Re: Into the shadows, where we belong... (MATURE CTN!)
Happy Delayed Birthday! Sorry ya posties are so late! Hopefully I'll get some more done by Monday!!
It got to a point one would say that things shouldn’t come as strange anymore, or oddities just shouldn’t seem as odd as they once were, but for a moment all the peculiarities of the situation suddenly came back. It wasn’t the first time this feeling rushed over him, and most likely for Max it wouldn’t be the last time, and while a sense of confusion and uncertainty washed over the youth, he didn’t flinch away from the comfort of the others fingers as they caressed the side of his face. What was it that was happening right now? A question that Max had never really asked before and gave little thought to at this point too, all that mattered was the sense of comfort that slowly blanketed the young Chadstone as the slightly older student moved with a strange tenderness… Max’s eyes watched the other, a calmness in the distant gaze that stared, a distance that made it difficult for Max to fully react to the words next spoken.
"I'll not leave you until you want me to...," By expression alone it’d be difficult to assess if Max actually heard or cared for what was said, for a moment that felt as if it stretched too long. In truth Max’s mind took in the words and promptly attempted to assess and understand the words it had previously absorbed, their sincerity and pure emotion a rarity in Max’s life that his mind seemed to do little more then sweep the words under a rug to save the effort of analysing something that one knew should be very simple to grasp. The toned youth resided to the only reaction he knew, and one he knew most well, a hand lifting to the side of Matt’s neck, gently slipping to the back of his head and pulling the gothic mutant firmly forward. Strong fingers of the youths over hand seemed to grip the side of Matt’s hip, the attire clothing the other crunching up within Max’s fists.
Wait… wait wait wait. It wasn’t often that Max’s mind started trying to hit the pause button in these situations, it seemed as of late however it was daring to be more outspoken and pushy. Stupid thoughts! Perhaps a little too rough in motion, Max seemed to almost growl a soft cry of frustration as effortlessly wrestled Matt about to pin the elder youth against the wall Max had previously leaned against. What if someone comes though? …What if the light runs out? It echoed unspoken and unwanted in the back of Chadstone’s mind, a thought that just fuelled an untapped anger that had waited to burst as it so easily often seemed to do in tense or stressful situations. As sudden as Max’s passionate embrace had come, it left, too quickly, too harshly, flesh just as swiftly hardening to its stony form as a fury fuelled Max’s movements. If Matt had ever seen a wild cat caged, then for the briefest of moments that memory would have been recalled as Max’s heated steps moved him away and turned his body around in a brief study of the enclosure they were held within.
"I mean what the f'ck?" The frustrated comment was said to himself, irritation and confusion hard to miss, but so was the anger in which his stoned hands returned to the parting in the doorway and shoved them further apart. "Jus’ f'ck it." Even Max didn’t really get what he was saying in the end, he was angry and he wasn’t sure why, there was so many thoughts and so many strange emotions that gave him a sense of claustrophobia and in the end the only way to address it all verbally was to do what he’d grown so accustomed to, senseless ranting. "Let’s go," There wasn’t as much impatience in billionaire son’s voice as he turned his attention back down to Matt once the slight wall between the levels they were stuck at had been easily climbed by the younger of the two students. "I feel like I’m getting scabies just standing in there." The STD Max referred to had a nasty effect if left untreated, the sense of irritating that caused severe itching and for those that can’t resist the temptation to scratch end up with scabs all over after scratching themselves till they bleed. Some comment on the sensation of something ‘crawling’ over their skin, or in certain areas, which could tie the choice of word to the sensation of looming fear that caused his skin to crawl.
Re: Into the shadows, where we belong... (MATURE CTN!)(OOC: Ok, I assumed the wall to climb were actually ending on about eye-level, maybe even a little higher. If you imagined it to be much lower, then I'll edit.. because really, gotta give Matt some credit. He is able to climb stairs... XD
- corrected typos *hint hint*)
They were like two magnets, weren't they? It seemed a little like it anyway, the way they were attracting the other just to push him away again, or withdrew for some questionable reason, always leaving more questions than they answered . Of course there was a valid point to Max's drawing away, but that didn't make it much better really. If only he could decide whether to be careful or ignore the risks, Matt's life would already be a lot easier, so the light-elemental thought without being entirely sure which of the two options would be ultimately the better one.
That was one of his main problems though, wasn't it? Matthias found it hard to actually make a decision when the emotional factor got too dominant in an equation. And once he finally was at a point where he found himself capable of choosing, it more often than not was simply too late. Life isn't a novel where you decide when to turn the page. If you aren't careful, it passes you by and there's not a single thing you can do about it. Other than adjusting your pace of course. Yet like so many things, that sounded so much easier to Matt than reality had proved it really was.
Well, at least there was obvious progress on another front, and wasn't that a reason to cheer? Max exposing himself to the darkness - it wouldn't have sounded like such an impressive thing had Matt not witnessed the extend of his friend's phobia so extensively only 15 minutes ago. All the more surprising was this quite random outburst. The swearing wasn't even really noticed; it was nothing out of the ordinary for Chadstone half of whose vocabulary seemed to have an imaginary parental advisory sticker on it.
*Go with the flow! You never know how long it'll last,* Matt told himself, slightly hesitantly eyeing the height of this wall the athletic other had so effortlessly mounted. Granted he had started to work out quite a bit, but his metabolism was just too hyperactive and his body too unused to exercise for it to have had any immediate effects. It would take time... and until then, he thought, it would be inevitable to swallow his pride and ask for help.
"Alright then," Contrast said, letting his hand reach out to his companion, "You lead," And once he had been half climbed, half been pulled up continued, with a hint of a devilish smile playing around the corner of his mouth, "I'll follow." So yes, it was slightly evil to let phobic Max be the first to step into the pitch-black darkness of the hotel's corridors. On the other hand, he at least theoretically knew which way to go while Matt hadn't been around the hotel often enough to even be sure he'd find Max's room when he left at the right level, let alone at a different one. Hotels... everything looked the same in them - at least as far as he was concerned.
There comes a time when everyone of us has to take over responsibility for their actions. It stands to argue whether there is also a time when we can get rid of it again.
Re: Into the shadows, where we belong... (MATURE CTN!)"Alright then," Fingers clasped about each other, betraying the slightly hot palms that seemed slightly rougher, where others seemed to sweat in fear, Max tended to turn to stone, even if only partially. "You lead," The coy expression was missed by Max, who gave only a half glance at the others face as Max spoke "I'll follow." For a moment Max seemed to just stay there, cautious in his stance as a hand moved the light of his torch around, pitiful as the beam of the mobile was it was still able to light up enough of the gloom… just not enough to put Max entirely at ease. It was easier to charge out into the darkness where fear and paranoia drove you into a fit of anger, but now the anger faded and he felt meek and stupid. His skin started to crawl again as he inched forward, he might as well have been weighted down with led for how heavy each step felt.
"This is stupid," The whisper was agitated and annoyed and frustrated yet still the fear could be heard, the flight flicking back towards Matt, then off to the other directions in a motion that seemed to be scanning for something that just might be lurking in silence. "It’s not even that far," Most of the rooms on the upper most floor were reserved for the more pricey guests, though both ends of the hallway were completely cut off to the public, one end was Max’s home away from home and the other end belonged to Jamie, and Max never opened it up to the public. If he didn’t get Matt to his room though, Matt might turn around and say he was heading back to the school, what if Max couldn’t get from here back to the elevator, or the stairs or wherever the hell Matt went. The whispers weren’t really meant to be heard by Matt, they were mumbled to himself and Max would have thrown out a threat or two in order to make sure Matt didn’t even think about talking to others about this but right now he just wasn’t focused enough to worry about that yet.
Something moved behind him, and Max turned yet again to cast the light backwards, but it was just Matt, again, still just Matt. But that wasn’t always the case, was it? Sometimes he just vanished, vanished into the shadows and… if Matt could do it then others might as well. The thought unnerved the youth all the more; a nervous glance around was given as he assessed the shadows in the darkness. The corner seemed to drawn even more caution from Max, who slowed to examine the turn as if there stood a good chance for something to be waiting around the corner. It was painfully obvious there was a boogieman haunting the shadows as far as Max was concerned, though even he couldn’t pin a name or face to the severe fear that gripped him.
