dulldude1 
Crusty Cootie Biscuits
Posts: 97
(4/6/04 12:43 pm)
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how bout some yucks for old time's sake
Upon getting to work one morning, seventy-five year old Marvin is reminded by his secretary that it his wife's birthday today. At lunch, Marvin goes to the local mall and tries to find a gift for her. Unfortunately, he realizes that life has been good and she has everything she needs.
Upon passing a lingerie store, Marvin realizes that his wife has never bought any lingerie in her life. He gets the idea to buy his wife something sexy to make her feel good and young. Marvin goes into the store and tells the clerk to wrap up the most expensive, sheerest negligee she has. Marvin takes the gift and excitedly runs home to his wife.
Upon finding her in the kitchen he tells her to take the gift upstairs and unwrap it. He'll wait in the kitchen. His wife thanks him and goes up to the bedroom. Once the package is opened she realizes that this is something she has never had before. She also sees that it is so sheer it leaves nothing to the imagination. She thinks for a moment and then decides that she'll really surprise Marvin and go downstairs without any clothes on at all. So she leaves the negligee on the bed and starts down the stairs stark naked.
She calls out, 'Marvin, come out to the hallway and look. 'Marvin walks out to the staircase, looks up at his wife, and exclaims, '$59 and they didn't even iron it.'
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What a woman says:
Cmon...This place is a mess! You and I need to clean. Your pants are on the floor and you'll have no clothes if we don't do laundry now!
What a man hears:
C'MON....blah, blah, blah YOU AND I blah, blah, blah, blah, blah ON THE FLOOR blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES blah, blah, blah, blah, NOW!
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A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.
Her boss, concerned about all his employees' well being, asked sympathetically,
"What's the matter?"
To which the blonde replies:
"Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."
The boss, feeling very sorry at this point, explains to the young girl.
"Why don't you go home for the day.....we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest."
The blonde very calmly states......"No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."
The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual...."if you need anything, just let me know."
Well, a few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees her hysterically crying!! He rushes out to her, asking,
"What's the problem........are you gonna be ok??"
"No......" exclaims the blonde. "I just got a call from my sister. She told me that HER mom died too!!"
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A slightly retarded farmer has a farm up the coast of California. Unfortunately, there are no women around. He gets rather desperate, and decides to try out an old mule. He puts a stepladder behind the mule, lowers his pants, but then the mule walks forward. The farmer gets down off the ladder, moves it forward, and tries again, with the same outcome.
This process goes on for about 5 more iterations, until he finally gets the idea to lead the mule up to the ocean, so the mule can't walk away. When he gets on the ladder again, he hears a cry for help out to sea, and sees a drowning woman flailing her arms. He jumps off the ladder, swims out to rescue her, and drags her back in. The woman is totally nude, beautiful, and stacked as well.
After he revives her and nurses her back to health, she gazes into his eyes with her limpid blue eyes, and says
"Oh sir! I'm so thankful to you for saving my life! I'll do anything to repay you! Anything!!"
So he says to her; "Could you hold that mule for me?"
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Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. All of the sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!"
The teacher replied, "Now, Johnny, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.'
Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go."
Little Johnny thinks for a bit, then says, "You're an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a ten!!!"
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BOY OH BOY THEY JUST KEEP GETTING BETTER HUH !
ONE MORE
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A woman enrolled in nursing school was attending an anatomy class. The subject of the day was involuntary muscles. The instructor, hoping to perk up the students a bit, asked the woman "Do you know what your @#%$ does when you're having an orgasm?"
"Sure" she said.
"He's at home, taking care of the kids.
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I thought you ladies might like that one so i saved it for last.
Well boys and girls that's it for now.
Remember a vote for his dullness means a vote for umm er ahhh hmmmm well ME I guess!
Thanks for your support
COME SEE ME AND THE COLD ONE AT GAMBLERS DEN |
Re: how bout some yucks for old time's sake
Re: how bout some yucks for old time's sake![0]](http://img.ranchoweb.com/images/coldheartedgirl/mickeymouselaugh.gif)
what else can I say? I will be sure and pass these on! 
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