across, whether they wereaware of his presence or not? “ A model couple.” Connor had to take Logan’s word for it, though if they wandered around the school kissing and groping then Connor wasn’t sure he was comfortable with the idea of walking into them again at this point… “Good looking. Intelligent! Both teachers here at the Institute. They’ve got a son Sean, not much older than you and they’ve been my friends for over twenty five years. I’d trust them with my life, hell I’d trust them with your life and that’s saying something.” Jean was beautiful, really beautiful, and yet for some reason Connor didn’t feel really inclined towards thinking of her as anything but pretty and moving on to the male, who was attractive himself but the young feral found himself stare at their faces, trying to figure out if he found them familiar or not, trying to see if something struck him.
“And yet” Logan continued and Connor looked away from the image on the display and looked at his father. “Take his glasses away and Scott could blow this room up in a heartbeat. He’s got an optic beam that can take out the side of a mountain and no way of controlling it. As for Jean. Telepathy that would drive her crazy if she didn’t keep it in check and telekinesis that could take out anything even a city if she set her mind to it. Believe me, compared to what they could do if they lost control we are teddy bears. Speaking of which….. ” Teddy bears? Connor looked quickly back at the image, finding it hard to image there were people with such powers! It was amazing! He wondered what it was like to have telepathy and… eye beams, that’d be rather scary if it could do so much damage and there was no way of properly controlling… though Connor assumed there had to be some way to shut it on and off. The images started flicking again and Logan seemed to be looking for another particular one, and when the photos stopped flicking Connor and Chris both seemed to draw in a breath of surprise. “That, boys, is the school doctor. 350 lbs of feline killing machine. If he choose to be! Also, by the way, a contender for several Nobel prizes and one of the gentlest guys I know.” Chris’s mouth opened in awe, looking at Connor as if asking if the photo was really real! “There are lots of people here who are dangerous. Students and teachers alike” Confused eyes shifted from the camera to Logan, Connor could easily tell what Logan was trying to do, and in some ways it was working, in others it scared him a little more to know he was surrounded by such powerful and different things… scared, awed, amazed, it made the feral almost speechless. Everything was suddenly so intense, the people around him so complicated and amazingly different. And Connor used to worry about having eyes that seemed so bright compared to normal. “But they’re more than just that. They’re funny and loving and clever……they’re people Connor! Like you and me. They have lives and families and memories. Do you really think Amlarie should simply waltz in and make Scott forget how much he loves Jean? Or wipe away all Hank’s knowledge? Because I sure as hell don’t. Just like I know she didn’t have the right to tamper with your mind either. No matter what her intentions were.” Amlarie wasn’t here to defend herself, they shouldn’t judge her actions if she can’t explain them. Everyone was saying different things and while Connor was starting to believe the things Logan was saying and showing him, that didn’t change the fact that Amlarie had taken care of him for a little while, that she had still shown him kindness. Both Amlarie and Logan had little patience for the other it seemed, and yet both were all Connor seemed to have that cared about him in a parental way. Why couldn’t both just sit down and talk about things instead of carrying on behind each others backs!
What did Logan want? For Connor to turn around and say how much he hated Amlarie? Connor wasn’t ready yet, he was too confused over so many things… one thing in particular, and right now the image of Jean and Scott drove Connor to ask for a favour from his dad.
"I’m not saying it was right for her to do what she did, I’m just saying…" What was he trying to say? "She wasn’t trying to hurt me, can I use your phone?" Connor was never really a phone person at all, he hated it generally, the only times he used the phone was if he wanted to talk to someone who was outside of the school and too far or too busy to visit, which even then still didn’t mean he made many calls at all, it would be lucky if he got a call every other month. He really wasn’t a phone person. The need to talk to someone however to find some sort of medium ground was getting stronger, and if Logan and Amlarie could only point fingers at each other, then maybe Sarah could be more helpful… Connor was still rather worried over the fact she didn’t want to come here with him so adamantly.
It had been an impassioned plea certainly but hardly an attack. At least not by Logan’s standards. Oh there were many more things he wanted to say about Amlarie and most of them were not fit to be heard by someone Connors age never mind a child like Chris. But he had kept those thoughts in check, trying against all odds to give this strange woman who had stolen away his son and taken his past from him some sort of benefit of the doubt, if only for Connors sake.
It didn’t seem that Connor saw it that way though. As he had looked at the photos Logan had showed him Wolverine had seen many emotions cross his face, confusion, wonder, disbelief even, but never the recognition his father still couldn’t help but hope for. And yet in the end, despite all the questions that undoubtedly had been raised by what he had seen and heard it was still a defence of Amlarie that was the first thing to cross Connor’s lips. Even if it was hardly an eloquent one as the young mutant himself seemed to realise. "I’m not saying it was right for her to do what she did, I’m just saying….she wasn’t trying to hurt me” Logan took a discrete breath, biting back the comment that inevitably rose to mind, knowing that saying it out loud would only make things worse. Besides perhaps Connor himself would recognise that whatever motive may have lain behind his so called ‘saviours’ intervention the actual result was hardly a stunning success.
Whatever Wolverine may have expected Connor to say it certainly wasn’t , can I use your phone?And yet that is exactly what he did say, veering away from the subject of conversation at nothing short of light speed and leaving his father confused and wrong footed behind him. “The phone?” Logan said in surprise. “Yeah .. I mean…. of course you can. This is your home after all.”*Even if you don’t remember it!*There’s an extension in your room on the bedside cabinet.That would probably be the best one to use. Give you some privacy and all.””
Shit! Who was he going to call? Logan frowned grimly. That was a stupid question if ever he’d heard one! After all the list of possibilities wasn’t exactly extensive at the moment now was it. And all of those on it were connected to Amlarie. Had Connor seen enough? Enough to decide that after all he didn’t want to stay here? What would Logan do if that was the case? If his son phoned and asked her to come and pick him up and simply take him out of Wolverine’s life for ever? Oh God he didn’t know. But he was pretty sure he didn’t want to find out.