It seemed his feet were running before Max’s mind even registered the decision, throwing himself out into the hall at a pace that was easily powered by his fear, he didn’t even think of losing Matt, he didn’t even think. All that mattered was getting from one end to the other and nothing else seemed to register until a panicked hand grabbed at the doorhandle and wrestled the key into it clumsily, the light flickering from the keyhole to down the halls and back. Inside it was like a mixed wash of relief and renewed dismay, yes they were out of the dark and empty halls, but now they were in his dark and empty apartment! He had to make sure it didn’t stay empty; he had to make sure Matt didn’t leave.
Movement at the door caused a startled flicker of light to be shone at Matt, too weak really to hurt the eyes but Max still lowered it when the other’s features became clear. The light aimed towards the bedroom and then back at the doorway Matt had just came through, Chadstone wasted no time shutting it swiftly behind him once the light elemental had entered fully and soon the key turned to leave the door locked. The phone was dropped, not so roughly to risk breakage, but reckless enough that he let it fall to the floor by his feet, leaving both hands now free once the key was dropped on a nearby bench space with a flick of his wrist. Like a magnet pulled, Max seemed to be up against Matt swiftly, carefully, with a fluid grace that helped ease the hurried movements. One hand pressing against the lower back and the other tucking itself carefully about the others neck, letting seemingly ravenous lips take their passionate fury out on their counterparts. There was a tremble in Chadstone’s hands, almost unnoticeable, the rugged breathing deep and shaky, one hand slowly raising up Matt’s back and the other pulling away to slip around the other student’s torso. Taking Matt into an embrace as Max’s face slipped away to nuzzle the forehead into the cup of the neck, it seemed for a moment a stillness swept over Max, a paralysing effect while made him motionless and silent. And what felt like both forever and a single breath, Max’s arms tightened more securely, turning into a more comforting and desperate embrace, as the renowned bully seemed to melt into what little consolation he managed to get.
Re: Into the shadows, where we belong... (not soMATURE CTN!)
The other's mumbled words were distinct enough to be picked up in the relative silence of the dark hotel, and while Matt tried to keep up an expression somewhere between friendly support and neutrality, there probably also was a hint of bewilderment. Not that it wasn't a natural reaction of someone so concerned with façades to try and pretend he was still in control - in one way or the other - but somehow the light-elemental had expected they had sort of moved past that. Then again, maybe it was a pattern too deeply engraved to ever get over. Or maybe he wasn't pretending to Matt but only himself.
*What is haunting you, Max?* The question, though sitting on the tip of his tongue, remained unspoken. *Or who?* Whether he asked it out loud or not didn't really make a difference, that he was sure of. Chadstone wouldn't answer, but rather get upset than shed some light on the whole thing. There was also the possibility that he didn't know himself - Matt could but guess, which wasn't made easier by the fact that he didn't have much information as aid.
The contrasting mutant had often been told he were walking too fast, but compared to the pace the other now took on it felt like a casual walk in retrospect. Driven by seemingly irrational fear as Max seemed to be, he developed a speed the dark-haired mutant had problems keeping up with. The feeble light soon disappeared in an apartment he recognised as Max's. The way it was put out and the door got locked, he had a feeling of having stumbled into some kind of detective story. Or a Blairwitch-esque thriller. At least his shaken guide didn't proceed to pull out a gun and try to hear something through the door. Yet.
It wasn't the time for questions though. Max's embrace felt much like an escape, and it would have meant to lie had he claimed it bothered him to be used as an anchor. Should he say something? Was there a point? Their relationship hadn't been characterised by extensive talks really, and he had a feeling that, whatever it was the other was running from, he wouldn't want to discuss it.
Everything he could think of saying sounded condescending in his ears, and so Matt just responded physically, mirroring the other's actions. At this point, things were strangely devoid of sexual connotation while comfort played the main part, yet he couldn't help wondering who should be the one moving on to whatever they were supposed to move on to.
Slowly his eyes got accustomed to the dim lighting situation where only what came through the windows could aid them in seeing anything at all. He shut out the visible world when Max tightened his embrace though, his other senses taking over with increased strength. The other's smell, his heartbeat, the feel of his body, so close... Despite everything, this fleeting moment seemed perfect to Matt, one to make last for as long as possible. There is solace in another person touch which cannot be substituted with anything else. If anything, that is what this bizarre course of events had taught him.
There comes a time when everyone of us has to take over responsibility for their actions. It stands to argue whether there is also a time when we can get rid of it again.
Re: Into the shadows, where we belong... (MATURE CTN!)
For a moment it was nice, because it was quiet, and in the silence all Max could hear were their own breaths, all he could feel was the body of the other in his arms, and for a moment, that nice -but brief- moment, it all worked towards calming him. But he was scared, it gripped at him, it gripped inside of him, unspeakable and faceless yet ever present, gnawing away at the youths nerves till they were raw. I don’t want them to see me scared. It was stupid, who would be after him, who would even want to hurt him, he wasn’t special, and the hotel didn’t have anything like a neighbouring rival. Steven Chadstone was ruthless, there was only one hotel in the area near enough to be a problem and he bought it out and gutted it to turn it into cheap apartments. But it was there, in the shadows, he knew it, he’s always know it, it’s been there forever, even Jamie had been scared of the shadows, of what was hiding in them, something was hiding in them.
"Come here," The fear was still traceable in Max’s voice, whispered and soft as it was, still felt in the slight trembles of the hands that, the uneasy breaths that shook as he breathed in and out. "I have a light in the room," guiding the other student by the dim gloom that filtered into the room, it was darker inside the bedroom though, Max didn’t have a window in his bedroom. It’d be pointless considering what he did to his walls anyway, and the way he covered them to keep people who weren’t welcomed to see his photos that scattered the walls around his bedroom, separated by shards of glass. The fact they were now visible meant that Max hadn’t had a guest for a little while; he tended to take a few days before getting around to it. "I have only shown one other person this before, it’s kinda cool, hop on the bed," Nervous and yet calm, motioning for the black covers that hugged Max’s bed, and the slightly younger youth seemed to spare no hesitation as his feet carried him, towards the bed, hand still gripped upon Matt, though lighter now about his wrist.
If there would have been resistance then Max would have stopped, would have grown desperate enough to try and sway the other to relax with him, to stay with him, not to leave in disappointment. If Matt left, not only would Max be alone for the night in the darkness, but Matt might not want to come back……it was getting more complicated and blurred as to whether that was a good thing or not. Sitting on the edge of the bed, Max flicked the switch of his lamp, which lacking energy from its power cord reverted to taking energy from the rechargeable batteries inside it. It wasn’t really the most impressive lamps to see, a bulb on a stick it would seem, though the shade was a sphere, riddled with different sized holes and with a flick of another switch the shade began to rotate. Beams of light that spilled out the holes stretched out across the room like some sort of primitive golden disco ball, striking the shards of glass on the wall and casting off broken light around the room as it hit the many small reflective fragments. It was his security system, his security against the dark, shadows couldn’t hurt him if light spilled throughout his room, and no matter how irrational the fear, Max refused to pretend this didn’t help. The only darkness now was from outside the room, but Max had shut the door, he even locked it though Matt only needed to twist the knob’s lock in order to get out again.
"I think I was about nine when I set it up," Not that Matt would care, people didn’t care about that, no one cared to know such things, it wasn’t human nature, at least that’s what his father always insisted. People were cold and selfish, and the only time they weren’t was when they were somehow using you. The phone was placed aside now, safely on Max’s side table and the phone light turned off. "Don’t tell anyone…" If he was asking about the photos or the mirror effect he made or the fear of the dark, Max didn’t specify, though still stoned hands rubbed nervously together, as if trying to rub away the stone and reveal the flesh once more.
Re: Into the shadows, where we belong... (not soMATURE CTN!)
Time. Maybe the most subjective of things to perceive. One person's eternity can be another's blink of an eye, a lifetime in the fraction of a second, or an existence ending after what felt like but a handful of precious moments. Matt couldn't tell what this approximate minute had been to Max, but for him, it had been much too short. And yet it was all right that way. What ungratefulness made people complain about the duration of something while others were never so lucky as to have any of it at all! That was human nature of course, and Contrast was human. Still he tried his best to shun some qualities that, ultimately, were inevitable to surface.
Light. Yes, that sounded like a good idea. Not that he minded the darkness really, not if it was of this kind, the one with nothing creeping in it - nothing that he knew of anyway. Fear is based on either very vague, or very exact knowledge of what dangers may be lurking somewhere. Absolute oblivion is what keeps people from going insane. So no, he wasn't following Max because he yearned to see the light, but because his companion had to. Because on some level, he knew something that he would have been much better off not having any idea about.
And so Matt trailed behind the other like a trusty moon, and like that celestial body, there was little he really decided on his own, turning in revolution on a predefined course until another extrinsic force would change his course. Like everybody else really.
There was no reason for him to refuse, and so he did as Max asked him to, slight curiosity on his face, and silently amused at the strange kind of nervousness he carried like a signpost in front of him. Pragmatically speaking, the lamp wasn't all that impressive really, but the light-elemental was intrigued by it anyway. With the flick of a switch, the infamous school bully had turned his bedroom into a fairy-tale wonderland. "That's really beautiful," he said quietly, a part of him wondering why moving shadows were less scary for Max than stationary ones.
"Don’t tell anyone…" It wasn't the first time for the rich youth to ask him for secrecy, and once more it seemed odd to Matt that he should talk to anyone about this whole thing in the first place. "Don't worry... I won't." He really wouldn't, but mostly because there wouldn't have been any purpose to it anyway. Granted Max was pretty peculiar as a rule, but why he had to stress that everything going on was a secret all the time really eluded Matt's understanding. He wasn't angry about it. Just confused.
Allowing his body to sink back on the bed, Matt took a deep breath, releasing the air again only slowly, reluctantly. It was so easy to let the wandering lights hypnotise you, the darkness of the rest of the room creating the illusion of infinite space. Floating among the stars... dreaming away.
"Lie with me a moment," Matt whispered, for fear any loud words would destroy the moment. Slowly propping himself up on his elbows, he half-rose to look at Max, and smiled silently. "I don't like flying alone."
Trust. Some give it easier than others. There is a power in it that surpasses that of hate and betrayal, for only those who believe in others can really believe in themselves. Max hadn't given him much reason to put trust in him, yet little to distrust him either. Why exactly did it feel so right to be close to the one many feared, for different reasons; right enough to conquer the darkness, to wonder if he wasn't as weak as he had thought himself to be?
There comes a time when everyone of us has to take over responsibility for their actions. It stands to argue whether there is also a time when we can get rid of it again.
Re: Into the shadows, where we belong... (MATURE CTN!)"Don't worry... I won't." How much was a promise worth? If Max made a promise there were certain conditions that needed to be met in order for him to keep them, much like his mother and father in that respect, what conditions did Matt have? "Lie with me a moment," The other seemed to be rather inviting, which Max pretty much expected, though it wasn’t as pressured as Max might have assumed, there had been a lot of frustration dealt to Matt with teasing and half hearted surrenders to desire Max still feared making public. "I don't like flying alone." The comment didn’t quite catch with Max, he just assumed it was some sort of romantic phrase that people tended to like making randomly before sex. It’s like it just made the whole thing better, sometimes people played out entire scenes and sometimes it was fun, other times a bore and more times then not just didn’t seem to make perfect sense with Max. People just tended to complicate things, but if it made things interesting for them, why the hell not?
The cheeky smirk that brightened Max’s features seemed out of place with the anxious look towards both the main door and the one that led to his bathroom, and yet it seemed he was quickly focused on Matt soon after. All the billionaires son had to do was think of a few key things, like a ritual in his mind, and soon enough Max always seemed able to set himself in the right mood. Even if he was stressed or angry or worried, if he did the ritual right then failure wasn’t easily achieved, especially when he knew so many other ways to start the night.
"Did you want a pre-flight meal, or did you want to wait for after you land?" The youth teased in a softly spoken voice, clearer then a whisper yet intentionally softened. First course of the night would be to make Matt more then just comfortable, bribing him into getting cosy and staying the entire night would mean even if the lights come on there was still someone around in the morning. The toned form seemed to stretch out comfortably beside Matt’s, prodded onto the side and close enough against Matt’s body to be touching, Chadstone’s hand already tracing across Matt’s centre torso, his other used to prop up his head as the elbow dug into the bed. "Or maybe you’re just interested in the in-flight entertainment?" The fingers trailed lower over the stomach, toying and teasing their way lower, the whole hand pressed a curious palm lightly over the crotch, it was dark enough that Max wasn’t worried about the fading bruise on his back shoulder, nor the light ones on his side that seemed barely distinguishable. Matt would hardly care to notice, and Max was never one to fuss… then again, last time questions had been asked, hopefully Matt would be distracted enough that Max wouldn’t have to defend himself or his family again on the matter.
Re: Into the shadows, where we belong... (not soMATURE CTN!)
He should have known that Max would misunderstand him. Stylistic devices really weren't the other's strong point, but only a part of Matt minded this time. Truth be told, he wasn't even entirely sure if it wouldn't have got him a little worried had the reaction been any less... "Max-ish". There were situations in which you somewhat wanted the other to react like intended - but who could tell what Matt's real intention had been in this case? He himself had long given up interpreting his own actions. Let others worry about that. Going with the flow certainly was the less stressful alternative.
The heat of the other body, so close, it was a curious feeling. It seemed to him his skin wasn’t the border it had used to be any longer, but a mere membrane that – in combination with the fabric of their clothes – only separated one half from the other. Inwardly, Matt shook his head at such a schmaltzy thought. It wasn’t like him to think such things. An unseen frown requited that in turn. *Making excuses to yourself now, are we?* the voice in his head sneered. Well, he couldn't help it.
Eyes closed, he succumbed to Max's touch, only the shortest regretful thought spent on the peaceful quietness he thought to have intended originally. This was the other's remedy though, wasn't it, the cure-all for all troubles. How appropriately named this hotel, the place he so frequently retreated to, was.
A sharp intake of breath showed Max that he was on the right track, but he was aware of that anyway of course. By now, he knew what he was doing after all. "It's not like I had much of a choice...," he whispered breathlessly, a much belated reply, but how was one expected to think faster than at snail speed with that demon doing what he did best anyway?
His phone went off. The glorious ability to always be reachable only called forth an unimpressed "Meh" then, though in the end, curiosity won over, making him stretch his arm as much as possible so he wouldn't have to leave his quite comfortable position and still grab his bag. He did have to move a little more in the end, staring at the display for a second or two until it made sense.
"Hi Garnet... yeah, I'm with.. a friend," he replied to a question Max wouldn't have heard, the slight pause almost unnoticeable. "I'll ask him, call you back in a bit. ... Alright, bye." He put the phone aside, looking at the other with a mixture of thoughtful contemplation and unconcealed lust. Creeping closer, his hand snaked down the same path Max's own had taken before on his body. "Aurora decided she'd worked enough today...asked if I - or we - felt like clubbing..." Independently from these half-whispered words, Matt's mouth moved to the other's neck, the urge to just rip Chadstone's clothes off suddenly overwhelmingly strong.
There comes a time when everyone of us has to take over responsibility for their actions. It stands to argue whether there is also a time when we can get rid of it again.
Re: Into the shadows, where we belong... (MATURE CTN!)
It was easy to tell, to see that Matt was hooked, taking the bait and loosing any possible interest that the other may have had in leaving. Just the careful traces of fingers and lips and soon enough
there would be no doubt as to if Matt stayed or left. "It's not like I had much of a choice...," For a moment Max had no idea as to what the reply was in reference to, the last words he said seemed almost forgotten and these entirely out of place. Vaguely he understood, so it didn't matter though, a smirk followed as an egotistical need to show Matt it was better he stayed then leave buzzed inside his form as potent as any form of ecstasy.