There's just somethin' wild inside me pullin' me to do things I don't understand.
I can't figure it. It's like tryin' to explai
Re: Logan's Apartment: Missing Pieces“The phone?” Of course the request would leave Logan taken aback, Connor knew it could even be taken as rude considering how abrumpt it was and how it cut off an entire line of comments that were bound to be passed between the two had it not be asked. “Yeah .. I mean…. of course you can. This is your home after all.” There was only an awkward smile half heartedly given in reply to that statement, though the repeated assurences were a comfort to hear, even if they seemed to be continuous, Connor hardly minded getting reminded over and over that this was his home. What did bother him was that he still couldn't remember anything.
"There’s an extension in your room on the bedside cabinet.That would probably be the best one to use. Give you some privacy and all.” Hesitation in Connor's movements were brought on only by the seeming concern that filled Logan's eyes as he watched Connor. Considering Logan's anger towards Amlarie and the fact Connor didn't know a lot of people, he couldn't blame that Logan would be upset for Connor wanting to call her.. though he wanted to talk to Sarah, not Amlarie.
Should he forget the phone call? Connor hovered for a moment, Logan's expression wasn't the most comforting.. but Connor wasn't sure why exactly why Logan looked as crestfellen as he did. Eyeing Chris for a moment, Connor lowered his head slightly as he turned about, shuffling towards his room with uncertainty in his steps.
Chris looked over Logan a little more, parts of Connor could be seen, at least Chris thought so.. a little... ok to be honest Chris wasn't sure what he was looking for but Connor at least had brown hair like this guy, and people always said kids looked like their parents... Though Connor had different eyes to Logan. Again the soft deep brown eyes of the youngster looked towards Logan's fists, Chris didn't understand the harm such blades could do, but he knew they weren't normal and they could cut because they looked sharp... he'd not be able to fathom just how sharp they really were though.
The soft clicking of the door as it closed behind Connor caused Chris to look over towards the room now blocked from their view. The young boy looked down into his mug for a moment, bringing it to his lips and drinking another mouthful of the sweet chocolate drink.
Inside Connor's room the flaring blue eyes of Wolverine's son eyed the phone where it sat.. moving towards the edge of his bed to sit down before he set about dialing the only number he had on him. The voice that answered on the other end wasn't one Connor recognized, and for that it made him all the more awkward.
While Connor's muffled voice addressed someone on the phone, his tone softening till Chris couldn't really pick up anything at all. Not that it bothered the boy not being able to earsdrop, but the youth was really curious as to who Connor wanted to call. Instead Chris tried to distract himself, clearing his throat a little and looking once again towards Logan. The years on the streets meant that Chris had very few people to talk to, and while he was naturally a very inquisitive child, he had so many things he wanted to say, or wanted to know, and he just wasn't sure how to go about getting out the questions sometimes. Regardless of Chris's inabilty for small talk just yet, he was well gifted at pointing out the obvious.
Re: Logan's Apartment: Missing Pieces
“You don’t like Amlarie”much Chris said seriously as Connor disappeared into his room closing the door as he had closed so many doors in the past and once again leaving his father stranded and confused on the other side. Logan sighed. That was one way of putting it he supposed. Hell kid he said tiredly “I don’t know the woman and she doesn’t know me.” Not that that little fact had stopped her passing judgement on him though. From what Michael had said Amlarie had seen Connor for all of what, three minutes? Not even that. And yet in that small space of time she had somehow decided that his life needed a major overhaul. One which included throwing out his family and starting again.
It was hard to keep the bitterness from showing though, for Chris sake he did make an effort. After all the kids relations with Amlarie was nothing like his own. For all he knew the boy worshipped the ground she walked on. God knows Connor nearly did. So Logan had to be careful not to say too much. Though it was hard. Harder still to rein in his desire to track her down and make her pay. Impossible not to try at least to make them see things from his point of view “But you’re right. I don’t like her. Then again she hasn’t exactly given me any reason to do otherwise now has she?”
“I mean think about it. She took my son. Can you imagine what that felt like. Not to know if he was alive or dead. Wondering if he was hurt somewhere and not being able to get to him. Hell Chris I was going out of my mind. ”
He was trying to put things reasonably, but inevitably emotion seeped into his voice. This was a hurt that ran too deep to be papered over with niceties even if he was giving it his best shot. “If we opened up that door now and Connor simply wasn’t there how would you feel Chris. Scared,. Crazy with worry. Guilty that you hadn’t stopped it from happening. Well that’s how it was for me when he went missing.
He was giving too much away, letting his pain show to clearly but he couldn’t help it. Chris wanted to know how he felt about this stranger who had walked into their lives and turned everything upside down? Well this was how he felt and he couldn’t hide it any more. It was there inside needing to be released and all he could do now was try to let it out with some kind of dignity instead of with the rage it kindled in his heart and which, if he didn’t control it, would turn the world once more into a red haze and leave blood and destruction in its wake.
She took him, Chris. She decided that he should never be with me or his sisters ever again. More than that she decided that he shouldn’t even remember we existed or who he really was. And that is something I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive her for. So…. maybe you can see why I’m not exactly Amlarie’s number one fan he finished cynically. “Though if the only way I can keep Connor from leaving again is to have her round for tea then so help me that’s what Ill do. I just don’t promise to smile while I’m doing it.”
There's just somethin' wild inside me pullin' me to do things I don't understand.
I can't figure it. It's like tryin' to explai
Re: Logan's Apartment: Missing Pieces"Hell kid" The elder began, tired and drained, Chris was used to seeing people like that, it was almost common considering where he grew up. Where everyone was constantly pushed to their limits, where hope was just a thing to be toyed with for amusement. Life was meaningless, but death was feared, an empty struggle to find something to eat and a place to sleep so that the whole thing could be repeated the following day.