It was like a form of mockery when the phone rang, as if his father someone how knew and for a moment Max gave a nervous glance towards where he thought the sound was coming from, realizing soon enough it was Matt's, not his. Both good and bad... was it someone calling to pull Matt away, risking leaving Max alone in the shadows of the hotel? "Meh" It's all that initially came, and Max thought for a moment that the phone might be ignored, only it wasn't, soon enough Matt was leaning for it, reaching out and stretching so much that Max had to shift just slightly so that Matt could reach that little more.
"Hi Garnet... yeah, I'm with.. a friend," Garnet... great.. Max felt like he just wanted to smack the phone from the others hand, how dare she interrupt, it was like the girl had a mission out against him, what had he even done wrong? "I'll ask him, call you back in a bit. ... Alright, bye." Ask who what? It was a horrible feeling of fright and delight and Max was sure that soon enough he'd start to shiver from both. "Aurora decided she'd worked enough today...asked if I - or we - felt like clubbing..." Clubbing, first thought was to get drunk, what might happen if Garnet AND Matt were together... an interesting mixture but not one Max was ready to risk exploring. Further more, the second thought that occurred to the youth was a very simple recollection of the stress it took just to get to his room. Did he really want to look like that much of an idiot again so soon?
The idea of crawling down the stairs in the dark was enough to strike a spark of uneasiness all over again inside of him. This was just another challenge, a challenge thrown in by Garnet to ruin yet another moment for him. "We just got here," Even Max could sense how nervous those words sounded, he wasn't a wimp, he wouldn't be taken for one either, he wouldn't want Matt to think he was. There was a sudden shift, a denial of all things frightening and a focus onto Matt, a seductive urge on Max's part as he inched closer and allowed his fingers to trial to the others hips. "I haven't even offered you anything yet," The temptation for food was there somewhere in the furthest reaches of Max's mind, the true meaning more obvious and tempting however, and more played upon as the youth. Where a racing heart and sweaty fingers could be rather common in this situation, there was still something more desperate, where the desperation came from or why it lingered in his features was difficult to pinpoint. True he could be afraid of something... but just as true he could just be overly eager for intimacy, it was difficult to tell, unless of course you knew him well enough to piece it all together. "The elevators are down anyway, which means a long walk through corridors and stairways, and I'll probably be asked for help by anyone and everyone we pass..." There was a slight pause, his lips moving to hover directly over Matt's, the youngers body positioning itself entirely over top, strong arms helping hold the weight up off the darker haired companion. "Where's the fun in that?"
Re: Into the shadows, where we belong... (MATURE CTN!)
Max’s reply wasn’t difficult to be recognised as what it was: excuses meant to cover up the simple fact that he was scared of the prospect to leave his room again. Matt hadn’t forgotten the terror darkness obviously had called forth inside of him. The more the other had tried to hide it, the clearer it had become: his shaking and accelerated heartbeat, his panic that the battery might die, his attempts to distract from the very simple and yet astounding fact that Max Chadstone, the infamous school bully, was afraid of the dark in a way exceeding even that of most children.
In a way, it made sense. Matt didn’t have any idea as to the reason why, of course, but it seemed only natural that his friend would have a phobia of some sort. It made him a bit more human, a fact that explained why Max wasn’t all that keen on admitting to it. A lot of his reputation was based on people thinking him to be different in one way or another. He couldn’t afford weaknesses, lest this mix of fear and admiration many felt towards him be ruined. It would be impossible to rebuild, and despite the ease with which any reasonably good-looking girl could manage to get between his sheets should she want to, that didn’t mean he would actually let her get close in an emotional way.
It was a difference many would struggle to understand; how somebody could be intimate with another and yet not let them in at all, everything remaining superficial, always on the surface, never reaching inside. Matt dared to suspect that maybe he had seen glimpses of who Chadstone really was on occasions, but he couldn’t be sure. More often than not, Max remained quite a mystery to him. Then again, there was something rather intriguing about that, too. It kept things interesting that everytime he thought he had figured the other out, something happened that changed this significantly. Just like today.^
“Alright,” he replied with a smile, lazily turning a few thoughts over in his mind. ”I don’t really feel like going out either.” Fingers speeding over the keys of his mobile, he sent a “No sorry, got other plans. Have fun! M.” message to Garnet, and looked at Max as he put it away. The indirect light, reflected infinitely by the glass shards on the walls, had a fascinating effect in that it turned the whole scene into something dreamlike, surreal. Bright patterns were painted on Max’s tanned skin where it showed, letting him too appear like a mystical being, glowing.
A hand rose and came to rest on the other’s chest, feeling the fabric covering his toned form and being in turn covered in the same patterns as it were an infectious disease. ”Now, I’d very much like an appetiser before you order anything.” Matt grinned suggestively, his touch becoming a little more demanding while he leaned over, searching for Max's lips.
A sudden, quick move brought Matt on top of Chadstone, mock triumph on his features as he declared: "I win, where's my price?" A phone rang. "That's not exactly what I had in mind," he frowned, though with the trace of a wicked grin, a hand teasingly gliding over Max's crotch behind him. "Maybe Garnet?" Whoever it was, Matt hoped it would be the shortest phone call in the history of mankind. He had been very patient tonight, but enough was enough. And by the feel of it, Max was anything but averse to a bit of fun either.
There comes a time when everyone of us has to take over responsibility for their actions.
It stands to argue whether there is also a time when we can get rid of it again.
Re: Into the shadows, where we belong... (MATURE CTN!)
The hour was getting later and later, the darkness absolute and the streets shrouded in shadows and eerie sounds of often unidentified origins, distant or obscured. And that was beyond the darkened walls of the hotel, once they wove through the pitch black corridors, the very image caused knots in Max's stomach, his chest felt bound and his mind raced so fast it seemed a hazey blur.
“Alright,” Came the reply, leaving a sense of ease settle over Max as he felt all the pressure suddenly release him. ”I don’t really feel like going out either.” A slight sense of paranoia crossed the Chadstone's mind as he wondered what exactly Matt was sending in reply, though surely he'd not be so senseless as telling her that he'd rather be at Max's hotel in his room and hopefully naked sooner then later. The phone was put away, though Matt's eyes had focused on Max even as he placed down the phone. A look in the others eye seemed almost distance, it was strangely enticing to see, coaxing an unusually lustful need to slowly burn, making the feel of Matt's palm against his skin almost tingle and burn.
”Now, I’d very much like an appetiser before you order anything.” Finally, a moment where there was nothing to worry about, nothing to interupt them, nothing to remind Max how wrong the world thought this was, how wrong his father thought it was. Just as Chadstone thought of leaning close, he felt all his weight thrown sideways, his body tugged down, pinned beneath that of Matt's who now positioned himself atop the youth. "I win, where's my price?" A sly smirk was just forming along with a cocky reply, and yet this time it was Max's phone that rang to interupt them, though by the tune Max knew it to be his father, leaving him to tense up and grow uncomfortable, though his mind still trained sluggishly behind. "That's not exactly what I had in mind," A displeased look crossed the other's expression and Max wondered if it was serious enough to hint that if Max answered it Matt might just wander off... then again if he didn't he'd get in trouble for it too. A nervous groan escaped softly as wicked fingers brushed over the crotch of his jeans, leaving a strong mixture of awkwardness and simple need, the need for that release, for all that was building up inside to just-"Maybe Garnet?" Added Matt who, for a brief moment seemed to have just snapped Max from a daydream, causing the return to reality to feel like a paper cut inside his stomach as the phone continued to ring.
Why now... why did that guy always have to call? When Max wanted him to call Steven never had anything worth say, yet when Max wanted to be left alone then his father always seemed around the corner. The phone vibrated as it rang, causing it to make a louder noise on the side dresser, moving slightly over the surface as it continued on relentlessly, giving Max a more irrated look as he lost his patience with the constant ringing. Finally an arm reached out for it, grabbing at the device with displeasure and upset while pulling it to his ear.
"Hey," The obvious irritable expression was difficult to hide, yet Max seemed to smoothly coax a relatively normal greeting, the other arm drapping over his face as if to hide it away from a rather bright light. "I don't know," An agitated sqirm followed his more annoyed reply, "I don't know, I don't remember when the stupid thing is on," The once resting arm now moved to allow its hand to press against the thigh of the other, Matt had sat up now, positioned careful enough to be both comfortable and yet not placing too much weight on Max. "No, I didn't mean... I know it's not stupid," Just what he wanted another arguement over some stupid event his dad was planning, and why the hell would Max even know when it was if he didn't, he was the bloody one planning the stupid thing! "Come on, it's late and the power went out down here at the Panacea, I can't do everything," There was a harsh reply of 'You can't seem to do anything' and the phone went suddenly dead, the sudden cut off easily noticed as Max pulled the phone from his ear and stared at the screen as if to make sure the signal was still there or not.
"F u c k," For a moment it looked very likely that Max just might end up throwing the phone clear across the room and shattering it against the wall in a satisfying crunch, yet instead it just got carelessly dropped to the floor once it was placed on silent. Irritably Max sat himself up, he was so sick of this all, sometimes he just didn't know what to do, sometimes it was like the only thing he could do was... get people between the bedcovers. And while usually he didn't mind that task, right now it didn't seem so grand a feat to list up there with all the reasons why his father was wrong about him being useless. He always disappointed the man, he always let him down and messed up, just once Max wanted to be able to do something to impress his father and even his efforts at the Panacea never seemed to warrent a proud smile or pat on the back, not unless there was a crowded room to see it. But at least that was something... at least Steven showed how much he cared when people pried in to their lives, as long as he showed it at some point at least Max could try to believe it was always there.
Sitting up meant that he was suddenly closer to Matt, a soft scent caught in an intake of breath, a fresh woody smell, like that of summer, though there was an edge to it, alluring and gentle, faint yet noticable, enough to cause Max to take in another breath, inhaling quietly the musculine scent, one Max himself vaguely recognized as something he possibly wore once. The memory of just before the phone call seemed to calm Max, leaving Chadstone strangely subdued, wanting to get back there, to that moment where everything just seemed to have faded away, where nothing seemed to matter but that release.. he wanted that back, and the sooner the better. The youth's hand remained on Matt's thigh, the other raising to touch the choker about the pale skinned neck of the other, black and silver, a common popular style for guys, though the finger tips intentionally brushed clumsily across the chain to allow them to stroke against the bare skin. It was as if this action was an attempt of a distraction to try and allow the other palm to inch further up along the thigh, rubbing firmly against the stonewashed jeans before releasing the pressure of his palm, turning more into a gliding motion. For a moment Max went still, though his eyes watched Matt carefully, the disturbance of the phonecall still seemed to be etched in his features and yet there was a rather obvious, if not desperate, attempt to pretend it never happened. This time it was Max who allowed his hand to explore the crotch of Matt's jeans, toying for only a moment before raising, both hands seeming to meet together perfectly timed at the upper most button of the styled shirt worn by the other. Experience seemed to make the process of unbottoning Matt's shirt more fluid, less clumsy or delayed, even as Max kept his gaze distracted. Drifting over Matt's torso as if distracted by faint vertical lines, obscured on his left shoulder down his right side with a strange white patter of lines and neat blotches, with strange prints inside two seemingly random rectangles that his eyes trailed over curiously as if unable to quite make out what the images were all supposed to be.
At the final button, the shirt seemed to become ignored for the moment, one hand pressing firmly against Matt's chest and allowed it to glide towards the shoulder, briefly it shifted to the neck, resting there firmly as Max leaned even closer, gently pulling the other forward, allowing a moment's rest of their lips against each other before pulling away, Max's hand helping push Matt's body back. An instant later Max was leaning back down, resting again on the bed, his hands grabbing at the slightly older students now opened shirt, using it to guide him closer, a unnoticed numbness in the tips of Max's fingers, a difficult to see greying of his arms hidden in the shadows playful beams of light that danced across their bodies as they moved. The memory of the phonecall from his father still haunted him, still lurked in the back of his mind, the thought of his father somehow knowing what might have been happening on the other end, the fear of what might happen should he even know... Already anticipation however was helping, self triggered ignorance towards it all happily aiding him in attempting to continue the night... all he needed to do was try and get back to that moment, that desperately longing needy moment he really wanted to feel right now.
Eager fingers examined the belt about the other's waist, tugging at it, undoing it, going for the botton of the jeans immediatly after, a soundless scraping unheard as stone fingertips undid the metal button. To be honest, Max wasn't sure when he'd stopped bothering with the zip of the jeans and when he'd started kissing the other, only one hand had remained in the area he last recalled commanding them to go and start to undress, though it was merely grasping at the fabric, drawing it hungrily towards him, as his hand drew that of Matt's lips, pulling the other's lips so near in reach, little else aside Max's hands were effected by the stoney flesh, leaving his lips soft, warm... and strangely desperate.
Re: Into the shadows, where we belong... (MATURE CTN!)
The argument that the phone call quickly developed into wasn’t really difficult to follow, the caller’s voice – easily identified as that of Steven Chadstone – ringing loud and angry out of the speaker. With a sigh too soft to be picked up by the mobile’s microphone, Matt lightly caressed the other’s side, though not in the teasing, playful way it had stroked Max’s jeans before but rather in an attempt to calm or console him. There was no need to make the situation any worse for him than it already was.
Had he stayed with his parents, Matt wondered, would their relationship have been like this as well? For most people it rather seemed that they got along a long better with their parents once they didn’t see each other on a daily basis. Then again, who knew what life at home had been like for Max? He didn’t carry himself with the nervous timidity of someone who had constantly been put down for a long stretch of time, and if he remembered correctly, there had never been an occasion when he had spoken ill of his parents. So maybe it was just that Matt, by some stroke of coincidence, had caught the most unrepresentative glimpses of the Chadstone’s family life. There remained, however, a sneaking suspicion that they had actually been not all that inaccurate after all.
Soon enough, other things became much more important. All too willingly, the dark-haired youth let Max pull him where he wanted him to be, the kiss tasting of desire and necessity. The fear his noctiphobia had inspired in the other at least seemed to have left his mind, and Matt was determined to keep it that way. It wasn’t overly difficult for him to lose himself in Max’s embrace, the feel of hard, cool stone against his body proving once again as a slightly unusual stimulant the effect of which his playmate could impossibly miss.
Some time later, Matt found himself staring up at the ceiling, pleasantly exhausted and thinking of different things, though nothing in particular. A hand absent-mindedly drew a pattern on Max’s back as he wondered, without worry but rather silent curiosity, where the road they were following would lead them. At this point, he realised, it didn’t matter to him what it was they had, as long as they had it. Just because you don’t know the name for something doesn’t mean it will cease to exist.
It was all about names though, wasn’t it? A large part of the reason why this whole thing was so hard for Max could actually be traced back to names men attracted to other men were called and what that meant and entailed. Were words merely the expression of prejudice or its cause; was discrimination exercised through them or rather nourished? Shouldn’t they just get rid of language altogether – or would that make things even harder?
They were thoughts of the kind that lead nowhere in particular, the kind that spawns the most absurd of schemes to change the world and make it a better place. Maybe if people actually started to realise some post-coital plans, things could be changed more effectively than any council of politicians had ever done in the history of mankind. Or maybe not. At that precise moment, Matt couldn’t have cared less. All he wanted was to lie there, just as he did, listen to the other’s breathing and think up ways to save the world that nobody would ever know of.
There comes a time when everyone of us has to take over responsibility for their actions.
It stands to argue whether there is also a time when we can get rid of it again.
Re: Into the shadows, where we belong... (MATURE CTN!)
The very motion of the fingertips stroking against Max’s skin was enough to sooth him off to sleep, the exhaustion just helped speed it along. People who lingered like that weren’t likely to up and leave, Matt looked comfortable, content, and not as if he was about to run any time soon. It wasn’t like it wasn’t conceivable that a male friend would just spend the night crashed on the couch, so Max clung to such illusions with hope and tried to forget all worries as he soaked up the company. While sleep danced about the youth’s consciousness, he fidgeted a moment, wrapping his arms about his pillow and burying his face within it, a deep sigh heard breathed into the fabric before his face eventually turned away to the side.