"I don’t know the woman and she doesn’t know me." But she knew of him, and he knew of her.. Chris supposed that didn't mean much, but it wasn't easy for him to see the rights and wrongs of what had happened. Only the simple truths.. Connor was taken, but he was also taken care of, he was hurt, but he was also helped, he was angry that he had the dad he had, but then became angry he had lost the father he couldn't remember. Things kept flipping over, the bad became good and then good became bad, what felt right became wrong and what seemed wrong suddenly seemed so much more right. Like Logan for example.. he seemed like the bad guy, but now.. Chris could only see him as a good guy... a good guy with a bad mood that hang over him like a cloud, but that seemed to lift when concern for Connor came into the picture.
Logan was frightening, and yet he felt safe to be around at the same time.. as long as Connor was there, as long as Chris was connected positively to Connor, then the young child could see he was safe. On either front, even if Logan turned around and became the big bad he was said to be, then Connor would come to Chris's rescue. That's all that mattered, that's all the once homeless child needed to feel secure as he sat there in the strange home of a strange man in a really strange school. But than again, with all this strangeness.. what did Chris really have to compare it all too?
“But you’re right. I don’t like her. Then again she hasn’t exactly given me any reason to do otherwise now has she?” Upset words came, effort to keep the bitterness back faultered slightly as the words continued to pour from Logan's lips, his heart seemed to be in what he was saying and for that Chris listened as if spellbound with attention.
“I mean think about it. She took my son. Can you imagine what that felt like. Not to know if he was alive or dead. Wondering if he was hurt somewhere and not being able to get to him. Hell Chris I was going out of my mind.” All Chris had to relate to with parent and child interactions was himself and his mother, but that didn't really help here, as Logan feared that Connor had been taken away and left on his own, whereas Missy had often left Chris and it didn't seem to upset her as much. What made Connor's situation different then Chris's? Connor had been given food and shelder and new clothes, Chris thought that would be something Logan should be happy about. Chris never got a warm bed when he was seperated from his mother... ok, so he didn't have a warm bed in general, but Amlarie had given it to him, and now Logan was sheltering him. How was Logan any different to Amlarie?
“If we opened up that door now and Connor simply wasn’t there how would you feel Chris. Scared,. Crazy with worry. Guilty that you hadn’t stopped it from happening. Well that’s how it was for me when he went missing." A small frown creased Chris's brow as he turned his head towards Connor's door.. Was that it? When Chris's mother left she knew Chris was being left on his own, when Chris came here they all knew he was coming here, at least those who were currently involved with this entire situation. But Connor... no one else knew, was it the not knowing that caused them to fear? Did that mean that even though Chris's mother never got scared when Chris was left on his own, that she might now that he was gone without her knowing where?
"She took him, Chris. She decided that he should never be with me or his sisters ever again. More than that she decided that he shouldn’t even remember we existed or who he really was. And that is something I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive her for. So…. maybe you can see why I’m not exactly Amlarie’s number one fan" While the two boys didn't talk a great deal about such things, Chris did know that as long as Connor had thought his memory loss was all an accident, then he wasn't as upset... Amlarie later tried to explain she only wanted to help get rid of some of the painful memories, but it went wrong, and she blocked them all. That had upset Connor, even if he couldn't say it outloud Chris could tell whenever Connor spoke about it, whenever he had questions he couldn't get answers for but knew he himself should already know...
“Though if the only way I can keep Connor from leaving again is to have her round for tea then so help me that’s what Ill do. I just don’t promise to smile while I’m doing it.” Once again the youth's eyes were on Logan, looking over the tough exterior and fierce expression. Everything about the guy seemed like a warning light, flashing red in alert to say Danger Danger, proceed with caution. Not that Chris himself could use that analogy, instead he just stared, his youthful mind attempting to assess the man as best as he could.
"I didn't talk to her much." Chris finally stated, his eyes watching the hot liquid in his cup. "I liked talking to Jade, she didn't speak much, but she would sit with me when Connor wasn't around." For a moment Chris thought, wondering about various things and before speaking he took another little sip. "Amlarie took care of Connor, she gave him lots of things, but he wasn't happy. But when he first came, he wasn't happy then either." Aside from being kidnapped from the island, he was also consumed with his own personal issues.
"They gave all of us needles.. to stop us from getting sick and make sure we're healthy, but Connor got sick anyway." Since Connor's body reacted in the opposite way of what was desired as the antibodies were administered into his system, like Logan and all his kids, their bodies treated them as some sort of virus. "He didn't really like that, and he got upset because Amlarie wouldn't tell him about his mother. Connor won't get angry at her because he broke a glass when he lost his temper and he doesn't want to get upset over anything, he just wants to move on and figure things out." Chris wasn't really sure why he was saying this stuff, but if Connor meant so much to Logan then maybe hearing about some of the stuff that happened while they were apart would mean something to him. "When he first came he got angry talking about you, afterwards he got angry not being able to do more then imagine what you could look like." Chris sat up a little more as he added "We thought you'd be taller."
Re: Logan's Apartment: Missing Pieces
OOc I rechecked the time ine and this takes place the day of jades arrival at the Institute so... Logan wouldnt have heard about her yet...
.................................................................................
He hadnt been fishing for information. But then again he wasn’t one to look a gift horse in the mouth either. So when Chris spoke Logan listened. Even if he didn’t especially like what he was hearing.
"I didn't talk to her much." the boy told him seriously , a statement which seemed strange to Wolverine but then everything about this Amlarie set up was weird as far as he was concerned. Why though would she take this boy from wherever she had found him and then not even take the time to talk to him? Was he really of so little interest to her? Or could it be that he was just there for Connor, some bit player in the elaborate sham of a life she had constructed for his son? Because if that was the case then that too was something she’d answer for once Logan came face to face with her. When he would finally ask her what gave her the right to play god with other peoples lives.
"I liked talking to Jade,” Chris went on “she didn't speak much, but she would sit with me when Connor wasn't around." Logan stayed silent ,letting the boy continue uninterrupted while noting the name for future reference. Jade. Victim or accomplice? Maybe that was something else he’d learn if Chris kept on talking. Though it seemed that for now at least he had gone on to another subject.