As time passed, the stroking of the fingers faded, Max’s mind slipped into darkness, and the worries shoved aside surfaced to haunt him once more. The distance seemed to rise, no more than just a few short hours into sleep he had started to toss and turn, the images in his mind were almost burred, and dark and difficult for him to understand. More like flashes at time, all he recognized was the fact it was his old room back at the estate, all that he understood was that it was bed time, he was trying to sleep.. and something bad was in the room with him. At first it was just frightening, sweat started to glean across Max’s skin in a fine sheen as fear began to soak through him, his heart pounding panicky in his chest as his body still twisted occasionally in feeble attempts to find some form of release from the nightmare. In the process the blanket got entangled within his legs, seeming to semi-kick it off as he tossed about lightly as if it were chains about his legs he wanted rid of.
During the process it was no surprise that Matt was woken, the cool air suddenly enveloped his body where the blanket had once kept it warm, and Max’s movements would have only quickened the shock from sleep to waking. Though upon staring at Max he seemed motionless for the moment, his face hidden away as his body now curled with his back to where Matt lay. The violence that had ensued inside Max’s mind, all of which was vaguely seen in the dream and really just felt, known and heard more than seen, and in his dream Max was screaming and crying and lashing at the darkness that was lashing right back at him. Movement in the bathroom shortly after seemed like the logical reason that to wake Max from the troubled sleep, though some part of him had really woken once sensing the warmth of the body nearby leaving it’s safe proximity, leaving him alone to suffer the cruel dreams.
It felt like the dream ended just as violently, his conscious thoughts ripped from the darkness to the dimly lit room where he found himself sitting up within it all alone upon his dishevelled bed. The broad chest heaved with every panicked breath, gulping in the air as the heart seemed intent on exploding forth from his chest. The teams that brimmed within Max’s eyes seemed to have followed him from the depths of his dreams, whose images the young man still struggled to make sense of. Suddenly, however, Max felt so very alone, so very vulnerable... he hated feeling vulnerable. With a light sob Max tried to push all thoughts away, drawing his knees towards his chest, it wasn’t all the time he had those sort of nightmares, but they’d come and gone in the past enough that he knew well this feeling, it shook him up to the core and left him a wreck more often than not for the following more.. usually because he couldn’t get back to sleep. So caught up in the moment it took a few steadying breaths before he even realized that Matt was still around, just having disappeared off to the bathroom, though the expression on Max’s features upon being startled by the other’s presence was a mixture between relief and humility. The dim glow of the side light that stilled filled the room with soft reflections, cast it’s pale light across Max’s moist skin and made it impossible to hide away from view in shame, even as his hands tried to cup Max’s face in a meek attempt to shut himself away and just...breath.
Re: Into the shadows, where we belong... (MATURE CTN!)
Getting up at night is stupid. That isn't the most enlightening of realisations one can have but the only conscious thought Matt's brain was capable of at that silly time. Was it 4am? The random guess was nothing more than that, and frankly, he didn't really care anyway. Nature's call had become more of a yell due to his having put off going to the bathroom for a while then, and so he reluctantly left the comfortable softness and warmth of that five-plus stars bed to half-blindly stagger into the adjoining white-tiled room.
His mind was neither here nor there, a good part of it still stuck in the dream he had just had and whose surreal details were already growing ever fuzzier even in his not fully conscious state. He had been running, hadn't he? But towards someone or away from something he couldn't tell. All that was left were the vague remnants of agitation and a feeling that there was something he should do, something important. Slowly finding his way back into the real world as he was, Matt dismissed these impressions as belonging to the dream world and being of no importance. For all he knew, the image of the huge chocolate cake that persisted in his mind for some random reason might have been what had chased him around. As a matter of fact, he wouldn't have put it past his brain to come up with something outright freaky as that.
After having washed his hands, he stared into the mirror for a while without really seeing anything but following the confused, endless chains of thoughts only sleepy, drunken and insane people can proudly call their own. The resulting silence was absolute and impenetrable for a while, until a soft sound from the bedroom did manage to break through. It sounded a bit like a whimper. However, there was no repeat , and switching off the light and returning into the other room, Matt almost expected to see it just as he had left it. It wouldn't have been the first time his mind had played tricks on him.
Not this time though. Sitting on the bed - a picture of anxiety - was Max, wet face in hands and slightly trembling. The sight was heartbreaking. To say Matt's drowsiness had suddenly disappeared and been replaced by complete alertness would have been quite an overstatement. He was, however, suddenly much more focussed as he uncertainly approached the other. His first reflex was to ask something as cliché as "Are you alright?", but the answer was too painfully obvious and his attitude towards such platitudes too resentful for it to leave his lips.
"What happened?" he asked quietly, unsure whether he was hurting Max's pride even further than the situation as a whole undoubtedly already had by asking that. Then again, he had kept his voice low enough for the other to simply pretend he hadn't heard him. Just standing around there, looking at him like some curious watchdog, wouldn't help anyone though. Half kneeling, half sitting down next to Chadstone, the light-elemental reached out tentatively to gently touch the back of the other's head.
Allowing his forehead to rest against Max's, he whispered: "I'm here." and hoped that this was something reassuring to him. After all, man is a curious animal, seeking comfort in company or solitude with hardly a pointer as to when what would be preferred.
There comes a time when everyone of us has to take over responsibility for their actions.
It stands to argue whether there is also a time when we can get rid of it again.
Re: Into the shadows, where we belong... (MATURE CTN!)
It was all a sign of weakness and Max knew that’s how it would be seen by people, like his father, the people he hanged with, the students at the school, they all seemed to wait for Max to lower his guard and only the rare few had ever seen this side of him. And the few who had either were never seen again or just weren’t the kind to hang around long enough to figure out what caused it – or didn’t cared to know.
"What happened?" Max’s face turned away, his hand rubbing over his face till it gleamed from the moisture spread across it in a vain attempt to brush away the tears. Then the fingers touched lightly against the back of the Chadstone’s head, strangely assuring and entirely gentle, an oddness for Max even if it bore similarities to the soft touches of the young woman he’s been with, this was different, because they weren’t creeping, they weren’t demanding in any way that made sense and for it Max felt all the more awkward. How does one reply to something that when asked in the past it had only been replied with comments of how silly he was and as he had grown up the childish explanations had been abandoned since no one was ever around to help him make sense of the dreams.
"I’m here." That didn’t change anything, or did it? He didn’t think it did really... the dream had still been dreamt and the fear was still there, his hands were still weak and the shadows still seemed intimidating. Once, when the dreams were new, he had screamed and screamed and scream till someone heard him, the first time his mother had been woken to go sit with him, but the live in house keeper at the time had been scolded for waking her over her son’s dream and told to handle it herself. But Max didn’t know her well, she was the typical Spanish woman desperate to earn a living but didn’t socialize with the people of the estate, speaking more in Spanish then she did in English it had always seemed to Max. And so having an unfamiliar face there after he’s been woken with a fright just scared him more.
Quietly Max sat there, allowing the moment to pass with Matt’s closer proximity, he wasn’t any Spanish cleaner that from the Chadstone’s past, but for a moment that uncertainty still corrupted the moment, that fear of what the shadows of his dream really meant. The other’s face was really close, it wasn’t often people drew close to Max for many reasons and so the sapphire eye’s stared at the other’s face as if waiting for what was so likely to come. Only it didn’t, in fact Matt was just there, initiating nothing, and while Max was tired, his heart still thumping away, the delay in what Max was considering the obvious next step made the youth almost impatient, if Matt was going to be all up and personal then they might as well get it over and done with. Though it would help distract Max from the dream which still haunted him, but truth be told he felt too weak to be going through the draining routine of foreplay and whatnot.
The Chadstone youth gave an inward sigh, a feel of defeat almost as his head tilted, hands reaching for the other’s face, the tender fingers still weak, still trembling from both the fear and the exhaustion inside of him, with Max’s lips soon pressing against the others, empty of passion and lacking the lust well known to dwell inside the young Chadstone. It resembled that of a puppet on autodrive, doing what some code dictated was the normal approach and leaving any thought or emotions behind as the systems worked together on what they had been told was the way to go.
All Max had to do was simply whatever the other wanted, and then he wouldn’t be alone.
Re: Into the shadows, where we belong... (MATURE CTN!)