"Amlarie took care of Connor, the youngster said seriously “she gave him lots of things, but he wasn't happy.”That’s because things don’t make you happy” Logan thought bitterly *Sure sometimes they help but they’re not what really matter. Maybe sometime she’ll learn that much at least!*Quickly Logan took rein of this thoughts concentrating more on what was being said than on how it was making him feel. He couldn’t help but react though when Chris told him But when he first came, he wasn't happy then either."
What exactly did the boy mean by that? Had they dragged Connor kicking and screaming into whatever Amlarie used as a base? Harsh as that image was Logan found that selfishly he somehow preferred it to the idea that Connor had gone willingly. Or was Chris talking about something else? Something Logan had recognised but been unable to fix. The fact that Connor had been unhappy even before this strange woman came into his life. And that his relationship with his father had a lot to do with it.Well it wasn’t something that he was going to deny, not even to Connor. After all his son had plenty of reasons to be disappointed in him even if they weren’t perhaps the reasons he himself recognised.
Once again Logan wondered what would have been would be worse. To let Connor go on thinking he had been deserted after his ordeal with the adamantine or to let him know the full extent of the revenge Wolverine had exacted on those who had hurt him. It was a question that Logan had spent many sleepless nights mulling over and one to which he still had no answer. If only his latest rescue things attempt hadnt gone so badly wrong then perhaps they could have worked things out. But as always fate, this time in the shape of a disabled youngster, had intervened and thrown what had been a desperate plan at best into further disarray.
Ok getting himself captured had always been risky, he had known that from the start, just as he had known what would be waiting for him behind the closed doors of whatever laboratory they chose to throw him into this time round. But that didn’t matter. It had served its purpose. It had got him close to his kids And after that it was just a question of time. Of hanging on until someone slipped up, until they underestimated him, even by the slightest degree and then…… well , even if he had promised himself to avoid the slaughter that had ensued before, it still wouldn’t have been pretty.
So he had screamed for them a little sooner than he needed to, not that it was hard considering what they did, and he had shown weakness where there was none. And above all he had endured, strapped to a table that smelled of sweat and pain, biding his time till he could finally strike.
Except of course he hadn’t had enough time. Instead of him rescuing his kids it was them who rescued him. Or at least Madison did. Connor had left him there and, despite all Michael had said, the look in his eyes as he had gazed at his bound father had felt to Logan like hatred.
A wave of despondency that was never too far away these days settled once more round Wolverines heart , only the boys words cutting through it and then only to bring more pain. "They gave all of us needles.. to stop us from getting sick and make sure we're healthy, but Connor got sick anyway."
Stupid stupid people. Didn’t they even bother to find out about how his mutation worked before pulling a stunt like that? Obviously not, but then again, given all the other things they had done that shouldn’t have surprised him. Take the puppy in , give it its shots, then train it to fetch. And if at the end of all that it spent all day sitting in a corner howling then that couldn’t be your fault now could it?
“He didn't really like that,” Chris told him “and he got upset because Amlarie wouldn't tell him about his mother. “I bet she didn’t” Logan thought cynically. ”After all she was one hell of a mother. Not someone you’d ever want to forget.Unlike me” Chris was still talking, about temper and Connor’s fear of it, a fear no doubt fuelled by the red rage he knew lay inside, another legacy he had inherited from his father.
“he just wants to move on and figure things out." the boy continued earnestly while Logan fought with his own anger forcing it down like so much bile, its acid eating into his soul, burning while he sat listening to this child tell him of his son and those who had abused him."When he first came he got angry talking about you, afterwards he got angry not being able to do more then imagine what you could look like."
Logan shook his head despairingly. That was all she had accomplished , this Amlarie. Replacing one anger with another, and in the end a more frustrating one since it was based not on knowledge but on the lack of it. Well he hoped she was proud. He hoped she slept well at night knowing what she had done. Because he sure as hell wouldn’t.
"We thought you'd be taller." The comment seemed to sum up his life, or at least his life as a father. Never quite good enough. Never quite what they wanted or what they needed. Lacking some element that other people seemed to have and yet which he searched for in vain. Had he never had it? Or had it been ripped out of him, like so much else, over the years? Logan didn’t know. He just knew that no matter how hard he tried it remained elusively out of reach and he feared that it always would.
“Yeah kid” he said softly. “ I guess I’m really not much to come home to. I only wish I was.” Logan sighed and rubbed his hands over his eyes and through his rough hair. Hell I wish I was everything a son could want his father to be but life doesn’t work like that. Sometimes you just have to do the best you can with what you have. And even if I am a disappointment Connor has me. And he always will. “
There's just somethin' wild inside me pullin' me to do things I don't understand.
I can't figure it. It's like tryin' to explai
Re: Logan's Apartment: Missing Pieces
“Yeah kid” Usually ‘kid’ had been said to Chris in a more dismissive way, almost as if it was a rank of sorts, a term used for someone beneath another or knew nothing worth listening too, or something else just as spiteful… Then again, Chris did get hounded a lot by the local café owners, especially one of them, he had a lot of tables outside which made snatching unattended food or leftovers a lot easier then elsewhere on the nearby streets. The man acted as the host, and his eyes were sharp as his tongue could be, Chris and three other kids were almost too scared to go there and yet at the same time it thrilled them too. Stealing was wrong and Chris knew that, not to take what wasn’t his, but he also knew these people had money, as his mother always said, and therefore if they lost their food, they’d just get more. It never felt right, especially if they hanged around long enough to see the disturbed customers reactions to have to spend more of their earned money when the owner refused to replace their food free of charge. In the end it just meant that the gang of four kids made a pack to aim for the leftovers unless it was an emergency. Funny how all that which had once been such a hefty part of Chris’s life, was all now just a very distant dream at this moment, one that lurked heavily in the back of his mind at all times.
“I guess I’m really not much to come home to. I only wish I was.” If this man was as dismissive and unconcerned as Connor had originally thought and later been led to believe, Chris couldn’t understand how this sort of reaction was possible. Surely if you didn’t really deeply care about something or someone there wouldn’t have been such an emotionally tied response, even if most of it was still left unspoken. As Logan spoke, there were definite signs of distress, ones that even Chris could clearly pick up on, even if they were for reasons he’d never experienced personally before, in any form, be it victim or on the sidelines as he was now. People never really talked to Chris about their serious problems, he was too young, too burdened with his own struggles or in some cases, too innocent for some to want to trouble his mind and heart with tales that had scared their own lives.
‘Hell I wish I was everything a son could want his father to be but life doesn’t work like that. Sometimes you just have to do the best you can with what you have. And even if I am a disappointment Connor has me. And he always will.’ Dark eyes peered over Logan’s face, small ears taking in the words that the man had said, a young mind piecing together their meanings swiftly yet hesitantly, mulling over the core of what they all meant when strung together, making sure what was said was as completely understood as possible. Adults had both a confusing and yet easy to understand manner in which they expressed themselves, both depending on the person or the situation at hand, or of course both, you could get a really simple to understand reaction, or a completely almost impossible to decipher one. This, however, was far from cryptic… it was enough to tug at the youths heartstrings as he wondered how a son could get so hurt by a father that spoke with so much love…
Eyes trailed off to study for only a brief moment the mug that warmed the child’s hands still. Was what he was saying right? Should he be saying such things, it seemed only to hurt Logan, nothing made Chris feel guiltier then thinking all he could do was upset people. It was clear to see now more then ever, Logan wasn’t to be judged by the words of people, instead he was to be judged by the actions Chris had seen, no longer would the boy wait for something to occur in order to prove as to why Connor was so upset or to prove the things Amlarie had stated. That wasn’t going to work, at least not with how things were progressing and how utterly different the man Chris now knew was compared to the man that Chris had been told of.
And now Chris seems to have upset him, that wasn’t what the boy had wanted at all. Perhaps, deep down, there was always a pang of envy as Logan spoke of his son, Chris never had a father and there weren’t that many people on the streets with kids, usually the street kids were alone without any family, all for different reasons. Mort commonly it was because they couldn’t stay at home, more often it was because the parents were horrible, the cold streets and harsh life of survival was more tempting then going back to what they once had. Some were just stubborn, not getting it all their way and almost making some sort of show of defiance by vanishing for months, years, and more often then many realized, the kids ended up in the most worse of situations, sometimes never coming out of them, sometimes not surviving them. Not having a father and not seeing many other children with fathers had meant that it wasn’t something that Chris was exposed to much at all, he didn’t really get to see the other half of parenting that he had missed out on. Part of him wondered if it was different, a mother compared to a father, if it would change anything had his father kept him instead of his mother, would the parenting be any different, would he be any different? Unfortunately Connor didn’t have a mother… so it was hard to see how the two parents acted together, what function one performed in a family while the other performed something else… or was that ideal all wrong, were they all the same? So far, Chris couldn’t see much of his mother in Logan’s actions…
The young boy wiggled slightly so his legs dangled down to the ground, carefully carrying his body off the seat without the aid of his hands, something it appeared that he found slightly awkward due to his size. All Chris wanted to do was place down his mug onto the coffee table, when he did that, the boy turned around, sizing up Logan once again in a curious look. A small smile charmed its way onto the boys features as Chris tried to coax Connor’s father out of the unhappy thoughts Logan had sweeping his mind. Small fingers lifted to rub Chris’s earlobes, a tell-tale sign one may quickly figure out which told of his attempts to try and think over the problem at hand. Either scratching, rubbing, or just brushing a finger along the edge of his ear all signalled a similar tell-tale of the child processing thoughts with a slight effort of seriousness to them.
"I don’t think it’s so bad that you’re not so tall." The homeless youth stated thoughtfully, "I don’t have to look so high up to see you." Standing there, directly before Logan without being too close to risk brushing against him and yet not distant enough to show any sign of discomfort or awkwardness with the older man. With Connor in his life it gave Chris an air of confidence he didn’t usually show so much. On the streets he was always warned never to speak with older men, or people in general, but there was a tang of fear on the voice of his mother when she had warned him to stay clear of strange men at night, especially ones who tried to be nice with him and offer him lifts. While his mother, Missy, and three older men who Chris referred to as his uncles, all tried to explain softly enough yet honestly enough what could happen, Chris was still too young and naive to understand the dangers. Being told strange men would want to touch him in private places was definitely not a comforting thought, but the seriousness was out of his grasp despite knowing it would be something he’d much rather want to avoid. When Amlarie’s people got him it had been a frightful experience, he had been so scared that everything he’d ever been told was happening to him and no one would ever find him and no one but his mother and uncles would even know he was missing.