If he had expected Max to react in any way conventional to someone being comforted, he would have been quite confused. Seeing as he knew Chadstone's strange ways quite a bit by that time though, there wasn't much more than a sting of slight disappointment at seeing him resort to the only kind of non-aggressive human interaction he seemed to be capable of. It filled him with a much greater sadness than even the other's tears had managed.
Max's touch, his kisses, they were automated. *Once again doing what you think people expect of you, hm?* he thought but didn't say out loud. It was one of those things that simply could not be mentioned. Not for fear of what Max would do, but rather what he would fail to do. Listening, connecting, comprehending – all those things were just different enough in Maxland to render making him realize he was acting strangely nigh impossible.
So what should he do? Follow the other’s invitation, if you wanted to call it that, and hope it would calm him down because it was some kind of routine for him, a semblance of normalcy? Or refuse and risk insulting him? All the while, it was obvious Max didn’t really want to get physical at that point. It seemed he thought it to be his duty… and that as well made the decision a more than tricky one. Matt could only hope that this was no Cornelian dilemma; that one of the two options could lead to some form of success. Between the devil and the deep blue sea… which one should he choose?
Sometimes, you have to risk something.
After one kiss, he pulled away, gently wiping away the remaining wetness from Max’s face. ”No,” he said softly, ”I’m too tired for that.” And that was the truth, really. He rarely felt like sex after waking up as it was, but in the middle of the night after strange dreams of homicidal chocolate cakes even less. ”I can listen though, if you want to.” He looked into the other’s eyes, searching, trying to find anything that would tell him what had upset Max so greatly. ”If there’s anything you want to talk about…”
Truth be told, Matt didn’t really believe Chadstone would follow that invitation. However, that didn’t change the fact that he was willing to stay up the rest of the night and listen, give advice if asked, if that was Max’s wish. He felt strangely responsible for the other, not necessarily out of guilt but because he wanted him to be happy. It was just as simple as that. Probably.
There comes a time when everyone of us has to take over responsibility for their actions.
It stands to argue whether there is also a time when we can get rid of it again.
Re: Into the shadows, where we belong... (MATURE CTN!)
Something was wrong. There was hesitation on Matt’s part, and if he left Max had no idea if there were lights that worked outside that one lamp, was the electricity still off, or had it returned… and did he want to risk heading out there to find out the truth?
”No,” There it was, he was going to leave, Max had seen it a hundred times before, well, ok not that many, few actually managed to be stirred awake by his nightmares, mainly because he never used to have so many though as he did of late, ”I’m too tired for that.” Tired was good, tired was also ‘I’m too tired to care walking out and will just slump back down to sleep’. ”I can listen though, if you want to.” Any thoughts that plotted their way into Max’s mind and any relief he got from the knowledge Matt might be too tired to leave in any case, quickly vanished into a relatively blank look as what the other said sank in. ”If there’s anything you want to talk about…” What would Max have to say… about anything? It wasn’t as if Max spent a lot of time talking in general, usually when they were out if any discussions did occur it was within a group, and he only had to add a few words here and there.
"What the hell are we going to talk about?" It sounded more annoyed, tired and almost confused, more then angry, on what Matt had said, it was as if the offer was more bizarre to Max then it should have been. "Why don’t you go back to sleep," The wealthy youth offered more softly, though leaning away for his side draw and pulling it open, adding once again in his annoyed tone as he continued, "I’ll be back," With that said, a packet of cigarettes, followed by a small torch and a single key, were placed on the side draw and his form still covered with fine beads of sweat from his nightmare as he slipped out of the warmth of the covers. Nearby briefs were pulled on and quickly adjusted, a hand snapping out for the items previously put aside and drawn close and securely, the torch clicked on and off twice to make sure it was still working. Moving towards the curtain, Max flicked it aside, the torch on once again as he seemed to be checking the balcony outside, if there was a reason for why; Max was hardly going to share it. A hand, the one still holding the pack, had already tried the outdoor switch, which wasn’t working, and caused Max to double check the balcony – or at least whatever he could see from where he stood inside.
It only took a minute, but to anyone staring it might have seemed a little longer, in any case Max opened the glass sliding door which was hidden by the certain and moved outside, the sudden bite of the cold air sending Goosebumps all over his body. If he wanted, Max could still clearly see well enough from the light pollution around him, it wasn’t pitch black as the halls of the hotel had been, but the torch comforted Max enough to make a difference and so it remained on, even when placed down on the outside table. The packet lid was flicked open, fingers pulling out a lighter that had been housed within and then a cigarette which was swiftly placed between his lips, lit and the lighter shoved back into the pack which was tossed down onto the table. The breeze that whispered by was icy, and any warmth Max had was stolen away quickly, leaving the taught sculptured physique of the young Chadstone on the verge of shivering.
Max had a love / hate relationship when it came to smoking, he loved the calming effect it had on him when he was stressed, but hated the idea of it poisoning his body. This left smoking to times of desperation…be it to impress, fit in or calm down. Image is everything, the right image, at the right time, for the right people, made or broke a person. Celebrities have been burned alive for the wrong choices, or placed high on a pedestal just because they made one right step, but every step before and after could be just as treacherous as the worst step ever made. Bad steps weren’t tolerated, not in his family, where the public have been forgiving, his parents were still holding grudges, all the mistakes a child could make, all the things that were common, all the things that weren’t, always risks of being in the headlines, they wanted him to be the perfect child at all times. And the nightmares were few and far better till recently, just flashes of images, some Max could remember, others that held little recollection to him, tonight’s being one of the ones that made no sense to him, despite how badly rattled he felt by it. Over head cover stopped the seats from ever really getting wet, but they still froze, and as Max sat down on the wooden bench, elbows rested on the sandy table top, allowing a rather heavy feeling head to be held up by Max’s hands.
There was a time when Max’s father had been drunk, it wasn’t too long ago, maybe Max had been 16 or so, Steven had walked into the estate with his friends, and Max was only by chance heading through the main foyer to his room. One of his father’s friends was of the loud sort, the kind Steven usually didn’t hang out with but had some sort of big deal going on at the time. The whole group was rather boisterous, and with a simple sway it seemed one of the vases that Max’s mother recently acquired had been shattered on the floor. Considering Max had just been given a lecture earlier that month about such behaviour with his own friends, the youth found it worthwhile to chuckle at, and much to his regret his father had caught it. As if having some strange fat man screaming at you in your own home and calling you all sorts of names wasn’t retarded enough, Max’s father had joined in with a fury of heated words. Never show any sign of disrespect towards his father’s clients, that’s what Steven had wanted Max to understand. Max wasn’t entirely sure how events proceeded to where he was in one of the rooms away from the group with his dad’s hand clamped about Max’s wrist, but there was a moment where in Max’s struggle Steven had threatened to press his lit cigarette against the tender side of Max’s wrist if he refused to go and apologise. All Max remembered after that was the red glow of the tip of the smoke hovering so dangerously close to his soft sensitive flesh and the sudden relief of release as he was given the chance to run out and apologise.
Half the shows that involved abused kids seem to have some form of cigarette burns on them, Max often thought of that moment when he remembered the event during those shows, or whenever the memory randomly popped up. There were a few times in his life that seemed to haunt him, and while Max didn’t speak much of it, he knew that a lot of different kids had issues with their parents. Max pinched the filter of the cigarette as he drew in a deep breath. It was difficult to tell if when he exhaled just how much was smoke and how much was the chill of the air. Standing up, he moved almost hesitantly towards the door again, arms folded across his chest to try and ward off the worse of the cold. At the door Max leaned his forehead against the icy cold window, the cigarette moved to the corner of his lips, to enable him to speak properly.
"Are you asleep yet?" It couldn’t have been more then five minutes or so, Max wasn’t entirely sure why it mattered, or why he wanted to know, or why it felt more comfortable to know he was up, when at the same time it was just going to be more awkward in the end. At least, that’s what he thought, not that he had any idea on what to think about things as they occurred, it was all step by step here, and nothing seemed to make sense.
Re: Into the shadows, where we belong... (MATURE CTN!)
Matt remained semi-sitting for a bit even after Max had already left the room. It was the same position he had been in when putting this silly little idea of his into action. Eyes blank and staring at nothing in particular, he tried to analyse his mistakes. He had known it wouldn't work out, hadn't he? That anticipation hadn't stopped him from trying it anyway, obviously. Hope dies last, and this hope he held, that Max would eventually open up to him, was a particularly persistent specimen.