"I don’t know what makes a good father," The tone was calm and thoughtful, young eyes peering around the room as if to try and find an answer to that question. "and…I’ve never seen someone with claws before…" it wasn’t that Chris sounded nervous, but he did sound as if he was trying not to sound offensive, it wasn’t that he wanted to be rude! He just…well… felt that had to be stated, although it seemed earlier that Logan had expected Chris to be startled by all that in the first place. "And I don’t know anyone around here, I don’t even know where I am." Chris added without sounding too bothered by the statement. "But I’m not scared." He finished with a tone of sureness, there had been a point in Salem Centre where he had been startled and uneasy, but that seemed to have long since faded now. "I was…not scared… but… um… The struggle for a word to replace ‘scared’ was rather rough, Chris’s vocabulary was limited to what he grew up with on the streets and if it wasn’t for his uncles he’d not be as relatively well spoken as he was. However saying he was scared wasn’t something Chris was really comfortable with doing, people judged others by what they feared the most, that’s what one of his uncles had said, that his life was marred by others judging him for his fear of people trying to kill him… it was only because no one believed him and made light of his panic attacks and paranoia. Uncle Martin. A little scarred from his time in the army, all three were drawn together because of the same connection, though none had known each other at that point in their lives. Martin liked Chris, because out of the tiny handful of kids that he knew, Chris was the only one that didn’t try and spook him with shouts of ‘people in suits are looking for you, run run!’ "…I don’t know, but I wasn’t scared… well…… maybe just a little… they didn’t tell me what was happening,"
"So I think that means you’re doing a good job, and I think you’re nice…I think you could be really scary too, but that tells me just how nice you must be. Otherwise all I’d see is how scary you could be instead of how nice you are being." …Did any of that make any sense? Did he just insult the older guy? Oh Chris hoped Logan wouldn’t take it as an insult, he didn’t mean it to be, Logan just looked all scruffy and wild and there seemed to be the torrent of emotions beneath the surface and yet… Chris wasn’t really afraid of him… if Logan was nasty, then Chris wasn’t sure the guy would be able to manage to hide how frightening he could be…especially with knowing he had sharp claws! Quickly the youth rushed over the words he had just said, trying to figure out if what he had said would get an adult angry, though admittedly Chris couldn’t really judge how well he understood an adult, even one he knew well, so he wasn’t sure what he was looking for when trying to fix up his words. "And you can’t be so bad a father," Chris added almost with a hint of desperation to try and make sure it was clear that he was being anything but negative. "You’re the only one who came for any of us, and we all have parents." There was a soft pause before an almost mumbled "I think." trailed after, though towards Sarah, Chris knew he had a mother, but of course, no one else knew that he remembered all his past aside from Sarah and Amlarie and all her workers. It didn’t occur that the ‘I think’ could also be mistaken as confusion towards if he had any or not.
Re: Logan's Apartment: Missing Pieces
The last few days really had taken their toll Logan though with a groan, otherwise how could you explain the fact that he was hear playing bleeding hearts with a kid hardly old enough to understand how hard it was to get a normal family to function never mind one as tortured as Logan’s. And yet to give him his due Chris listened well, even if his serious expression betrayed how confusing this all must have been for him.
When Logan had finished talking Chris got up rather awkwardly, clutching the mug he held with determined care before placing it down on the table and turning to the still seated man with a sudden smile on his young face. "I don’t think it’s so bad that you’re not so tall." he said innocently. , "I don’t have to look so high up to see you."
The words took Logan by surprise as did this strange and touching reversal of roles, the lost child he should have been reassuring suddenly taking it upon himself to offer what comfort he could to a man who hadn’t even realised up until then how badly he needed it. "I don’t know what makes a good father,"Chris went on, his tone one of reflection and consideration, "and…I’ve never seen someone with claws before…" Logan couldn’t help but smile a little. Few people had and even fewer had handled the sight as well as Chris had.His smile faded back into concern though as the youngster continued "And I don’t know anyone around here, I don’t even know where I am.” That was all too true and couldn’t be easy fro Chris to deal with and yet he didn’t sound overly concerned. He had resources of strength that ran deep, this boy and Logan respected him for it. Just as he respected him for what he said next even if he fumbled his way round the explanation . . "But I’m not scared. "I was…not scared… but… um… "…I don’t know, but I wasn’t scared… well…… maybe just a little… they didn’t tell me what was happening,"
Logan was a little lost now not knowing if Chris was referring to their first meeting or when he had been taken by Amlarie, his reference to this mysterious ‘they’ throwing things into some confusion. In the end though it didn’t really matter for what counted was the declaration itself and the intent behind it. And that intent was to reassure a stranger who had more or less kidnapped him, even if it had been done with the best of intentions.
"So I think that means you’re doing a good job,” Chris declared seriously and I think you’re nice…Nice wasn’t a word the world associated with the man known as Wolverine and it startled him still further to here it employed now with such ease .Even if his darker nature hadnt apparently gone altogether unnoticed. “I think you could be really scary too, but that tells me just how nice you must be. Otherwise all I’d see is how scary you could be instead of how nice you are being." .”
It was perhaps one of the strangest compliments he had ever received. But then again he hadn’t received many. And this one at least had the benefit of being sincere. It was one of the major sources of irony in his life that he always managed to get on better with other peoples children than with his own. Rogue. Jubilee. Hell even Shalimar! None of them had seen him as perfect but at least to them he hadn’t been the monster his brood seemed to believe he was. But then again he hadn’t disappointed them the way he had his family. Cheating , no matter how inadvertently on his wife. Fathering a daughter on his sworn enemy! Not exactly things you could lightly overlook and certainly not things that his kids ever seemed to have the intention of letting him live down.
But still…. from time to time it didn’t hurt to be told he had done something right. Even if it took a relative stranger to do it! "And you can’t be so bad a father," the boy went on almost too earnestly"You’re the only one who came for any of us, and we all have parents……..I think."
“Hey .. Chris” Logan said softly leaning forward a little, the dangerous clawed hands lying clasped in his lap, responding to the underlying sadness that this last declaration seemed to have revealed. “Don’t forget I’m not like other people and I don’t just mean the claws. I have senses they don’t have and here at the school we have ways of finding people that your parents couldn’t even begin to imagine. And yet I almost didn’t find Connor.” It was true. In the end luck had played as much a part in their meeting as any science. Luck and persistence. And if Logan had often lacked the former, the latter he had in spades!
Now it was his turn to comfort, or at least to try to, even if he lacked all the facts about Chris’s home life. And as always he did his best, though as so often in the past his words were once again misdirected through no faumt of his own. “So don’t think you’re folks have given up on you just because they didn’t turn up on Amlarie’s doorstep.he told the youngster. And don’t you give up on them either.Why I bet they’re out there looking for you right now, All they need is a little help. And that’” he said with a smile” is something we’ll be sure to give them .”
Re: Logan's Apartment: Missing Pieces"Hey .. Chris" Whatever Chris had said seemed to trigger a softer response in Logan, so perhaps what he had said earlier wasn’t so bad after all! That was good, it wasn’t like he spoke with a heck of a lot of people and the few he did talk with usually had more to say and Chris ended up being the one listening to things that, quite often, were just not something he could comment on. Even the simple things he understood, like losing home, well he never had a house, and his idea of a home could just be put together as quickly as it could be pulled apart. And people who complained about being bullied at their school and not handling the lack of support or even worse from their family so they’d run away… well Chris never went to school and he didn’t really have that many people who could turn around and bully him. Of course he’d gotten yelled at and told to get lost or completely ignored or chased down by a few people for all various reasons… he’d never been solely singled out just for the heck of it. It made so many thing people had in their lives that they wanted to talk about rather difficult for Chris to relate to exactly, but he liked to try his best, he could after all at least attempt to think of something in his life that, while not exact, may at least help him understand. For example, he may never have lost a house, but he’s lost his home before and couldn’t get back to it, and he was scared and confused and so maybe that’s how it felt to lose a house.
"Don’t forget I’m not like other people and I don’t just mean the claws. I have senses they don’t have and here at the school we have ways of finding people that your parents couldn’t even begin to imagine. And yet I almost didn’t find Connor." To be honest, ‘senses’ didn’t really help explain much to Chris, who just kept a relatively placid expression as Logan continued to talk, lowering his eyes only at the mention of almost not finding Connor. It had been risky going to the Mall, they were all talk to make sure that Connor, then dubbed James, wouldn’t get lost or to detour others who might try and stop to talk with him. It wasn’t like they could drive for miles on end to some other obscure location further off, Logan’s son had a hard enough trouble getting into the car for short trips as it was. If they hadn’t been trying so hard to stay out of sight, maybe Logan wouldn’t have gotten as worried as he seemed to be now… or maybe it was a good thing, it didn’t seem as if anyone thought he’d care in the slightest and yet he obviously did.
"So don’t think you’re folks have given up on you just because they didn’t turn up on Amlarie’s doorstep." It was only then that Chris realized it was for Chris’s own benefit that he was saying all this, and it wasn’t like Chris could shrug it all off saying he was ok… even if he wanted to do just that a part of him will always miss his mother, even his uncles to a degree, even if being with them meant that his mother was nowhere to be found. What were folks? Were they like friends? Family maybe? Well Chris had been talking about parents before hand so maybe the connection wasn’t so far off that Chris couldn’t just wing it with an assumption of it meaning either two. "And don’t you give up on them either.Why I bet they’re out there looking for you right now, All they need is a little help. And that" Logan continued, all the while Chris’s own thoughts racing with confusion and uncertainty over what he was saying… it should be a good thing, right? And it was… it meant he got to see his mother again… and yet… would that mean never seeing Connor again? Despite all that’s been said, Chris just wasn’t sure. "is something we’ll be sure to give them." A small smile, one that didn’t reach the eyes of the child as his thoughts distracted him with worries and uncertainties. The older man offered something that should cause reason for glee, or at least security and assurance, and yet… it promised that one day all this would just stop, all that was happening becoming nothing more then the same sort of memory which seemed to haunt all the others the boy had spent all the years of his short life hearing. How once, at some point, they had everything, they had friends and family, a house and money and then suddenly poof… all gone.
"We’re not normal?" The yell effectively scattered all of Chris’s thoughts, his head turning towards the closed door where Connor had vanished off to, his voice losing all restrain as his temper rose over the discussion held. "What this comes as a shock?" The young feral continued slightly more restrained though the anger still clearly visible, only to raise once again as he added furiously. "You didn’t catch my almost glowing in the dark eyes? Coz.. kind of a big hint there." The yelling didn’t bother Chris, or the slamming sound as the phone suffered the last bit of abuse Connor had to give before glowering at the wall as meek attempts were made to cool off. It wasn’t uncommon for Chris and Sarah to argue, so that fact there was an argument helped identify to Chris exactly who Connor had called. He may have gotten frustrated or irritated with others but no one seemed to push Connor’s buttons as easily as Sarah did from all Chris had seen, and with Amlarie Connor fought extra hard not to let his frustration get the best of him.
There was almost a sigh with the soft exhale of breath, a telltale fact that Chris had witnessed this before, but thankfully it was always out of his sight and always just as short, if not even shorter. Usually most of it went over Chris’s head, well.. much like now in a sense, but Connor would feel bad if Sarah (or himself) were moody and it threatened to get Chris caught up in everything. So Connor usually appeared soon enough to distract Chris in all the proper ways that ensured the night wouldn’t end on such a sour note, and the fights never really seemed all that nasty… Perhaps because Chris didn’t understand what they argued about or more to the point why they bothered to argue about certain things.
Re: Logan's Apartment: Missing Pieces
There it was again. That expression in the boys eyes which seemed to appear whenever you talked of his family. It was certainly not the optimism Logan had been trying to inspire with his reassurance but rather sadness tinged with worry and a hint of something else that Logan couldn’t quite put his finger on and yet which his instincts told him wasn’t right. Which was stupid he reminded himself sternly. After all it was only natural that the kid would be sad and worried where his parents were concerned. So why was it Logan still felt like he was missing something crucial here?
Maybe I really am paranoid Wolverine thought cynically, though given my track record I suppose its understandable After all everyone actually is out to get me!” It was an exaggeration of course but sadly not by much . Recent events had more than proved that to be the case. Still even he didn’t think that Chris was a willing conspirator in some evil master plan designed to bring himself and his family to ruin. It was just possible that he was an unwilling one though.
Logan sighed as the thought crossed his mind. Even if Amlarie was using the boy somehow, it changed nothing. He was, in the end, just a lost kid. A victim, like Connor. And that was all there was too it. Still it was true that finding out how he had come to be in this mess in the first place would be a major step in the right direction.
So far Logan hadn’t questioned him about all of that, apart from that one time back at the cottage, not wanting to upset the youngster too much by asking him to remember things he probably couldn’t. Now though it was becoming clear that even if Chris didn’t know where or how he had lost his family, and that was far from being a given, he knew a whole lot more about the circumstances in which Connor had arrived at the Amlarie’s than Connor himself now did. And that in itself was food for thought..