What - strangely enough - made it worst, was the fact that Max didn't even seem to be trying to hide anything. No unconvincing "It's nothing"s, no delayed replies that hinted at his feverish searching for an excuse, but straightforward answers filled with a striking lack of any dishonesty. As far as Chadstone was concerned, everything was perfectly in order. Or he was a much better actor than Matt would have given him credit for.
*Maybe it's nothing, maybe you're just overinterpreting things...* The voice of doubt in his head was faint and hesitant while that which he knew belonged to his intuition was so much the louder. He couldn't ignore it, yet at the same time, he was running out of options. Or rather: there were no options left. *You've got to accept that... there's nothing you can do,* Matt told himself over and over again, trying to get the voice ordering him to take action and help Max out of whatever predicament he was in to shut up.
Slowly, he allowed his body to sink back onto the bed. A hand reached out to grab the covers and pulled them over his form without a single conscious thought spent on the action. *There's nothing you can do... nothing...,* The words became a mantra he could focus on, something to keep his mind from wandering, from worrying, from coming up with schemes to get the truth out of Max, whatever that would be.
"Are you asleep yet?" He could not talk to Chadstone now. Tomorrow, yes, later... but not while he was right in the middle of forcing himself to stop meddling. And so he didn't react at all, made sure he drew deep enough breaths that were just audible, but not too loud to appear as fake as they were. It would have been a childish reaction had Matt not been trying to be reasonable. Note the stress on 'trying'.
There comes a time when everyone of us has to take over responsibility for their actions.
It stands to argue whether there is also a time when we can get rid of it again.
Re: Into the shadows, where we belong... (MATURE CTN!)
No reply came, even the breathing was a touch hard to hear due to the distant sound of the odd car, the glass door between them and the curtain on the other side, leaving Max straining a little but hearing no voice just made him assume Matt had fallen asleep again. The butt of his cigarette was pressed firmly into the ashtray on the table, and the torch grabbed up as Max turned back for the room. Quietly sliding open the door and brushing aside the curtain, Max slipped in, staring first at the figure in his bed, and then, slightly shivering, moved towards the bathroom. While out usually it was a mint that had to make do, maybe a spray of deodorant to cover up the smell of smoke, nothing less appealing then a stench which wrinkled your nose while up close and personal. However, right now he was close to the bathroom, and to be honest, Max was a few degrees short of freezing point, so a quick warm shower was just the thing, and it’d ease his nerves for sure… hopefully…
Little thought was given to anything right there and then, though Max did stare at the seemingly sleeping form in the bed as he walked around the room and headed for the bathroom. The water was turned on first, the door to the bedroom still open ajar, it wasn’t bright enough for Max to feel comfortable to have it closed, and at least the lamps light flooded in a little, and his torch light helped Max see more clearly… though it all made the shadows seem so much more deeper and alive. Basically, Max was only in there quick enough to get his teeth brushed, though while one hand was cleaning the teeth the other was quickly rinsing his hair with conditioner. It was just a few minutes before he was out again, a hand quickly grabbing at the soft white towel and wrapping one around himself while another was scooped up and devoted to drying off his hair. Speed was the key here, the sooner Max had dried off the quicker he was able to leave the shadow infested bathroom and at least get back out there where there was some semblance of company.
As soon as Max stepped out the door was swiftly shut behind him, and then, slowly, carefully, Max moved towards the bed room door that lead to the main area of the apartment, reaching almost too quickly to press firmly against the door as the lock was double checked. Something about the thought the nightmares always creeped him out, and sometimes he’d go towards a door and it would just seem to open in his face and let the monster or whatever the frightful shadow was inside the room with him. Maybe if he made sure of all this then sleep wouldn’t be so seemingly impossible to get. Moving to the draw of clothes, he glanced back over to the bed, then to the doors of his room as the draw was quietly pulled open and a fresh brief taken out to replace the one which had been tossed into the bathroom’s washing basket.
All that mattered right now was trying to keep things calm and peaceful, so as Max slipped back into the bed’s covers, he took in a steadying breath. There had been a smoko break, an attempt at what should have been a relaxing shower, and now he was ready for bed, again. The only problem was that as soon as Max closed his eyes, there was the worry of that stupid dream again, with those stupid shadows and the stupid fear he felt when faced with them. Instead, Max remained seated in the bed, for a moment staring across at the door, then pulled his knees towards the bare chest, wrapping toned arms about them in a manner rarely seen publicly. "I just want the lights back," It was a whisper as his head fell to rest on his knees, despite the pale light of his charged side table lamp, when Max had his nightmares he always liked to turn on his lights so that no shadows were left in the room, as if it helped chased anything that might be hiding right away from him. But that wasn’t possible yet, probably not for another few hours, however Max was sleepy, and while he preferred not drifting off, there was a doubt that he had much choice… there was only so long he could stay awake. Maybe he should drink something?
It would have been easier if Matt hadn't fallen asleep.. but then again, sometimes it seemed 'easy' wasn't something common around the guy. At times it seemed as if he wanted something from Max and for the life of him, the young Chadstone couldn't figure what got the goth's knickers into such a twist. For a moment, Max recalled the offer to talk, and for a moment more, he actually wondered over things that might be worthy topics of discussion. Honestly, the youth coudn't really think of anything too interesting... talking of personal problems was always said to be wrong almost, or not wrong, but unthinkable, as if it were unusual, because the only people who really seem to listen are the ones who are looking for something to use against you or for themselves.
What exactly would Matt talk about? Max and other guys would usually resort of discussios of girls, who they thought were hot at the moment and who was playing hard to get, or who was easy and worth a ride. It felt strange talking to Matt about such things, and so Max just pondered the topics, maybe if he kept his mind busy long enough, the nightmares weren't going to come back any time soon.
Re: Into the shadows, where we belong... (MATURE CTN!)
Little of what Max was doing escaped his supposedly sleeping friend's attention. Of course he couldn't put an image to everything he heard. Or rather, not all of the images his mind came up with made sense. Incidentally, that wasn't exactly an unusual state for Matt to be in and since he had decided to try and quit meddling, that was perfectly fine. There was a certain feeling of relief about not having to find a deeper meaning in whatever it was Chadstone did anymore. Not that he had really stopped doing that, but at least the driving force behind it was a little more curiosity and a little less panic now. That was a start.
Eventually, he noticed the other lying down next to him, too far away to feel the warmth of his body, the slight creaking of the bed and the lowering of the mattress the only actual indicators. What should he do? Sleep? That seemed like the easiest and most logical answer, and still somewhat strange for reasons Matt couldn't quite explain. He felt a bit like a stage actor, waiting for the curtains to close, but they simply wouldn't. Apparently, the play wasn't over yet.
"I just want the lights back." The softly spoken words were loud in the hotel room's nocturnal silence, the darkness having freed Matt's eyes of their duty and leaving more resources for his ears to use. Was his mind playing tricks on him or had he heard real desperation in Max's voice? His resolve was wavering already as he felt a stinging in his chest. Sticking to resolutions really wasn't his strong point. *Maybe I should decide to always break my vows to end up keeping them,* he thought frustratedly, waiting to see if there would be anything else happening.
Seconds passed, becoming minutes and a quarter of an hour before Matt decided there would likely be nothing note-worthy coming out of the other's mouth anymore that night. Still faking sleep, he rolled over, one hand carefully searching his friend's form. What he had said was still haunting the light elemental's mind and even though he doubted it would do anything, he gradually moved his body closer to, hoping for some kind of reassuring effect to be drawn from the close proximity of another person.
Admittedly it weren't only altruistic motives guiding Matt. Although he would have been embarrassed to admit it and plotted the painful demise of whoever dared to pass on that information, he was what may be called a cuddler. As Max's breathing grew ever steadier, so did his own, until what worries and concerns had kept his mind busy up to then shifted and turned into even less articulated images in dreams of giant haystacks and endless episodes of Jeopardy.
There comes a time when everyone of us has to take over responsibility for their actions. It stands to argue whether there is also a time when we can get rid of it again.
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