"When he first came he got angry talking about you, afterwards he got angry not being able to do more then imagine what you could look like." Chris had said just moments before and at the time Logan had been so caught up in his emotions that he hadn’t realised the full significance of what he had heard. He did now though. and the revelation that Chris had known Connor before Amlarie wiped his memories confirmed certain suspicions Logan had had from the start. Like for example the suspicion that Chris had always known he wasn’t Connors brother, even if it was equally clear he cared for him as if he was.
There were so many questions Logan wanted to ask him and to which he badly needed answers. But he was damned if he was going to interrogate the kid. Though it was hard not too! Especially if Connor was even now in his room arranging things so that he could go back to his so called ‘foster mother’! If he was though, things didn’t seem to be going as he wanted!
"We’re not normal?" You didn’t need Wolverines enhanced senses to hear Connor voice or to discern the very real anger in it. Logan blinked in astonishment, not that Connors temper came as anything of a surprise but the fact he had yelled, he who hated loud sounds with an all to easily understood vengeance, that was something that caught his father off balance. Till, that was, he reminded himself that the drugs Amlarie had administered still held Connors mutant abilities at bay. "What this comes as a shock?You didn’t catch my almost glowing in the dark eyes? Coz.. kind of a big hint there."
Logan glanced back at Chris, noting the sigh and the look of weary resignation that came over his young face. Sooo it seemed that this wasn’t the first time this particular little scenario had been played out, even if Logan suspected that any previous arguments there might have been hadn’t been sparked by a discussion over Connors mutancy. What he also suspected was that the person on the other end of the phone wasn’t Amlarie, and that made him feel a great deal better, even if part of him was concerned over the effect this rejection would have on his son’s attitude towards his newly rediscovered powers.
In any case, one way or another the conversation was at an end, as was in all probability the telephone in Connors room judging from the noise it made as Conner slammed the receiver down. Oh well it wouldn’t be the first or the last Logan though philosophically and who knew, maybe with his son’s claws held artificially under control it might just live to ring another day. The question now was what to do next and that at least was something he could ask Chris about without opening too big a bag of worms. Or so Logan sincerely hoped!
“Ok kid, give me a clue here.” he said with a sigh “This is the first time I’ve heard Connor having a lovers quarrel but you look as if you’ve weathered a few of them. So should I go in there and ask about it or wait for him to come out on his own. Or maybe I should stick some milk and cookies round the door and then run like hell? What do you think? Because believe me when it comes to things like this… well lets just say its not exactly my strong suit.”
Re: Logan's Apartment: Missing Pieces"Ok kid, give me a clue here." A clue for what? Chris turned his young face towards the older man and looked over towards the rugged features of Connor’s father. "This is the first time I’ve heard Connor having a lovers quarrel but you look as if you’ve weathered a few of them. So should I go in there and ask about it or wait for him to come out on his own. Or maybe I should stick some milk and cookies round the door and then run like hell? What do you think? Because believe me when it comes to things like this… well lets just say its not exactly my strong suit." It couldn’t entirely be helped as Chris gave a silent giggle that showed its way in a momentary grin as Logan threw out possibilities on how to help Connor in this particular situation. If left on his own Connor could sit an entire day sulking in his room, Chris found that the best method was to distract him somehow, even if it was with something really silly… Like when Chris asked if Connor was hungry and they’d only stalked off from the table after Sarah had a go at him for using knife and forks to eat a pizza. Chris wasn’t sure if that was normal or not so he thought it was really irritable of Sarah to get annoyed at Connor just because she thought it made more sense not to dirty so many things when eating. But Connor cleaned it all up anyway so Chris didn’t see why she should fuss if in the end it wasn’t causing her any harm or extra chores.
"Sarah’s really nice at times, but complains about the things Connor does and it always upsets him." Chris tried to explain a little, "Or she tells him she wants him to send me away and that upsets Connor and he’d say no and she’d just get angry and so they fight about me too." The first week was really good, they didn’t argue as much but Sarah’s patience seemed to wear thin and by the second week it had gotten to the point where they were really not appearing all that compatible save for the moments where they were doing something together. Connor started spending more time with Chris and stopped staying in Sarah’s room almost entirely the last week. So there were the arguments explained, Chris looked towards the door and thought over what Logan had said previously as the options he might consider to approach the situation.
"If you leave him, he just sits there and he stays upset…" Sulking away, as if locking himself in a room would solve everything, at least in the school if he got frustrated enough all Connor had to do was stalk his way to the Danger Room and do his best to blow as many things up as possible. "Wouldn’t you rather talk to him?" For Chris not talking would seem the harder course of action, he didn’t understand entirely that some moments a person just really needed to be on their own. For him, if someone was upset, they needed company, or how else would they stop being upset? "Even if it’s about something else… if all else fails you could always give him a hug." Ah simplicity, for Chris this was the ultimate cure of all illnesses, the loving hug of someone who cares, his mother offered it few and far between merely because that seemed to be something she herself rarely got growing up. For Chris’s mother a hug was the final frontier, to be breached only on the most important of matters, like when Chris was crying because he was somehow hurt, emotionally or physically. He only cried when it was bad, so for Missy to see her child crying she knew that something was wrong, Chris never just stubbed his toe and broke out into tears. "What’s a lovers quarrel?" The pronunciation of quarrel was slightly strained on the boys tongue, the word sounding as if it had been used for the first time, admittedly Chris was sure he’d heard it somewhere before but he’d never heard it used much at all if he had, and he wasn’t entirely sure what it meant.. of course he knew what love meant.. so lovers would mean… something like that.
Edited by: 
........ just because i was feeling that i had neglected you angie.
... if its not ok of course ill happily edit....I shouyld have taken the tile to talk with you first I know..... but ive been soooooo horribly late recently...*
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